Wasted Newt Gingrich Sees Polar Bears On Shore Of 'Lakke Michogan'

What is it with this man and polar bears? He just sees them wherever he goes. Is it because they're the embodiment of the American Dream, which is to be as large and white as possible? Any way, it looks like he and his family got really drunk this New Year's. On LSD. Oh, we found a news report about this!

"He just stood out, and I'm like, 'That can't be,'" said John Enockson, 56, of Plymouth. "I just walked up to him and said, 'You're…' and he's like, 'I'm Newt Gingrich.' Oh. Bingo."

 There you go. And then he starting singing "Bingo Was His Name-O."

If we are to be fair to Newt (though why would we be?), perhaps this is just his way of pandering to the 2012 electorate. He's choosing his own bear symbol, à la Sarah Palin, and his grammar and sense of reality are breaking down, à la the first caucus state's favorite senator, Chuck Grassley.

Haha, no. Newt is tripping on something. How else is he supposed to cope with the existence of THE GROUND-ZERO MOSQUE? [ Twitter / Sheboygan Press ]