According to news reports, Navy Captain Owen Honors, that guy who made all those dumb gay-joke videos with the mock masturbation and butt probes and some kind of stuffed toy parrot sidekick and Glenn Close (?), is apparently still in charge of the USS Enterprise. But he will not be for long, according to a source who says he’s being relieved of his duty today. How nice of them to take that load off! The Navy denies that a decision has been made about this straight man and his gripping, accurate portrayal of a nerdy gay sailor (with acting), but to whom are we supposed to listen: the Navy, or reports of reports of reports of reports of something an unnamed source supposedly said? We’ll take the latter, though sadly, it means the END OF HUMOR in our armed forces. Where will Reader’s Digest get their material now that Navy people aren’t being forced to (mock) shower naked and (mock) have stuff shoved up their butts by a superior officer?
The Navy has traditionally moved faster than other U.S. military services to relieve officers of command when they are believed to have acted improperly. A spate of commanders have been disciplined in this way in the past year, for offenses ranging from sexual misconduct to running ships aground.
Brave men and women. But until we are able to perform acts of sexual misconduct while running ships aground, we will never win the wars overseas. Let this man go. He may be our only shot. He’s had a lot of practice. [WP]
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As Bill Maher said…why is it we have to relieve someone who is trying to make a funny (paraphrased of course)…now I think I shall go and relieve myself.
Killing 50% civilians in drone strikes is A-OK though.
The Right Wing Spin Machine will be calling him the first "casualty" of DADT repeal in 3… 2… 1…
More like "Victim of of the PC Police" according to the comments on http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2011/01/04/aircra...
I was glad to hear a former F-14 pilot who flew with Owen Honors say that even though he's a nice guy, the videos were stupid as well as wrong, that they demonstrated poor leadership, and that the Navy was right to replace him.
Shoot. You can apply that logic to half of the Congress and Senate, but there they stay.
Was he desperate for shore duty?
Not only the professional wingnuts, but a friend of "Opie" Honors was on with teh gay Matt Lauer this morning blaming DADT and political correctness for the targeting of a brave and honorable man. Of course, gay Matt Lauer did not follow this comment up with any probes, verbally speaking, that is. Douchenozzle.
I want to call the lazy
mainlame stream media a bunch of power bottoms, but I don't think that's the appropriate word to use. Impotent bottoms, maybe? Lazy bottoms? Ah screw it, 'douchenozzle' works just fine.Permission to cum aboard, sir?
Less Glenn Close, more Crispin Glover.
A spate of commanders have been disciplined in this way in the past year
A spate of them. I had no idea that there were so many miscreants among senior naval officers. Thought it was no more than a half-spate and that was counting a few questionable cases.
It was just a small spate, of bad apples.
How quickly we forget Tailhook .
You know what they say, if you remember Tailhook, you weren't there.
Wait, was that in the 60s?
Discipline? Sounds like it's time for rum, sodomy and the lash. Can't be breaking with navy tradition now.
No rum, unfortunately. Sodomy and the Lash? Why not?
Uh oh!. Going to join the commander.
Rumor has it he finished 1st, 4th, and 5th, in a five man circle jerk.
Not a sketch.
Hey, you have to be pretty competitive to get ahead in the Navy.
Unless you are an Admiral's son who graduates 4th from the bottom in his class.
If they'd gotten Meryl Streep this would be Oscar material. Go big or go home, Honors.
But until we are able to do sexual misconduct while running ships aground, we will never win the wars overseas.
Pretty sure this has been the cause of ships running aground since that face that launched so many of them.
He said the videos were taken out of context because they weren't made for the public. They were intended to humor the sailors, who work long hours, halfway around the world, for months at a time, he said.
Yes, because nothing brings the humor like lame faggot references, jokes about beating your meat, outtakes from
lowno budget Girls (and Guys) Gone Wild DVDs, and a five-minute instruction course on how to correctly use the word "fuck."That last point was handled far more eruditely by George Carlin, who managed to be funny, as well, also.
I need to take that course.
I remember my ship-mates amusing themselves by reading classics aloud, classics like _Enema Bag Rapist_. And running wild in Subic Bay (now replaced by Patthaya Beach, I hear.)
I just want to know where in the Constitution it says you can't have gay jokes/innuendo in the Navy. Certainly it doesn't require it, but it doesn't prohibit it!
Nice Scalia reference…
I'm going meta for today!
Article 114 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice forbids "anything contrary to good order and discipline."
I bet when he gets called in to be relieved he's gonna cry like a fa-…I mean, like a little gi-…he's gonna cry like a sailor.
he's gonna cry like
a sailorthat exemplar of weepy masculinity, John Boehner./fixed
He's gonna cry like a house majority leader.
Fixed.
You mean like a male, orange, nicotine-stained Republican house majority leader.
Drunk, male, orange, nicotine-stained, please!
He's going to wail like a Norwegian fisherman.
That would never happen to Captain Kirk despite his penchant for banging female crew members and Spock… once every seven years.
Just because there will be no more mocking videos, doesn't mean you still won't have naked showers and officers shoving stuff up peoples butts. It's the Navy way!
You can take the man out of the Navy, but you'll never get the Navy out of the man. At least, not without great effort.
Rum, Buggery and the Lash!-Winston Churchill.
We’ll take the latter, though sadly it means the END OF HUMOR in our armed forces. Where will Reader’s Digest get their material now that Navy people aren’t being forced to (mock) shower naked and (mock) have stuff shoved up their butts by a superior officer?
The feature Humor in Uniform will now be knows as Hummer in Uniform.
And yet they never disciplined Kirk for sexually harassing every female officer on the Enterprise.
Well in his defense the green chick was fucking asking for it…
This is an important and overlooked point.
And Kirk had sex with aiiens, I recall.
This guy went nowhere near any Mexicans.
Roddenberry was hitting Uhuru.
Kirk did the green fast-mover alien lady in "In the Wink of an Eye." Very advanced teevee for 1968, even though the clue was pretty subtle.
Hitting Uhura while married to Nurse Chapel; the man got around.
Now that's not really fair. Kirk mostly went for women on other planets, after all, not for the Enterprise crew. Yeoman Rand was totally hot for the Captain, so that was more a case of fraternizing than harassment. And when he kissed Uhura, his mind was being controlled by an alien. And Nurse Chapel only had eyes for Spock.
Edit: Now, sure, there's all that K/S fanfic, but everyone knows that slash is NOT CANON.
They disciplined him the one time but he enjoyed it too much.
It's good to see that the Navy has moved into the modern era, replacing its $400 toilet seats and $250 hammers with $1,000 loofahs and $2,500 steely dans.
Whatza Steely Dan?
I thought it was some kind of lame 70's pseudo-jazz rock music with biting social commentary….
Dildo in Naked Lunch, ectualleh.
Read your Burroughs!
Now I got "Cuervo Gold" going through my mind. Thanks!
And here I was going to suggest a great way for him to be relieved of his doody…
I think Wonkette should offer him a job as their "Chief of Navel Operations."
What with the gay jokes and the masturbation jokes, he would fit in pretty well, except for the outfit. Who wears all Khaki anymore?
While the Navy might not approve of running ships aground, John McCain is proof that running planes aground is no biggie.
So what'll be next for this guy? A run for office or a job at TSA?
XE
He'll be hired by Fox News as a "military expert"
Why relieve him when they could just make him scrub the poop deck? You know, for irony.
Where will Reader’s Digest get their material now that Navy people aren’t being forced to (mock) shower naked and (mock) have stuff shoved up their butts by a superior officer?
Is Halliburton no longer available? I thought they were the go-to source for this kind of thing.
Readers Digest will have to get their god damned gay jokes from imprisoning innocent black men in Texas prisons for 30 years, now, won't they?
//Bends over to pick up soap
Commander Adama would never have let his XO get away with that shit. Sure, Tigh would have been too soused to even make a video, but…
Oh, yes. I am a nerd.
Yeah, and Tigh was a Cylon too, yet Adama didn't airlock him when he found out Well, almost.
It's sad when teevee military officers placed by ex Miami Vice stars and Canadian character actors have more decency than ACTUAL US FLAG OFFICERS.
Adama/Roslin '12!
/nerd
Relieving someone of command is the Navy's downfisting.
The guy works all those years to be put in charge of a piece of machinery worth billions of dollars (not counting the aircraft) and 6,000 human beings and then throws it all away by making some kinda of stupid video. Sorta like McChrystal's staffers comments about the President – careers ruined. One suddenly realizes that our military is actually run by a bunch of amoral retards.
Of course, if you have ever served, you knew that already.
That's Captain-Under-God Retard to *you*, sailor!
Glad you added that last sentence . . . .
"Career Military" = "Unemployable In The Private Sector."
Yes, but does seem to be more prevalent now, or does it always seem that way to the olds?
Well, if they're showering together, it's not TECHNICALLY "Humor In Uniform" anyway….
Where would the navy be without sodomy? They already took away the lash. Slowly, our naval traditions erode.
Surely they still have rum!
Only in port.
Damn damn damn damn.
I have carried beer cans on-board, stuffed into my socks. Bell-bottoms have many uses!
Gone since 1917
And Jean-Luc Picard wept.
Abso-freaking-lutely, since all flag rank officers are appointed by Barack Hussein Obama.
Don't you have to be Gay to even join the Navy?
Yvan eht nioj is the safe word/phrase.
It's not gay if you're under way.
Make him Commander of the Cleveland Steamer.
First they came for the Filipino houseboys, and I said nothing because I was a lowly lieutenant commander and did not have a Filipino houseboy. Then they came for the cross-dressing/quasi-gay porn, and I said nothing because…
…well, because I kinda liked it.
God damn /b/ all to hell, my first thought was not of the annoying child from the original series, but of…well, you know…
"Bidibidibidibidibidibidibidibidibidibidibidibidibidibidibidibidibidibidi Buck!"
Anyone else think that Twiki was modeled after a part of the male anatomy???
"… ranging from sexual misconduct to running ships aground."
Cronenberg's Crash 2 is going to be so awesome, but he better bring back Rosanna Arquette.
captain owen honors is owing honors.
A happy ending in every sense of the term.
I, Eric Massa, will also be investigating. Seems pretty harmless to me so far, especially compared to some of the tickle party masturbation showers we used to have on board. Would you like to see my photo album?
Isn't Capt. Kirk in charge of the Enterprise? No wait. It's not the 23rd century yet – unless I overslept backwards over 200 years. Beam me up Scotty. Somebody had to say it.
Political correctness at core. Someone says something that offends you, they must be fired! In the future we'll all be scared to speak for fear of offending someone.
I kinda doubt the Navy cares about the homophobia and sex stuff so much — the captain of a ship and his senior staff still have pretty dictatorial authority. But trying to ingratiate yourself to the noncoms, and then letting your boorishness off the boat? Those are hanging offenses as much as they were in John Paul Jones' time.
They're not firing him, they're just freeing him up to follow his true calling, posting juvenile, frat-house quality "comedy" videos on the Youtubes.
Honors has been transferred to the Navy's USS Ship of Fools, which is permanently docked in northern Greenland.
Funny story about that-the Navy let the VP use a Navy ship to make their video-apparently, nobody in the Navy realized what the song was really about.
And he announces his retirement from the service in 3…2…1…
'Cause he sure ain't a-gonna be an Admiral, now…He committed the major faux-pas; he *embarrassed* the USN. You can kill people, damage taxpayer goods (non-publically) and go against orders…but do so in public, or be revealed in public? B'bye!
Having grown up in Norfolk, and still having family there, I read the Virginian-Pilot (local fishwrapper) online whenever I'm about to visit. The comments section is always a cesspool of mouthbreather hilarity. Probably no different from any local paper but wow do Hampton Roads' teabagger types have a mean streak to them.
Wait a minute.
You mean to tell me that there are "U.S. Navy sailors" who are NOT gay?
Pictures, or GTFO.
Neilist, Vice Admiral of the Pink
U.S.N. (ret.)
"In the Navy! In the Navyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"
You know, in John McCain's Navy they didn't have fancy video screen productions about this stuff. He had to go around and personally masturbate in front of everybody.
"A spate of commanders have been disciplined in this way in the past year, for offenses ranging from sexual misconduct to running ships aground."
Oh, reallyyyyyyy . . . .?:
In 1982, the carrier underwent her 10th WESTPAC deployment. In April 1983, Enterprise ran aground on a sandbar in San Francisco Bay while returning from deployment and remained stuck there for several hours.[20] Coincidentally, George Takei, who played Mr. Sulu, helmsman of the fictional starship Enterprise was aboard at the time as a Distinguished Visitor of the Navy.[21] Even though groundings and collisions are usually career-enders for U.S. warship captains, the captain at the time, Robert J. Kelly, who had already been selected for promotion to commodore, eventually became a four-star admiral and commander in chief of the U.S. Pacific Fleet.[22]
In 1984, the carrier underwent her 11th WESTPAC deployment. On 2 November 1985, she struck Bishops Rock on the Cortes Bank during exercises, damaging the outer hull and propeller. She continued operations and later went to drydock for repairs.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_Enterprise_%28CV...
Neilist, Vice Admiral of the Pink
U.S.N. (ret.)
"In the Navy! In the Navyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"
P.S. I did NOTHING with the George Takei reference. Some things are toooooo easy.
Even for me.
Well, c'mon, those sandbars in the SF bay are so shifty, you know?
Honestly, a sandbar in the Bay? The insanely over-charted San Francisco Bay?
How the fuck did I miss that? (That's a rhetorical question — probably, I was high).
[I know this is going to reinforce the idea that I masturbate to the HIstory Channel every night, but . . . ]
The U.S.S. Coral Sea did the same thing in 1963, in almost the exact same place:
USS CORAL SEA (CV 43), Grounding, 3 February 1963
On February 3, 1963, the Midway class aircraft carrier, USS Coral Sea (CV 43) ran aground near the mouth of the Oakland Estuary while heading in port Naval Air Station Alameda, CA. It took nine hours and 10 tugs to pull the USS Coral Sea (CV 43) into deeper water. There were no personnel casualties or injuries reported.
[Got to get back to the History Channel. This episode is close to clima. . .
:::Whoops:::]
There go his chances of becoming a Rear Admiral. But, am I the only one to approve of the high command taking a stern approach?
I suggest he retire to the Phillipines, hang out in the now-quiet Olongapo City.
"The Navy has traditionally moved faster than other U.S. military services to relieve officers of command when they are believed to have acted improperly."
This, of course, has nothing to do with the fact that "acted improperly" in the Navy is always far more theatrical than in any other service. I mean, in the AF, it means "Ooops, we just incinerated a random village", whereas in the Navy it involves hookers bungie-fucking off the mast.
ANOTHER POLITICAL PRISONER OF ARE KENYUN DIKTATOR NOBAMAR!!!
Is that thing strung up in the chair all Weekend at Bernie's-like in the picture a corpse, or something? It looks like a burn victim, or that thing in the Silence of the Lambs series.
Isn't it Commander Deanna Troi's job to run the Enterprise into stuff?
The Navy made the right decision–these "videos" were stupid, juvenile, moronic, childish, immature, offensive, disrespectful, dumb, asinine, idiotic, hateful, unfunny, unprofessional and just plain, again, stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Everyone involved with these stupid things should be punished. Honors should be given a boring desk job at a remote outpost in northern Greenland for the rest of his career. And for the moronic idiots who defended these things–you need a remedial course in human relations, sensitivity, understanding and just basic common sense. As for any type of wayward, homophobic, offensive and patently illegal "initiation" rites that some Navy people think is right or funny–this also needs to stop, effective immediately. There is simply zero excuse–zero–for such stupid, childish, offensive and literally non-military behavior by grown men and women, at any time, during any age, during any year. It's just stupid, and it has to stop. Honors also owes the public a public apology. He should be assigned to work with people dealing with discrimination for a year. Then maybe he'll grow up and be a real man.
Desk job? Really? I say cashier this dangerously immature Officer.
As I said, the Navy will throw this turd over the side as quick as a dead hooker in the Admiral's Cabin. Since the good Captain has a flair for the Showbiz, maybe he can follow his love by taking his show on the road. I suggest San Francisco, a great port city, for openers; I'm sure he'll receive a "Larurel and Hardy" Welcome there.
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