dept. of i should know

Lying Warmonger Judith Miller Blasts Assange For Not Verifying Info

Please tell us you're flipping her off, you lovable rape-accused green-jacketed weirdo.Disgraced Newsmax “reporter” (government neo-con lie re-spewer) Judith Miller is also on Fox News, it turns out, because they hire commentators based on how many war crimes they’re responsible for. (Even though nobody on Fox & Friends can understand what Genghis Khan is saying.) According to Miller, who yes, blindly spread the lies given her by warmongers in the government in order to explode the Middle East, Julian Assange is a bad journalist “because he didn’t care at all about attempting to verify the information that he was putting out or determine whether or not it would hurt anyone.” Thank God we have this paragon of journalistic ethics to help us judge Julian Assange.

The authenticity of these cables has never really been questioned by the government. And the bulk of very important ones has been released through reputable news organizations like the Judy Miller-less New York Times, which is now reputable because they don’t have Judy Miller. And actually, WikiLeaks asked the government to tell them which of these cables were damaging and such, but the government refused to do so. And nobody’s suggesting — though it may have leaked some documents that imperiled certain important liberal efforts in the world and Western security in some cases — that this has killed brown people at anywhere near the scale as Miller’s lies have. But even if so, it has been for a fairly noble cause in the grand scheme, rather than in the interests of, say, giving defense contractors lots of money to make brown-people-killing machines.

But why bother refuting this? We should just know that whatever comes out of this woman’s mouth is a lie.

Let’s let Miller get back to her important Newsmax reporting on the Middle East and Iran’s stockpiles of THIS ONE OLD SECRET DISCOVERED BY A LOCAL MOM TO LOSING THAT BELLY.

Julian Assange has left more journalist in his broken condoms than Judith Miller has in her entire body. [Crooks and Liars]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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77 comments

      1. BarryOPotter

        That would have been a surprise, since that came from the USA. Or at least, I think that's what this dude was yelling on the corner – I didn't get too close 'cause he smelled really bad and he looked like one of those Cheneys.

  1. Blendergoathead

    My psychic told me that 2011 would be the Year of the Assclown. I hate it when she's actually correct.

    1. Beowoof

      It is a strong start, between this and Captian Boner making home videos for all the young Navy wankers.

      1. Monsieur_Grumpe

        From Judith’s perspective it is hypocrisy. If we point this out and make fun of it, does it not then become ironic? Damn you for making me try to think this early.

  2. ttommyunger

    Meanwhile, Judith’s new co-workers continue to avoid face to face conversations with her, complaining that her breath still smells like Scooter Libby’s nutsack.

  3. MittsHairHelmet

    She's criticizing Assange because he "didn't care about attempting" to verify the information. It's not the verification, its the attempt that matters.

      1. MittsHairHelmet

        So its not even making an attempt. it's caring about making an attempt, whether you make it or not. mind-blowing

    1. Lost_Teabaggers

      Right…he just take a note from Judy and print verbatim whatever spew the neocon she's fucking at that moment (like Scooter, sorry for the visual) has to say…because as we all know warmongering pillow talk never requires fact checking; it's truthiness and factastic all at once!

  4. Badonkadonkette

    I think Judy's saying that if you're gonna get browns killed, do it with some imagination and flair, not some namby-pamby revelation of boring old "facts" that you "verified."

  5. V572625694

    This is a jurisdictional dispute, like when the carpenters catch the electricians cutting wood. Assange is not an Official Journalist with credentials from reputable news outlet. Neither is Miller anymore, but she used to be! She was important! People listened to hear! Attention must be paid!

    Ha ha, Fox News: where hacks go to die.

  6. metamarcisf

    Shit, I forgot to mail Judith Miller's Hanukah gift. Anyone have her address? It's a flavored disposable douche.

      1. Lost_Teabaggers

        Very nice work….but isn't that just the address to whatever disgusting, bile filled neocon fuck tank she and Scoots used to hang out at?

  7. slithytoves

    I think Joe Pulitzer over at the New York World would have been very interested in what Assange had to give him because it's not about determining whether or not it would hurt anyone, it's about who is already getting hurt.

  8. WIDTAP

    I am surprised that the balk of the cables were relatively important as compared to, say, the bulk of them.

  9. Come here a minute

    She would have totally been on board if the leaks had been sorted out somehow, perhaps by putting them in a centrifuge made with aluminum tubes. This is the only possible use of aluminum tubes.

  10. SorosBot

    But see, spreading deliberate misinformation is OK as long as it's in service of the interests of the Washington media-government consensus, while spreading information which goes against that consensus is always wrong, no matter how true it may be.

  11. neiltheblaze

    A real journalist gets information from "unnamed sources" who happen to be cocktail circuit buddies, unthinkingly copies it down, and publishes it in the Paper of Record. Now THAT"S how you win "Stenographer of the Year" four years running – not with all these boring, true facts Assange is spewing.

  12. PublicLuxury

    Judy is just being nasty because Assange is the world's most eligible bachelor and everybody is trying to land him. Even lesbians and drag queens and transgenders l(ike Judy and Ann Coulter) want a piece of that hot, hot, hot ASSange.

    1. BarryOPotter

      Am I the only one who sees that name as a funny Franco-American ode to buggery? "Ange" is the Froggy part that means 'Angel', viz Jules the Ass Angel.

      Ok, maybe it is just me, but still, his transparency only fuels rumours of his heavenly connections, and the Vatican has yet to drop the name of the Patron Saint of Buggery, and you just know there is one…

  13. BeWoot

    Assange is a journalist? Who knew? All this time I just thought he was making available documents written by other people. So, okay, maybe he is an editor, just not one that makes assignments or actually edits. How about Documents Curator?

    Face it: the guy is not a journalist. It's just that Judith Miller makes him look like one by comparison.

  14. horsedreamer_1

    Judith Miller, the American Media's Internal Affairs Division*.

    *Considering corrupt cops often accept reassignment into busting corrupt cops to avoid jail time.

  15. JoeMamased

    … reputable news organizations like the Judy Miller-less New York Times, who is now reputable because they don’t have Judy Miller.

    It's going to take a lot more than dumping Judy Miller to make the Times reputable again.

  16. wok3

    Do conservatives even get how insane they are? No wonder so many of them don't see any reason to legalize drugs, the conservative mind spends almost no time in reality as it is.

  17. Katydid

    Geez, you would think old Judy committed some kind of war crimes, the way you liberals talk about her.

    1. neiltheblaze

      More of a "war crimes handmaiden". She doesn't have the nobleness of character to be an actual war criminal.

  18. el_donaldo

    Ha! So "verify information" must mean "craft it to flatter your powerful sources," right? Miller also offered this journo pro-tip: giving handjobs to the influential means not having to mess around with condoms.

  19. PublicLuxury

    I am sure that Judith sources for her fight against teh brown were not only unnamed but also unarmed.

    When will horrific practice stop? When will 'journalist' stop using anonymous people with NO arms as sources? It is a cruel and unusual practice of exploiting unknown disabled people that should be made unconstitutional.

    28th Amendment we're coming for you

  20. weejee

    How can you tell with Judy Miller is being level-headed? The shit dribbles out of both sides of her mouth.

    Do I need to apologize to those Nixonial leakster fixers, Pastor Chuckie Cheese Colson, G. Gordian Liddy, et al, for that leakin' wiki 'plumber' joke?

  21. iburl

    The truth hurts. Especially when you are accustomed to lying constantly. Judy's version of fact checking is printing everything Dick Cheney tells her without question and her version of not hurting anyone is promoting a war of choice that would kill hundreds of thousands of innocent people. Now that's Journalism, Newsmaxx stylee!

  22. SorosBot

    "THIS ONE OLD SECRET DISCOVERED BY A LOCAL MOM TO LOSING THAT BELLY."

    I have always wondered why so many internet ads, usually the ones for something that's obviously bullshit, refer to "area moms" for things like weight loss, fake schools or get-rich-quick schemes which have absolutely nothing to do with the subject's being a mom. What, do they think we should trust something more because it's endorsed by a (made up) woman who doesn't know that birth control exists?

  23. prommie

    This is coming from someone who outed a CIA agent, thus putting not Plame, so much as every person ever known to have been in contact with her, potentially in danger, and not even for any good purpose, but rather, just to discredit Plame's husband's efforts to expose the lying warmongers' lies. I mean, this woman is vile, she is a steaming turd.

  24. WriteyWriterton

    Let's not judge Ms. Miller too harshly. Landing a gig at Fox News pays bills, even if it's just a guest-money-shot while you're whoring for Newsmax.

    Obscure journalistic-history question: is Newsmax and/or WorldNet the City News Bureau for training the tripe-meisters who flog the lies for Faux Noise?

    Compare and contrast. 20 points.

      1. WriteyWriterton

        As a lawyer, I thank you for your support. Not that I get paid in "fees," being a civil servant and all.

  25. freakishlywrong

    I'm shocked at the "headline" there. 2010 Media Narratives. How was the coverage crafted Because Faux crafted and created all the media "narratives". Regardless of how insane.

  26. hockeymom

    My favorite part? When the anchor tags out with "We're always on the look out for biased reporting, so if you see some examples, email us here."
    I have NO idea where the poor staff at FOX could find examples of biased reporting.

  27. donner_froh

    Judy does the one millionth right wing commentary on Wikileaks and like the 999,999 earlier ones gets it all wrong.

    She better sharpen those elbows if she is going to be fighting it out for time on Faux News with the likes of Sarah Palin and Juan Williams.

  28. Mindblank

    Between the warmongering and the peacemongering, we have no peace. Except for all those very peaceful dead people.

  29. mrblifil

    After the conference, I traveled to Jackson Hole, Wyo. At a rodeo one afternoon, a man in jeans, a cowboy hat and sunglasses approached me. He asked me how the Aspen conference had gone. I had no idea who he was.

    "Judy," he said. "It's Scooter Libby."

    Of course she continued to protect Libby by refusing to point out how his rodeo outfit included ass-less chaps and a pair of Trucknutz.

  30. pdiddycornchips

    Judy Miller knows better than most that unless we blindly follow our leaders and never question their statements/authority/actions, there is no possible way we can remain free.

  31. Beanball

    We need to spread the love around.

    True story: One fine day I read on the New York Times front page a screaming headline: "IRAQ WMD: WE'LL ALL BE KILLED" by Judith Miller, and in the very same edition inside on page 14 (and with no byline) "u.n. inspector scott ridder says no wmd."

    So, NYT editors: fuck you too and also.

    1. 102415

      More elfish but not in a good way. Like the original dick inspectors from the Whitewater times.

  32. 102415

    But we must ask ourselves who did Judy Swedish rape and did they still sort of like her afterwards? It's like apples and road apples to compare them. She should still be in jail.

  33. benjo765

    Indeed, this bitch has as much right talking about journalistic standards as Hitler would talking about pacifism.

Comments are closed.