- Self-proclaimed “street guy” who also is “chairman of a country club political party” Michael Steele is expected to say all sorts of preposterous things during the first RNC spoken word debate this evening. And Michael is already mowing down the competition: Bunk-ass hater Gentry Collins, a former RNC political director best known for writing a rude letter about how dumb Michael Steele is, has already dropped out of the chairmanship race! This leaves a few weirdos from Missouri and Michigan to challenge Steele and his dismal fundraising numbers and overall incompetence. There’s gonna be some serious disrespecting tonight. Maybe we will liveblog this comedy? [The Hill]
- Lonely old maid Lindsey Graham announced on teevee that his New Year’s resolution is to help the United States maintain “an enduring relationship” with Afghanistan. This is secret ham biscuit code for “let’s build permanent military bases and occupy Afghanistan forever.” Sorry, Afghanistan! No more truck stop blowjobs from Lindsey Graham. He wants commitment. [Fox News]
- Vanloads of people from Kentucky drive fourteen hours to South Florida so that they can stock up on pain killers and animal tranquilizers. And then they drive home and get so high. These are the last huzzahs of a crumbling Empire. [McClatchy]
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Since Walnuts developed those erectile problems after the 2008 elections, Miss Lindsey has been at loose ends, so to speak….
Is ham biscuit up for reelection, or just worried about being outed? He seems to be pandering at a rapidly increasing rate
eh… fuck it.
Gentry Collins' family originally planned to name him Bougie, but decided that was a little too on the nose.
Vanloads of people from Kentucky drive fourteen hours to South Florida so that they can stock up on pain killers and animal tranquilizers
When I was but a lil Kentuckienne, we called that "vacation."
My Grandaddy followed the river north instead. Somehow I don't think Ohio had the good shit, you know?
Is it safe to turn my speakers on?
"Florida dope's still a huge problem," said Dan Smoot.
Well said Dan. Well said.
Laugh if you want to, non-Floridians. We may be disproportionately old, dim, tea-stained, bulbous, retrogressive and sun-poisoned, but we have medical Oxycontin laws in effect here.
I wish I could figure out which Florida dope he's talking about. The list is endless.
An opening statement from Michael:
The name is Steele
And I'm hard as a rock.
That's not just my head.
It's also my Glock.
Now the White Trash
Think they can run this show
They should run, all right
But they best not be slow.
Lindsey Graham needs to acquire an animal tranquilizer habit. It would help him to make more sense.
It would be fun to watch the R chairperson debate just to see when one of Steele's opponents finally breaks down and says "YOUR people just ain't as book-lerned as our'n" (or something to that effect). Don't forget to play that racism card, candidates!
I'll bet that Haley Barbour could pull that off!
It would be a Wonkette equivalent of a venal sin NOT to liveblog the RNC Chair debate. Comedy gold will be mined tonight!
I think it would be mortal not venal sin.
Oh, I thought mortal sins had to involve buttsecks. My bad. Unless you are saying there will be buttsecks at the RNC debates? Definitely liveblog!
I'm told an insider with the Steele campaign secretly mailed Collins a Steele debate-prep video and Collins bowed out once he saw Steele freestyle rapping his responses. Collins realized that there was no way he could compete with that, especially given the young, urban hip-hop crow that's expected to attend the event.
We get hip-hop crows at our place. I find that hanging some tinfoil pie plates from the branches keeps them away from the corn.
Knowing that the entire population of Kentucky apparently spends all their time in a painkiller-induced daze suddenly makes the election of Rand Paul make a lot more sense.
All of Kentucky now makes more sense.
Aunt Pittipat is aware that Afghaniland is a sovereign nation, correct? And since when does any population care to "earn" permanent occupation? I say we move those military bases currently in S.C over there and let them reap the economic benefits that go with them. Oh, and girl, who did your makeup yesterday, Lady Gaga?!
Lindsay's part of the GOP, which knows that there is no such thing as a sovereign nation; every country in the world should do the bidding of the US, because we're just special that way.
Not "special" – "Exceptional". Get with the program.
Or when Alaskunt twats it, "Xceptional."
"Florida dope's still a huge problem"
And we're swearing in the Lizard King down here because of all the dopes that voted for him.
And since when does any population care to "earn" permanent occupation?
When their country has natural resources (rare earth) that the Empire requires.
It seems fitting to me as Steel is, indirectly, black US America's revenge on the good old boys of the Sout'. He literally is the "tar baby" of the good old boys "Tales of da Sout'" nightmares. Can't fight him. The more they fight him, the more racist they look. Can't remove the tainted stench of his utter stupidity but aren't much better. Can't call him the N-word even though they REALLY REALLY want to. Probably even has a bigger dick than they do.
Any dick would qualify as a bigger dick than the "good ole boys" of the KKoP party.
Undoubtedly a bigger dick, but it only gets hard for white girls, like Lindsey.
Surely you don't mean to suggest that the Chairman would stoop so low as to play The Race Card.
I think you explained EXACTLY why I love Michael Steele as RNC chairman, so much.
Them electing Michael Steele was the party playing the ultimate race card of politics, and it backfired on them so badly that it's become a most beautiful disaster. Steele really is a genius in how he grafted himself to the Republican Party for his own personal gain (in the Democratic Party, he'd just be one of many black politicians, you know, a small fish in a big pond). Dude may blast off at the mouth like nobody's business, but he ain't stupid.
I heard Flex is gonna be mixing.
Got presidents to represent me (say what?)
Well, we sure as shit know Eric "Viet Nam" Sadler isn't going to be anywhere near this event, since Republicans avoided Nam like the plague.
Ohhhhh! Go horsedreamer, go horsedreamer, it's ya birfday, it's ya birfday!
Lindsy and John McCain will say their vows in Afghanistan next week. They will honeymoon with the 5Th battalion homo unit where they will check out the competition and distribute cakes of soap as wedding favors.
p.s. Truck drivers are also welcome, however they must possess a set of exceptional truknutz
Wedding in Afghanistan with a bunch of armed onlookers? Cue the Predator drones!
Lady Huckleberry is also threatening to vote against raising the debt ceiling unless the olds are forced to eat catfood.
Amazingly enough, she won't be getting teabagged until 2014.
~
Let me get this straight.
People in Florida apparently don't abuse what is locally available, but people from Kentucky drive 14 hours (one way) to get drugs to abuse. Florida has to change their laws to keep morans from Kentucky out of their drug stores. Florida is giving up sales tax revenue and restricting their own citizens' access to medications they are not (apparently) abusing in order to help Kentucky control their citizens.
I didn't think it was possible to make Florida "look" responsible so, way to go Kentucky!
Oh, and for those of you who think humans can stop burning fossil fuels, forget that shit, because nobody's taking public transportation to Florida to get Oxycontin.
Oh, the locals were abusing the system too (including Rush Limbaugh). It is just that every state closer to Ky has a working registration model that kept the hillbillies from loading up. So in this lone instance Ky is actually more responsible than Florida, which pisses both states off.
O the sunshine state
Blest my old kentucky home
On a K-F-C*
the druggies are gay
*(Kentucky Florida Caravan)
ERic ibn Eric has concerns about Reince Preibus. Just sayin.
The gay… It hurts (to wipe, afterward).
But wouldn't Priebz the Feebz be upholding some sort of GOP tradition of gay chairmen, since Ken Mehlman made it official?
♪♫ Limbaughland van trip 14 hours long
Doo da, doo da
Hillbilly heroine is so much fun
It's an oxycodone day ♫♪
Sorry to refudiate ya, but you're assuming they start in Louisville and drive to Miami. I'm guessing they start on the TN border and only have to get to the FL line, say at Lake City. Eight hours tops, even in a clapped out Ford Ranger w/bald tires and a leaky muffler.
"Only" and "eight hours" don't exactly belong together; that's one fucking long trip, that oxy must really be easy to get to make a drive that long worth it.
Doesn't it also depend on how many grits stops ya make?
If the Cracker Barrel had decent GIS, you could tell how many there are along that route. Oh wait, they do: http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/cracker-barrel/id3...
Chitlins? There's an APP for that.
Amazing there are any prescription pain killers available in south Florida. I thought Rush Limbaugh vacuumed them all up before they got to the pharmacies.
Didn't Rush take all the drugs with him when he moved to the Caribbean, like he promised he would do after Obama was elected? The past two years have been so much better with Rush gone, doing rentboys on a tropical island but leaving USAmerka alo..
Oh wait. He's still here.
I thought he moved to Costa Rica. That's what he said he was going to do if Health Care Reform passed.
Maybe he found out that Costa Rica has world class nationalized medicine. And no military.
Meanwhile, back in the real world, the rest of Mikey's party already figured out they can win elections without the "urban" support. I do wonder, though, which white fat southern guy is gonna head the Country Club now.
Ham Biscuits also announced he thinks Mittens is the "most electable," thereby officially guaranteeing we will see a Mitt Romney cry-fest/concession speech in Nov. 2012.
Oh, and George Will thinks Thune, T-Paw and Mitch "Wallpaper Paste" Daniels have a "leg up" winning the nomination because they are from the Midwest. Never mind that Obama would crush at least 2 of the three in their home states and throughout their supposed base (SD is a stretch, but if the O-team flexed its muscles it is in play), none of them would play well in the South and they are all about as charismatic as a plate of warm lutefisk.
Is that a "leg up" or a "leg over"?
So it is one of those three brawny Midwesterners who are getting a leg over George Will.
Ugh.
Mitch Daniels is a lot of things, but at nothing over five-and-a-half feet, he couldn't be described as brawny.
But does Senator Thune have EXECUTIVE EXPERIENCE™?
Since 1968, the Republicans have only nominated 2 guys on their first attempt, and one of them was Gerald Ford.
Whip Inexperience Now!
Lutefisk could win Minnesota and have a decent chance in both of the Dakotas–might even pick up Wisconsin if unemployment stays high.
Wonkette, you keep promising but never deliver. You are the guy with a "The End Is Near" sign from the cartoons.
Rorschach?
Horshack?
Only Lindsey Graham could think of never-ending armed occupation as an "enduring relationship".
Yes, that's what they're wondering about in Okinawa, Korea and Germany.
Our empire needs outposts. They're good for military careers and good for defense contractors. Do anyone else's needs matter?
Moderator: Opening statement, Mr. Priebus?
Priebus:
You and Condoleezza Rice?
Jesus Christ!
I'm blacker than y'all
and I think mayonnaise is a spice!
(Throws down mic)
Isn't today also the day of the Republicorination of the new Republicongress?
The 112th Congress will be cursed in on Wednesday, January 05, 2011.
Damn them to hell.
~
So much for following THE CONSTITUTION.
(Yes, I know there is an exception written into the 20th Amendment, but still….THE CONSTITUTION!)
"RepubliCorp."
Sounds, like a perfect name for their business…errr…party. Yes, yes, par-ty (said slowly in two, unnatural syllables as if you'd never witnessed the word in print).
Miss Lindsey's fantasy "Enduring Relationship" would be on the end of Barry's ample Trouser Trout; too bad it ain't ever gonna happen.
It has become routine over the past four years for addicts and drug traffickers from Kentucky to travel to clinics in other states to get prescriptions for pain pills and anti-depressants, then bring back the narcotics to sell or abuse.
It's hard to get anti-depressants in Kentucky? So now Prozac's a street drug? But Kentuckians are libertarians?
Which reminds me, O/T but in the same vein, I heard Megs McCabe on BookTV last night say she's a Republican because she's for a strong national defense and she's pro-life, and she thinks the government should get the hell out of our personal business.
So, yeah. Makes perfect sense to me. Duzit2u?
In Republican-speak, "personal" actually means "financial", so it's perfectly OK to say the government should control our personal lives then say it should stay out of them.
Oh, and in yet another sign that the Wasilla Grifter is leaving Alaska (and poisoning the rest of us), the doofus dentist who won AZ-1 in 2010 has now hired both Thomas Van Flein and a dentist from Wasilla whose major contribution was getting him the Snowkunt's endorsement. Seriously, his chief of staff is going to be a retired dentist from Wasilla – so he knows jack about either DC or the district, and his chief counsel is a buddy of the retired dentist and Snowbilly who has no knowledge of Federal government law and was over his head as her lawyer in Alaska.
Florida? Kentucky? Illegal drugs, more than likely uppers?
That's — SEC Speed!
Today, we are all Republicans.
And, yes, this is good news for John McCain.
You may kill me now, but make it quick.
♪♫ Don't let it bring you down
It's only castles burning♪♬
Drivin' that train
High on cocaine
Michael Steele you better
watch your speed
You can watch Michael Steele's opening statement at the RNC debate, in which he lays out why the GOP still has value, here: http://gtcha.me/eXPwYh
Here's one who hopes Michael Steele hangs onto his job so I can look forward to more comedy from both Wonkette and that delightful Sesame Street version of Steele on the Daily Show. Only Sarah Palin or Haley Barbour might be more hilarious what with her habit of ripping people off and his comedic Boss Hogg looks and old timey Jim Crow-lovin' racism. Anyone else is just another sleazy, boring Wall Street lobbyist type like chipmunk faced Ed Gillespie.
We have our own little drug tour up here in Michigan. The only difference is that some of them are city-sponsored, and are for the olds, so that they can get cheap generic drugs across the border in Canada so they won't have to eat catfood for dinner.
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