January 3, 2011

Meet the New U.S. Government Terror Warning Robot

by Ken Layne 10:53 am January 3, 2011

Navy ship lesbian/homosexual videos, iPhone alarm problems and terrifying meteor showers are the topics of today’s Important National Terror Threat Robot Warning.

45 comments 1588 Views

{ 45 comments }

kibblesmith January 3, 2011 at 10:54 am

I have time for this,

weejee January 3, 2011 at 10:58 am

And Rep. Darrell Issa will be serving the Wonkette with Congressionial-sized supenises in 3, 2, 1….

Serolf_Divad January 3, 2011 at 11:01 am

One of the most intense and briefest meteor showers of the year, the Quadrantids, will peak overnight tonight.

Wait… is this describing a meteor shower or prom night sex?

prommie January 3, 2011 at 11:41 am: How did you know? Promnight sex is indeed brief, but very very intense! Actually, since the prozac, its been lasting longer, as much as 5 to 7 minutes, sometimes!

V572625694 January 3, 2011 at 11:03 am

Bring back the Traffic Light of Death. That was something everyone could understand, even GWB's BFF Tom Ridge.

Serolf_Divad January 3, 2011 at 11:04 am

Now rolling on some suburban Los Angeles porn "studio":

U.S.S. SINterprise: 1st Mates In Heat

horsedreamer_1 January 3, 2011 at 11:06 am

Nice to see Pimpbot landed on his feet after Conan got canned.

SudsMcKenzie January 3, 2011 at 11:23 am: he cleans up well.

slithytoves January 3, 2011 at 11:06 am

I call cheap knock-off of Mystery Science Theater 3K robot.

freakishlywrong January 3, 2011 at 11:10 am: Today, we are all Crow T. Robot.

Oblios_Cap January 3, 2011 at 11:07 am

From the terrifying Lesbian/Homosexual videos released by the US Navy, it's abundantly clear that letting gays and lesbians openly serve in our heroic armed forces will have a staggering effect on unit cohesion.

Why, oh why didn't they listen to Miss Lindsay and Grandpa HENNNGGHH!??

donner_froh January 3, 2011 at 11:08 am

"Please check your bags for explosives."

OK, I got a couple of blocks of C4.

freakishlywrong January 3, 2011 at 11:08 am

The chyron is almost too good. Fauxbots will think it's real.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 3, 2011 at 11:09 am

I’m working on a do it yourself proctologist app for the iPhone. Send me a $1.99 and then shove the phone up your ass.

Neilist January 3, 2011 at 11:10 am

The "Ken Layne" AI has new gig!!!!!

CrankyLttlCamperette January 3, 2011 at 12:01 pm: Can't be. No beard.

SexySmurf January 3, 2011 at 11:14 am

That robot can scare the living poop out of me, but can it feel love?

x111e7thst January 3, 2011 at 11:15 am

This is not the Navy Porn I grew up with. Where is the rum, the sodomy, the lash?

prommie January 3, 2011 at 11:15 am

Needz moar Guffins!

charlesdegoal January 3, 2011 at 11:15 am

The failing iAlarm is big news in Europe too, never mind the end of Western Civilization as we've known it.

jus_wonderin January 3, 2011 at 11:15 am

Why did this have to happen on the U.S.S. Enterprise, of all carriers? It sullies the name of a great ship and two future space vehicles.

"Dammit Jim, I'm a just an ole country doctor; not a lesbian."

SorosBot January 3, 2011 at 11:24 am

That's SEVEN future space vehicles there. Will no one recognize the great sacrifice of the crew of the Enterprise-C, who returned to their own time knowing they would die to prevent war between the Federation and the Klingons?

vulpes82 January 3, 2011 at 11:30 am

NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDS!

pattycake January 3, 2011 at 11:30 am

Christ, you're a nerd. Are you single?

SorosBot January 3, 2011 at 11:54 am: A nerd, on the internet? That never happens!
MsQuasimodo January 4, 2011 at 12:10 am: Nerds who are funny as hell. Are any of you single (male or female)?

PublicLuxury January 3, 2011 at 11:22 am

Hold me. I'm scared

freakishlywrong January 3, 2011 at 11:26 am

Really? He reminds me more of Crow , and man, did I love me some MST3K.

Ken Layne January 3, 2011 at 11:59 am

He is my propane camp stove wearing a child's "safety hat."

mrblifil January 3, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Propane camp stove? Has Wonkett HQ become some sort of survivalist/separatist retreat?

vulpes82 January 3, 2011 at 3:35 pm: Become? Don't you know Ken's Desert Compound and Cult Center has been stocked with booze, guns, and Truck Nutz in anticipation of famine, civil war, and nuclear Armageddon for years now?

blogslut January 3, 2011 at 1:28 pm