it's morning in america

New Orleans Evicts Remaining Toxic FEMA Trailer Dwellers

Bristol Palin bought this nice FEMA trailer.

  • From the noble Brownstones of Brooklyn to the hilltop villas of Malibu that fall onto incoming traffic whenever there’s a mudslide, America is full of architectural gems. So it’s rather worrisome that New Orleans officials are planning to rid their city of the last remaining FEMA trailers — national treasures which are widely recognized as horrible and “all the proof you need that George W. Bush hates black/poor people.” Christ, these are probably the same vintage trailers (circa 2006) that contain obscene levels of toxic formaldehyde gas. Are people really still living in these poisonous tin cans? And is there any remaining doubt that we are a Failed State? Good grief, “Happy New Year.” [AP]
  • Diligent TSA security heroes arrested a terrorist who was just moments away from boarding an airplane and killing everyone! Just kidding. They arrested some lady in Idaho who had a baggy of meth in her pocket. [McClatchy]
  • “Police are on the hunt for at least one thug who ripped off and later dismembered a 7-foot-tall plywood Christmas gingerbread man.” This is why we can’t have nice things. [Boston Herald]

About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

View all articles by Riley Waggaman

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • slithytoves

    “It was a lot of exact painting and a pretty steady hand,” said senior Jarek Jesionowski, 17, who spent about six hours a day painting the gingerbread men. “A seven-foot tall gingerbread man — what are you going to do with it?…”

    I have some ideas.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Six hours a day to paint a gingerbread man? What, did the guy hold the paint brush in his mouth? Jeez, there's like brown and about five white lines and two dots.

  • PublicLuxury

    The truck box was only 6 1/2 feet so they had to dismember it to steal it. C'mon have some compassion for stupids.

    • http://s227.photobucket.com/albums/dd271/lascauxcaveman/?action=view&current=KZ1100shafty.jpg Lascauxcaveman

      What I want to know is, since plywood comes in sheets that are 4' x 8' why didn't the gingerbread-man-maker make him a full 8' tall? What's with this wimpy-ass 7' BS? Why waste all that wood?

      C'mon Jerek Jesinowski, think BIG.

      • JoeMamased

        Two sheets of plywood? Could have made him 16 feet tall. That woulda been one awesome fuckin gingerbread man.

  • thebeatgoeson08

    La Primera! (I've never done that before, and I never will again, so don't take away my "p" for trying that dumb thing once.)

    • thebeatgoeson08

      damn! Can't even do that right!

  • PublicLuxury

    What's a little toxic gas? Hamburgers are made from anus and we eat them. These people need to 'man up Harry Reid' and take a deep breath.

    • x111e7thst

      Bitch

      • PublicLuxury

        Thank you

        • Negropolis

          Well played.

  • PublicLuxury

    The high school dropouts arrested the poor woman because she wouldn't share. Then they felt her up just for fun.

  • samsuncle

    The FEMA trailers may be banned from New Orleans but you can find them all over the south. FEMA auctioned off thousands of them this fall and now they have been turned into hunting/fishing camps, storage sheds, and even instant mobile home parks. Americans just can't resist a good bargin.

    • x111e7thst

      Those trailers were intended as dwellings for poor black people. It may not be safe for white middle class conservatives to store their garden tractors there. Someone needs to look into this.

      • PublicLuxury

        Nobody here really believes that minorities should be forced to live in ANY dwelling that is unsafe. I am simply looking at a horrible situation and attacking it with crude humor.

        Now, on three, take a deep breath and hold it.

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Oh God, you're not kidding are you?

      • samsuncle

        No, they sold like hotcakes!

      • Sassomatic

        I know a place where you can buy one. You can see them from I-12. I think they go for about $1100.

    • nounverb911

      How many will fit in Bristol's new back yard?

      • jim89048

        All of them.

  • Oblios_Cap

    And is there any remaining doubt that we are a Failed State?

    No.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    I'll bet that the gingerbread man killer is that bastard Shrek and his pal Donkey.

    • PublicLuxury

      You know him too? Wow. What a small world.

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      You need Inspector Huckabee, he always gets his giant gingerbread man.

  • lochnessmonster

    Boston chain-saw massacre?

  • ShiftyParadigm

    You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Maaarrrrrrggggggghhhmmmmpph

    • Beowoof

      Lord Farquaad is on your trail you sweet spicy mf er

  • freakishlywrong

    Oh yes! Happy fucking New Year indeed! Whom shall we be fauxfended by and boycott today?

    • Rotundo_

      Check Kos.

    • DoktorZoom

      Justin Bieber?

    • slappypaddy

      the tsa?

    • lulzmonger

      Nitrogen?

  • PublicLuxury

    The gingerbread killers must not have had adequate truknutz

    • Oblios_Cap

      A classic case of truknutz envy!

  • V572625694

    Many, many "experts" on terrorism were on the teevee this week reminding us that pesky ol' Al Kaida loves to ruin our holidays. Not much time left, tairsts! GWB says bring it on!

  • JustPixelz

    From meth lady article:

    …the advanced imaging technology scanners detect "artfully concealed" metallic and non-metallic items on people who pass through them.

    Gotta admire the euphemism: "artfully concealed" meaning "wherever a cock can go".

    • Beowoof

      Last spring the terrorist tried the ass bomb. A guy went into a gathering with a Saudi Prince with a bomb shoved up his ass. The problem for him was the detionation was contained by his rectum and body and very little damage was done except to anus bomb boy.

      • OneDollarJuana

        Mmmmmm, anus burger!

        • JustPixelz

          Pre-cooked too.

          I wonder how terrorist recruiters talk about that kind of embarrassing failure.

          Recruiter: And don't forget Achmed, you will get a $20,000 for college, choice of targets and — if you enlist today — three extra virgins.
          Achmed: What about that "ass bomb" thing I heard about?
          Recruiter: Don't believe what you read in the lame stream media.
          (crickets chirping)
          Recruiter: How about FOUR extra virgins?

    • http://michaelfountain.blogspot.com/ Angry_Marmot

      I learn so much on this site:
      “Over, Under, To and Fro / A preposition is wherever a cock can go".

    • Negropolis

      Yea, a cock can get about just into anywhere. It's like the ferret of the human body.

  • Oblios_Cap

    “Police are on the hunt for at least one thug who ripped off and later dismembered a 7-foot-tall plywood Christmas gingerbread man.”

    And the War on Christmas continues apace, even as we approach New Years.

    Fight the Oppression!

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Just be thankful it wasn't a plastic baby jesus, with a hole in his ass where the light bulb goes.

    • jim89048

      The war is over. Occupation is hell.

  • neiltheblaze

    Those damn TSA goons – taking that old broad's rhumatiz medicine…..

  • rocktonsam

    "this is why we can't have nice things."

    we'll hear that phrase a lot in 2011

    • FlyOverGirl

      I anticipate that phrase will be used by the GOP as a 2012 election talking point.

    • Beowoof

      I think we will hear republicans in Congress saying that nice things are only for people who can afford them. You know stuff like, clean air, clean water, plowed streets, safe air travel etc.

      • slappypaddy

        canadians, you mean?

        • Amo_of_Bogio

          You know stuff like, clean air, clean water, plowed streets…
          As a canadian – it would be nice if you capitalized, but no biggy – I'd like to say that here in Hooterville where I live we never get our street plowed, plus the whole global warming thing you Merricans caused makes plowing unnecessary. Unless of course you meant something else by that phrase. Is that what the kids are calling it now?

      • horsedreamer_1

        Davos is great this time of year.

    • emmelemm

      It's one of my favorite phrases (it's funny cuz it's TRRUUUE), so… yay?

  • thebeatgoeson08

    the "p" bandit strikes again…

    • ShiftyParadigm

      Remember, every time you give a fist, an angel gets his wings.

  • DashboardBuddha

    "artfully concealed"

    I swear to god…it's like we're not even trying anymore. How hard could it be to modify a tampon to hold a small amount of meth? C'mon meth users, think!

    • http://s227.photobucket.com/albums/dd271/lascauxcaveman/?action=view&current=KZ1100shafty.jpg Lascauxcaveman

      Meth users are known for their, um, playful impulsiveness.

      Long-term planning is not a strong suit.

      • DoktorZoom

        I was going to give you a thumbs up, but I suddenly remembered I have several small appliances to disassemble. Gotta go!

  • mavenmaven

    they need all that fancy equipment to look for meth? all you need to do is look at their teeth… there's even a new ER medical term for it, "chandelier teeth", since there is a very unique tooth decay which affects the gum area.
    The fact that she was shaking and speed talking about Led Zeppelin should have also hinted at meth…

    • PresBeeblebrox

      I thought speed talking was a harbinger of Angel Dust. PCP. Have you SEEN what that stuff does to kids?

      • OneDollarJuana

        Reminds me of a day in the '70s when, at a stoplight, some guy leaned out of his window and offered us some "rocket fuel". My buddy answered, "no thanks, I already have enough dents in my car". The seller just looked at us, and then offered us some "rocket fuel". That stuff is not real good for taking the SAT, is it?

        • http://wonkette.com/ yellowerdog

          Good for studying for the SAT, then crashing.
          For actually taking the exam, not so much.
          Trick is to time the crash for just before the proctor says 'pencils down'.

          Love, 1480

        • slappypaddy

          in idaho, the potatoes score highest.

  • http://www.kenlayisalive.org kenlayisalive

    Wow, for like a mere $15 billion, 200 million anal probes, and an incalculable loss of national and personal dignity, the TSA finally saved America from that little baggie of meth that did 9/11.

    • Rotundo_

      After 8 years of Dubya, and the Tea Party phenomenon, I suspect our national dignity is kind of a moot issue. Unless it can go into negative numbers, in which case we are in for one hell of a ride for the next few years.

  • Sassomatic

    "These trailers were meant to be temporary, not a permanent fixture."

    You know what else was supposed to be temporary? Tax breaks for billionaires. That's cool though, there's still a few spots under Claiborne for them.

  • Tommmcatt

    Fedex your drugs, people. And only the non-smelly drugs.

  • christianmuslin

    If that photo is, as noted in the alt text, of the new Palin compound in AZ for $170,000, those of us with jobs should consider upgrading the neighborhhod by moving into similar digs there. Maybe she's not as stupid as she looks? Strike that. A sound real estate investment does not a Rhodes scholar make–look at John Mac 5 1/2 years with his 7 residences across the land.

  • semisw33t

    Is this New Orleans blight plan? At $500/day, it won't be long before city officials can seize the property from the owners for non-payment of fines. Then the elderly & poor will have nothing at all, and no place to live. The other plans, including formaldehyde, isn't removing the long time residents fast enough. Cover up the sad, sad state of our nation with another upscale shopping center that the "middle class" (top 2% of wage earners) can afford.

  • ttommyunger

    Could be worse, Wonketeers; you could be a TSA Agent, with a moron for a supervisor, idiots for policymakers and unwashed, ill-tempered, smelly, fat assholes in your face eight hours a day while you resist the daily urge to bring a gun to work and…..

    • Beanball

      Why should I work for the TSA? That job description fits mine already.

      • ttommyunger

        When the money boys finish establishing a common worker standard of living for the entire world, all workers will be equivalent TSA Agents.