IT'S MORNING IN AMERICA  9:43 am December 31, 2010

New Orleans Evicts Remaining Toxic FEMA Trailer Dwellers

by Riley Waggaman

Bristol Palin bought this nice FEMA trailer.

  • From the noble Brownstones of Brooklyn to the hilltop villas of Malibu that fall onto incoming traffic whenever there’s a mudslide, America is full of architectural gems. So it’s rather worrisome that New Orleans officials are planning to rid their city of the last remaining FEMA trailers — national treasures which are widely recognized as horrible and “all the proof you need that George W. Bush hates black/poor people.” Christ, these are probably the same vintage trailers (circa 2006) that contain obscene levels of toxic formaldehyde gas. Are people really still living in these poisonous tin cans? And is there any remaining doubt that we are a Failed State? Good grief, “Happy New Year.” [AP]
  • Diligent TSA security heroes arrested a terrorist who was just moments away from boarding an airplane and killing everyone! Just kidding. They arrested some lady in Idaho who had a baggy of meth in her pocket. [McClatchy]
  • “Police are on the hunt for at least one thug who ripped off and later dismembered a 7-foot-tall plywood Christmas gingerbread man.” This is why we can’t have nice things. [Boston Herald]
 
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{ 71 comments }

slithytoves December 31, 2010 at 9:48 am

“It was a lot of exact painting and a pretty steady hand,” said senior Jarek Jesionowski, 17, who spent about six hours a day painting the gingerbread men. “A seven-foot tall gingerbread man — what are you going to do with it?…”

I have some ideas.

OneDollarJuana December 31, 2010 at 12:09 pm

Six hours a day to paint a gingerbread man? What, did the guy hold the paint brush in his mouth? Jeez, there's like brown and about five white lines and two dots.

PublicLuxury December 31, 2010 at 9:48 am

The truck box was only 6 1/2 feet so they had to dismember it to steal it. C'mon have some compassion for stupids.

Lascauxcaveman December 31, 2010 at 10:51 am

What I want to know is, since plywood comes in sheets that are 4' x 8' why didn't the gingerbread-man-maker make him a full 8' tall? What's with this wimpy-ass 7' BS? Why waste all that wood?

C'mon Jerek Jesinowski, think BIG.

JoeMamased December 31, 2010 at 3:04 pm

Two sheets of plywood? Could have made him 16 feet tall. That woulda been one awesome fuckin gingerbread man.

thebeatgoeson08 December 31, 2010 at 9:49 am

La Primera! (I've never done that before, and I never will again, so don't take away my "p" for trying that dumb thing once.)

thebeatgoeson08 December 31, 2010 at 9:53 am

damn! Can't even do that right!

PublicLuxury December 31, 2010 at 9:50 am

What's a little toxic gas? Hamburgers are made from anus and we eat them. These people need to 'man up Harry Reid' and take a deep breath.

x111e7thst December 31, 2010 at 9:52 am

Bitch

PublicLuxury December 31, 2010 at 9:55 am

Thank you

Negropolis January 1, 2011 at 1:28 am

Well played.

PublicLuxury December 31, 2010 at 9:51 am

The high school dropouts arrested the poor woman because she wouldn't share. Then they felt her up just for fun.

samsuncle December 31, 2010 at 9:55 am

The FEMA trailers may be banned from New Orleans but you can find them all over the south. FEMA auctioned off thousands of them this fall and now they have been turned into hunting/fishing camps, storage sheds, and even instant mobile home parks. Americans just can't resist a good bargin.

x111e7thst December 31, 2010 at 10:02 am

Those trailers were intended as dwellings for poor black people. It may not be safe for white middle class conservatives to store their garden tractors there. Someone needs to look into this.

PublicLuxury December 31, 2010 at 10:07 am

Nobody here really believes that minorities should be forced to live in ANY dwelling that is unsafe. I am simply looking at a horrible situation and attacking it with crude humor.

Now, on three, take a deep breath and hold it.

trampndirtdown December 31, 2010 at 10:03 am

Oh God, you're not kidding are you?

samsuncle December 31, 2010 at 10:18 am

No, they sold like hotcakes!

Sassomatic December 31, 2010 at 12:10 pm

I know a place where you can buy one. You can see them from I-12. I think they go for about $1100.

nounverb911 December 31, 2010 at 12:36 pm

How many will fit in Bristol's new back yard?

jim89048 December 31, 2010 at 2:37 pm

All of them.

Oblios_Cap December 31, 2010 at 10:01 am

And is there any remaining doubt that we are a Failed State?

No.

ManchuCandidate December 31, 2010 at 10:06 am

I'll bet that the gingerbread man killer is that bastard Shrek and his pal Donkey.

PublicLuxury December 31, 2010 at 10:11 am

You know him too? Wow. What a small world.

trampndirtdown December 31, 2010 at 10:49 am

You need Inspector Huckabee, he always gets his giant gingerbread man.

lochnessmonster December 31, 2010 at 10:06 am

Boston chain-saw massacre?

ShiftyParadigm December 31, 2010 at 10:11 am

You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Maaarrrrrrggggggghhhmmmmpph

Beowoof December 31, 2010 at 12:02 pm

Lord Farquaad is on your trail you sweet spicy mf er

freakishlywrong December 31, 2010 at 10:11 am

Oh yes! Happy fucking New Year indeed! Whom shall we be fauxfended by and boycott today?

Rotundo_ December 31, 2010 at 11:30 am

Check Kos.

DoktorZoom December 31, 2010 at 11:51 am

Justin Bieber?

slappypaddy December 31, 2010 at 2:44 pm

the tsa?

lulzmonger January 1, 2011 at 10:31 pm

Nitrogen?

PublicLuxury December 31, 2010 at 10:12 am

The gingerbread killers must not have had adequate truknutz

Oblios_Cap December 31, 2010 at 10:18 am

A classic case of truknutz envy!

V572625694 December 31, 2010 at 10:16 am

Many, many "experts" on terrorism were on the teevee this week reminding us that pesky ol' Al Kaida loves to ruin our holidays. Not much time left, tairsts! GWB says bring it on!

JustPixelz December 31, 2010 at 10:16 am

From meth lady article:

…the advanced imaging technology scanners detect "artfully concealed" metallic and non-metallic items on people who pass through them.

Gotta admire the euphemism: "artfully concealed" meaning "wherever a cock can go".

Beowoof December 31, 2010 at 12:04 pm

Last spring the terrorist tried the ass bomb. A guy went into a gathering with a Saudi Prince with a bomb shoved up his ass. The problem for him was the detionation was contained by his rectum and body and very little damage was done except to anus bomb boy.

OneDollarJuana December 31, 2010 at 12:12 pm

Mmmmmm, anus burger!

JustPixelz December 31, 2010 at 1:13 pm

Pre-cooked too.

I wonder how terrorist recruiters talk about that kind of embarrassing failure.

Recruiter: And don't forget Achmed, you will get a $20,000 for college, choice of targets and — if you enlist today — three extra virgins.
Achmed: What about that "ass bomb" thing I heard about?
Recruiter: Don't believe what you read in the lame stream media.
(crickets chirping)
Recruiter: How about FOUR extra virgins?

Angry_Marmot December 31, 2010 at 12:39 pm

I learn so much on this site:
“Over, Under, To and Fro / A preposition is wherever a cock can go".

Negropolis January 1, 2011 at 1:48 am

Yea, a cock can get about just into anywhere. It's like the ferret of the human body.

Oblios_Cap December 31, 2010 at 10:18 am

“Police are on the hunt for at least one thug who ripped off and later dismembered a 7-foot-tall plywood Christmas gingerbread man.”

And the War on Christmas continues apace, even as we approach New Years.

Fight the Oppression!

trampndirtdown December 31, 2010 at 10:50 am

Just be thankful it wasn't a plastic baby jesus, with a hole in his ass where the light bulb goes.

jim89048 December 31, 2010 at 11:21 am

The war is over. Occupation is hell.

neiltheblaze December 31, 2010 at 10:21 am

Those damn TSA goons – taking that old broad's rhumatiz medicine…..

rocktonsam December 31, 2010 at 10:31 am

"this is why we can't have nice things."

we'll hear that phrase a lot in 2011

FlyOverGirl December 31, 2010 at 11:56 am

I anticipate that phrase will be used by the GOP as a 2012 election talking point.

Beowoof December 31, 2010 at 12:06 pm

I think we will hear republicans in Congress saying that nice things are only for people who can afford them. You know stuff like, clean air, clean water, plowed streets, safe air travel etc.

slappypaddy December 31, 2010 at 2:46 pm

canadians, you mean?

Amo_of_Bogio December 31, 2010 at 5:44 pm

You know stuff like, clean air, clean water, plowed streets…
As a canadian – it would be nice if you capitalized, but no biggy – I'd like to say that here in Hooterville where I live we never get our street plowed, plus the whole global warming thing you Merricans caused makes plowing unnecessary. Unless of course you meant something else by that phrase. Is that what the kids are calling it now?

horsedreamer_1 January 1, 2011 at 3:15 am

Davos is great this time of year.

emmelemm December 31, 2010 at 5:09 pm

It's one of my favorite phrases (it's funny cuz it's TRRUUUE), so… yay?

thebeatgoeson08 December 31, 2010 at 10:34 am

the "p" bandit strikes again…

ShiftyParadigm December 31, 2010 at 10:48 am

Remember, every time you give a fist, an angel gets his wings.

DashboardBuddha December 31, 2010 at 10:36 am

"artfully concealed"

I swear to god…it's like we're not even trying anymore. How hard could it be to modify a tampon to hold a small amount of meth? C'mon meth users, think!

Lascauxcaveman December 31, 2010 at 10:56 am

Meth users are known for their, um, playful impulsiveness.

Long-term planning is not a strong suit.

DoktorZoom December 31, 2010 at 11:53 am

I was going to give you a thumbs up, but I suddenly remembered I have several small appliances to disassemble. Gotta go!

mavenmaven December 31, 2010 at 11:06 am

they need all that fancy equipment to look for meth? all you need to do is look at their teeth… there's even a new ER medical term for it, "chandelier teeth", since there is a very unique tooth decay which affects the gum area.
The fact that she was shaking and speed talking about Led Zeppelin should have also hinted at meth…

PresBeeblebrox December 31, 2010 at 11:16 am

I thought speed talking was a harbinger of Angel Dust. PCP. Have you SEEN what that stuff does to kids?

OneDollarJuana December 31, 2010 at 12:15 pm

Reminds me of a day in the '70s when, at a stoplight, some guy leaned out of his window and offered us some "rocket fuel". My buddy answered, "no thanks, I already have enough dents in my car". The seller just looked at us, and then offered us some "rocket fuel". That stuff is not real good for taking the SAT, is it?

yellowerdog December 31, 2010 at 12:42 pm

Good for studying for the SAT, then crashing.
For actually taking the exam, not so much.
Trick is to time the crash for just before the proctor says 'pencils down'.

Love, 1480

slappypaddy December 31, 2010 at 2:48 pm

in idaho, the potatoes score highest.

kenlayisalive December 31, 2010 at 11:11 am

Wow, for like a mere $15 billion, 200 million anal probes, and an incalculable loss of national and personal dignity, the TSA finally saved America from that little baggie of meth that did 9/11.

Rotundo_ December 31, 2010 at 11:38 am

After 8 years of Dubya, and the Tea Party phenomenon, I suspect our national dignity is kind of a moot issue. Unless it can go into negative numbers, in which case we are in for one hell of a ride for the next few years.

Sassomatic December 31, 2010 at 12:15 pm

"These trailers were meant to be temporary, not a permanent fixture."

You know what else was supposed to be temporary? Tax breaks for billionaires. That's cool though, there's still a few spots under Claiborne for them.

Tommmcatt December 31, 2010 at 1:12 pm

Fedex your drugs, people. And only the non-smelly drugs.

christianmuslin December 31, 2010 at 1:14 pm

If that photo is, as noted in the alt text, of the new Palin compound in AZ for $170,000, those of us with jobs should consider upgrading the neighborhhod by moving into similar digs there. Maybe she's not as stupid as she looks? Strike that. A sound real estate investment does not a Rhodes scholar make–look at John Mac 5 1/2 years with his 7 residences across the land.

semisw33t December 31, 2010 at 5:14 pm

Is this New Orleans blight plan? At $500/day, it won't be long before city officials can seize the property from the owners for non-payment of fines. Then the elderly & poor will have nothing at all, and no place to live. The other plans, including formaldehyde, isn't removing the long time residents fast enough. Cover up the sad, sad state of our nation with another upscale shopping center that the "middle class" (top 2% of wage earners) can afford.

ttommyunger December 31, 2010 at 5:15 pm

Could be worse, Wonketeers; you could be a TSA Agent, with a moron for a supervisor, idiots for policymakers and unwashed, ill-tempered, smelly, fat assholes in your face eight hours a day while you resist the daily urge to bring a gun to work and…..

Beanball December 31, 2010 at 5:59 pm

Why should I work for the TSA? That job description fits mine already.

ttommyunger December 31, 2010 at 6:59 pm

When the money boys finish establishing a common worker standard of living for the entire world, all workers will be equivalent TSA Agents.

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