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Have you seen Dignity?The empty Saturnalia of Christmas has come and gone again, so it’s time for pollsters to ask depressed Americans if religion is still important. About half say, “I guess, to me, a little.” But 70% admit that their sad devotion to that ancient religion doesn’t really matter, as the actual influence of traditional religion on America’s trash society of mouth tattoos and teen pregnancy and foreclosed homes full of prescription numbing agents and wide-screen pornography is all but finished.

Gallup reports:

PRINCETON, NJ — Seven in 10 Americans say religion is losing its influence on American life — one of the highest such responses in Gallup’s 53-year history of asking this question, and significantly higher than in the first half of the past decade.

Back in 1970, three-quarters of Americans apparently believed religion was waning in this wrecked country — that 75% record is the only year when more Americans than this year thought their religious traditions no longer mattered to the nation at large. And that was the era of riots and Vietnam and TIME Magazine covers with “Is God Dead?” headlines, and also that’s when the nation was very briefly blessed with beautiful young hippie chicks running naked through the parks, so old people just freaked the hell out. But now everybody is horrendous and if you saw an actual Real American naked you’d probably eat your whole bottle of OxyContin just to end the pain, in your eyes. (One of the primary causes of “home suicide” is when Americans accidentally see themselves in the bathroom mirror, after their weekly shower.)

Anyway, experts say we could very much use a completely new religion to give us some sense of purpose and perhaps the ability to live a life that isn’t so tawdry and humiliating. Whatever that new religion will be, it won’t have a goddamned thing to do with people in exurbs going to the steel building/stucco facade warehouse church across from the AM/PM and the vacant strip mall, to be jabbered at by some meth-addict closet case on a fake-wood-paneling stage set with shit synthesizer strings blasting through a too-loud sound system while the massive eleven-year-old “teens” text each other about their ovulation. [Gallup/Christian Post]

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