Christine O’Donnell: FBI Is Under Spell of Evil Warlock Joe Biden

by Jack Stuef

Must be something they put in the french fries.Christine O’Donnell has put out a press release about her investigation by the FBI for misuse of her campaign funds, spent on personal expenses and a hovel-condo where she cooked lost children, presumably. Somehow, the press has not taken this statement and immediately reprinted the important facts it has brought to light. “So given that the King of the Delaware Political Establishment just so happens to be the Vice President of the most liberal Presidential administration in U.S. history, it is no surprise that misuse and abuse of the FBI would not be off the table.” Aha! Joe Biden has mixed up and fed to the unassuming FBI a potion that makes them go after only America’s very best patriots.

Christine O’Donnell continued, “Since anonymous sources are being taken seriously, please allow me to share some tips I’ve received and keep the tipsters’ identities anonymous.

So anonymous sources are not to be trusted? Or are they? It’s so hard to pin someone down when they’re so good on the quidditch stick.

We’ve been warned by multiple high-ranking Democrat insiders that the Delaware Democrat and Republican political establishment is jointly planning to pull out all the stops to ensure I would never again upset the apple cart. Specifically they told me the plan was to crush me with investigations, lawsuits and false accusations so that my political reputation would become so toxic no one would ever get behind me. I was warned by numerous sources that the DE political establishment is going to use every resource available to them.

This sounds pretty serious. Is she suggesting that neither the Democrats nor Republicans want her in their political party — the two legitimate ones in the country? But she is such a good politician! Look at that Senate seat she won for the Republicans!

Of course, this woman’s reputation could not get any more “toxic,” because it is a veritable witch’s brew made by her own hand. Her own hilarious, crazy-person hand. And this sort of investigation only makes her more impressive to her crazy base, which she realizes:

“I have faith that our supporters and the general public will see right through these thug tactics. This is simply an Establishment trick to stop the anti-establishment Tea Party movement in its tracks. Heck, the Presidency is at stake in 2012.”

Heck indeed. (When Christine said this out loud, how did the person writing the press release know she capitalized “establishment” and “presidency” and hit the space bar twice between sentences?)

Will someone tell her how to scheme the Teabaggers into funding a private mountain fortress for her, where she can conjure up conspiracy theories all day long out of nothing more than some lizard dust and a lock of Joe Biden’s hair? We need the entertainment, especially this week. [Weigel]

 
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{ 152 comments }

weejee December 30, 2010 at 10:19 am

Those FeeBee agents are all commies. Even that raging queen J. Edgar was a closet Stalinist.

horsedreamer_1 December 30, 2010 at 10:22 am

That closet was stuffed.

horsedreamer_1 December 30, 2010 at 10:20 am

It's a conspiracy. C-O-N… spiracy.

Troubledog December 30, 2010 at 10:20 am

This part is a little slow but I love the part where she goes to prison, it's hilarious.

UW8316154 December 30, 2010 at 11:06 am

Part of the plot development, before you get to the really good stuff.

iburl December 30, 2010 at 11:13 am

Did you look into the witch's crystal ball?

GOPCrusher December 30, 2010 at 1:35 pm

Well, you know who else spent time in prison before taking over a country.

ManchuCandidate December 30, 2010 at 10:20 am

Wait till the FBI director gets turned into a newt.

Preferred Customer December 30, 2010 at 11:07 am

"Shit, I was aiming for the Presidency."

slithytoves December 30, 2010 at 10:21 am

"I was told in September that a charge for a mattress was, indeed, for a mattress used to put up a staffer."

You go, girl. Prostitution and witchcraft: the world's first and second oldest professions.

UW8316154 December 30, 2010 at 11:07 am

They went to the mattresses, huh? What was she doing, running a campaign or a mafia war?

horsedreamer_1 December 30, 2010 at 11:34 am

facebook just got real for Christine.

DoktorZoom December 30, 2010 at 11:34 am

If you're going to be putting up staffers, you really want to use Mason jars. Ask Bar Bush.

SorosBot December 30, 2010 at 10:21 am

Well of course Biden wants to destroy Christine; after all, she nearly defeated him in his last Senate race, which he won by a mere 65-35 margin.

However, Biden was only alive for the last few years of FDR's presidency, so it's kind of impossible for him to have been "Vice President of the most liberal Presidential administration in U.S. history".

horsedreamer_1 December 30, 2010 at 10:39 am

65-35 for Biden?

You mean, she won.

Negropolis December 30, 2010 at 10:38 pm

Yep, especially since 67 votes is needed to pass a treaty in the Senate. 70 is the new 51, y'all!

lochnessmonster December 30, 2010 at 10:21 am

Who gave her a roll of tin foil?

prommie December 30, 2010 at 10:22 am

She's kinda cute, but I don't think I would want to get behind her either, she's developed a rather large caboose, and the view from behind is the least attractive, unfortunately.

mereoblivion December 30, 2010 at 10:26 am

Yowza, and that hovel-condo her chumps paid for came with its own meat-curtains–or, as they're identified in the FBI report, the drapes of wrath.

natoslug December 30, 2010 at 10:31 am

The view from the front isn't such great shakes either, unless you've got a "Chris Burke in Drag" fetish . . . are you now or have you ever been a Corker?

Beowoof December 30, 2010 at 10:54 am

Even for those of us who appreciate a large caboose, the word is this one is not well maintained.

mrpuma2u December 30, 2010 at 1:14 pm

a couple a months in the joint should help her lose that campaign 15, or maybe more like 30 from the looks of it. They can put her on the "sit ups and salads" regimen.

SorosBot December 30, 2010 at 11:21 am

But in wingnut land, where people pretend Palin is attractive, being kind of cute, for an old lady, makes her the hottest woman ever.

prommie December 30, 2010 at 11:38 am

"Old lady?" Jesus Christ, you would think I am methusela. Just you wait, you bastard, soon you'll be old and ugly too, and the young hotties won't even look at you, and even if they did, they're off limits, everyone will stare at the old creep with the young chick. Us olds, we got noone to fuck but each other, and don't be shining no harsh lights near us, hazy vision and darkness and shadows are our freinds.

SorosBot December 30, 2010 at 11:47 am

Hey, I'm hoping to be a rich old ugly man; then the shallow young hotties will hook up with me.

Tommmcatt December 30, 2010 at 12:22 pm

Pot helps.

MrsBiggTime December 30, 2010 at 4:08 pm

I though Sarah's breeding hips were great but this Christine is turning my bedknob into a broomstick. "…the Delaware Democrat and Republican political establishment is jointly planning to pull out all the stops to ensure I would never again upset the apple cart…" Yes, finally, something to bring together our warring political factions, "Let's put aside our petty, insignificant differences about war, taxes, and all that insignificant bullshit, and work together to stop Christine from saving the USA!"
It's all part of that Obama post-partisan "we're not red states and blue states, but united states" malarkey. How did we NOT see that coming?

MaxNeanderthal December 30, 2010 at 6:56 pm

Kinda cute? Fuck me sideways, if that's cute, my cock's a baked alaska… Last time I saw teeth like that they were on the front end of an attacking mako.

Crank_Tango December 30, 2010 at 10:23 am

Stare into my gleaming white teeth…this is a big fucking deal…do not trim that bush, guys love a raging 70's bush…stare into my gleaming white teeth…these aren't the droids you're looking for…

Serolf_Divad December 30, 2010 at 10:23 am

We’ve been warned by multiple high-ranking Democrat insiders that the Delaware Democrat and Republican political establishment is jointly planning to pull out all the stops to ensure I would never again upset the apple cart.

Christine, honey, I have it on good authority that Democrats have sent hair samples to Nazi scientists in Argentina and Brazil in an effort to clone you and ship multiple copies of you off to competitive races next year hoping you'll "upset the apple cart" a few more times and help deliver the congress back into Democratic hands in 2012.

Oblios_Cap December 30, 2010 at 10:52 am

Yeah! Those high-ranking Democrats really have her back on this one. Except for the second highest ranking one.

GOPCrusher December 30, 2010 at 1:39 pm

Considering that this loon stated during her concession speech that she won, I think the statement that she's been warned by multiple high-ranking Democrat insiders of this plot to destroy her, should be viewed with a wee bit of skepticism.

mookwrthwilson December 31, 2010 at 6:43 am

I'm thinking the Democrats really want her to keep fucking that chicken

mrblifil December 30, 2010 at 10:25 am

The last time she shared tips, nine frat boys went to the infirmary with hepatitis.

MaxNeanderthal December 30, 2010 at 7:07 pm

And they didn't get a refund either……natch.

metamarcisf December 30, 2010 at 10:27 am

She's right. The FBI is on her like a Palin on a lumberjack and it's all Biden's fault. She more clever than we thought. Kudos to her. As Jesus said of the blind prostitute, "You really have to hand it to her."

Come here a minute December 30, 2010 at 10:27 am

Don't eat the apple from her upset apple cart — it will make you fall asleep until you are kissed by a handsome prince!

Hera Sent Me December 30, 2010 at 10:29 am

But we love you, Christine. I'll be happy to chip in on your rent so long as you keep running for office. Any office.

Senator, congressman, governor, Attorney General of Guam. Just so long as you're out there everyday, being your cute-n-crazy self.

prommie December 30, 2010 at 11:48 am

Thats funny, I know someone who was once acting attorney general of American Samoa.

SorosBot December 30, 2010 at 10:30 am

Christine, since you were already grifting from your campaign funds, you could have at least used some of that illegal money for a Brazilian.

MoeDeLawn December 30, 2010 at 11:26 am

MoeDeLawn, Xtine!

DoktorZoom December 30, 2010 at 11:36 am

She did. His name was Joao.

Negropolis December 30, 2010 at 10:41 pm

Damn, you beat me to it. Just 11 hours too late.

Oblios_Cap December 30, 2010 at 12:04 pm

No Way. Jesus likes a hairy bush.

V572625694 December 30, 2010 at 10:31 am

You wish that all these Repubes accusing Obama and Biden of thuggery could meet some real thugs and experience some authentic thuggery. It doesn't come in the form of clean-shaven Mormon-boy FBI agents politely asking you questions.

SorosBot December 30, 2010 at 10:37 am

Psst – among conservatives "thuggery" actually means "being black".

SorosBot December 30, 2010 at 10:44 am

When Republicans accuse Obama of "thuggery", it's code for "being black".

Crank_Tango December 30, 2010 at 10:48 am

I hear they are banning bare-chest photos from his vacation because they are sick of shopping out his "thug life" tattoo…

horsedreamer_1 December 30, 2010 at 10:51 am

That's also why Nikki Giovanni has to wear a one-piece swimsuit.

BerkeleyBear December 30, 2010 at 11:22 am

Or at least that Dave Chappelle would re-create his various sketches about the white man's worst nightmare to remind them what they were really supposed to be afraid of. To paraphrase, President Obama makes Bryant Gumbel look like Malcolm X.

slappypaddy December 30, 2010 at 11:43 am

"[C]lean-shaven Mormon-boy FBI agents politely asking you questions."

these guys are actually a lot scarier than thuggy thugs. their calm, professional approach is based in their understanding that their outfit is the one with the nuclear weapons and predator drones.

V572625694 December 30, 2010 at 12:01 pm

Had some GAO guys arrive in my office one sleepy Friday afternoon. That was a bit scary for just the reasons you mention.

V572: "You came all the way from DC — how come you didn't call first?"
GAO guy: "We just like to drop in…"

forgracie December 30, 2010 at 10:31 am

Shut up and get a job bitch. A real job, not some think tank bullshit–make something or do something for Christ's sake.

WIDTAP December 30, 2010 at 10:42 am

Foxnews anchor in 3…2…1….

OneDollarJuana December 30, 2010 at 11:52 am

Hah! She just did the end run around you and signed a "book deal".

SorosBot December 30, 2010 at 12:01 pm

And you know who else wrote a book in prison..

JoeMamased December 30, 2010 at 12:30 pm

Oscar Wilde?

Progressiveinga December 30, 2010 at 12:30 pm

Mein Kampf w/ Bush?

BorderJumper! December 30, 2010 at 10:33 am

I hate to quote the occasionally-funny SNL, but Christine, "you just got Bidened!"

bitchincamaro2 December 30, 2010 at 10:34 am

Lay off the anus burgers, honey. Your mad cow disease is showing.

OneDollarJuana December 30, 2010 at 11:53 am

Anus burgers? I thought Mad Cow affected the brain. Oh, right.

mumbly_joe December 30, 2010 at 10:34 am

Please. As though VPOTUS Joe Biden gives a shit about this trifing bitch. He actually has a job that he does for his income, you know, instead of illegally using campaign donations from idiots to buy groceries.

Seriously: we all knew she was delusional, and had an ego and a half, but she honestly thinks that she's a political threat to Joe "Big Fucking Deal" Biden. Laughter.

WriteyWriterton December 30, 2010 at 11:09 am

Christine O'Donnell + Joe Miller
——————————————
Alvin Miller x (Basil Marceaux – Sharron Angle) = ?

40 points.

slappypaddy December 30, 2010 at 11:46 am

i calculated that one, teach. the answer crosses the schwarzschild radius and vanishes into the black hole of infinite stoopid.

WriteyWriterton December 30, 2010 at 12:04 pm

A+!

MaxNeanderthal December 30, 2010 at 7:23 pm

Little Chrissy is well over the Chandrasekar limit of moron-mass to sustain her own incalculable cretinosity when the fuel of media interest is finally exhausted. Look for increasingly desperate attempts to burn other fuels before the inevitable giant crunch of collapse comes and all light vanishes from her, for ever….

BerkeleyBear December 30, 2010 at 11:24 am

In her mind (where her Democratic sources live) it was her amazing 35 percent showing in 2008 and not Castle's reputation that kept Beau Biden out of the race. BTW I think Beau got Wally Pipped by the new guy and may have to move to another state to ever be in the Senate.

DonnyKerabotsos December 30, 2010 at 10:34 am

A lock of Joe BIden's hair? She has a better chance of finding a unicorn.

Blendergoathead December 30, 2010 at 10:35 am

She should thank her pagan goddess it's only Biden behind this "sinister" plot.

The Clintons would've just had her murdered like those dozens of cops and hookers back in Ar-Kansas.

mumbly_joe December 30, 2010 at 10:40 am

Well, there's no conclusive proof that every murder that happened in Arkansas while he was Governor wasn't committed by Bill Clinton, personally, (other than alibi, lack of motive, other people found guilty beyond a reasonable doubt by a jury of their peers, and also the fact that some of them weren't actually murders, also) so what more evidence do you need? Especially if you make up contradictions to some of that paranthetical stuff from whole cloth?

horsedreamer_1 December 30, 2010 at 10:41 am

I want to know what happened that the copyright was not extended past 2007.
http://www.clintonmemoriallibrary.com/clintbodycn

V572625694 December 30, 2010 at 10:49 am

That's one very informative Web site! For instance, I did not know that Ted Olsen's wife was actually killed by the Clintons, who are responsible for the crash of AA 77 into the Pentagon on 9/11.

horsedreamer_1 December 30, 2010 at 10:52 am

It's well known that Hillary Clinton used proceeds from the sale of Wal-Mart stock to buy into the bin Laden Group.

Also: why do you think Clinton's predator drones missed OBL when he was at that planning session back in '98?

OkieDokieDog December 30, 2010 at 10:36 am

I think her Crazy Train ticket has been punched out. NO more rides – get the hell off.

WABishop December 30, 2010 at 11:24 am

No, how it works is you get some bonus crazy when your card is full. Plus a new card.

neiltheblaze December 30, 2010 at 10:38 am

Christine will love prison. She'll emerge a Buddhist and an advocate for prisoner rights.

Pragmatist2 December 30, 2010 at 10:39 am

And a lesbian.

SorosBot December 30, 2010 at 10:41 am

Make that an OUT lesbian; she can't emerge as something she already is.

horsedreamer_1 December 30, 2010 at 10:53 am

Prison = Chrysalis.

MaxNeanderthal December 30, 2010 at 7:25 pm

And the squealy bitch of the queen bee of A block….

freakishlywrong December 30, 2010 at 10:39 am

You are not me. I'm glad I'm not you. You will never be me.

hagajim December 30, 2010 at 10:46 am

"We’ve been warned by multiple high-ranking Democrat…"

Yeah like any Democrat worth 2 cents would even talk to this dumb ass. I'm sure her sources were conjured up in a witch's brew and she was able to use that brew to listen in on what was really happening with the establishment. Only thing she has established is that she is loooooonnnnnnneeeeeeeyyyyyyyy!

HateMachine December 30, 2010 at 11:38 am

Also implying that any Democrat worth his/her salt wouldn't want Xtine running in every general election ever.

glamourdammerung December 30, 2010 at 12:11 pm

Just like how "some guy" told her it was alright to pay her rent with her campaign funds.

Oblios_Cap December 30, 2010 at 10:50 am

She's just using this latest persecution – she's a Christian and a Christine; twice the Christ! – to fleece the flock out of more cash for her legal defense against this Travesty of Justice.

Accountability – it's for other people!

Ducksworthy December 30, 2010 at 11:32 am

Of course she's using her persecution to raise monies from her flock. But where's the harm in that? More power to her I say. You keep right on fleecing Christine. They deserve it. And if it wasn't you it might be somebody truly dangerous.

walterhwhite December 30, 2010 at 10:51 am

Specifically they told me the plan was to crush me with investigations, lawsuits and false accusations so that my political reputation would become so toxic no one would ever get behind me.

If no one wants to get behind her, she can always stick that quiddich stick up her self-import butt.

mavenmaven December 30, 2010 at 10:51 am

Next: OK, the fancy hotels weren't my idea, but my boy friend Pudding-Beard's idea. He said," hey, I'm a Christian Rocker and you're on Fox news, dude, we should be able to rock out in a fancy hotel. God Bless and lets get naked!"

mrpuma2u December 30, 2010 at 1:17 pm

i audibly guffawed. Well played sir.

walterhwhite December 30, 2010 at 10:51 am

self-important. Proofread Walter H., proofread!

nonbeliever7 December 30, 2010 at 11:31 am

Proofread? Certainly knot neccessarry on Whonkete!

Oblios_Cap December 30, 2010 at 10:55 am

Manager Matt Moran

Is he related to Major Major Major?

metamarcisf December 30, 2010 at 11:04 am

I see everything twice!

DoktorZoom December 30, 2010 at 11:07 am

It's either the flies in your eyes, or maybe that plum tomato you stole.

WABishop December 30, 2010 at 11:27 am

Are you promoting Major Major?

DoktorZoom December 30, 2010 at 11:43 am

I'm not sure what hurt O'Donnell more–her complete insanity, or her sickly resemblance to Henry Fonda.

Oblios_Cap December 30, 2010 at 12:12 pm

He has the surname Major, and at birth his father gave him the first and middle names Major and Major,

Actually, I made him a civilian.

slappypaddy December 30, 2010 at 10:58 am

once she's finished cornering the market in doofus, she can rack up the prices, re-sell it to others more gullible than she (they must be out there, somewhere), and hire herself a competent attorney, the kind who will tell her to for god's sake stfu, as the feds have neither senses of humor nor of irony and anything she says can and will be used against her. for fuck's sake, she doesn't have the sense god gave a gnat.

PublicLuxury December 30, 2010 at 11:07 am

Does this big bushed woman have a seizure disorder?

PublicLuxury December 30, 2010 at 11:12 am

Biden is sucha bully to be picking on precious. How mean is he? Why would the people of DE keep electing this meany to the Senate? Poor spore such toil and trouble she has cooked up ALL BY HERSELF.

I don't know the man personally, from what I heard Biden is supposed to be a pretty nice and decent man. No wonder he's being attacked by "The Season Of The Witch".

Pithaughn December 30, 2010 at 12:39 pm

well he at least speaks his mind. No public figure speech filter for old Joe. Our losing guy here in the high country, Andrew Romanoff did not have much of a filter, and we love him. It was painful to campaign for Bennet, but fucking A we did it!!

CapeClod December 30, 2010 at 11:18 am

Looks like she's about to begin soliciting the dopes that gave her money in the past to contribute to her legal defense fund. This woman will do anything to avoid getting a job.

user-of-owls December 30, 2010 at 11:21 am

It's good to be King.

Of the Delaware Political Establishment.

horsedreamer_1 December 30, 2010 at 11:37 am

True.

Biden gets better weed than Tom Petty. G-13, baby!

(All the straight-edge kids I knew, in high-school, who for some reason were fixed on weed, claimed G-13 was the shorthand for the super-potent strains that gov't workers got to "research", by which I mean, smoke.)

user-of-owls December 30, 2010 at 11:39 am

So THAT'S what Grassley was talking about!

user-of-owls December 30, 2010 at 11:24 am

True Snit.

ManchuCandidate December 30, 2010 at 11:27 am

Raven hair and ruby lips
A forest that's between her hips
Crazy voice from the Right
She’s a grifting spirit on an endless fight
Wooo hooo witchy woman, see how
Big she Lies
Woo hoo witchy woman she got
The FBI in her eye
She tried to make a newt in the night
Blabbing loads of Palin-lite
Crazy laughter in another
Room and she bought herself a matress
With campaign dough
Wooo hooo witchy woman, see how
Big she Lies
Woo hoo witchy woman she got
The FBI in her eye

horsedreamer_1 December 30, 2010 at 11:56 am

On wonkette.ca, this would get 30,000,000 p.

DashboardBuddha December 30, 2010 at 12:31 pm

Well done. I gave it thumbs up and I'm looking for other thumbs to steal and give to you.

PsycWench December 30, 2010 at 11:28 am

We’ve been warned by multiple high-ranking Democrat insiders ="we read on the internet"
my political reputation would become so toxic = "they realize that I'm really crazy; it's not a schtick".

Makes more sense now.

WABishop December 30, 2010 at 12:10 pm

Actually, the campaign she ran is just what the Democrats would have advised…

Rotundo_ December 30, 2010 at 11:30 am

It must be one hell of a moment when you discover that the entire of your life for the last 8 some years is in violation of campaign laws and you are being investigated for said violations. She almost certainly thought that those donations legitimately could be used to clothe, feed and shelter the candidate. Stupid can be funny, but this almost leaps the chasm into pathetic territory. Palin milking the tea party morons is amusing because she is likely just a little smarter than her marks, but this one really believes her own delusional bullshit. Eeeesh, good luck in prison, megamuffy.

Redhead December 30, 2010 at 11:31 am

“So given that the King of the Delaware Political Establishment just so happens to be the Vice President of the most black Presidential administration in U.S. history, I'm going to assume that anything they say or do that I disagree with is an evil conspiracy against me because I don't like or trust dark people.”

Fixed.

Oh, and "so that my political reputation would become so toxic no one would ever get behind me." – WOULD? Sweetie, you're there. Maybe try casting a sanity spell on yourself next time.

WABishop December 30, 2010 at 11:31 am

Isn't one of the anonymous sources "that are being taken seriously" her own (ex-) campaign manager? Whose chosen mode of anonymity was to record a robocall containing the allegations under her own name?

glamourdammerung December 30, 2010 at 11:36 am

O'Donnell herself stated she paid rent with campaign funds. This is not legal to do under any circumstances. Biden did not go to O'Donnell's house, put a gun to her head, and make her embezzle funds.

Of course, admitting wrong after admitting to doing the wrong act instead of whining about being a victim would show some of that personal responsiblity conservatives like to talk about be never actually display

Tundra Grifter December 30, 2010 at 11:36 am

From today's AP story:

"O'Donnell said she found it suspicious that she, her campaign staff and her lawyer have not been informed of a federal investigation…" I've watched a lot of tv, and the first thing law enforcement does when it opens an investigation is announce to the suspect that it has started.

"'Given that the king of the Delaware political establishment just so happens to be the vice president of the most liberal presidential administration in U.S. history…,' she said." The most liberal presidential administration in U.S. history was under Roosevelt, Theodore.

Remember: Most white collar criminals go to prison for what they did after they were indicted!

slappypaddy December 30, 2010 at 12:01 pm

for whatever record this is, when a law enforcement agency opens an investigation and when it informs the suspects they are being investigated are two different things that don't always meet. which means, you can be a subject of a law enforcement investigation and never know it. that doesn't usually happen, since law enforcement agencies don't usually waste their resources investigating innocent people, but what it means is that law enforcement agencies generally prefer, if possible, to gather the information and evidence necessary before tipping off the perps. or alleged perps.

Ducksworthy December 30, 2010 at 11:37 am

Ahem. You all can mock sweet bushy Christine but keep in mind that the teabaggers sent her $7.3 million of their Social Security dollars. How much did they send you?

MarionNYNY December 30, 2010 at 11:42 am

If you think about it, it's a brilliant scheme (a) find the most awful candidate ever (b) run for office (c) raise lots of money from gullible investors er contributors (In Old Lady and Grumpy Old Man Land), (d) lose the election by an overwhelming margin so you won't have to pay anyone back (e) hightail it to Brazil before the authorities get wise.

And when you got it: Flaunt it baby!

She would have been in an even bigger mess if she had WON.

JoeMamased December 30, 2010 at 12:46 pm

"The Producers" theory of campaign finance?

HempDogbane December 30, 2010 at 11:51 am

Palinesque sentence construction would not be off the table. Also.

helctic December 30, 2010 at 12:02 pm

ring….ring…."Hello"
"Uuh, hi, Christine. High ranking Democrat insider here. Now you didn't hear this from me, but the higher ups are upset with your poison apple cart chicanery and plan to crush you with investigations, lawsuits, false accusations or possibly a falling house. The eventual goal is to make your behind toxic."
"My behind?"
"Yes, your caboose, your turd cutter…anyway the initial plan I hear is to label you a witch."
"I'm not a witch. That's ridiculous! Next they'll say I'm a Muslim witch…are you still there?"
"Where were you born, Christine?"

DashboardBuddha December 30, 2010 at 12:05 pm

I have faith that our supporters

Our supporters…OUR? No Christine, there is no "our". The FBI is not interested in the petty little ducklings blown about in the gale of your erstwhile campaign bid. No ma'am…they going after the mama duck…you. Enjoy your time in stir you miserable little grifter.

Gold_ManSacks December 30, 2010 at 12:10 pm

Clearly Joe doesn't understand how much gingerbread house construction costs have risen since that African Witch Doctor voodooed his way into the White House

Gorillionaire December 30, 2010 at 12:14 pm

All right now, Wonketters, which one a yooze is the high ranking Democrat secret informant?

WriteyWriterton December 30, 2010 at 12:16 pm

I want to see the scene where she talks to herself in two voices about the nasty Bidenses, and decides to lead them to their death, after the one Biden reveals her to Faramor (i.e., US Attorney/DOJ/FEC) when she's diving for fish in the forbidden pool.

Also.

yellowerdog December 30, 2010 at 12:31 pm

Lucky that Biden has access to The Sword That Was Broken.
Too bad about the finger

transfatz December 31, 2010 at 3:10 am

Tricksy Bidenses!

SorosBot December 30, 2010 at 12:39 pm

Were people constantly picking hairs out of their teeth back then?

prommie December 30, 2010 at 12:48 pm

Oh god, yes, it was hilarious. Sometimes, you'd even get a pubic hair on your coke can.

jim89048 December 30, 2010 at 12:56 pm

Those were the days.

Sigh.

genxr December 30, 2010 at 12:55 pm

Of course. We couldn't defeat her in the election, so now we have to go after her with some underhanded trick called "law."

imissopus December 30, 2010 at 12:56 pm

Pssst, Christine…I think those high-ranking Democratic insiders are just fucking with you so you can make yet more public statements that sound like they come from a crazy homeless person on a subway. Then they sit back and laugh to each other. It's a slow time of year news-wise and they take their entertainment where they can get it.

Eve8Apples December 30, 2010 at 1:01 pm

"…no one would ever get behind me."

Oh Chrissy, there are plenty of Wonkette boys who love to get behind a crazy bitch like you. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Native_of_SL_UT December 30, 2010 at 1:32 pm

When do we stop calling Republican campaign contributions "campaign contributions" and start referring to them as what they really are – "victim restitution funds."

GOPCrusher December 30, 2010 at 1:54 pm

Sounds like Bible Spice's writer is also working for Xtine.
If there is such an All-Powerful Democratic Organization capable of destroying the political careers of Xtine, Bible Spice, Sharron Angle, etc. , silencing any media opposition, and committing widespread voter fraud, why are we about to have Drunky McNicotineStain as Speaker Of The House?

trampndirtdown December 31, 2010 at 3:50 am

Because this is a "center right, Judeo=Christian nation" duh.

Tundra Grifter December 30, 2010 at 2:06 pm

From today's AP story:

"At least two former campaign workers have alleged that she routinely used political contributions to pay personal expenses including her rent as she ran for the Senate…O'Donnell has acknowledged paying part of her rent with campaign money, arguing that her house doubled as a campaign headquarters…

"Federal law prohibits candidates from spending campaign money for personal benefit. FEC rules state that this prohibition applies to the use of campaign money for a candidate's mortgage or rent 'even if part of the residence is being used by the campaign,' although O'Donnell's campaign has maintained that it was told otherwise by someone at the agency. "

She admits she broke the law but refuses to accept responsibility for it. Why bother actually researching the rules? And she thinks she should be in the United States Senate?

Remember: Most white collar criminals go to prison for what they did after they were indicted!

sportshort December 30, 2010 at 2:30 pm

If she'd just show us her tits all would be forgiven. Oops. Was that my out-loud rant?

BarackMyWorld December 30, 2010 at 2:39 pm

I think this best sums it up for me.

Sassomatic December 30, 2010 at 2:41 pm

How is she supposed to get elected to the institution she wants to dismantle if she is forced to follow the rules of that institution? That's not fair!

Slim_Pickins December 30, 2010 at 2:46 pm

Next she will say, "Show me where in the Constitution its says I can't spend contributions to my campaign any way I please."

AlaskaGrrl December 30, 2010 at 3:13 pm

Soooo… instead of responding with, like opening up her campaign spending records to public inspection and saying she has nothing to hide, she plays the victim and blames Joe Biden? Yeah, that will do it.

GinnehRED57 December 30, 2010 at 3:58 pm

The Delaware Republican Record can tell you a thing or three about Christine, Queen O'Denial.
http://delawarerepublicanrecord.wordpress.com/201

GinnehRED57 December 30, 2010 at 4:10 pm
SorosBot December 30, 2010 at 4:29 pm

So let's get this straight: it was a conspiracy that the IRS audited her just because she may have cheated on her taxes a bit; um, Christine, if the authorities are after you because they have reasonable suspicion that you have broken the law, that is not a conspiracy but doing their job.

Veritas78 December 30, 2010 at 7:42 pm

Nothing brings out the FBI's Retribution Squad like losing 35 to 65. True fact: they fear the biggest losers the most.

Negropolis December 30, 2010 at 10:44 pm

Honestly, guys, how do you expect a woman whose party rails against unemployment benefits to make a living? "Get a job." is only advice given to welfare queens, browns, and blacks. Grifting is an honorable profession in the white-people's Republican Party.

Negropolis December 30, 2010 at 10:51 pm

BTW, if I hear another white Republican toss around the term "thug" I'm going to scream.

lulzmonger December 30, 2010 at 11:47 pm

This homoislamosociofascist violation of IOKIYAR makes Baby Jesus masturbate cry!

transfatz December 31, 2010 at 3:13 am

"abuse of the FBI would not be off the table"

She prefers to abuse the FBI on the couch.

Tundra Grifter December 31, 2010 at 1:34 pm

Am I the only person who thinks Christine O'Donnell never really left high school?

She thinks she's picked on because so many people hate her. she doesn't have a real job so she survives on money she's given, she hangs out on ClusterFox with the same little group of friends, and she's always talking without having much to say.

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