Can you believe it’s been nearly 38 years since Roe v. Wade was settled? That’s the lifetimes of like two and a half Justin Biebers. So it should come as no surprise that we still have to hear about this thing day in and day out, yes? Good, because that’s the case. Fetuses did not do much themselves this year, but former fetuses, people who think they still know what it’s like to be a young fetus today, did. Among them, of course, was the Bush family, who let us know about the amusing time Barbara had a miscarriage and the fetus was stuffed in a jar that was then stuffed in George W.’s face, still warm. This is always such a fun issue.
“She said to her teenage kid, ‘Here’s the fetus,’ ” the shockingly candid Bush told NBC’s Matt Lauer, gesturing as if he were holding the jar during the TV chat, a DVD of which The Post exclusively obtained.
“There’s no question that affected me, a philosophy that we should respect life,” said the former president
Put it next to those apricot preserves, would you, George? If we can manage to keep our hands out of that delicious fetus jar for a month or two, it will make a terrific Christmas gift!
Later, Barbara shed a little light on the situation, to Larry King:
BARBARA BUSH: I didn’t put it in the jar.
BARBARA BUSH: It’s not in the library. No …
KING: I know.
BARBARA BUSH: George — Paula put it in the jar. And I was shocked when she gave it to him to — but, you know, memories dim a little bit but, anyway — but he was very …
You see, it was the maid who put it in the jar! Blue-bloods don’t do their fetus canning themselves. There are people to do these very normal, everyday things for them.
Nothing can quite match the vomit-inducing thrill of America meeting its near 45th president, Fetus Jar Bush. But there were other things! Sarah Palin would only talk about Republicans saving fetuses if a megachurch paid her, which then made them lose their tax-exempt status (the Christians, not the fetuses). Tom Tancredo briefly ran for president of Colorado and criticized the Teabagger Republican lieutenant governor candidate for being soft on abortion and supporting it in cases of rape. Sharron Angle did something similar. Rape and incest is awesome when it creates precious babies! Yay!
Then there was this:
The anti-abortion activist filmed two skits while in downtown. One of them involved Randall’s employee constructing gallows to hang the mannequin with [Lindsey] Graham’s picture on it.
The other skit involved a stick and a pinata. The workers hit the pinata, which had a picture of Graham on it, until plastic babies fell out of it.
It warranted a Blingee:
And Bart Stupak did the only thing he’s ever really done in Congress: Make sure health care reform would force women to have babies. The spirit of this fucking awful wedge issue lives on!