FBI To Put Christine O'Donnell In Azkaban For Campaign Fraud

An anonymous source has told AP that perennial Senate witch Christine O'Donnell is under investigation by the FBI for campaign fraud. Which is too bad, because the entire news media would like to high-five this source right now. So how did the crack FBI team figure out that O'Donnell was "using campaign money to pay personal expenses"? Perhaps they talked to someone who has read any news story about her ever, aside from those about the precise blueprints of her vaginal bat cave. Is the entire Tea Party gang and its fundraising prowess nothing more than the result of an illegal witch spell?

Isn't it strange how a person who has earned no income over the past half-decade and yet is not living on the streets could be charged with any kind of financial fraud? Same old lamestream FBI bullshit. If you listen to the real FBI, the one made by O'Donnell out of pipe cleaners and dragon blood, she's actually been too good with her finances, and the FBI that's charging her should be the ones thrown in prison.

Unfortunately, everyone who watched her campaign ads is going to get arrested too. Because she is all of you. Sorry! [ AP ]