It was a magical year with magical moments, such as this “live mic” (and live camera) recording of vulgar gazillionaire Carly Fiorina running for Barbara Boxer’s Senate seat based on such insights as “Barbara Boxer’s hair is stupid.” In this short video clip, on a single morning in America (June 10, 2010), Carly lost all of her hard-won “cancer points” and immediately became the Mean Girl of the campaign — the kind of person who would fire thousands of people from one of the last American companies that made things, just because it was the mean thing to do. But what else was terrible and also on video this year?
This horse-schtupping idiot lost his teabagger primary, so he endorsed the guy who stomped his pansy ass, which is what southern men do: grovel before their victors. Idiot.
Speaking of southern dingbats who haven’t been taking their blood pressure medications, this psycho spoke to the ghosts of dead historical figures … who strangely spoke to him in the exact batshit bullshit way that he spoke. Delusions much? (He also lost.)
Jan Brewer thought it was enough to be dumb and hate Mexicans, and she was right! Despite this comical/retarded “debate performance,” she kept the governorship of Arizona, because nobody doubted that she hated those fucking Mexicans.
David Vitter doesn’t even know what a Mexican is, but he heard somewhere that he was supposed to hate ‘em, because he is a Republican Southerner just like in Arizona, wherever that is, so somebody on his campaign staff (probably that rapist) decided Mexico — because of the “Gulf of Mexico” people in Louisiana have heard about, maybe — must be trying to “get into Louisiana.” We assume Vitter won re-election with 108% of the vote, because most voters in Louisiana also poop in Depends.
Speaking of Sex Crimes, the Internet joke “Pedobear” somehow became an actual child molester headed to, apparently, Tulsa. Why? How? Do you ask why/how Jesus went from being the spirit son of Zeus to an actual Jewish street preacher?
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The worst part about the end of any year is having to relieve ALL the worst parts of said year, all at once.
And the hits keep on coming….I can't understand why all (or most of) the 'tards who ran for office last year are on the GOP side of the aisle? Are conservative and retard synonymous now? Is it the Trig/Tripp/Palin 'tard boy factor (I can't remember his actual name)? Why is the GOP the party of the dumbs? I know – it must be our failing education system.
The education system the extreme right uses works very well, thank you. These people have learned that the government is evil and wants to take all your money, force you to support people you hate, force your daughters to have abortions, force you to be muslin, and is coming to lock you up in concentration camps, and that by electing certain people to the government, that they will somehow protect you from the government. They've also learned that you can get to the top by not working for it, and by stepping on the little guy, and by bullying and screaming until you get your way. Which is important, because they've also learned that the end is near, so in spite of the eternal pleasures of Heaven that presumably await the faithful, you gotta enjoy yourself here on Earth, because you just never know. Besides, the browns are coming to get you. And the liberals.
Armed Carl the most likable of the bunch.
Yeah, maybe, but Pedobear is the most sane of the lot.
Camcorders – the mosquito that carries viral stupidity.
Of all the many debts we owe Ken, his single-handed resurrection of the word "vulgar" is among his highest accomplishments.
Ken Layne left out the Oxendine commercial.
The Rat.
Demon Sheep or GTFO.
Fucking FCINO BASTARDS!
Poor Charlie
MelaninMelancon!like the celebration of jesus' supposed birth, can we just pretend 'keep fucking that chicken' happens every year?
If only the WikiLeaks cables had been videos — the U.S. government might have shut down YouTube by now.
Carly thinks that Barbara's hair was stupid? Carly looks like Bea Arthur, after Slim Fast and a fistful of tapeworms from Marrakesh.
Nothing said is going to top Christine O'Donnell's saying that you shouldn't masturbate because then you are only tricking your kasloppus into thinking that it is popular.
Barbara! You just made a cancer joke without knowing it!
Brava!
Tapeworms from Marrakesh? Is that like a mail-order thing?
QVC, actually. You should see the shit they put on that show late night. : )
Wow. And the pinnacle of my shame was buying a Shake Weight at 3am.
OMG, I wonder how many people have cramped up or just slipped and taken a few teeth out with that thing?
In the future, everyone running for office as a Republican will look stupid for fifteen minutes. At least.
This post is like being forced to eat at a Midwest buffet restaurant of stupid while simultaneously watching a 4-car Los Angeles freeway injury accident: I'm way too full already, and somehow I can't look away.
A pedophile bear? What's next, Barney the purple dinosaur, explain to kids what an 'Assasaurus" really is? Is it really the mascots who are the problem here and not the moms from the 'Toddlers and Tiaras" show, dressing up their little prostitots to look like crack whores?
Hey, I own stock in L'Oreal – I want them little bitches buying make-up by the JonBennet sized vats! Besides, it's great exercise for their smooth, supple, hot… whew, excuse me… for the youngsters and great training for future pole dancers.
I don't even want to know how those moms train their 3 year-old girls how to do the splits. Lard in their playpen?
Kinda makes me long for the days of off-the-cuff ass-hattery like George Allen's macaca moment. Most of these jokers actually put thought into this crap before they aired it. Next thing you know we'll have to sit through some nutbar from Ohio ranting and raving at the top of his lungs about how he wants to be a county treasurer…Oh, wait…..
I fear, as strident and hateful as 2010 videos are, they'll make the ones coming up in the next cycle look like a fucking Warner Bros. cartoons.
I am NEVER going to sit on Santa's lap again.
MAKES SENSE TO ME, DOES IT TO YOU?
Wait that was a different campaign season. Goddamit. Never mind.
It was 2010, so it counts.
This is the stuff we're made of, half indifference and half malice…
Thanks to the 2010 Republican candidates for taking that truism to heart.
I prefer to see the cup as half indifferent.
CAUTION! SERIAL DOWNFISTER ALERT!
Pauletteanne, is it you? Don't just dash in and out. Set for a spell. Let's chat!
By the way, some troll has been through here down fisting every post, so I've taken the liberty of giving everyone a thumbs up. Don't fuck with our pee, asshole!!
I'll second fist that!
I've seen that before – you know when those 0's start popping up that an asshole is running amok. Belated X-mas present, you all get upfists from me. Yay!
There is only one person bitter and spiteful enough to do that. And, technically, he's not downthumbing everyone — only those who did not vote for him in the 2008 presidential election.
Hey McCrazy! Get off my p!
damned if they don't look like everybody else: two arms, two legs, one head
True, but generally all those things are attached to one another. Of late, this has tragically become more the exception than the rule in parts of Old Mexico.
"…parts of Old Mexico." or "…parts scattered about Old Mexico"?
Or old parts scattered about Mexico.
They climbing in a bear suit, they snatchin' your children up.
Check out the chick(?) over Rick Barber's right shoulder at the 0:50 mark. What's it called when you trick a retarded person into following you around all day carrying a sign with your name on it? SLAVERY!
You know, I come from an ordinary family, not ordinary like Hugh Hefner ordinary, just ordinary ordinary, but the lazy chatter by me and mine is Shakespearean compared to Carly's pre-interview musings.
Sean Hannity?! OMG! Cheeseburgers!
For those unwilling to watch the entire offensive Carly clip, the insult comes at 4:01.
At your service.
thank you bitchin, becuase I tried, god knows I tried, twice, but didn't make it past 0:20 either time. Happy New Year to you, sir or madam.
When did Margaret Thatcher start a clothing line?
Haha. Spotting a pedophile at the ComicCon festivities is like finding a priest in an altar boy's cassock.
What? No Ben Quayle?
Two things I seriously didn't know before watching that Pedobear video. Number one is, that some people actually do get their sexual gratification from touching, however briefly and however far from an actual sexual organ, a child; and number two, that there are people so hyper-paranoid that they would assume that's what's happening if I shake little Johnny's hand.
The real tragedy is that there were so many more to chose from. I just feel bad for poor sexy talker Ben Quayle who worked so hard to make this list by threatening to beat up Washington and yet still fell short.
I can't decide whos bust is more delicious, Carlys or Jans! I'll need naughty-talk from
both to make my final decision.
"“Pedobear” somehow became an actual child molester headed to, apparently, Tulsa. Why? How?"
He was going to go get rid of Jan Brewer (and after, he was planning a detour to give Vitter a real reason to shit his Depends), but even he was scared by the teabaggers.
HELL NO I don't want Dale Peterson washing my back! Fuck him, Gomer, and Goober and all the rest a them folk who you can time with the little hand, how long it takes them to say "hi".
What? Watching?! Oh. Never mind….
I weep with pride that I live in a country where you can fire a rifle at a guy messing with a campaign sign and say things like "Give a rip."
USA!! USA!! USA!!
if you play all six of them simultaneously and just listen, starting the shorter ones over and over again to keep them going until carly is finally done, you can hear the symphony of madness that is america.
just make sure you don't have any sharp objects or firearms within reach before you start.
Now Vitter's complaining that Louisiana lost a congressional seat because his state didn't have enough illegal aliens. He's always got his diapers in a knot.
Rick Barber FTW!!
That Barber ad is the video equivalent of the RAGE image macro. FFFFUUUUUUU——
I mean, all he needed was a couplea good ole boys with nooses, and the rotting corpse of Jeff Davis, and it would have been historically complete.
I started watching that Rick Barber ad but I think I blacked out because the next thing I knew some old man was singing the socialist verse of the Start Spangled Banner and then Glenn Beck was playing with his Barbie dolls.
OMG, I'd actually never seen the Rick Barber commercial. I'm so offended that I'm in shock and unable to be offended, so I just laughed.
And, Dale Petersen. Boy howdy. When I watch that and the other one of his I can't but help to sit back and try to view the commercial as a foreigner (hell, even just a Canadian even) from a developed nation and wonder what they must think of this. I mean, it's bizarre to me and I'm a born-and-bred American. It must be looking at a third-world democracy, but one with better lighting. You'd think it was a parody if you didn't know it to be true.
I was lucky to be up here in Michigan for the midterm. I say lucky because just about everyone running was too poor to attempt to monetize bat-shit crazy. This is about as crazy/creative as our commercials got.
I'd never even thought of that. I'm still to embarrassed to take it out of the package.
Speaking of "embarrassed to take it out of the package"….Have you seen that there is now a Trojan vibrator commercial on some channels of television? There is a bridal shower and the bride gets THREE of them and excitedly tells her husband-to-be that they hit the three-fer jackpot and he was all giggly over it.
Yes. I was more confused than embarrassed, though. What can two people accomplish with three vibrators that I can't accomplish with one?
Horny overachievers! Pick a hole and commit!
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