- Let’s play terrorist bingo! Muslims really do have the most hilarious names — it’s almost like they come from a foreign culture or something. [The Jawa Report]
- Anyone who cannot tell you the EXACT AMOUNT Obama pays in interest on the national debts racked up by all the drag/welfare queens is unfit to spar with the sharp wits at America’s #1 rage-club. [Fox Nation]
- Please support the brave army doctor who skipped deployment because of Obama and his Kenyan shadow government — he may need your help to avoid other essential responsibilities in the future. [Birther Report]
- America’s airports descend into maniac frenzy as puns begin to become self-aware. [ABC News]
- Michelle Malkin presents the Mrs. Doubtfire Awards to America’s greatest nannies. [National Review]
RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS
December 29, 2010
{ 130 comments }
That Birther Report site lit up our virus/warning software. They don't want you to know the truth!
Malkin:
"Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood…proposed meddling mileage taxes..lobbied for high-speed-rail boondoggles, and promoted a “livability initiative” to limit suburban growth and force suburb-dwellers into public transportation."
And here I thought LaHood wasn't too bright!
Lakin is Obama's Political Prisoner?
"World's Tallest Model Happy to Wrestle Men"? Well dress me in muslin and call me a Kenyan, now that's a story!
Build me a woman make her ten feet tall…
The one question liberals need to ask back: Why does money spent helping people get food, housing and health care poison our democracy but money stolen by greed-lusting, already-too-rich dickwads is the glowing light of freedom?
Because people who need things like food and shelter are lazy while rich people are hard-working, QED.
Just as Supply Side Jeebus said.
Sir John Bowring, the first British Governor of Hong Kong, proclaimed:
Free trade is Jesus Christ, and Jesus Christ is free trade.
According to the comments, it's that liberal NEA funding that caused all the deficit.
Maybe if they'd stop buying all those fucking tanks and stealth bombers and aircraft carriers and shit, we wouldn't be broke. I mean, seriously, who needs a brigade of Strykers for a goddamn mixed media collage?
Poor folk don't pay Michelle Malkin's salary, that's why. Just like Willie Sutton said, "because that's where the money is".
That's Barack "HUSSEIN" OBama, to you.
Barack "Hussein" "Nat Turner" "Mandingo" "Black Jesus" Obama "bin Malcom", if you want to be formal.
Lieutenant Colonel Terrence ("Terry") Lakin seems to have bought himself a mail order bride in the Philippines. I feel bad for that poor woman.
Personally, I'd like to see the marriage certificate.
I'll believe it when I see the marriage certificate.
The weirdest fucking dudes buy wives from the thrid world. What's funny is watching them act all lovey dovey with women who wouldn't spit at them if it wasn't for the green card they expect to get out of the deal.
Cards and letters, but no packages, can be sent to Lakin at the following address, and should not mention rank: Terrence Lakin #89996, 830 Sabalu Road, Fort Leavenworth, KS 66027.
Can we please, huh?
"should not mention rank"
"should not mention how rank he is"
There, fixed it.
Damn right It should not mention rank. Dude got himself busted to E-1 for his attempt to pwn the President.
No packages? How else can I send him a soap on a rope and a copy of both of Palin's "books"?
Haha funny foreigners, it's like they have a different word for everything.
I posted "Ha-ha," but they said the comments were closed on that thread. Good idea, I suppose, once they've been linked by Wonkette.
As for his wife, I want to see a birth certificate. She's a Muslin Terrist- just look at her… Why didn't he marry an American?
Because they think a woman not depending on a man is the devil.
If liberals are for some magic reason not allowed to defend government spending that actually helps people without knowing the exact amount of the national debt off the top of our heads, then maybe we can demand any wingnut who defends Bush's wars to give the exact amount of military spending during his term, or any global warming denialist to give the average temperatures for at least the past thirty years (hint: they keep going up).
(hint: they keep going up)
Oh. Is THAT how it works?
Trust me, it's news to a lot of them.
I just learned this today: adjusted for inflation, the Iraq War as already cost us 150 billion dollars more than the entire New Deal did.
And the return on investment continues to be much greater, at least in terms of dead bodies.
Happy Days Are Here Again!
and quite a deal it's proven to be – just the same old deal you always tend to get when you borrow a war…
This comment has also been deleted by the user.
so there.
This comment hasn't been deleted by the user, but probably should have been.
Before I clicked, I thought the "Birther Report" was a joke. Well, yes it is, but I thought it was a hoax. I thought it would send me to Newell or something – but no, It's for real – an actual bonafide website. Tragic.
Malkin is the same as ever – calling Michelle Obama a "nanny" and Mike Huckabee too, for daring to defend her while being pilloried by the loony Right because she doesn't want little Billy to turn into a porkasaurus at age 7. The only difference I detect is that Malkin is most definitely mailing it in these days. You can almost feel the martini infused boredom ooozing from the screen. Great! Maybe she'll quit!
Malkin will never quit. There will always be an audience for her brand of hate-filled scrawlings. Besides, her type never quits — they may rot from the inside out, slowly and visibly, but they never, never quit.
There I go – being optimistic again…..
Terry (Don't mention rank because I'm not sure how far down the ladder I'm going to fall) Lakin is a fool. He's obviously not a bad doctor (you don't get those postings if you are), but he fell for a confidence game and will pay some serious consequences.
Here's my suggestion, Doc. Run for Senate in Delaware.
"Police officers in Cleveland were called to at least one gate to maintain some kind of order."
What kind of order could possibly be maintained in Cleveland?
I was at one of the nation's airports shortly after Snowpocalypse ended. People were confused, getting shuffled around from gate to gate, customer service agents were announcing "we don't know shit, ladies and gentlemen" on the p.a. system. Well, they weren't saying that verbatim, but practically!
Hey! Cleveland is The Best Location in the Nation! Said so on all the municipal garbage cans when I was growing up in a nearby suburb.
Drew Carey lied to us; Cleveland does not rock.
Howard the Duck knows the truth!
As long as they keep the steam from rising…
I love it. "Some kind or order."
What kind of order, then, Charlie, in what respect? All of them, Katie.
People were upset they couldn't get out of Cleveland? Shocking.
That terrorist bingo game is missing the names "Timothy" and "Terry".
Also "James Earl" and "Jefferson, Robert and 'Stonewall'".
Don't forget Bobby, Thomas, Herman, and Robert
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/16th_Street_Baptist_...
You deserve 100 p points for that commemoration.
Or how many domestic terrorists in the U.S. are white and Christian?
Backlogged airlines, stranded passengers, $900 cab rides home. And yet, when someone even mentions the words "high-speed rail, like they have in Europe and Japan" we say "no thanks, our system works just fine for us." WTF?
USA! USA! I wonder how far behind the Chinese our standard of living will have to fall before we start to wake up? USA life expectancy is now what 45th in the world? (Thinking that might be a good proxy for quality of life, also.)
The Chinese are building high- (and low- and every-other-) speed rail all over the place. Completed a line to Tibet in '06 that cut the travel time for freight from 11 days to 1 day.
Of course it's no good because the government did it.
I'd wager so far behind that we can't even see us from where we'll be then. This is the greatest motherfuckin country in the history of the universe (6000 years or so). Always has been, always will be.
Ray LaHood, a prophet w/out honor in his own land.
It's like these people that advocate hoarding incandescent light bulbs.
I f it were good for America it would have been built by the rich by now. It is so simple unless you think about it.
I love living in a third-world country. China is building high-speed rail which travels over 250 mph, as well as an actual real-live maglev train from downtown Shanghai to the airport, but when our Congress tries to give Amtrak (a weird Nixon-era hybrid of public and private corporation which does its best despite incredibly weird political pressure) some money, the wingers are all, OH JESUS FUCK THIS IS SOSHALISM! Hell, W tried to completely defund Amtrak in 2005.
Meanwhile the best equivalent of high-speed rail we have is Acela, which can only travel its maximum speed of 150mph for about 10 miles in Rhode Island.
So allow me to summarize it this way: if you're one of the stranded holiday travelers who are in favor of more government involvement with our lives, I'm deeply sorry for your inconvenience; if on the other hand, you're in favor of less government, please let me call you a taxi so you can pay a thousand bucks to get the fuck out of here.
And stop standing at the window watching the Socialist snow plows clearing the roads and runways.
Grab a fucking shovel and get to work, you lazy bastards. That snow won't move itself!
Good god, there'd be no end to the cardiac arrests resulting from so many whales trying to shovel snow.
Well, thank goodness for that, at least…
I'm one of those unfortunate souls that can't avoid Lush Rimjob in the workplace. Shortly after Obama took office, the E-I-B P-I-G was ranting about the SocialRail and a caller asked why we can't just raise the speed limits on our interstates to 100 mph instead of spending taxpayer's money on something nobody will use.
These are the same jackasses that scream about how our country has lost it's place as the technology leader of the world. Gee, I wonder why.
I for one would not mind 100mph speed limits. I would also not mind a well-funded efficient passenger rail system that does not get punted around like a political football every year.
/cue false winger myth about maglev from Las Vegas to Disneyland… I can almost hear Mrs. Jindal's lilting, dainty voice. "They even wanted to fund? A high speed train? From LAS VEGAS to DISNEYLAND?"
*sigh*
You're obviously missing the whole point of resurrecting our passenger rail system, which is less congestion on highways and airways and greatly reducing our expensive drug (oil) habit.
That amount of increase in vehicle speed requires a non-linear increase in fuel consumption. A perfect recipe for $5+ /gal fuel. Besides, how can we possibly have 100 mph highways when Americans can't be bothered to pay attention at ½ that speed?
Malkin on Michelle Obama's desire for less obese children:
… school bake sales are already under siege, and Mrs. Obama’s childhood-obesity task force has already called for new and dramatic controls on the marketing of unhealthy foods.
Damn it! If people can't buy unhealthy foods then the terrorists have won. Corn syrup coated breakfast cereal is one of the basic rights of Americans and school kids need the sugar rush of that Twinkie to learn how to be compliant worker bees.
For some reason my brain parsed the first sentence as "Malkin bukkake". Wishful thinking.
The birf'er site sez Obama hasn't released:
The big secret is in his kindergarten thesis: "While America Napped".
I demand to see the long-form finger painting.
One of his finger paintings looks suspiciously like a crescent. That's why they won't release it! They don't want you to know! WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!1!
Where are the stick-figure drawings?
And the appropriate response is "So fucking what?", you deranged, stuuupid, racist loons!
Nope. Nope. Cleansing breath. Must not react. Must not react. Baby bunnies and sweet kittens… and puppies and birdies, Nemo, Bambi, caribou, no, back up, back up!
Is it too early to drink?
it is never too early to drink.
Oh goody (hops up to get the box and a mug).
Why yes, it is – you just need to go to your Quiet Place until you feel better…
Toooo late. hiccup.
So, is their current legal theory that Barry does not, in fact, exist, but is merely a simulated reality created by self-aware machines bent on subduing the human population?
No. That's way too many multi-syllabic words.
Their legal theory is built on the indisputable fact that he is not white. Therefore he cannot rightly inhabit the WHITE House. Lalalalala.
"Therefore he cannot rightly inhabit…"
Whoops. Too many multi-syllabic words of my own.
"So he can't live in…." Fixed.
Still too many. Try…
"Don't like. Can't be."
In other words, the sheriff is near.
/fixed
No! consarn it, I said the sheriff is _____________.
Ah tell you what… dem smarty pants at Scientific American have a article this month that tells about a robot scientist (like it's a good thing !). Seems like common sense that it would be even easier to build a robot politician, as we have several politicians already that can't even keep up with simple robots like them vacuum robots.
Well, I posited a while back that there is no Birf Certificate, because Barry was never born at all, but rather, he'sa shapeshifting robot, sent from the future, by Skynet. And then, Sully, indefatigable Obama fanboy that he is, inadvertantly let slip The Truth.
TAKE THE RED-STATE PILL
The Audacity of Nap?
You beat me to it! I'd successfully forgotten about the hidden kindergarten records! And to think he was elected without those vital documents being released.
What has our nation come to exactly?
"What has our nation come to exactly? "
A turning point?
A stopping point?
The end of the line, devolution-wise?
Oh for fucks sake.
Malkin goes Lovelace:
I'm picturing a package getting rammed down Malkin's throat … oh … oh … oh.
Was it rammed, crammed, or jammed? I'm getting hot just thinking about all that legal irrumatio.
Thank you; it's wonderful to learn a new word.
Trillion dollar package…
Michele Malkin would get twenty bucks and cab fare no matter how far down her throat someone rammed his package. Anything more would be socialism.
that's one big yule-ful season of crazy up there benjamin. may you have a well adjusted 2011.
Huh, so Michelle Malkin is also obsessed with the prospect of having an enormous package rammed down her throat, for whatever reason. Freud might say that this stems from a traumatic experience in her formative childhood years, but then again, what did Freud know, that sort of thing never happens in the Phillipines.
According to Margaret Mead, it does all the time just that they're cool with it out there.
they were just funnin' her.
True, most Filipinos have quite diminutive packages.
"ramming it down our throats" is how Repubicans and TP'ers explain democratically enacted laws.
MM wuz trying to show she was an alliterate but ended up onomatopeeing down her leg.
Back in the day, Spiro(chette) Agnew railed about "nattering nabobs of negativism." M² goes with "It was a nefarious year for nettlesome busybodies employed by the Nanny State." Why stop with n cubed when it would have been so easy to take n to the fourth or fifth? She coulda used "nettlesome nabobs" with a tip of her hat to Agnew. Or maybe nincompoops, or nincompoopyheads, or even nettlesome nobodies. But noes, she goes with busybodies. Is busybody still a word, or has it gone the way of bobbish and rantipole? And why 'employed'? How about nursed or nurtured? She coulda nailed us nattering nabobs of nanny-state nursing nincompoopyheadedness to the nth degree. But no, we are tarred with being busybodies. She should know, that calling libtards troublemakers may be taken as a compliment.
The answer to your question is that Michelle Malkin is kind of dumb. Also, she's not a very good writer.
Michelle Malkin's meandering missives merit merely minimal musing; mostly, Malkin's miasmic makeweight monographs marshal my misanthropy, making me mull mass murder.
I have no better comment than this from the 4 questions to ask every liberal article:
: Tomas
Dec 29, 06:39 AM
I wish we could just stop some of the voter fraud. If states would prosecute some ACORN and SEIU people maybe we could keep Dems from stealing elections. We will never teach liberals to think, they are too busy saving the planet.
Gotta go! Off to save the planet without thinking about it!
These guys just can't wrap their heads around the fact that the majority of Americans were non-racist enough to vote for a black President, so they just have to keep making up stories about imaginary voter fraud despite the complete lack of evidence for their claims.
And they never will wrap their heads around it. They could win every election through violent intimidation and then be satisfied that they've prosecuted enough ACORN people to stop election fraud.
I want to see Barry's Dental Records, too. I'm pretty sure those aren't his real teeth and the crowns, implants, plates or bridges are probably illegally imported from some Communist Country like Mexico or Canada. Why does he hate George Washington so much? You know he chopped down a Cherry Tree and had his teeth made on the spot by Amurrikan Toothmakers.
Sweet Jesus. Just read some of the comments on the Fox Nation site. I'll paraphrase one fine patriot, because his full missive is too long:
"I read some Marx stuff, because I gotta know the enemy. Well, that Marx guy is terrible but he said some stuff. One stuff he said was to control the language, you know, by repeating the same thing over and over until people think it's true, even if it's a whopper of a lie. The libruls do this all the time. We need to do this better, but we actually have the truth on our side. Just like Sarah Palin did with "death panels." Except the death panels are real and the libruls make stuff up."
Which Marx wuz he readin'? Harpo, Zeppo, or Grocho? Prob'ly Grocho, Say the secret woid and win a hundred dollahs. The Faux Nationeer has a sad, because of Wikileaks there are no more secret words.
No way. Harpo was the best writer of the bunch, and a member of the Algonquin Round Table.
Just keep repeating: Honk! Honk!
And eventually they'll believe it.
Noteworthy, both with brass and strings.
I guess his enemy is the English language.
You actually went to the Fox Nation site? God damn. You have got some kind of a pair on you don't you? I'm not that brave and–lest you think I'm a pussy–I have driven home from Ford Field on the John C. Lodge following several Detroit Lions football (sic) games. That, the driving home on the freeway after football thing with all the drunk people, is the most dangerous thing you can do in America's Most Dangerous City; the home of the 1-8-7. But click through to Fox Nation? My nads full-up shrivel at the thought.
Thank you for reading the FN comments so I don't have to.
Okay, which one of the genius wonkeratti wrote that? Because no way is it real.
"My husband is going to prison(NOW AT FT LEAVENWORTH PRISON) because of Barack Obama's birth certificate."
**manages to compose self
Oh fer fucks sake, just when I think people couldn't get any stupider. Oh yeah, i'll definitely cut down on groceries to send this lazy fuckwit, who gave up a salary and military pension and benefits for a drag queen dentist, money in his "time of need".
That sneaker birf certificat snuck into mah room last night and planted teh evidence. Now I has a sad.
Dam darkie birf certificut so sneaky, ah couldn't even see it by the laht of mah meth burner.
"**manages to compose self "
Dear sweet baby Jesus in the manger and his holy mother Mary, I know exactly what you mean.
I was hoping they'd have a thermometer to show how much money patriots have sent that victim Nazi oppression.
No, he's going to prison because there is no birth certificate. Geez, she could at least be accurate with her slander.
One man's terrorist is another man's patriot. Consider that the Boston Tea Party was an act of terrorism.
Nuh-uh! They was white!
It all comes down to who gets to write the history books – the Texans, for example. Or the Japanese.
not only terrorism ,, that was treason to the Government of His Royal Highness the King of Great Britain and Ireland
also at least the Japanese still believe in evolution, climate change and scientific methods
Given how notoriously misinformed most Fox viewers are, I doubt most conservatives could answer those 4 questions, either.
Honestly, to me, Jizkya sounds a lot more like a porn star than a terrist.
From the website:
"The Congress has failed him when he wrote letters as a soldier to Congress people asking for a Congressional Inquiry into Obama's exact legal identity like that same Congress investigated John McCain. The Congress did nothing."
Congress investigated John McCain? I know his friends in the Senate and House pushed through what amounted to a private bill stating that Mr. McCain is a US Citizen eligible to be President of these United States.
I'm not sending money to the Terry Lakin Action Fund. In Leavenworth brig he's going to get all the action he can handle.
Come on – they're talking about history, not "facts."
Michelle Malkin is such a fucking cunt.
If Michelle Malkin ever writes an autobiography, I have the title.
Michelle Malkin: Self-hating American Brown-Person Says What?
Harry Reid got crucifiedd by all sides for saying it, but he was right. How the fuck can any minority be a Republican, these days?
Yes, perfect. I think lalalalala is okay though.
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