It’s morning in America, for reals this time! The United States has finally honored its favorite sanitation robot that toiled for 800 years cleaning up the Earth after fat slob humans trashed the whole place. That’s right, WALL-E is now on a postage stamp, so that very old people who still pay bills with stamps will look upon this little adhesive picture of a strange, squat goggle-eyed garbage-compactor puppet and think, “Oh look, E.T. is on a stamp. My grandchildren used to love that movie, before they all died in Iraq.” You know who else loved E.T., the Extra-Terrestrial? That’s right, teevee’s Ronald Reagan. And apparently he is dead now, just like WALL-E, because the Post Office put him on a stamp, too.
The United States Postal Service somehow went another million dollars deeper in debt this morning by emailing this press release:
WASHINGTON — From a former U.S. president to legends of Latin music to the 100th anniversary of the Indianapolis 500-mile auto race to the garden of love, the 2011 commemorative stamp program has something for everyone.
The U.S. Postal Service today officially unveiled the images of its commemorative stamp program. Among this year’s honorees are former President Ronald Reagan, legendary author Mark Twain, award-winning actor and actress Gregory Peck and Helen Hayes, and Latin music giants Selena, Carlos Gardel, Carmen Miranda, Tito Puente and Celia Cruz.
In addition, former U.S. Congresswoman from Texas Barbara Jordan is the 2011 Black Heritage stamp honoree. Stamps will be issued to observe the 150th anniversary of the Civil War, the 50th anniversary of America’s first manned spaceflight and a celebration of Disney Pixar movie characters: Lightning McQueen and Mater from Cars; Remy the rat and Linguini from Ratatouille; Buzz Lightyear and two of the green, three-eyed aliens from Toy Story; Carl Fredricksen and Dug from Up; and the robot WALL*E from Wall*E on Send a Hello stamps.
It’s not all cartoon characters this year, because there’s something for everyone! Even Mexicans and Blacks can enjoy looking at a stamp in 2011! Also, there are stamps celebrating the 150th anniversary of our greatest war, the War Against Northern Aggression. Just think, if the right side had won that war, we wouldn’t have to worry about stamps featuring Mexican jazz musicians or Black congresswomen, right?!
At the bottom of the press release, after all the robots and actors and cartoons, there’s this part, too:
Beverly Hills surgeon explains at home fix for crepey skin around the arms, legs, and stomach.
The third American Scientists stamp issuance honors chemist Melvin Calvin, botanist Asa Gray, physicist Maria Goeppert Mayer, and biochemist Severo Ochoa. The stamps go on sale June 16.
Melvin Calvin was the first scientist to trace in detail the process of photosynthesis and conducted pioneering research on using plants as an alternative energy source. He won the Nobel Prize in chemistry in 1961 ….
Yeah yeah, boring. Let us know when “Melvin Calvin” becomes a Disney character and gets elected president, from space. [USPS]