IL DOLCE SUONO  11:13 am December 28, 2010

Orly Taitz Hanging With Eric Cantor, Writing Play About Army Birther

by Jack Stuef

Edelweiss, edelweissSay, it sure has been a long time since we checked in with Orly Taitz, America’s leading dentist lawyer sanitation-worker waitress accountant fisherman actuary marketing-consultant mortician art-dealer publicist miner bishop truck-driver CEO carpenter professional-basketball-player dolphin. Hey, look, there she is hanging out with Eric Cantor! Those two are a classic comedy duo. Yes, poor Eric Cantor has had a lot of trouble disassociating himself with her in the past, and yet here he is again. She must dispense some really good dental-law advice, or perhaps it’s her stunning beauty. Anyway, Orly is working on a play, or maybe an opera, about that Army birther doctor guy, which sounds great. Good to see she can keep busy with other hobbies despite that evil Kenyan guy making human existence basically impossible.

Today most plays are nothing more, but liberal brainwashing. Corrupt media would not report the truth. Art might be the way to go. Maybe doing a bus tour and re-enacting Lakin’s life, which is amazing, is a way to bring the message home. Lakin came from an ordinary family. He is not a racist, his wife is from Thailand. His 3 children are bi-racial.

Except he got locked up in military prison, leaving his children behind, so maybe he does hate Asian kids, despite their good brains.

Here is a working title ”American POW in America”. We can make it as a drama or as a musical. It can be bigger than “Jesus Christ -superstar”. We have a de-facto crucifixtion of an American war hero by a corrupt regime of the Kenyan usurper. Pontius Pilate bones are turning green with envy in the grave, knowing how American Judges Clay Land, David Carter and Denise Lind overshadowed him. If you want to help in this endeavor, call me 949-683-5411. Orly

There are just no words sometimes.

My family really appreciates arts.

To describe this woman.

My kids did piano, Mission Renaissance art, stand up comedy, acting and my middle son graduated simultaneously with honors from High school and Opera conservatory.

Oh, they will be like the von Trapp family, defeating the Kenyan Nazis with the power of song! [Salon/Orly Taitz]

 
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{ 102 comments }

Badonkadonkette December 28, 2010 at 11:21 am

She could call her play A Few Single Good Dumb Men Shit.

Dashboard_Jesus December 28, 2010 at 11:45 pm

well at least the Army finally convicted Dr. Dumb Shit, he'll have plenty of time now to help out with the writin' (in between jail house rapings anyway) http://www.salon.com/news/politics/war_room/2010/

metamarcisf December 28, 2010 at 11:22 am

Since Peter Townshend hasn't been doing much since that Super Bowl debacle, this would be a great collaboration for a rock opera. They could call it "Who Gives a Sweet Shit?"

JoeMamased December 28, 2010 at 11:22 am

Is there nothing this woman can't do? I mean, besides STFU?

Clancy_Pants December 28, 2010 at 11:22 am

Something along the lines of The Count of Monte Cristo with Orly in the title role:

"Until the day when God shall deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is summed up in these two words,-Wait and hope."

SexySmurf December 28, 2010 at 11:23 am

Sounds better than that Spider-Man musical.

Tundra Grifter December 28, 2010 at 11:37 am

You beat me to it! I was going to predict this would be the biggest thing on Broadway since SpiderMan hit but you got there first. Dang!

GunTotingProgressive December 28, 2010 at 11:24 am

So much comedy potential, so little booze…

aguacatero December 28, 2010 at 11:25 am

Shouldn't it be "Pontius Pilate's bones" or at least "Pontius' Pilate bones"? Otherwise seems cogent and well-argued.

V572625694 December 28, 2010 at 11:31 am

There are numerous typographical solecisms in Ms Tate's screed. But as ladies and gentlemen at the Wonkette, we honor her self-evident sincerity and dedication to this important cause by overlooking them.

JustPixelz December 28, 2010 at 12:10 pm

"typographical solecisms"

It's like I didn't even see them.

Tundra Grifter December 28, 2010 at 11:39 am

If you can ignore the random comma generator she apparently uses when she writes.

"Today most plays are nothing more, but liberal brainwashing."

Shakespearan, in its own way.

738838 December 28, 2010 at 12:02 pm

I think it is supposed to be Haiku.

OneYieldRegular December 28, 2010 at 11:48 am

I had a bad case of Pontius Pilate bones once. Or maybe it was from yoga – I don't remember.

mayor_quimby December 28, 2010 at 11:26 am

If her son graduated simultaneously, maybe she will combust spontaneously.
Here's to Hope!

OhNoGuy December 30, 2010 at 6:35 pm

You know what really burns my ass? Sitting on Orly when she's on fire.

HeraSentMe December 28, 2010 at 11:26 am

The hills are alive, with the sound of bullshit.

Traveler51 December 29, 2010 at 3:24 am

Written and produced by Oily Taint and Snake oil.

Texan_Bulldog December 28, 2010 at 11:26 am

"Yes, poor Eric Cantor has had a lot of trouble disassociating himself with her in the past, and yet here he is again."

Ha ha ha…maybe this will teach Eric to never have a one night stand with a crazy woman…you just KNOW she's a bunny boiler.

Lascauxcaveman December 28, 2010 at 11:53 am

Which is the one you can't get rid of? Herpes?

OhNoGuy December 30, 2010 at 6:37 pm

Herpes, wasn't he the Greek god of speedy transmission?

Beowoof December 28, 2010 at 11:27 am

Eric dogging up on some Oily Taint. And the new play is something to think about, a twist on Exodus with all the Africans coming to America.

Oblios_Cap December 28, 2010 at 11:28 am

"It can be bigger than “Jesus Christ -superstar”

Yeah, Baby! Title it "Look at all my Trials and Tribulations".

I'll be sinking in a gentle pool of wine, thank you.

slappypaddy December 28, 2010 at 11:38 am

it can maybe be bigger than jesus christ-superstar, but can it be bigger than the beatles?

DashboardBuddha December 28, 2010 at 11:53 am

No way…they were bigger than Jesus.

CrunchyKnee December 28, 2010 at 11:30 am

Needz moar Boehner.

ChessieNefercat December 28, 2010 at 11:31 am

And then I dreamed I was reading this article that was so weird even for Wonkette. It was about Eric Cantor sponsoring an NEA grant for Oily Titz to produce a musical about PFC Lakin and his cowardice in the line of duty, and then Titz said maybe it should be an Opera?, and then Cantor said yes and we can stage it in the Naval Observatory (conservatory? whatever…) when the Bidens aren't home, and then Titz said And it should star my kids, and Cantor said wait there's more of you, and then he fainted and I woke up.

OhNoGuy December 30, 2010 at 6:38 pm

Thanks. Now I don't sleep for a week.

neiltheblaze December 28, 2010 at 11:31 am

I honestly don't know what's more pathetic: Eric Cantor using Orly Taitz, or Orly Taitz using Eric Cantor to get in with their respective crowds. Seems like a lose-lose proposition.

Progressiveinga December 28, 2010 at 1:00 pm

Seems like a loser-loser proposition.

/fixed

VinnyThePooh December 28, 2010 at 11:33 am

I'm guessing the title is Springtime For Hopey.

Opening night will be like an indoor drive-in but with Rascals. They'll even have the little speakers to hang from the handle bars.

weejee December 28, 2010 at 11:33 am

Take a close look at the picture and tell me they don't look like sibs? In fact Orly looks like Cantor in drag. Wait, is that an Adamz apple there under Orly's chin? Look at the deltoid on her upper arm!! Oh shit, Eric Cantor has a twin brother who is a drag queen – Orly Taitz!!

MaxNeanderthal December 28, 2010 at 6:11 pm

I know it's my favourite meme, but we all know Oily and Sacha Baron Cohen have never been seen in the same room at the same time -there's a reason for this. Oily IS Sacha's latest alter ego…..the truth will soon be revealed to the waiting world, mark my words…
"My seester, second best prostitute in Kasakhstan!!"

V572625694 December 28, 2010 at 11:33 am

"Doc REMF¹, Superstar." Where do you sign up to invest in this can't-miss sure-fire SRO box-office smash? I know that evil conspirator judge in Columbus GA (a hotbed² of treason, to be sure) fined Orly $20K or so, but she will not be denied!
____________
¹rear-echelon motherfucker
²home of Fort Benning, one of the US Army's holy places and about a million retirees who dare not stray to far from the PX and commissary

weejee December 28, 2010 at 12:24 pm

Ah, beloved REMFs. But they're a definite step-up quantum leap-up from the chickenhawks who oh so gloriously fill the ranks of boomer Rethugs and lecture vets like Max Cleland (silver star, bronze star, purple heart and none legs) about patriotism.

V572625694 December 28, 2010 at 2:14 pm

"…boomer Rethugs and lecture vets like Max Cleland (silver star, bronze star, purple heart and none legs) about patriotism."

Or John Kerry.

WarAndGee December 28, 2010 at 11:34 am

"Today most plays are nothing more, but liberal brainwashing."

Fuck, how sick are we of this constant snivelling by conservatives about their victimhood from liberalism.

Jesus H already! Look around fuckos you're basking in liberalism, 8 hour work days, YOUR public education, food and drug safety,civil rights, interstate highways, affirmative action for ex military personnel (look it up).

OK so what it is it with these nutters, if a few hours goes by without sybolically fallating MEMBERS of the armed forces (our most socialist insititution btw) or considering the glory of war, gun ownership, the founding fathers and the bible somehow the media is a liberal brainwashing instrument?

Gaaaaah!

GOPCrusher December 28, 2010 at 1:50 pm

But according to Monica Crowley, the 2010 elections are proof that liberalism is dead and buried.

LOL!

fuflans December 28, 2010 at 11:12 pm

yeah and 2008 was proof that repubs were dead.

Dashboard_Jesus December 29, 2010 at 12:14 am

fuck yeah, thanks for that!

SorosBot December 28, 2010 at 11:36 am

Just be careful, the last time there was a post about the idiot birther soldier we ended up getting a real, live birther troll; it seems talking about the crazy attracts the crazy.

metamarcisf December 28, 2010 at 11:46 am

I'm definitely sorry I missed that!

SorosBot December 28, 2010 at 11:58 am

Here it is: http://wonkette.com/432638/army-birther-changes-m
As you might guess, the birther's comment is the one with 110 replies.

metamarcisf December 28, 2010 at 12:20 pm

Thanks. Very enjoyable. Now I would like for every Wonkette who participated in that pissfest with Triper57 to present your natural born birth certificates. Now.

Dashboard_Jesus December 29, 2010 at 12:21 am

yeah, that looks like it was fun, thanks for the link

GunTotingProgressive December 28, 2010 at 11:50 am

You fucking liberals, why can't you just show us the birth certificate already? I mean, how hard is it to prove that the Negro isn't an illegal alien? I mean, it's really EASY to prove a negative…

Fuck, this is harder than it looks…

ChessieNefercat December 28, 2010 at 5:32 pm

Isn't there some way Ken can spray for them? Hire Orkin or somebody that can apply cyberspray to prevent bad electrons from breeding?

horsedreamer_1 December 28, 2010 at 11:37 am

David Zucker has agreed to direct.

VinnyThePooh December 28, 2010 at 12:05 pm

Surely, you can't be serious.

horsedreamer_1 December 28, 2010 at 12:42 pm

I am, but my name's not Shirley.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Zucker

In the ad, Zucker….recreates former Clinton Secretary of State Madeleine Albright's 2000 visit to North Korea. During the visit, Secretary Albright presented North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il with a basketball autographed by former NBA superstar Michael Jordan. Actress Adele Stasilli-Fernandez, playing Albright, is shown presenting Kim Jong Il with the basketball, painting the walls of Osama bin Laden's Afghanistan cave and turning a blind eye to suicide bombers. In one scene, her skirt rips as she changes the tire of a Middle Eastern dictator's limousine. One GOP strategist said "jaws dropped" when the ad was first viewed. "Nobody could believe Zucker thought any political organization could use this ad. It makes a point, but it's way over the top."

SorosBot December 28, 2010 at 11:38 am

And hey, a soldier being prosecuted and imprisoned for blatant refusal to follow orders is just like getting strung up and left to die slowly and painfully.

Lascauxcaveman December 28, 2010 at 11:59 am

Oh, man, but the parallels are uncanny. Jesus was a famous miracle healer – raised people from the dead! And this Lakin guy was some kind of Army medical-person thing.

Tundra Grifter December 28, 2010 at 11:41 am

Washington DC's funnest couple! Tareq and Michaele Salahi 2.0.

horsedreamer_1 December 28, 2010 at 11:46 am

Version 2: Now less Muslinny.

imissopus December 28, 2010 at 11:42 am

Great idea, Orly. If there's one thing that can bring Americans together across all economic and class and racial divisions, it's musical theater.

smokefilledroommate December 28, 2010 at 11:43 am

Mission: Renaissance looks like the 'draw the turtle and go to art school' art school, except it appears that they teach you how to draw the turtle. It's good that her kids 'did piano' as well.

GunTotingProgressive December 28, 2010 at 11:51 am

I "did piano" once in college. To be fair, I had a lot to drink. The splinters were murder!

neiltheblaze December 28, 2010 at 11:49 am

The only problem with being the next Jesus Christ Superstar is that the original was such a friggin' bore. She forgot to mention her granddaughter does macrame and tap lessons.

wegot2dobetter December 28, 2010 at 11:51 am

I won't be IGNORED Eric!

chickensmack December 28, 2010 at 11:53 am

How do you solve a problem like a birther?
How many iterations do they enjoy?
Why does the evidence go without notice?
The-short-form-cer-ti-fi-cate for this Kenyan boy?

How do you solve a problem like a birtheeeeeer?
Just shake your head and walk away in shame.

natoslug December 28, 2010 at 11:55 am

I went to some really shitty performance art in LA in the late 70's/early 80's, with shit (literally, shit) being thrown at the audience and long soliloquies about rape and how all men are rapists and way too much talk of painting with menstrual blood for my early teenage self to enjoy, and yet, looking back, I realize that was nothing compared to the performance piece known as Orly Taitz. We really need to get cracking on a decent time machine so she can be sent back to spend eternity in a warehouse somewhere in the San Fernando Valley, screaming and sobbing at Los Angelinos sitting in miserable metal folding chairs, drinking shit wine from styrofoam cups and looking on in rapture at the raving fuck on and off the stage.

twoeightnine December 28, 2010 at 11:56 am

this Woman has a Way with Words Doesn't she?

kittylittr December 28, 2010 at 11:57 am

Orly Taitz: The Demon Dentist of Orange County

Spoiler alert: she's financing her lawsuits by selling the bodies of her patients as meat!

Oblios_Cap December 28, 2010 at 12:06 pm

Who's the guy standing next to Cantor? Geez – all the women in that photo (Cantor included) are photogenically challenged.

mavenmaven December 28, 2010 at 12:14 pm

Won't someone finally point out that an American serviceman married to an Asian woman is not proof of non-racism?

ChessieNefercat December 28, 2010 at 12:38 pm

Indeed. It can be evidence of racism or sexism at the least. I was married to a Marine for 20 years. A commonly heard refrain was that picking up a wife from the Phillipines or Asia was a smart move because women from those countries knew their place, etc., unlike those problematic American women.

What was comical was seeing how quickly these brides learned that life was indeed different in the US of A and that they could, in fact, tell their husbands to polish their own damn boots, and to use someone else's head for an ashtray.

Pithaughn December 28, 2010 at 3:50 pm

Don't forget, military men marry the first woman they fuck. So an Asian bride for many is almost a certainty and has nothing to do with not being a racist. One of my customers would remind his wife/slave that she was living in a grass hut until he married her, so stfu and bring me another natty light.

zhubajie December 30, 2010 at 10:05 am

"Don't forget, military men marry the first woman they fuck."

So what's his name, the Son of Sarah Palin, will bring home a Yezidi? Or worse a Chaldaean (Eastern-rite Catholic)?

zhubajie December 30, 2010 at 10:03 am

Lots of Asian women are powerful at home, too. My experience of Chinese girlfriends is that they like to be in control.

JustPixelz December 28, 2010 at 12:18 pm

"He is not a racist, his wife is from Thailand."

Unless he got her off the internet, because everybody knows that Asian women are subservient great wives.

DashboardBuddha December 28, 2010 at 12:34 pm

True story time…

I once worked alongside this loathsome right wing asshole that was married to a very nice lady from the Philippines. We were talking about this very thing and I had in my mind an image of a lonely serviceman, far from home and a smart, ambitious young woman…eyes across a crowded room blah blah blah.

(First a little bit about me…I used to have this really bad habit of blurting out the first thing that came to mind. It was all brain to mouth with no filter of any kind.)

Before hearing the rest of the story (and thus getting critical information), I said, "That's cool…I'm glad it wasn't one of those creepy mail-order bride thingies."

Ooops.

cheaphits December 28, 2010 at 12:21 pm

Is bad art better than no art?

Probably so, but I'm impressed to see anyone from deep right field express an interest in anything artistic aside from gunsmiths and quilting.

OhNoGuy December 30, 2010 at 6:50 pm

Q: Is bad art better than no art?

A: Only if the artist is your spawn and it's on the fridge.

gef05 December 28, 2010 at 12:29 pm

In Orly's play, Jesus and Barry have a light-saber duel, and all seems lost for Jesus when Malcolm X falls from the sky and attacks with his Short Form of Blackness. But suddenly, still reeling from the shackles of his false imprisonment, Captain Everyman Lakin swings in on a rope made from the after-births of Muslins and strikes down Barry and Malcolm with his shimmering Long Form of Truth.

Or something.

mavenmaven December 28, 2010 at 12:41 pm

gefo5- dont forget the crucial line- this being a Taitz play, just as Darth Vader appears poised to kill Barry, he must say "I am your father and you were BORN IN AFRICA"

gef05 December 28, 2010 at 12:47 pm

The big reveal: he takes off his helmet and it's *Maulana Karenga*.

dom dom DOMM

DangerHelvetica December 28, 2010 at 1:25 pm

I hope enough people scroll down this far to give your post the thumbs it deserves.

SudsMcKenzie December 28, 2010 at 12:46 pm

I want to sue her for wearing that dress.

hagajim December 28, 2010 at 12:47 pm

"Orly gives Cantor Oral"

That's the play that should be on Broadway. While waving her birth certificate as well – also.

MiniMencken December 28, 2010 at 12:49 pm

I'm currently composing a musical about Orly entitled "A Shonda für Die Goyim." Maybe Eric wants to be an angel?

lochnessmonster December 28, 2010 at 12:52 pm

She looks like she could bend Cantor into a pretzel.

RedneckMuslin December 28, 2010 at 12:55 pm

Oily Fatz?

Tundra Grifter December 28, 2010 at 12:57 pm

That Doc has shoulders and arms like an East German Olympic swimmer.

OhNoGuy December 30, 2010 at 6:51 pm

And he looks like he'd LOVE it.

Ducksworthy December 28, 2010 at 12:54 pm

I'm scratching this into the green paint on the toilet stall in the courthouse. call me 949-683-5411. Orly

OhNoGuy December 30, 2010 at 6:53 pm

Get over to the probation office and do the same.

RedneckMuslin December 28, 2010 at 12:54 pm

Does Cantor realize that he has been photographed with the guy who got caught ( photographed) leaving Lindsay's place the other night?

SaintRond December 28, 2010 at 12:58 pm

Perhaps Eric read that Wonkette article earlier in the year revealing how Orly Taitz was "tighter and wetter that girls half her age."

I remember reading it myself and I don't think I'll ever forget it. The image is engraved on my consciousness forever.
http://wonkette.com/412157/heres-some-great-news-

Rotundo_ December 28, 2010 at 5:43 pm

There is only so much brain bleach to go 'round.

user-of-owls December 28, 2010 at 1:00 pm

Pontius Pilate bones are turning green with envy in the grave

You know, Pontius, a little silver polish would take care of that.

PeaceWithHonor December 28, 2010 at 1:06 pm

Scene 1: An antebellum plantation. Lakin stops picking cotton long enough to compassionately rescue a stricken beetle that has landed on its back. Overseer Obama rushes forward, whip in hand, to deliver a righteous lashing.

outragedcitizen December 28, 2010 at 1:30 pm

Oily Taint. Got nothing else, I just like calling her Oily Taint.

yellowerdog December 28, 2010 at 1:54 pm

It's always a pleasure to see the Repubs bring a little culture, and a little drama. Didn't know they were into George Bernard Shaw. Check the photo – 'Arms and the Man"

arihaya December 28, 2010 at 1:55 pm

her arms are scary !!

what was that thing made from? polyester?

deanbooth December 28, 2010 at 1:57 pm

I recommend Shatner for the lead. Only he could capture the strange, pauses called for, in the script.

ttommyunger December 28, 2010 at 2:08 pm

I haven't seen smiles that big since I spotted Newt Gingrich and Lucianne Goldberg pumping away behind that dumpster in Cartersville, Georgia. BTW, easy to spot the "top" in this couple, check out the guns on that cunt, the blonde one.

BarackMyWorld December 28, 2010 at 2:33 pm

There is no nutjob the GOP won't cozy up to in order to get some votes/contributions, exhibit 32454.

xzargo December 28, 2010 at 3:16 pm

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! TAKE IT BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UpstateYorkee December 28, 2010 at 5:38 pm

So, New York State just sent me a 'certificate of live birth' rather than a 'birf cerftificate' for my most recent spawn. Does that mean she cannot run for preznit in the next five or six years?

starfanglednut December 28, 2010 at 10:52 pm

her son ejaculated simultaneously? that's soo gay.

Negropolis December 29, 2010 at 12:19 am

I dreamed a dream of time gone by…

Don't stop believin' , Orly, you poor, stupid martyr, you. Oh Lordy, your trouble so hard, oh lordy, your so hard, don't nobody know your troubles but God, ain't nobody know your troubles but God…

First they came for the Orly Taitz, and I said nothing because I wasn't a delusional, coked-out bimbo…

lulzmonger December 29, 2010 at 3:16 am

*pictures the offspring of this pair*
*weeps*

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