- Word is spread through the land that the Daoist master of South Carolina, Alvin Greene, is running for a special election to the South Carolina state House. But try to tell that to him. “The filing closes next week and that’s when everybody finds out who has filed,” he explained in one of his cosmic jokes. The media thinks it can predict the actions of an unmoved mover, but it cannot. It tries to capture and control the manifestations of The Way, or “news,” but great leaders are barely noticed. Some would say that Greene has greater name identification now, an advantage in sudden elections such as this. The Master arrives without leaving, sees the light without looking, and achieves without doing a thing. Will Alvin Greene ever leave his hovel? Unlikely. But we have a feeling South Carolina will find itself suddenly and strangely revitalized. [The State]
- Congresswoman Carol Shea-Porter of New Hampshire says she lost her re-election in the midterms because of the Chinese secretly working against her. She errs. Though The Way worked against her and was first recognized by the Chinese, it by no means is a Chinese special interest group. It is no more Chinese than the ear of corn, which, by the way, would make a great member of Congress. [The Hill]
- According to a New York Times analysis, Sonia Sotomayor and Samuel Alito are enforcers of their side’s points of view. John Roberts and Elena Kagan, on the other hand, move with “polish and charm.” And yet the Dao answers without speaking a word. [NYT]
{ 57 comments }
Charm? That's not what I meant when I said "Release the Kagen!"
Perhaps the Chinese should sponsor a potentate to counter the Dalai Lama, and elect Greene of South Carolina.
Like some kind of Manchurian Candidate, or something.
South Cackilacky you so crazy.
Hurrah hurrah.
Everywhere has a little bit of crazy in it. It's only in a select few states, though, that crazy is elected in any meaningful number.
Alvin Greene 2012!
Possible campaign slogans:
Eh, why not?
Experienced at running.
Like anyone else has a better chance.
Better than an ear of corn!
Don't forget Greene's special howl, which I cannot reproduce in words.
I believe you refer to his meditative Tibetan throat-singing. Namaste.
Not "better than" an ear of corn; only by being the same as an ear of corn can one truly understand the nature of congressional leadership.
Or by being a corn lobbyist for ADM.
Today, we are all Vilsacks of shit.
How about…
- Alvin Greene: I will not show you porn!
- I may be dumb, but I ain't Demint.
- Where else you gonna' go, huh?
- I will keep running until you elect me to something.
- A chicken in every pot, and a personalized bobble-head on every dashboard, y'all!
John Roberts moves with Polish?
Polish what? Sausage? This is why Today's Journalists are so weak. They don't get the facts straight!
"moves with Polish" is another way to say "ski."
It must be the polite way of saying he polishes his sausage during oral arguments.
You'd have to pass the time during that snoozefest somehow, certainly.
Ha ha, you said, "oral arguments."
Some of the best arguments I've had were oral….
Damn Chinese, they're stealing all our jerbs.
This could lead to the conclusion William McKinley (his Karl Rove, Mark Hanna, would not let him leave his own front porch to campaign) was our first Daoist president.
McKinley? Really? Are The Flintstones that old? Was Barbera McKinley's Rahm?
~BONNNNNNGGGGGGGGG~
How can someone go through life believing that he has done so much, with so little, for so long, that he now believes himself capable of making anything, out of absolutly nothing?
It's found in Sarah Palin: The Tao of Grifting and the Power of Delusion
Sarah Palin, that's how. She gives all of those hope that no matter how stupid, inane, and unpleasant you are, you too can has moar of the American Dreem!
Makes sense to me, duzz it ta yew?
Tao, dammit. Spell it right. The Tao might not care, but I do.
Chill, baby.
Maybe Jack was talking about Data Access Objects, a general programming interface for database access on Microsoft Windows system.
Or maybe he was talking about Dame Alice Owen's School in Hertfordshire, England.
Or maybe he was talking about double action only, a trigger mechanism for semi-automatic firearms.
I thought Daoists were supposed to be all zen and shit.
You're right, that was snippy. I'll go with Dominion Astrophysical Observatory in British Columbia, and beg forgiveness for my rude sound.
NP. The
DaoTao that surrounds me forgives you, and shit.Chill, since the word originated in a language with a completely different alphabet, the English spelling is subjective. Standardized English spelling of such words only occur over time. Taoism has only been around for a couple thousand years, so give it time.
Chill. I think Jack is just using the newfangled Pinyin transliteration system instead of tried-and-true Wade-Giles (or is that the other way around?).
Wade? I thought his first name was Rupert. Or are you referring to Goat Boy? I can never keep my translators, or Watchers, straight.
W-G is deprecated. Pinyin is the most common these days.
What is the sound of one hand fapping?
**moan, moan, moan, SQUEAL, moan, moan, moan, fuck, fuck, fuck, ah, ah, ah, AH, AH, KELLY CLARKSON……..and boom goes the dynamite.**
A Puerto Rican against an Italian?
Who knew SCOTUS was branching out into musical-theatre?
When you're a jet you're a jet all the way.
It's assured that Clarence Thomas has a social disease.
Or a wacky sit-com, with John Roberts as the "Barney Miller" sane guy in the midst of all the ethnic hilarity amongst the life-and-death issues. It practically writes itself.
Only if Barney Miller were actually an evil fuck.
The funniest tweet I read during Sotomayor's confirmation hearings was from a Puerto Rican woman who got upset at the way Sotomayor was being treated, so she tweeted something like, "I'm about to pick up a knife and start singing, 'I like to be in America…'"
Also: compromise: make Alvin Green Senator from Alaska. He got more votes in the last cycle than Murkowski, Miller, & Mc Adams, combined.
Green Tzu, The Art of Weird
"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro" – Dr. Hunter Thompson
"Why not. if Xtine O'Donell can make a career of running. why not ?" – Alvin Green
& this sets up a 2014 Nikki Haley re-election fight against Alvin Greene, running from the State House.
The Battle of the Blogger-Shagging Hindoo & Obscenity-Displaying Yogi.
Someone should convince Greene to run as a Republican. The last few elections have shown that their base isn't as concerned about pesky things like sanity and qualifications.
That would be just awesome. Can you imagine THAT GOP primary?
They could all ride to the debate venue in a short bus.
Isn't there an opening for Special Class President, Alvin seems well suited for that role.
Ralph Nader isn't the only Green(e) that puts elections at risk for Democrats.
I don't care how many times you call Alvin a Daoist, Jack, I still say he's a Jain.
if master greene's ch'i is ardent as the morning sun, and he uses the cheng when the ch'i is anticipated, while using the ch'i when the cheng is expected, then his shih will be as powerful as a mountain landslide and as unstoppable as a raging spring torrent.
Or not.
And Alvin Fucking Greene would be worse than our current crop of politicians, how?
He wouldn't. And unlike the junior senator from South Caorlina, he wouldn't be a sadistic bastard, either. At least not willfully.
Or a closeted self-hating fag like the Senior Senator.
What? I just found this out about Greene:
You have got to be fucking kidding me. I now love this guy.
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