Glenn Beck Edges Out Dalai Lama In Dumb ‘Most Admired’ Poll

  time for a new lama

Gallup apparently asks Americans which man and woman they “most admire” every year. In other words, the current president and Hillary Clinton, the most important-sounding people. But the breakdown is interesting:

Most admired man:

1. Barack Obama
2. George W. Bush
3. Bill Clinton
4. Nelson Mandela
5. Bill Gates
6. (tied) Pope Benedict XVI
6. (tied) Billy Graham
8. (tied) Jimmy Carter
8. (tied) Glenn Beck
10. The Dalai Lama

Who even knew Billy Graham is currently alive? And really, what person under the age of 30 knows who he is? Because, obviously, he is not as honorable as Glenn Beck, who once successfully landed an airplane in a river of his own tears. [USA Today]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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66 comments

  1. angryclownspawn

    This entire list is proof positive America is less home of the brave and more home of the out of their fucking minds.

    1. ingloriousbytch

      I call Jimmy to tell him to meet me outside then when he's safely ensconced in my car, I chain the doors shut and burn the bar to the ground. My maniacal laughter drowning out their pitiful cries for the God in whose name they committed all manner of fuckery.

  2. nounverb911

    "6. (tied) Pope Benedict XVI"

    I didn't realize that there were that many former Hitler Youth still living in Merika.

    1. Negropolis

      Believe it or not, but Catholics still exist in America. By the millions, even. I'll take a Catholic over a Southern Baptist any old day of the week. The sad thing is that that is actually the only choice in much of America. lol

  3. mavenmaven

    The list of women is even more retarded. The Queen of England?
    Also, one has to do some math here, as apparently Republicans don't really seem to like anyone, and the percentages look very partisan- if only 11% of Repubs liked Bush, and one assumes no Dems, how does he end up in second place? :

    "Obama is named by almost half of Democrats but just 6% of Republicans. Bush is the most-admired man among Republicans, cited by 11%. Hillary Clinton is cited by nearly a third of Democrats but just 5% of Republicans. Palin is the most-admired woman among Republicans, at 26%. "

    1. SexySmurf

      Aung San Suu Kyi is less admired than Palin, Oprah, Cunnilingus Rice and Angelina Jolie? I fucking quit.

      1. HistoriCat

        I'm amazed that enough Americans know who Aung San Suu Kyi is to name her to the poll and have her finish in the top 10.

    2. transfatz

      "if only 11% of Repubs liked Bush, and one assumes no Dems, how does he end up in second place?"

      They probably used a Fox news pie chart.

  4. metamarcisf

    Any poll like this that doesn't include Stephanie Courtney, the lady from the progressive auto insurance commercials, isn't worth even looking at.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      So, can I borrow Michael Jordan's nickname for Jerry Krauss to apply to Franklin Graham?

      Crumbs sounds really tasty.

  5. V572625694

    Both Beck and the DL believe crazy shit. But the DL also tells you to be peaceful, loving, and not kill stuff. Whereas Beck….I don't know, what does Beck think people should do?

    Oh yeah: buy gold from his sponsors. That's nice too, particularly since he spends the time between commercials geting his viewers jazzed up about how the world is falling apart.

    So, yeah, what's not to admire? Carter– fooey. How many Browns did he kill?

  6. Zvi_Bleindmeis

    It looks to me like the Gallup organization not only made this poll open-ended, but let the participants decide what the poll was going to be, too, and they didn't put too much energy into their answer. Watch next week's press releases for "Americans' Favorite Color: Surprising New Results."

  7. SayItWithWookies

    Considering the number of child molesters, murderers and people who raped and killed a young girl in the 1990s who made that list, I'm now reconsidering my opinion on whether America is on the right track or not. It's either that or I throw in the towel and invest in some meat cleavers and a barbecue grill.

    1. user-of-owls

      I know! I mean, I'm not saying that Ratzinger raped a young Jimmy Carter, molested Nelson Mandela and (unconscionably did not) kill Glen Beck in the 1980s, but if he doesn't have something to hide, why won't he provide proof?

  8. Guppy06

    Jimmy Carter is as respected as a Nazi pedophile?

    EDIT: Can you figure out which one is the Nazi pedophile?

    1. horsedreamer_1

      If I can take nothing else away from the Rachel Mc Adams rom-com Morning Glory, I can at least take away that Jimmy Carter is a sexual offender.

  9. SorosBot

    To anyone who named the douchebag shitheads the country's worst president ever, the Nazi who covers up child rape and fronts the world's most evil organization, the fake-crying demagogue, or the racist fundamentalist creepy old minister, please get the fuck out of my country and stop ruining it.

    1. Guppy06

      As far as the child rape guy is concerned, I'm pretty sure that Catholics always have to vote for the current pope on such surveys, or else get sent to Purgatory.

  10. LetUsBray

    Should we be grateful Nelson Mandela finished ahead of Glenn Bleck?

    I'm pleasantly surprised to see neither Dear Leader, Kim nor Sarah, on the list.

  11. Oblios_Cap

    I'm surprised that many landliners know who Mandela, Carter, and the Dali Lama are. Since the organizations pretty much only poll people too stupid to look at caller ID, I would have thought W., Beck, and Chney would have been the top 3.

  12. LionelHutzEsq

    So, spots 6-9 are taken up by a racist, a racist, a peanut farmer, and a racist.

    Once again, Jimmy Carter is the only person who can bring some dignity to a proceeding.

    1. arihaya

      Jimmy Carter is the most underrated figure in history since Count Gebhard von Blucher, who saved Duke of Wellington's arse from being spanked by Napoleon in Waterloo

  13. JustPixelz

    Dubya is the second most admired by Gallup's Americans? This proves my theory that you can read My Pet Goat while the country is under attack, invade the wrong country, fuck up the economy, go to a fund raiser while people drown in New Orleans, do most of the things King George did before the Revolution (including torture) … do all those things, and still be admired.

      1. Negropolis

        Plus, he's a good ole (faux) Southern boy that makes them feel better about themselves and their shortcomings.

  14. LionelHutzEsq

    Would a crying, victimized Bircher be admired in Ronald Reagan's America? I think not. Just a further example of how Conservatism has fallen.

  15. Ancient_Hackery

    Whoa folks, how could there be not just one but *two* tie votes? The odds against that are enormous, unless, USA Today asked, like, the ten people at the bus stop.

  16. Gorillionaire

    Gallup may as well have a poll by which they just call up olds and say "name somebody!" and then write down what they say.

  17. finallyhappy

    I think the people who get paid to do this make the shit up and don't call anyone. In fact, I think the pollsters are some of the Wonketteers posting here.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      I prefer the term wonkeratti, as I feel it reflects the dignity due this august group of pundits.

      OT: Any posts coming on the baby Democrats who are trying to turn filibusters into filibusters on Jan 3, their one chance? The Olds who run the Democratic party will stop any reform, of course, because they assume, not without justification, they will lose the senate in 2012. But while I was thinking about this on the way home from the airport (it beats yelling at Mr. DBB, who refuses to wear a hearing aid and makes communicating in a car inpossible) where we dropped off our baby to fly back to Silver Spring, I decided it would hurt the Republithugs more. Ds always do the right thing, eventually. Rs have a take-no-prisoners, scorched-earth style (the only good Liberal is a dead Liberal) of governing that doesn't let thoughts of what is good for the country ever get in the way of winning. Their death panel scare tactics: exhibit number one. Or maybe making war as good political policy. Or . . .fuck. They're total douchebags. Take away the easy filibuster. It will hurt them more.

      Talk amongst yourselves or return to our regular program.

      1. transfatz

        "I prefer the term wonkeratti, as I feel it reflects the dignity due this august group of pundits."

        Not to mention adding a sinister, edgy feeling, quite different from Annette Funicello.

    2. transfatz

      I did that many times in sociology courses. I just made up a pantheon of characters, asked them the questions, and wrote down their likely answers. It was always good for a B+.

  18. Negropolis

    Isn't this basically "Whose Name Do You Recognize the Most?" I think most of the lists show just how ignorant this nation is.

    I hear Sarah Palin topped the list of the most influential religious figures. The fuck?! Sarah Palin is about as saintly and pious as Anna Nichole Smith on a bender.

    Too soon?

  19. hagajim

    I can't believe Mo Shep and Curly aren't on that list….because I can identify at least three stooges….fucking idiots!

  20. ttommyunger

    Dalai Lama? Are you shitting me? This just proves without a doubt we are totally fucked. I tried to listen to "The Dalai" one day and I waited through the whole fucking speech not because I was interested in what he was saying, but because I kept thinking was going to finally say something that wasn't linked to the previous hackneyed glittering generality. The "D" is all hype and frosting, no cake. It would take a total fuckwad to give any credence to anything he says. In that respect, he and Glenn are neck and neck.

      1. ttommyunger

        That one went over my head, but don't worry, I'm used to it… I know it is pronounced “weegers”, but still don't get the reference.

        1. user-of-owls

          a) Kos has branded TT as a Chinese government factotum for anti-Dalai bash (Alvin would think bad thoughts about you, if he thought);

          b) Chinese government rejects, viciously, any attempt by non-Han minorities to organize and/or press demands which are rooted in "unrecognized" ethnicity; (i.e., ethnocultural identities, like 'Tibetan' or 'Uighur' are considered illegitimate sources of political expression;

          c) Ergo propter hoc, the idea that the Uighurs could share an identity…"we"…is anathema to the PRC;

          d) Ipso factotum delibro gamma pi ("Go Gam-Pi's!"), any puny joke that takes this much explanation is a confession of humor turpitude.

          1. ttommyunger

            So you don't think I'm hopelessly stupid/thick/uninformed, I am laughing hysterically at your joke now that I actually get it. HAHAHAHAHA!

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