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'FREE GOVERNMENT MONEY!'Julian Assange is still standing in the snow outside of his mansion-prison in the land of animal-blood-eaters, talking to fellow journalists (and all the kids watching at home!) about the dangers of condom use when having sex with a sleeping woman. And also Latin American wiretapping, if they have time. He is still wearing that green jacket that you get when you win The Masters of being accused of rape by Swedish openness fangirls. And he has news for all of us: He got a book deal! And also one of those ladies he did the sex to took a picture of him lying naked on her bed, supposedly to sext to her friends and whatever the international news and/or politics version of Deadspin is (us?).

The dick photo has yet to wiki-leak to the Internet (TIPS@WONKETTE.COM! SO WE CAN VOMIT!), so we don’t know if the disgusting coarse half-shaved white carpet matches the blond-highlighted disgusting drapes (WHOOPS! WE JUST DID VOMIT!). But we do know this:

When she asked him if he was wearing anything, he had allegedly said: “I am wearing you.”

The Battle of the Sexes is over! This guy won it! Thanks, bro.

Oh, meanwhile, that book deal, the one worth $1.3 million because of all the gossipy sex stuff:

“I don’t want to write this book, but I have to,” he told the Sunday Times. “I have already spent £200,000 for legal costs and I need to defend myself and to keep WikiLeaks afloat.”

Oh, he has to write this book. He has to cash in on/bolster his celebrity status. Doesn’t he know Real Journalists are supposed to like writing books? Even Dana Milbank has written a few books, and he works for the Washington Post, so he must be a journalist. [ABC News/The Australian]

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