merry christmas jesus!

Bristol Palin Pays $172,000 Cash For Foreclosed Tract House In Arizona

'My crystal dildo tells me Maricopa is the new Wasilla!'Nothing says “Merry Christmas” like the exciting news that 20-year-old Bristol Palin — known for getting pregnant as a teenager and not knowing how to dance at all — has bought a house! Hooray, Bristol! Times are tough for everyone, but somehow she scraped up $172,000 from under Sarah’s burrito wrappers on the couch and now Bristol is the proud (?) owner of some utterly random foreclosed tract house in some abandoned Arizona exurb. We cannot even begin to make sense of this.

The Arizona Republic reports:

The purchase of the five-bedroom house represents a typical real-estate saga in Arizona. Public records show the home was built in 2006 and bought for $329,560. It went into foreclosure in January of this year.

Said the person who bought the REO for $137,200 and cleaned it up and sold it to Sarah Palin’s Alaskan daughter for some reason, “I’m not sure why she wanted to buy that home, but we are real happy for her.”

No one’s sure.

Remember, this is Maricopa, Arizona. This is not a resort area. This is not Scottsdale or Sedona. This is the flat, awful, very far edge of the Phoenix sprawl. The two-lane highway that doubles as Maricopa’s “Main Street” is lined with the decrepit shacks of cotton pickers and lonesome old people waiting to die.

View Larger Map

Beyond this tragic strip of cracked blacktop, there are a handful of vulgar tract home developments — mostly abandoned now, a grim enough situation that ABC’s Nightline program did a special report on Maricopa and called it the “poster child of the housing crisis.”

Wonkette operative “Steve M.” suggests there’s something more to Bristol’s WTF home purchase than her congenital need for a shoddily constructed exurban stucco travesty she can fill up with babies and unused Bow Flex machines just like back home in Wasilla. He says this means she has political ambitions, beyond all her other obvious talents such as being able to get pregnant without a condom:

So here’s the best part.

Maricopa is a half-empty town south of Phoenix. Most of the homes are either in foreclosure or heading in that direction. That’s why she could buy a 5 bedroom house for $172,000.

But guess what? Arizona will get a new, 9th Congressional District thanks to the new census. Most observers think Maricopa will end up smack-dab in the middle of this new district.

Bristol for Congress!

Think I’m joking. I live in the 3rd Congressional District, represented by none other than Ben Quayle!

We sure hope Santa kills us all tonight, because this is getting to be a bit much. [Arizona Republic]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
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    1. alaninthecastro

      Maricopa is conveniently close to the massive Florence prison complex, where Arizona supplements its meth-based economy by charging other states to warehouse their Negroes. So perhaps Bristol wants to position herself on the cusp of Amreica's future.

  1. aguacatero

    If indeed the Wikileaks Task Force (WTF) is involved in this, it may go even deeper than Wonkette Operative Steve M. thinks.

    1. Sheesko

      One of the five bedrooms is no doubt on reserve for her ex-mother-in-law-to-be. She'll need a meth mentor to get the business started, after all. When does the old broad get out? Is she in? Wait, I'm confused. Palins will do that to you.

    1. WhatTheHeck

      Not so. I read in The Enquirer that one can only lose one's virginity on the first night of one's honeymoon.
      So, by all that's holy, she's still a virgin. Which means, her child had a virgin birth after she was visited by three swarmy men from the east.

  2. Pithaughn

    Well, there are practically no mosquitoes in that part of the desert south west. That, and they get first crack at hiring the cream of the crop of illegelz., both attributes diametrically canarded from Wasilla.

  3. SheriffRoscoe

    I've long held a theory that you can give white trash a bazillion dollars and they'll still behave like white trash, eat white trash food, enjoy white trash hobbies, and aim for the same white trash goals. After reading this unbelievable story, my theory remains in force.

    1. JustPixelz

      I am obliged under Fux News guidelines (which apply here, of course) to IMMEDIATELY tell readers there are critics who question your theory.

      1. Pithaughn

        And yet the popular cable reality TV show's of our epoch provide mountains of anecdotal evidence that support the Sheriff's hypothesis. Exhibit one: all of the former poors who are portrayed on the program documenting lottery winners, still can't speak the English language and don't bother educating themselves beyond the pros and cons of various brands of motorboats, ATV's and trucks.

      2. V572625694

        An event can't really be said to have happened until it appears in a Bob Woodward book. So when his tick-tocker on the Bristol-vs-Baby Quayle election of 2014 appears, we'll find out that you're right: she has none of the genuine born-in breeding of GWB.

    2. Plowmon

      I subscribe to your theory as well and cannot believe she harbors political ambitions. Maybe she aspires to something along the lines of these Kardashian enterprises, I'm looking for her new fragrance 'Bristol' to debut at Family Dollar stores across our great nations soon…

        1. Negropolis

          Arizonia is more "Crazy Libertarian" than it is "Crazy Evangelical", though that is quickly changing. As long as you stay off their lawn and you are not a Mexican, they don't care what you do. Some philosopher hobo is probably building a nuclear reactor in his dusty, south Phoenix backyard as we speak with his neighbors none-the-wise.

  4. SexySmurf

    Bristol is five years too young to run for Congress, but she could always become the new Joe Arpaio.

    1. aguacatero

      The first clause in your statement is pre-9/11 thinking.

      It would be very in keeping with the tendencies of High Winger dialectics for Bristol/Sarah to start claiming Bristol is already 26, and that asking to see her birth certificate is unconstitutional.

    2. Guppy06

      Meh. All truly horrible members of Congress got their start by being truly horrible members of state legislatures, which usually only require being 18.

    1. Rarian Rakista

      Arizona used to attract high tech companies in the 70's and 80's like Intel and Motorola but when George Lucas in the 1990's went to ASU and offered to build a 100 million dollar film school they declined, it would of taken up space used for their football stadium, FOOTBALL!

      I would not be surprised after a few thousand years if Arizona does not produce a new species of human without hearts or brains.

      1. Beowoof

        Wouldn't want any of that learnin going on, there are kids games to be played as if they actually mean something in the grand scheme of their lives.

    2. GunTotingProgressive

      It's fucking tragic… Once you get out of the Valley, it's a beautiful state. Unfortunately, we have scorpions, rattlesnakes, and tea-tards.

  5. gef05

    "In response to unprecedented hyper-growth, the residents of Arizona’s 88th city voted to adopt its first Municipal General Plan that would ensure Maricopa achieves its vision through the year 2025."

    The vision: Provide teen birthers with foreclosed McMansions so they can fit oversized water-filled condoms onto the penises of their brood daddys.

    (Seriously with the pic – wtf?)

      1. Rarian Rakista

        Well if it is anything like Christine O' Donnell's merkin they got their jobs cut out for them. Thinking about it, it would be nice to have a relaxing pubic puck and shave with that polka music playing, hmm. Hurries off to get razor and iPod.

    1. DoktorZoom

      In a frantic attempt to keep up, Idaho has been sending brochures and lobbyists to court Willow Palin.

    1. DoktorZoom

      Bristol was worried about the possible crime rate in the neighborhood, but once she saw that there were no decapitated corpses in the pool, she figured it was "pretty good for Arizona."

  6. SmutBoffin

    Couldn't she handle the frantic, fast-paced life of Wasilla AK? Is that why she always seems to be frowning?

  7. Texan_Bulldog

    As if AZ didn't already have enough reasons to hang their head in shame (Walnuts, Brewer, Arpaio, SB 1070). That's definitely a fly over state.

      1. Rarian Rakista

        Flagstaff and Tucson are alright, its just the entire middle of the state is populated by people who moved there from other red states. It is like a 24/7 wingnut convention that never ends.

  8. lochnessmonster

    Putting the house in Bristol's name is a way to try and fool people. You know it's really Sarah Mama Grizzly Bear Lipstick on a Pitbull Palin and old Grampa McCain's love shack.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      Adolf used to offer prizes for women who had more than 8 Aryan children. Methinks Bristol has a goal in mind…

        1. Rarian Rakista

          If a secret Nazi hanger opened in the middle of Phoenix and a Zeppelin slowly rose from its subterranean lair, I'm certain Brewer, Kyl, Arpaio and Goldwater's corpse would be waving from the gondola with McCain piloting the airship on a slow circle over the city while blaring the Nazi National Anthem from loudspeakers, if this happened, would anyone really be surprised?

      1. horsedreamer_1

        They had to change their name to Speedealer, after the prior REO sued.

        They did get ex-Metallica bassist Jason Newsted to produce the album that followed name-change, though.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      I can't for the life of me figure how anyone on vacation would ever SEE Maricopa. No, this purchase has "internet search" written all over it.

  9. weejee

    1 plus 1 = one more, plus not won = 5 bdr 2½ bath howz in Tortilla Flats. Once again the maths clearly show that the bidness of 'Murica is bidness.

    We are in such unholy deep mierda amigos I suggest we all take an early dive into the deep end of the eggnog trough.

    Brandy ho ho ho

  10. MaxUdargo

    Jesus, I lived in Maricopa when I was a boy! It was a dirty truck stop. There was like one grocery store and one restaurant that served hamburgers and french fries that smelled funny. My grandfather had moved his trucking company there and my cousin and I used to drive up and down the dirt roads in the golf cart my grandpa had bought to move around the truck yard. We'd take off in the golf cart and soon all the Indian boys would start chasing us. Yes, even then we were probably supposed to call them "native-American boys" but dammit they was Injuns. And my cousin would drive the cart as fast as he could because he was a stage-coach driver. And I'd sit backwards on the tail end and shoot my BB gun at the Injuns who was chasin' us.

    It wasn't politically correct, but it was fun, and I'm pretty sure nobody ever lost an eye.

    But that was a long time ago. It's probably changed.

    1. SheriffRoscoe

      Haha, a couple of white(?) kids shooting at injuns from the back of a golf cart in Bumfuck, Arizona. That's fucking sweet man.

      1. MaxUdargo

        I don't know if it's still as "rural" (i.e., out in the middle of the fucking desert), but, if so, our precious Palin progeny is not only going to have to deal with angry Injuns, but sidewinders, scorpions and black widows by the bucket-full.

        Jesus, I remember the black widows. In the house where we lived, there were hundreds if not thousands of them living in the shade under the eaves of the house. You couldn't stand next to the house because there were always black widows falling from the eaves. They'd fall into the dirt and then slowly climb back up the wall of the house. So you could see 'em swarming in the darkness under the eaves and there were always a dozen or so visible crawling up the wall.

        Yes, it was something of a nightmare. But the sidewinders usually kept their distance, and the scorpions mostly stayed under ground. And you learned quickly to never walk too near bushes in the desert. They were always occupied by something ornery.

        Who the fuck am I kidding? It was a barren wasteland filled with poisonous monsters. Bristol won't last two weeks there.

        1. SheriffRoscoe

          Sometimes the prose on Wonkette is as good as, or better than something in a Glenn Beck holiday-themed novel. Seriously, Max, I'm not using my customary sarcasm when I say this. You are quite the story teller.

        2. Bluestatelibel

          You say, "It was a barren wasteland filled with poisonous monsters." But I think Bristol would adapt perfectly. Did she not grow up in a barren wasteland? And was she herself not raised by a poisonous monster? She'll do just fine.

        3. jim89048

          Barren will be the name of the bundle of joy she's presently incubating. And it's a crying shame that her mother isn't barren. also.

    2. LetUsBray

      Sure it's changed. By now there are probably some half-dozen restaurants serving burgers and fries that smell funny.

  11. neiltheblaze

    This is so much better than the meth trailer she was destined for before her Grizzly Mom made it big in the wingnut welfare circuit.

    1. DoktorZoom

      Latest Wingnut Trope: responding to any use of the "I can see ____ from my house" joke by pointing out that Sarah Never Actually Said That, and accusing liberals of credulously believing everything they see on SNL.

      This regard for scrupulous fact-checking comes from folks who seriously believes that Healthcare reform included death panels and that Obama is an illegal Kenyan. I wonder if it's possible to teach Irony as a Second Language?

      1. LocalGirlMakesGoo

        I just read that, also too. On several different sites, if I'm not mistaken. Remind me why I keep trolling It just isn't fun anymore.

  12. SorosBot

    Bristol can't run for congress, because you have to be at least 25 to do so; but then, she's a Palin, she's probably too dumb to know that.

  13. fartknocker

    I believe her house is in Pinal County, home of Sherrif Paul Baubu, the latest incarnation of wing-tard Sherrifs in Arizona. Maricopa is a lovely town because they have stockyards on three side, so Bristol will smell cow flatulence 3/4 of the time. It's a god awful ugly place. I rank Maricopa as Arizona's colon and Yuma its sphincter muscle.

    I believe this is a SarahPAC staging location. She seriously may be considering running for Walnuts or Uncle Kyl's seat in DC.

    These tea-tards are fun to watch. TIme to get my drink on…

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Sheriff Paul, considered a babe in wingnut circles, has EXTREME political ambitions (see AND his Facebook page, communication devices previously unheard of in Florence, AZ). He's already made himself comfy under McCain's wing. I hope Wifey Babeu wakes up and smells the coffee because I believe a political dynasty is a-brewin'.

    2. ChessieNefercat

      Should be an interesting time for McCain. Everywhere he looks, he'll see Palin with a calculating look in her eye and a fold up in its own pocket handy dandy shroud, ready to roll him right up in it.

      Odds are he won't last 6 years if Arizona allows the gov to appoint a senator (I don't know if that's the case and don't care enough at the moment to look it up) to a recently and tragically vacated seat. Save the Alaskunt (Arizkunt?) the trouble of actually having to, you know, work to get elected.

    1. Sparky_McGruff

      Money from a Palin would either be soaked in Wasilla's finest meth, or it would be pilfered from Sarah's PAC, in which case it would smell of ben-gay and McRib sauce.

  14. V572625694

    Mama Alaskunt has obviously learned the sad truth many parents already know: sometimes the only way to you get your grown children out of your house is to buy them one.

    1. SheriffRoscoe

      And since Mama makes a hundred large every time she gives a speech nowadays, this house represents quite a toll on Mama's work output. Seriously, Bristol, you can go live in West Hollywood with your new gay dance friends, and be the po' little girl in the cockroach infested condo; or you can go live in Maricopa and be the rich girl everybody's jealous of. See, it makes more sense now.

  15. Monsieur_Grumpe

    If anyone or anything else moved there it would probably be an improvement. In this case the cliché there goes the neighborhood is fitting.

  16. Not_So_Much

    Jeebus, if the locals thought property values sucked as before, just wait until this ham-faced succubus starts galomphing through the hood in enormous daisy dukes and a homemade bandanna halter-top…

  17. x111e7thst

    A foreclosed tract house in AZ sounds pretty much like hell on earth to a Manhattan boy like me. To Bristol it probably seems like paradise.

    1. Rarian Rakista

      I'm an urbanite Portlander on the west coast and it sounds like hell to me too, but seriously how long would Bristol Palin last amongst people like us? When I was her age I was almost done with college, working for 60k a year and looking for a condo to buy with my own money, if she didn't have mommy's checks covering her ass she would be stripping or trying to get into a nursing program at a community college. Barring that she would of gotten pregnant and collected welfare or ended up in prison slinging meth.

  18. PuckStopsHere

    Ben Quayle WON? Are you serious? That fucking doorknob is a member of fucking Congress? Oh, my, God. Things are worse than I thought. Way worse. Santa may as well kill us all tonight. We are doomed, anyway. And this state gets an extra seat? A democracy–if you can hold it–indeed.

  19. DashboardBuddha

    Sweet Jesus…it's like the set from Mad Max but without the charm. However, there is a Walmart nearby as well as a U-Haul, so that's good.

  20. Barbara_i

    That looks like the perfect place for the hymeneal-challenged, GED snatching, ex-life- support- for- a- pussy for Levi. Any girl that large deserves to live large. I hope that her other son will be joining her to nosh on any lead paint left in the rumpus room. I hope that she gets a lovely curio cabinet for all of her rubber dorks and can get pregnant again soon to try to trap another man into a relationship.

    Actually, I think the little slant-eyed kid is going to make a lovely little nibble for the chupacabra. Way to go Bristol!

      1. Barbara_i

        Yeah, leaving your rubber dorks and antique sexual devices just laying around with two kid like that could cause damage. You know how they are all "monkey see, monkey do" and they could chip a baby tooth or something.

      1. DoktorZoom

        Heh… remember that 2001 case where a new resident of Marana tried to sue Arizona Game & Fish when a coyote ate his housecat?

  21. ttommyunger

    Please, Governor Perry, when you take Texas out of the Union can you take Arizona with you? It doesn't eat much and is almost house-broken.

  22. aqua_buddha

    A quick google-map for 'maricopa az airport' shows quite a few nearby airfields, probably a few of which connect to the Hollywood walk of fame. Tucson Intl not far either.

    Agree that this is a PalinPac staging area or basecamp, a regional stop right in the center of the new Arizona Confederacy, comprised of raging suncrisped olds who are continuously & reliably angry about things.

    But for now the Abstinence Princess can limit her carbon footprints, for those nonstop Hollywood curtain calls or whatever she's in constant demand for. Can't be more than an hour flight.
    Without living amongst the socialists and coloreds and gays and all.

  23. One_who_wanders

    You really need a "Kill me now" tag. Or a "Read it and weep" one. Meanwhile I am just going to plug my ears while saying La-la-la.

  24. JoshuaNorton

    Typical. As soon as they get a few bucks in their pocket they head out of state.

    Not that I can blame her too much. But going from permanent frost bite to permanent sun stroke? That's got to be a major shock to what little culture she's managed to scrape together.

    Plus 5 bedrooms? I detect an upcoming episode of "Hoarders" in her future.

  25. bflrtsplk

    Let's see. That's five little Bristols times five for each bedroom. Zikes! That's 32 new Bristols. She's – uh – erecting tents out back for the fatherz. By the way, that photo is way fuzzy. Maybe a little too much Mezcal on the job?

    1. horsedreamer_1

      She was in the family/ Now she's got one of her own// That's right/ Five kids/ Even worse, five little girls/ That's five more of her/ That's five jezebelles/ Five fatherless kids, one single mom/She's no longer young but the boys still come

  26. DoktorZoom

    God, can't an average American teenager drop a couple hundred thousand dollars, cash, on a repossessed house in a depressed, meth-infested neighborhood without a bunch of complete strangers making a big fuss over it?

  27. Clancy_Pants

    Q: What's the difference between Maricopa AZ and Wasilla AK?
    A: Average temperature. Everything else is the same including per capita teen pregnancy rates and methamphetamine labs.

    1. UW8316154

      I've been to both places, and you are correct, they are both nasty meth-infested gravel pits of hate. Nod goes to Wasilla for at least being close to something resembling natural beauty. And no blacki widow spiders or scorpions.

  28. donner_froh

    If you rotate the compass on the map so that north is at about 7:00 o'clock the only business that is tagged pops up: "A-1 Health and Wellness".

    Being a perv, I assumed with that name it was an Asian massage parlor, a rub and tug palace staffed by trafficked sex slaves from Guangdong or Chang Mai and that Bristol would feel very much at home with them as neighbors since she is the child of a sleazoid who wouldn't think twice about human trafficking if she thought she could make a few bucks.

    It turns out it is a chiropractic practice but she is still the child of a sleazoid and well on her way to becoming one herself.

    1. MadBrahms

      I wasn't aware that steak sauce was a part of standard chiropractic practice. Must have something to do with loosening up subluxations and whatnot.

    1. SheriffRoscoe

      Yes, in some cases it does. But you have to shed every last ounce of dignity you now possess in order to play.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      Well, demented sort of implies some sort of cranial activity, so I guess it's a good look for her.

  29. OldRedneck

    Maybe she's getting out of Wasilla so Levy can move back in.

    Or — maybe she plans to open a cathouse — you know — something with which she has experience.

  30. SheriffRoscoe

    Appetizer, dinner, dessert….all under control. Me and my friend Grey Goose got this one covered. I'm logging off now so I can roast up something delicious for my five or six homo friends to enjoy at Christmas dinner. Oh wait, that's Christ's Mass dinner. Suck it, protestants.

    Merry Christ's Mass, heathen wonkette buddies!

  31. smokefilledroommate

    Here's a link to the actual house she bought (not that anyone cares).

    And some actual Maricopa news headlines:

    More Maricopa News

    1. Bristol Palin buys home south of PHX

    2. Mom says daughter attacked by classmates

    3. FD: Maricopa tire fire snuffed out

    4. Teen 'huffing' in Wal-Mart passes out
    * Watch Video

    5. Maricopa chase leads to drug arrest

    6. Maricopa school vies for $25K award

    I fully expect Pinal County to become 'Palin County' (oooooh weird anagram!) in the not-too-distant future. Welcome to Arizona, Bristol–you've earned it, shithead!

    1. PresBeeblebrox

      Wow. I sure want to see the video of the teen huffing computer duster in a Wal-Mart until he passes out. While we're at it, can we see a photo montage of the best Arizonan neck tattoos of 2010?

    2. trampndirtdown

      Oh my gosh that is soo scary. I hope Bristol can bring some of Joe the Millers' posse with her for protection. Arizona is just swarming with brown people, like down at the Home Depot, they're all lined up to work, and you just know they're illegals. And i heard on Fox and Friends that those people kill each other all the time, because of drugs, and when the drug wars get out of hand they just start killing everybody. Even the Governor was talking about the headless bodies dumped in the desert. Like I said scary.

      1. smokefilledroommate

        If Tripp were to go to any AZ public school, he'd probably be at about Trig's level by graduation.

  32. BerkeleyBear

    CNN, who covers all thing Palin more breathlessly than even Wonkette, reported a couple of days ago that the crappy lawyer of hers in Alaska, Thomas van Flein (who she appointed to be the AG with no damn relevant experience) was going to be a staffer for some Arizona politico. At the time it seemed a random thing, but add this in and you have to start wondering how long before the whole clan is running around the various Elephant Bar franchises and sporting Kurt Warner Cardinal jerseys.

  33. PublicLuxury

    As Bristle teaches teenage pregnancy is not glamours at all. Teenage pregnancy leads to poverty. NOT. Most teenage mothers see their hopes, dreams and ambitions smashed all to hell while the father moves ahead with his dreams. NOT.

    What a role model Bristle is turning out to be.

    Wanna be rich? Get knocked up by Levi Johnston.

    1. AntonovBureau

      Alaska seems a bit ferrign to me, connected to Kanada and within seein distance of the Rooskies. Someone better check her birf certificate at a checkpoint

      1. jim89048

        It's been described as a foreign country populated by Texans. Seeing what it exports, I have no reason to question this.

  34. Sassomatic

    Perhaps she wants to live in a vulgar shoddily-built tract home in some crap-ass exurb in a racist state to prove she is a Real American.

  35. Beetagger

    I'm pretty sure it is near one of them new gubmint internment camps. She can entertain the inmates with her large, dancing twat.

  36. BeWoot

    Given the level of rightwing douchetude in this state, Bristol Palin joining the Arizona GOP actually constitutes an upgrade for the party.

  37. Sheesko

    To be fair, Maricopa AK *is* a step up from Wasilla, AL — though one step back, alphabetically speaking, but you'd have to pretty damn literary to give much of a fuck about that, so….

    Actually, it's probably just an investment. I mean, with the economy looking up and all that, she probably plans to re-flip the thing for close to its original selling price. The lawn flamingos will convey, of course.

  38. schvitzatura

    I walked forty-seven miles of barbed wire
    I use a cobra snake for a neck tie
    I got a brand new house on the roadside
    Made from rattlesnake hide
    I got a brand new chimney made on top
    Made out of human skull
    Come on take a little walk with me
    Bristol tell me who do you love?

  39. mavenmaven

    Its like the old Will Rogers line, in this move from Wasila to Maricopa she is raising the IQ of both states…

    1. dyedwool

      Not to come off like an argumentative twit, or dazzle you with SCIENCE…but in a stunningly singular achievement of IQ Displacement (a theory which I just made up, just now, for the purposes of this convo), Bristol's physical remove raises the IQ of the one (that's true), while her presence in fact LOWERS the IQ of the the other.

      See? Like I said…STUNNING.

  40. BaldarTFlagass

    Damn, I hate coming late to the party, all the good snark is taken and all I get to do is thumb-up people that had the same thoughts as I did upon reading the post.
    BTF out. See y'all 5 Jan.

  41. Blendergoathead

    This is even more sinister than when the Corleone family moved their operations from New York to Nevada.

  42. Steverino247

    I guess I should be happy she bought a place in Maricopa, AZ and not Hemet, CA, although there's probably not much difference, really.

  43. BarackMyWorld

    All theories about Bristol Palin's plans seem to suffer from the samed flaw in reasoning: that Bristol Palin is capable of planning anything.

  44. MadBrahms

    We laugh, but it's only a matter of time before Our Flourishing Economy is completely Palin-driven, either through our purchases of Palin memorabilia, or through Palin family purchases of our houses / cars / organs (sold to pay for aforementioned memorabilia).

  45. nicnack74

    My hypothesis: Bristol buys the house, then Sarah buys a house to be closer to her grand child. Then she runs for McCain's seat.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      I said it before and I'll say it again. McCain better get a food taster and a bodyguard pretty quick. He cost the Arctic Airhead the presidency (he would have died of excitement from being elected, right?) and he owes her that senate seat.

  46. guangho

    As I understand it, Sarah and Bristol will re enact Grifters but this time with old people and Viagra.

    In other words pretty much what they are doing now.

  47. mrblifil

    Some asshole told her it was a great chance to flip the property and make a bundle. Unfortunately for her, Obama's negritude will prevent home values from ever rising again. Either that or she wants someplace really removed and private from which to run her online adult chat site.

    1. AntonovBureau

      There is no doubt she is know surrounded by sophisticated financial advisors giving her lots of ideas for money making schemes. I'll bet some of the rooms will be used for an 'investment' in 'collectables'

          1. Negropolis

            I gotta 2008 DNC "Ask Me How Many Houses I Own" bumper sticker. I don't know how the DNC got my address, but I promptly asked them to lose it. Love you guys (from afar), but that shit is just too cute by a half.

  48. les_gvt

    It is amazing how people begrudge others good fortunes.

    How much did she make from Dancing? How many have noticed that she has been busy making money to support herself and her child?

    What about the fact that if Her parents and sibling s stay there, it will save them money from flying in and out of Alaska?

    I know- the problem was in the first question- SHE EARNED HER OWN MONEY, and libs hate it when anyone proves they don't need government handouts to be succesful

      1. les_gvt

        Dancing with the stars gets its money from the governemtn?

        All the talk shows and other appearances she has done are paid by the governemt?

        I need to start doing that also then

        1. Negropolis

          Yeah, you do need to start doing something, anything, because this gig as a Wonkette troll isn't working out for you. It's not us, it's you, bless your heart.

          1. les_gvt

            amazing, once again, the progressives show their true colors, they believe in diverse opinions, as long as you agree with them

            One word comes to mind- HYPOCRITES

          2. DustBowlBlues

            I'm not a progressive, dipshit. I'm a liberal. Why is it right wingers have such a hard time distinguishing "our" wonkette from Daily Kos?

            Who let the fucking troll in here, anyway. S/he-it is messing up my holiday buzz. Where's the editor when you need one?

            I miss Jim. He woulda' taken a moment out from his ginger frivolity to bring down the banhammer.

            PS You're boring us.

          3. les_gvt

            That means you are free to leave anytime you want, don't lt the door hit you on the way out

            So- do you even know the difference between a liberal and a Progressive? Thought not

          4. transfatz

            You trolls have no idea what Wonkette is about. Hint: it is not about opinions, diverse or otherwise.

          5. les_gvt

            you do have a point, there doesn't seem to be any opinions here, it's is just all bash a Palin and insult mentally challenged babies

            Hopefully you will never have one yourself, so as you don't have to endure what you heap on others

          6. transfatz

            There are several special needs parents here. Thing is, they don't pimp their Kid's disability to tell the nation a lie (death panels).
            I'll pimp now.
            Lost anyone lately? I did, I lost my mom. Before she died she went into a state she would not have wanted to live in. Knowing this, she began refusing all nourishment and fluids. "Death panels" are about letting medicare to pay for a son's consultation with a doctor about the options and consequences of his and the dying person's decisions. Her doctor was kind, he did it pro-bono. The decision was mine and, emphatically, not free.
            Sarah put Trig in the public domain, and not in a good way.

          7. les_gvt

            As I recall, the press is the ones that wouldn't let go of Trig, Thy were looking for anything they could use to smear her. Funny I don't recall a thing about Malia during the campaign, because they were off limits, but yet every single day, they had new "dirt" on Palins kids

            Sorry to hear about your mom, but the death panels were authorized in the stimulus bill, so this means they were already working on the health car debacle before the election. Also around pg 1992- would have to dig back up- there are panels discussed.

            However, the real key is listening to Don Berwick, and his constant talk of rationing. Also remember that Cass Sunstien believes in the VLS system, and has stated on more than one occassion that he woould give "scarce " resources to a 20 yr old over a 60 year old.

            Look t what Zeke Emmanuel has said and written. These are the men implementing the bill, and as you hav seen, they do as they please, and totally ignore the laws and Constitution.

            Berwick has said he has no problem letting people die. Remember, Obama would have given his own grandmother a pill instead of surgery.

            My grandmother had hip surgery at 78, and 15 years later still feeds the family from her garden, and cooks dinner 2-3 times a week- finally quit letting her drive at night

          8. FlyOverGirl

            So the media just randomly follows the Palin family around so they can film and air a reality show without their permission?

          9. glamourdammerung

            amazing, once again, the progressives show their true colors, they believe in diverse opinions, as long as you agree with them

            One word comes to mind- HYPOCRITES

            Yes, it is amazing that when you come over here just to insult people, those same people call you an ass.

        2. transfatz

          "Dancing with the stars gets its money from the governemtn? All the talk shows and other appearances she has done are paid by the governemt? I need to start doing that also then"

          Before you can have less government, you must learn to spell it, grasshopper.

    1. AntonovBureau

      See what you don't get is all of those 'earnings' should have been taxed at a 99% tax rate. Now with the tax cuts for the rich, she can buy her own place? Shouldn't be happening.

    2. ChessieNefercat

      How much did she make from whoring around? There, fixed it for you..

      What about the fact that if Her parents and sibling s stay there, it will save them money from flying in and out of Alaska?

      Why the uppercase H? She's not God, although apparently she moans it frequently.

      1. les_gvt

        You people really ned to decide if she is a slut- and does it for free, or a whore and charges

        So- how many pregnant girls in your local high school? and are you going to berate everyone of them that does well also?

        1. SheriffRoscoe

          Nope. Just the ones that get preggers from whoring around, then go around the fucking country preaching abstinence lol.

          1. Sparky_McGruff

            She learned how to cash in, apparently. Most teen moms never figure out how to make big bucks from getting knocked up, that's for sure.

          2. Negropolis

            You must be "a lot of people" because you just keep coming back for more. Methinks you enjoy this abuse.

        2. bflrtsplk

          Do you understand that everyone here laughs – at you not with you? Les gvt. Is that French or something? Does that mean the boycott is over?

          1. les_gvt

            But I did upest your little applecart with a dose of reality, so it has been worth it, just to see all of you cry because I helped you to show the fools and idiots you are.

            Will have to admit, this group is just as vile as the Daily kos group- must be a spin off

          2. glamourdammerung

            But I did upest your little applecart with a dose of reality, so it has been worth it, just to see all of you cry because I helped you to show the fools and idiots you are.

            If you were being honest, you would realise that you came here and insulted people from your first screed, then cried about being a victim because people treated you like you treated them. That is reality.

          3. les_gvt

            Bless your little heart- I have not once cried about being a victim, actually I revel in the abuse.

            However, my first post was a different opinion than what most here post, I can not help it you consider that to be insulting.

            I realize most people do tend to get defensive when someone questions their thoughts. However, I admit I haven't seen an original thought,e everything here has been a rehash of media matters, dailykos and huffost

          4. glamourdammerung

            Bless your little heart- I have not once cried about being a victim, actually I revel in the abuse.

            amazing, once again, the progressives show their true colors, they believe in diverse opinions, as long as you agree with them
            However, my first post was a different opinion than what most here post, I can not help it you consider that to be insulting.

            libs hate it when anyone proves they don't need government handouts to be succesful

            You are either a liar or stupid. Or both. Since I notice you are one of the Breitbart trolls, I am going to have to go with the "both" option.

          5. glamourdammerung

            All I have seen from you so far (and the other trolls from Breitbart) has been feeble taunts, outright lies, and trolling.

            As I told the other clowns (assuming you are not the same one on yet another account), being obnoxious simply for the sake of it is not a serious political stance. It is a sign of a personality defect.

          6. FlyOverGirl

            Sugarplum, are you still a little lost in the interwebs? Here's a hint – there's a magical site called Wikipedia. Why don't you take a search over there for Wonkette and you'll see where you've been. After that, look for a dictionary so you can find some definitions for snark, sarcasm, and political insiders. And sorry to break the news to you. No one here got "defensive" when you "questioned" our thoughts. We're all just a bit smarter about the political game than you are – ya just missed that fact.

          7. les_gvt

            let me guess, you gradjumated kiddygarden on the 5th try

            too bad you don't see how much a fool you are.

            and even though you have played the game a little longer, and may be more entrenched, as the light exposes you, you will become a wilted flower, and dry up and blow away

            Gotta go, will see you Tue nite

          8. FlyOverGirl

            Funny how no one can tell your real spelling from what appears to be a lame attempt at humor. Goodbye little troll :yawn:

          9. glamourdammerung

            let me guess, you gradjumated kiddygarden on the 5th try

            So, have you figured out how to correctly spell "government" yet?

        3. ChessieNefercat

          No, we don't need to decide. Nor does Bristol, either, bless her little heart. She can do both; give it away or charge.

          Anyway, you simpleminded illiterate knothead, the point is that she markets her child and being an unwed mother for money. She is hypocritical to the max (or would be if she had any capability for critical thinking, of which to date there is no evidence).

          I would cheer on any young girl who overcame adversity to make a better life for herself and her baby through honest hard work.

          Bristol has not done so, and shows no signs of doing anything but riding her narcissistic grifter mother's coattails until the gravy train runs off the tracks.

          You, by the way, have shown your true colors and lack of morals and ethics in that you apparently believe that making money (which you equate with "doing well") is to be praised in its own right, regardless of how the money is made and at whose expense.

          And you still can't spell. Now I have had just about enough of feeding trolls, so you might as well go back to fapping off to Bristol's big ol' fur "hat." I'm not wasting any more time on you, because I have Christmas dinner to fix.

  49. Joey_Ratz

    Ah, Casa Grande, AZ, where every fucking shop has a "No shirt, no shoes, no service" sign and that creepy sheriff who's buddies with every neo-nazi in the state keeps getting reelected. Right up the road across the county line is Chandler and Gilbert, which reliably votes for the worst local and federal politicians in the lower 48.

    She'll love it, once she gets used to the spiders and scorpions; I suspect she's already used to cockroaches…

    1. jim89048

      Except the bars. They have a sign especially for the ladies that says "no shirt, no shoes, free drinks".
      It never gets old.

  50. Negropolis

    Two words: Meth lab.

    That's the fate of just about every abandonded, foreclosued homes in the Arizonian outback.

  51. DustBowlBlues

    Hey: Where's the Merry Fucking Christmas love? Taking a break from preparing a perfect Xmas dinner of standing rib, brussels sprouts with chestnuts, yorkshire pudding and trifle with homeade custard, to wish happy whatever you are getting drunk to celebrate tomorrow. (Though I have a hunch some of you have started tonight.)

    Of course, this is slut Palin's launching pad to the big time of the political world. Or her own reality teevee series. I seriously doubt she cares, as long as she can shovel in the cash the way way mama grizzly does. And it's not like living in Whitetrashistan is tough for her. I mean, esthetics are not a Palin concern. It's not a trailer house, so the way Bristol sees it, she's in tall cotton.

    God bless us everyone, potty-mouthed losers. As a whole, you are way more interesting and entertaining, not to mention snarky and sarcastic, than anyone I meet in real life. If I drank, I'd toast you. Since I don't, I'll go back to slaving away in the kitchen to make the holiday perfect for my underserving family. A wonkette potluck would be way more fun–though maybe a little scary.

    1. transfatz

      I'm cooking too, a Christmas eve dinner Just for my wife and me. Pork roast and roast yams with a cranberry glaze. Tomorrow the vastly more stressful family dinner (standing rib). Merry Christmas DustBowlBlues. As a toast, I'll drink enough for both of us.

    2. FlyOverGirl

      The next 18-24 months will be delightful as Bristol learns that the American public is fickle and has a … what was I saying … short attention span. How far will Bristol venture into Paris Hilton territory to keep the spotlight on her? Should we round up a producer to pitch Stripping With The Stars?

        1. FlyOverGirl

          Yeah, just as Mittens et al gear up bids for the Prez about end of Feb, we'll get Bristol's cum shot pics. I predict Bristol knocked up by May 2011 so Mama Griz has a new grandkid to pimp for the 2012 primary season. Meme will continue to be expanding Palin family, their struggles, and how the Alaskan wilderness made them tough enough to survive the worst personals struggles. Watch for children's picture book about a fiesty female hunter who kills all the Alaskan wildlife – dedicated to the new grand brat.

      1. ChessieNefercat

        You're right about, uh yeah, whatever you were talking about. Attention somethings?

        "Should we round up a producer to pitch Stripping With The Stars? "
        Oh please, God, no.

        1. FlyOverGirl

          Can't you just see the cast? Megs, X-tine, Mark Sanford's Argentine fling… the possibilities are endless.

          1. ChessieNefercat

            Wait a sec, I'm staring blankly… contemplating the future of our nation…

            And thus the empire fell…

  52. transfatz

    The Tea Party family living in the refrigerator carton down by the solid waste transfer station is so proud that their foreclosed house sold to Bristol Palin.

    1. FlyOverGirl

      I'm sure they're looking forward to Bristol's move in day so they can have a new refrigerator carton. Then they can run into her at the Kwikie Mart and bitch about government intruding in their lives.

  53. skaboomizzy

    The best part is she still has 5-6 years until she's eligible to run for a House seat. 5-6 years of bigoted Facebook bitchery, all while she lives in one of America's newest economic assholes. This is gonna rule.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      In the meantime, I'm sure she can get herself crowned Hottest Babe in Maricopa by Rep. Ben Quayle (R-InternetPorn).

  54. zhubajie

    How long before everyone else in Wasilla gives up Alaska cold and snow for the warmth and meth of Maricopa?

    1. Negropolis

      A long damned time. You think Alaskan grifters are going to give up their yearly payments to move to a notoriously stingy state? They live through months of cold and snow just to suck off the government tit.

  55. Ancient_Hacker

    I dunno if Bristol thought of this, but she can't take her children out of Alaska, away from their father, without the dad and the court's permission.


    1. horsedreamer_1

      Levi is never going away. God bless him.

      & now that the engagement is off, again, he will make the 2012 primary season interesting.

  56. mrfawkes

    “It can reach 120 degrees on the Fairenbala­nced scale in them parts of Arizona.
    Although, it's a dry heated ignorance.­.”

  57. VaWyo

    Willow needs a place far from Wasilla for her offspring to go. She blackmailed Aunt Bristol and Mommie Dearest into buying the house. Now it will be a home for all unwanted baby palins.

  58. grizzlylips

    I think this has more to do with Sarah then Bristol. I believe she is setting the stage for her mother to eventually make a purchase herself in order to establish residency in Arizona. Think about it. McCain is an old dinosaur. She'll run for his seat. Should she win it will put her in the perfect position to run for the WH in 2016. She'll spend the 4 years as a Senator just to prove she is not a quitter. She's made way to many mistakes to run for the WH in 2012. She has to wipe that slate clean and start fresh. If all else fails she'll capitalize on her additional exposure and sell more books.

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