- Merry Christmas Eve, unless you’re a non-believer, in which case “may Satan have mercy on your tortured soul.” Let’s pray that this year Joseph finds a nice Howard Johnson or something so that he doesn’t have to spend another Christmas trapped in a manure stable with his manipulative teenage bride who cheated on him with God. But if you’re “into” that kind of stuff (cheating virgins giving birth in animal poop sheds), you should definitely visit “a little chapel among the dairy farms” in Wisconsin, one of the few places on Earth where “apparitions of the Virgin Mary have been officially validated by the Roman Catholic Church.” So basically the Virgin Mary is haunting some poor chapel in Real America, according to the Pope. “Catholic leaders described the decree in Wisconsin as a bolt of joy at a trying time for the Catholic church, which is troubled by revelations of sex abuse.” Ha ha, “bolt of joy.” Is that what they’re calling boners now? [NYT]
- The Navy is secretly plotting to nuke all of the gay whales. [McClatchy]
-
“Rent is Too Damn High” guy Jimmy McMillan wants to
primary-challenge Barack Obamafinger-bang Mitt Romney in New Hampshire. [Political Wire] - Merry X-Mas!
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I'm just waiting for MTV's reality tv Christmas Special next year – Teem Mom : Bethlehem
Or "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Or "Virginzillas"?
Teen Mom: Maricopa Arizona
Actually, he's running as a Republican in the GOP primary:
"The lion-maned McMillan — who's given to lengthy diatribes — says he's registering as a Republican to avoid a Democratic primary."
http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2010/12/23/20...
oh!
fixed.
By God, I think he's got it. This man is smarter than he let's on.
Excellent,*
* Impersonating The Simpsons' Herr Boo-Urns.
Wow, maybe the Repubs do have a big tent that is in no way related to their pants.
"I would prefer that they hold off and realize that they've got to look harder and deeper for solutions to this than to just simply escalate their war technology," he said.
Hippies don't know when to shut the fuck up, do they? He then goes on to say he's powerless to stop them from nuking the gay whales, and that he hopes that someone will report on it.
Grab a pen and buy a plane ticket. Jesus.
These writers should visit The Grotto in West Bend, Iowa. Or just get outside New York City more often.
Bathtub Mary in pretty much every town.
Hell, there's one on every front lawn in some towns "up nort". Never understood the phenomenon of the bathtub virgin shrine. At least it isn't a toilet baptismal font…
i understand why Virgin Mary visited Wisconsin: she originally planned to visit Minnesota, but after watching Michele Bachmann's crazy rants, she couldn't stand it and stop at Wisconsin
Actually, I think she was scheduled to make an appearance before a sellout crowd at the Metrodome in Minneapolis but they could not get the roof fixed in time, even with divine intervention.
That's right, she was scared away from Minnesota, but went to the state that may have just elected the craziest governor in the entire nation. I mean, Scott Walker makes Jan Brewer look ike Stephen Hawking.
Cheeseheads, you ain't what you used to be.
For every Gaylord Nelson, there has been a Joe Mc Carthy.
Les Aspin was Clinton's first SECDEF, but Melvin Laird had the same position, under Nixon.
Tommy Thompson, before becoming G-Dub's HHS sec'y, was governor — for 16 years.
Basically, I'm saying, Tom Barrett, a Democrat, from Milwaukee, pulling 46% statewide was a miracle. (& that wasn't just because he crushed in Milwaukee County & Dane County, either.)
Haha. Good one. There are no virgins in Wisconsin.
Today, we are all Charlie Laine's maidenhead.
Teen mom who cheated on him with God?
Bristol?
She wasn't technically cheating, since it says right in the Bible that God rode in on an ass. But then she got pregnant – a miracle!
Being there are a lot of cows here, we do have the most animal poop barns per capita so she's in the right place for the second coming. (By coming I meant the Messiah's return, not a clergy's "bolt of joy.")
Say, you wouldn't be that WarAndGee Harding fellow,would you?
The military does seem intent on shooting stuff that is pretty harmless. The locals here in upstate NY were pretty concerned with the Coast Guard doing live fire exercises on Lake Ontario. There if they missed the targets, fisherman in boats would be in the line of fire. Granted it would most likely be fat republicans in over priced boats catching stocked salmon but the locals did bitch quite a bit.
Ooh… were they practising for the impending war with Canada?
It can be invasion tiem now plaes?
BATTLE OF QUEBEC 1775 – NEVAR 4GET, NEVAR 4GIVE!!!1
Today (because it's Xmass Eve) we all want to finger-bang Mittens. It does not need to happen in Wisconsin, though that would be a plus.
Truly, blessed are the cheesemakers.
(I do not refer to all those engaged in the manufacture of dairy products in Wisconsin, but rather all those involved in propagating cheesy displays of mind-numbing sentimentality.)
I don't think it's meant to be taken literally…
Or wearing big foam cheese wedges on their heads? (I live next door in Michigan's UP.) The cheese wedges are a strange sight. I think they have something to do football.
In a word, Fromunda.
The Packers do need a miracle this year.
Will our Lady of Lombardi do right by them?
They sure do. My Lions won against them.
No, no, no: that game was won by the butter-fingers of Kalamazoo's own Greg Jennings & the concussive turf of Ford Field.
The Lions assuredly did not win that game.
Hey, whatever helps you guys sleep at night. lol
Wisconsin – come for the virgins, stay for the beer!
Or is that, come for the beer, stay for the virgins?
Bukkake? Coming for virgins. (Spelling?)
That's a Norwegian Christmas delicacy, isn't it?
Come for the beer and cheese, stay and bitch about the weather, and have a brat or ten. Greasy spicy german pork products for all!!!!!11!!!
Probably the second one, because there aren't any virgins in Wisconsin, but if you drink enough High Lifes you'll start seeing virgins, everywhere.
In the spirit of the season I am hereby regifting a "p" point to each and every Wonketter.
Enjoy!
Hey, thanks. I don't comment that often, but I went from 40-something to 70-something p-points in a couple of days. Christmas miracle?
I attribute the rising p-scores to a new QE2 policy after the great December p-point deflationary spiral.
So does this mean baby Jesus cheese logs?
"Jesus was known for licking his own junk" — that explains the 40 days/nights being "tempted by the devil."
I call bullshit on that, if he could have done that, he wouldn't have the time to do all the miracle stuff and preaching. Instead there would have been a local legend about "Jesus, the guy that stayed in his parents house licking his junk 'til he starved." instead of dying on the cross.
Our Lady of the Cheese Heads.
Ya just gotta love those Papists, "Ignore the pederasty, HERE'S THE VIRGIN!"
Kind of explains just WHY she was a virgin.
Teenage bride? So, the Catholics were into child fucking right from the start then?
If I had one question to ask God, it would be: "Hey, was Mary as good as everybody says she was?"
OMG~~~ Wisconsin still has virgins? WTF? I thought that Midwest girls started early, trying to keep warm and such. Obviously the Palins have visited.
Laverne and Shirley gone wild.
WTF? Joseph had a porn-stashe?
That's actually John Birch in a still from "Nailin' Palin: A Very Special Xmas"
Today we are all Xtian porn stars.
Why is your everyday average ghost an evil spectre terrorizing good decent people and a spectre of a biblical character a miracle?
FYI: When I speak of spectre I am NOT alluding to Arlen.
The Xmas message from Benny XXXVVVIIII is this: "We'll rape alter boys, you idiots worship this tortilla with the fry marks that vaguely resembles some 12 year old Palin tramp."
PS : Jeebus is a little light this millineum. Pay up you heathen fucks.
Wouldn't you know this place is just outside of Green Bay. As if Packers fans weren't insufferable already.
Do you hate the Packers because they're socialists, or are you still bitter because of the chicken dance?
No, I'm a fan of socialist football AND dances with chickens.
It's that whole green and yellow color scheme. It angrys up the blood.
Merry Christmas, everyone!
I had to laugh at that Rent Is Too Damn High guy being on the ballot in my voting ward in suburban Syracuse. When I went to vote around 10am this past November, it was nothing but little old white ladies at the voting place.
Now everyone will want some hot teen poon under the tree. Why did this part never catch on as a March-ish tradition when God was trolling the trailer parks? Oh wait, "Free Will
Baptists" explained.
I dunno, if teenage girls are anything like I remember teenage boys in the sack, I'd give it a pass until they're at least 25. It's the difference between someone making their first piece of (burnt) toast and a nice loaf of ciabatta.
Baptists, you say! You know why Baptist married couples are prohibited from screwing standing up? Because if anyone were to happen to see them, they might think they were dancing! Ba-da-boom!
Our Lake Puget Orcas have caught teh ghey? Wow. That helps explain shrinking pod size.
Maybe the water was just cold?
Ah yes, the flowing blond locks of Mary, a poor Middle Eastern woman. Makes perfect sense.
In Jimmy McMillan's defense rent is too damn high.
I wish I could watch William Donahue reading this.
“It would be devious to say that this was somehow pulled out of the attic to exorcise the problems of the church today,” Father Roten said in a telephone interview. "
Devious, indeed.
Is it wise to be celebrating a homeless migrant couple who traveled to a faraway city just so she could drop a baby in its jurisdiction? Jesus tapdancing anchor-baby Christ!
Imma let you finish Bethleham, but Wisconsin has the greatest virgins of all time.
Or it could be that Jimmy McMillan is the only Democrat with an ounce of strategic mischief in his head. Why not splash his feet around in the Republican's punchbowl?
Well, we are already rabid church goers on Sunday.
We just call them "Packer Games".
Their are no atheists in the Sports Bar.
Well, this is the same state that gave us Ed Gein.
And Jeffrey Dahmer. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with Wisconsin?
Let’s pray that this year Joseph finds a nice Howard Johnson or something so that he doesn’t have to spend another Christmas trapped in a manure stable with his manipulative teenage bride who cheated on him with God.
Can't you leave Bristol alone at least on Christmas Eve?
Hey, now. That teenage bridge is one hard ass-worker. Show some respect to the mother of Our Lord & Savior, Tripp Johnston. Praise be to our blond-haired, blue-eyed human-cherubim hybrid overlord.
I thought a bolt of joy was a double shot of barrel proof bourbon.
The virgin Mary appeared as a blond…….that didn't send up any red flags?….
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