TSA Announces War On Xmas Against … ‘Insulated Beverage Containers’

  our fragile nation

Merry Xmas, Allah!Christmas Eve is a very exciting travel day because it’s one of the busiest, most insane times to attempt to get on a plane. Plus, the weather is guaranteed to be pretty horrible because it’s winter. Also, there’s horrific stress as millions of people try to get across the country at the last possible minute because Christmas Eve is both the official start of the Yuletide Family Gathering and a regular work day. Terrible all around! Luckily we have the Homeland Security clown theater troupe, “TSA,” to come up with some random bullshit to ruin whatever hasn’t been ruined by common crowds and weather.

See that coffee thermos thing on your desk? Is that something anyone would even consider trying to walk through airport security when the goons are freaking out over breast milk in little clear plastic bottles? Well, what do we know about anything, ha ha, because apparently lots of people love to carry “insulated beverage containers” through security and apparently this is totally legit. (Because some mysterious canister thing made of metal and kryptonite should be an acceptable carry on item, while a plastic bottle of water must be poured out in a garbage can, for laughs.)

CNN, take it away:

(CNN) — The Transportation Security Administration issued a statement Thursday signaling its intention to focus on insulated beverage containers, noting growing concerns that terrorists might conceal explosives inside such items.

[...]

Passengers can still carry insulated beverage containers through security and onto flights, the federal agency noted.

We are super sorry for anyone who has to fly today. Then again, Santa may have to stop bringing a thermos of brandy on every Southwest flight all night as he goes from town to town — last year, Santa was so ruined by the time he hit the Central Time Zone that he pooped on a stewardess and dropped most of America’s presents over a Superfund site in Ohio. [CNN]

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A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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