A package bomb exploded at the Chilean embassy and at the Swiss embassy in Rome today, injuring the one person (intern? professional Santa?) who opened them at each location, but not killing him(s) or her(s). On its surface, this is one of the most confusing bombings in recent history, because aren’t there, well, better things to bomb? Let’s do a review of this terrorist attack.
We are not advocating terrorism by any means, and we’re grateful nobody died or whatever, but c’mon, bombers.
1. Location
Really? Rome? What is this, a Fellini film? Get with the modern world.
2. Choice of embassies
What is Switzerland’s response to this supposed to be other than, “Why the fuck would somebody bomb us?” What are you trying to do, make them more neutral on global intervention and entanglements? Impossible. They’re not trying to take over your homeland/religious homeland! Don’t worry!
And Chile? You feel threatened by a country the width of a Toyota Corolla? Are you upset by the celebrity of those cheerful trapped-miner guys?
“It’s a wave of terrorism against embassies, something much more worrisome than a single attack,” Mayor Gianni Alemanno told reporters.
Yes, much more worrisome when they pick actual countries with actual weapons and actual things to be angered about.
3. Choice of day
Oh! Christmas Eve Eve, the day when the Virgin Mary had a craving for orange sherbet and tamales and spent the day watching a season of Lost DVDs. Our most holy of days.
4. Carnage level
Why did you even bother?
Terrorism review: 1.2
Don’t even bother renting this one. [NYT]
{ 143 comments }
Obviously a hobbyist. Just got tired of napalming his GI Joes in the backyard.
More like a Unibomber with a hard on for coocooclocks and loose banking regulations.
Say what you will, no one has a cooler uniform cap device/emblem than the Italian Carabinieri. (at 0:15)
Obviously, Fedex got the wrong address and fucked up the delivery of the printer cartridges.
Hot Italian cops, also! *Fap fap fap.*
See, something for everyone!!!
Ha, in Italy the carabinieri are renowned for their combination of stupidity and swagger, much like the 'Southern cop' archetype here in the USA.
Also, service is compulsory, I have a couple buddies that had the choice of Carabinieri or Esercito (army) and opted for the Keystone Cops. They said it was a joke.
They are (or at least were) part of the army and are as competenza, zelante and approfondita as one would expect from the Italian armed services.
The only cooler Cop Hat is that of the Spanish Guardia Civil, which look like Cap'n Crunch hats without the buckle.
Oh, and there's also the New Jersey State Police, whose uniforms look a hell of a lot like those of the Waffen SS, sans Totenkopf (I think they don't have it, anyway…)
Everybody calm down. The explosions were just part of Sylvia Poggioli's reaction after she found out how much Juan Williams was getting for his book advance.
You get two extra pee points for knowing how to spell her name.
Yes, but can he say it in that uniquely "Italian" way she does?
Was she still stationed in "Dakaaaaaaar!"?
Cape, you're thinking of Ofeibea Quist-Arcton! Uh…I'll go back to chooching to my Ladies of NPR CD – a Christmas Eve Eve tradition of mine.
Damn, you're right.
I was wondering how to spell her name. Thank you.
Drawing of Muhammad or GTFO.
An attack on Rome? It must be those filthy heathen Carthaginians.
payback is a bitch! that's for what they did in the punic wars, bastards.
You could say they…
[removes glasses]
Salted away their revenge.
My eyes started spontaneously bleeding as I read that….
That was a very pun-ic comment.
Oh man, that was worth so many more thumbs than what I'm allowed to give you.
A single elephant was seen fleeing.
Back over the Alps?
Carthago delenda est.
That's why they named it the Cato institute. Endless war.
Also a far-right Senator who hated any attempts to help the poor, invented the filibuster, and caused a civil war out of spite; that douchebag was a fit for the fellow douchebags at that institute.
I guess they hate chocolate, watches and miners. In no particular order.
It's the knives – they have serious Swiss Army Knife envy.
Swiss Army Knife, pfft. They are actually after the elusive Swiss Navy Knife. Now, THAT's a knife.
I believe the Geneva Nautical Society has one of those on display next to the 32nd America's Cup.
I see you've played Knifey-Spooney before.
Looks like somebody doesn't like that cuckoo-clock they received from Aunt Gladys' estate. I always thought cuckoo clocks were more of a Bavarian novelty, not Swiss.
C'mon, you never saw "The Third Man"?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dv1QDlWbS8g
French vinyard workers on vacation in Italy upset about Chilean wines being called Champagne and waging a terrorist war against Switzerland over chocolate supplies. Or something…
I fear we have awoken TWO sleeping giants.
As long as it's not between noon and 3:30, the raging might of Italy will swarm over the Alps…
And… they rolled over and went back to sleep. So much for filling them with a terrible resolve.
No one suspects the Spanish Inquisition!
Being of Swiss extraction myself, I can sort of understand. I mean, let's be honest, the Swiss are nothing more than French, but with a bath.
Haha. But hey, at least the French can settle on one language!
Yeah, tell the Corsicans, Alsatians, and Basques (among others) that!
I think the French finally made French their official language in, like, 1992 or something…
True dat. They don't speak French in Paris either, if you really think about it.
Provencal people get quite bitter when they tell you about attempts to stamp out their language!
Or Germans without the attitude, or Italians without the naps.
Germans with more of the attitude! Other Germans just roll their eyes when you mention the Swiss!
Don't forget the Swiss Germans and their excessive "rules are rules" mentality.
You try telling that to the German and Italian Swiss.
Anyway, ever since their those teatards banned fuckin' minarets on mosque (apparently, they didn't have enough balls to do a full-out mosque ban, but were enough of cowards to send a "fuck you" to Muslims) I've had their number. Fuckin' holier-than-thou hypocrites.
Wait, isn't this the country that didn't allow women to vote until the 80's or some shit? How they've ever managed to come across as enlightened is beyond me. I guess it proves that wealth (which is devised from Nazi gold and stolen portraits, anyway) can't buy you class.
There's a Holocaust Connection in here, probably, if you really stretch it.
Rats, just when we thought we had a winner, it goes into extra innings.
They've already declared a winner, but some people are sore losers.
See: Joe Miller.
Everyone was just excited because the guy was considered a 6:1 untermensch.
Hey, you know who else wanted to, uh, bomb the Swiss?
I would blame Carlos the Jackal, but he's dead. & Kaczynski? He's in 23.5 hrs/day confinement.
Must be a new wave of nihilist provocateurs.
Or maybe Kaczynski uses his half hour of freedom very efficiently.
Italian lefty anarchists
Rome? It had to be in retaliation to a vehicle parking incident.
Um, I was 4 blocks! away when this happened, or something, so maybe it is a bit inappropriate to post about this so soon.
/old wonkette meme
Still, in the old days, Bush would crank the terror level to Chartreuse and start ease dropping on anyone that had their radio tuned to NPR.
Why does Obama take the side of the terrorist and hate America so?
Because he is Morally Weak.
Does Morally Weak write for the NY Times? It sounds like a very elitist given name.
Maybe it was a delayed reaction (almost 40 years!) to the Chileans for allowing Allende to be ousted by ITT, Anaconda Copper, and the CIA, and the Swiss for allowing Pinochet to squirrel away all that money.
Did the Chileans recently beat Argentina or Bolivia in a soccer match?
Also: Free Liechtenstein!!!
From what? Centuries of insignificance and boredom?
The Roman coffee bar owners are outraged that the new "Green" generation in Europe prefers Yerba Mate, the green tea-like Chilean drink, to cafe latte.
Holiday Postal fuck-up. Was supposed to be Chili's Restaurant in Rome, Georgia. If you'd ever eaten there, you'd understand.
But don't they serve pork? They should be safe then.
All meats are mystery meat with different names.
Fed Ex. When it absolutely has to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
LOL!
Well, the FBI is in the terrorism business now. Of course, they don't want to do anything to a country that could actually retaliate, so Chile and Swizzerland it is!
Wise guys bearing gifts.
I give it 3 out of 5 crotch-bombs.
Down in like the fifth paragraph, the article mentions the embassies of New Zealand and Holland are on heightened alert.
NO! Stay safe, Murray Hewitt…
I have two policies regarding thumbs-upping my wonkette brothers and sisters. They go like this: if your comment makes me laugh out loud, I thumb you up. If I don't get your comment at all, I figure it must therefore be very clever, and I thumb you up.
Ha! I see I'm not the only one that uses such criteria. Really, if you want a thumbs-up from me for sure, just think up the most obscure reference you can pull out of your ass.
Retaliation against the Swiss for the founding of DaDa in Zurich,1916. Tristan Tzara has a lot to answer for.
But I thought that's what WWII was for?
The Dadaists will retaliate by staging a 3 act play where everyone wears mackerel on their heads and speaks through kazoos.
It will kill with my city's nouveau vaudeville (Dead Man's Carnival) crowd.
http://www.myspace.com/deadmanscarnival
I did that play years ago and I'll tell you learning all the words and music was a bitch and my head stank for weeks after it closed. Fuck Spider Man Turn Off The Dark.
For destroying Burgundy 500+ years ago?
Fuckin' parcel bombs, how do they work?
(Not very well, apparently).
You've got such a… magnetic personality.
Switzerland = supporters of Julian Assange? Chile = I have no idea.
WikiLeaks supports would have sent a parcel filled with 5 pounds of scathing rebukes and maybe a thumbdrive with a virus on it.
and a ripped condom.
Or a thumbdrive with a years-worth of Gaga songs on it.
Chile was home to Miguel Serrano, one of the prophets of esoteric Hitlerism as well as Pablo Neruda, Commie poet. They were both diplomats, so presumably knew each other. A weird place, anyhoo.
Simple really. Not enough Swiss cheese on the Chile. Solved.
The Carabinieri are pretty and well dressed, but intellectually they are toads. Is Aurelio Zen on this case? If not, then they need to get him there stat.
Someone was making chili and wanted swiss cheese to sprinkle on top, but the cheese had turned. They retaliated.
Just like a pit bull, you never know when that Swiss cheese is going to turn on you.
The swiss cheese speculation is filled with holes.
If you put Swiss cheese on chili, you deserved an attempted bombing. It's jack, man.
I have 2 competing theories.
1. the bombs were directed at the Bilderbergs/Rosicrucians
2. the bombs were sent by the Bilderbergs/Rosicrucians
3. The bombs were sent by the Bilderbergers/Rosicrucians and directed at the Bilderbergers/Rosicrucians. They are just that subtle.
The bombs were sent by two sides of the Trilateral Commission while the third side was in the bathroom.
3. The Bombs were made by the Bilderbergs/Rosicrucians as part of an Elaborate Plot involving the Rothschilds, 33nd Degree Masons, Adam Weishaupt, and The International Jew.
And Colonel Sanders with his wee beady eyes!
This is the crappiest Holiday Bombing™ ever — with the Shoe Bomb followed by the Underpants Bomb, it appeared the terrorists had nowhere to go but the Lung Bomb, the Heart Bomb, or even the Heart-Lung Bomb.
Very disappointing. Maybe next year.
Stick with articles of clothing – the see through nightie bomb, the knee pad bomb and the edible underwear bomb.
The see through nightie bomb will inevitably lead to the F-bomb.
Overheard at the scene, one of the carabinieri to another: "Great. No fuckin' ziti."
just wait till these people figure out box cutters
These terrorists will be sorry when the Swiss Army starts working them over with the corkscrews in their knives.
Why blow up the Swiss?
One word.
Yodeling.
No shit! You know how many people want to yodel The Star Spangled Banner these days? It's a conspiracy, I tells ya.
R – i – c – o – l – a – a – a – a – a – a – !
My gay boyfriend Bryan Fischer says yodeling is against Sharia Law.
http://www.afa.net/Blogs/BlogPost.aspx?id=2147501…
Or "The Sound of Music."
Do we get to watch the footage of Silvio Berlusconi as he dry-humps the bomb defusers?
Well it could of been one of Berlusconi's 43 mistresses.
Two theories for the Chilean embassy:
1) Dumb terrorists mistook the Chilean flag for Texas'
2) In retaliation for Chilean-born Snookie claiming to be Italian
No. 2: seriously?
She might well be ethnically Italian, at least, so even if yes, not a lie. Just like Ronnie (the 'roided, violent one) is half-Italian, half-Puerto-Rican.
Maybe Pinochet's relatives are mad at the Swiss for forking over his bank accounts to the Chilean authorities. I have no idea if they did that at all, but it's the only thing I can come up with.
Jack Straw has issued an harsh rebuke to this comment.
Oh, what the hay.
New theory: Person who wanted better Associated Press news content than some crappy post landslide footage from California.
This makes Ken Layne the No. 1 suspect.
Seriously, perhaps someone has taken this long to take revenge for Switzerland banning minarets.
I think you got it right on Switzerland. Also, it took them a long time to figure out how to put together the bombs. But Chile?
It's made with pork?
Con carne?
I thought that implied beef.
No, Verde.
Perhaps Switzerland and Chile were late paying their loan shark?
Or, the ambassadors went to one of Silvio's bunga-bunga bacchanals & stiffed the procurer of the nite's talent.
You mean the World Bank?
Or the Vatican bank. Same difference.
This is obviously an act of terrorism perpetrated by Radical Gastronomes protesting the exploitation of Swiss Chard and Chilean Sea Bass. Ill-tempered sea bass.
Zvi has it right this time. Celebrity chefs aren't to be fucked. Wait, it's the chefs who are sending those poor bass into extinction.
Okay. confused celebrity chefs.
If they were in Rome in the first place, why not the Vatican? Let those fucking Swiss Guard guys in the clown suits earn their daily bread for a change.
Perfect!
Have you seen what nazipope makes them do at night? Well earned lira, my friend
Followed by a Lemon Drop.
The short bus equivalent in terrorism terms.
The BBC is saying it was anarchists. Apparently they are unaware it's not 1914.
I guess someone's trying to move in on The Family's turf, huh?
I was going to suggest our favowite wittle Aryan TV pundit, but Switzerland and Chile?! Outside of Scandinavia or a bowl of mashed potatoes, you're not going to find anything much whiter than those two places.*
*Mapuches notwithstanding.
Italian anarchists take credit: http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE6BM1DP20101…
Dada terrorism. Just confuse them to death.
Comments on this entry are closed.