INTO THE BRUSH  11:18 am December 23, 2010

Mercury Cougar Assassinates George W. Bush’s Front Lawn

by Jack Stuef

Looks like someone's taken up drinking again.
Some guy was showing off his muscle car to his friends in George W. Bush’s neighborhood last night and lost control of the car, ending up crashed on the former president’s lawn. Sounds like Georgie’s got the gang back together.

The man told investigators he ran onto the Bushes’ yard when his gas pedal became stuck. [...]

Bush spokesman David Sherzer said the Bushes were home at the time of the incident but were never in danger.

In fact, Bush came outside, high-fived the man, and invited him in for a beer, probably. Or this was all just a historic re-enactment of things Bush used to do as viral marketing for his new presidential library. [NBC DFW]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 184 comments }

Monsieur_Grumpe December 23, 2010 at 11:20 am

Did they check the trunk for pretzels?

Terry December 23, 2010 at 11:59 am

They were scattered on the front floor boards, with some empties.

OneDollarJuana December 23, 2010 at 11:21 am

When did Toyota start making Cougars?

bitchincamaro2 December 23, 2010 at 11:22 am

It wasn't me, this time.

bagofmice December 23, 2010 at 11:46 am

Well, crap. I was hoping that we finally had a commentator suited to the situation.

bitchincamaro2 December 23, 2010 at 1:33 pm

I'm in NYC with the flu. My avatar, too.

metamarcisf December 23, 2010 at 11:47 am

Bitchin' Camaro, Bitchin' Camaro
I ran over my neighbor

DoktorZoom December 23, 2010 at 2:40 pm

Bitchin' Camaro, Bitchin' Camaro
Donuts on your lawn
Bitchin' Camaro, Bitchin' Camaro
Tony Orlando and Dawn

StillGoinGreen December 23, 2010 at 11:23 am

Laura, is that you?

SexySmurf December 23, 2010 at 11:27 am

We'd have to look under the car for any old boyfriends.

elviouslyqueer December 23, 2010 at 11:33 am

Laura wouldn't be caught dead in a Mercury Cougar. A K-Car is much more her style.

Jukesgrrl December 23, 2010 at 6:04 pm

A K-Car that smells of Virginia Slims.

benjo765 December 23, 2010 at 11:39 am

Bush family get-together = get the hell away from all roads.

StillGoinGreen December 23, 2010 at 11:43 am

And DO NOT sit next to Grampa!

umm_huh December 23, 2010 at 11:57 am

But if Grandma Bar offers you some pickled fetus relish… try some. It is actually quite tasty.

benjo765 December 23, 2010 at 11:59 am

Goes great with the "wild game" Uncle Cheney brings round aswell!

Not_So_Much December 23, 2010 at 1:34 pm

I figured it was Chuck Norris, but he mixed up his bat-signal with his microwave popcorn being done.

Mindblank December 23, 2010 at 11:23 am

An obvious mistake. He was looking for Dick Cheney's lawn.

Rarian Rakista December 23, 2010 at 3:19 pm

Dick Cheney does not have a lawn, just lava.

Jukesgrrl December 23, 2010 at 6:07 pm

I thought Mr. Freeze live surrounded by ice (not that there can't be lava in a cold climate!).

Dashboard_Jesus December 24, 2010 at 1:31 am

where the hell is Gramps McInsane when ya need him…"you kids get offa my LAWN!"

benjo765 December 23, 2010 at 11:24 am

Mr Bush was reported to be outraged, quoted as semi-coherently yelling:
"What kind of hillbilly dingbat drives around drunk out of their mind in the middle of the night?!?"

bagofmice December 23, 2010 at 11:48 am

Women drivers, no survivors.

p-loss begins now.

Progressiveinga December 23, 2010 at 11:24 am

Karma's a bitch.

Moonbatting Average December 23, 2010 at 1:22 pm

If this were karma, the guy would have rammed their house in a cement truck filled with syphilis.

Dashboard_Jesus December 24, 2010 at 1:23 am

…and then she runs over you

SorosBot December 23, 2010 at 11:24 am

I didn't know the Bushes were friends with Billy Joel.

LionelHutzEsq December 23, 2010 at 12:10 pm

Maybe Kelsey Grammer was dropping by to do a few lines.

SorosBot December 23, 2010 at 12:51 pm

He is a Republican, so that would make some sense.

horsedreamer_1 December 23, 2010 at 1:09 pm

No wonder he likes 'em young (even if the young in question are female).

EdFlintstone December 23, 2010 at 11:26 am

So Lindsay Lohan missed curfew again?

LocalGirlMakesGoo December 23, 2010 at 12:59 pm

Careful, buddy. White Oprah gonna sue you for slander!

Negropolis December 23, 2010 at 10:51 pm

Who is the white Oprah? I didn't know that Ms. Whinfrey had any kind of a/an (human) equivalent.

LocalGirlMakesGoo December 24, 2010 at 1:36 am

Lindsay Lohan's mother – famous for being Lindsay Lohan's mother and, well, batshit crazy – said that she wanted to host her own talk show because all of her daughters' friends come to her for advice. She said she'd be like Oprah, but white. (I believe it was dlisted.com that coined the sobriquet "White Oprah.")

arcane_allusion December 23, 2010 at 11:27 am

I'm sorry that is not bitchin'. Cougars are not bitchin'.

Only Camaros can be properly described as bitchin'

BaldarTFlagass December 23, 2010 at 11:30 am

Well, Trans Ams too, but they are essentially the same car anyway.

johnnymeatworth December 23, 2010 at 11:32 am

I ran over my neighbors! Now it's in all the papers!

neiltheblaze December 23, 2010 at 11:40 am

Extra p-points for the "Trout Mask Replica" avatar.

V572625694 December 23, 2010 at 11:44 am

"What this world needs is a good two-dollar broom and a good two-dollar broom.'

Crank_Tango December 23, 2010 at 11:47 am

I don't want unleaded!!!

Radiotherapy December 23, 2010 at 12:52 pm

Cougars, however, can be bitches.

mavenmaven December 23, 2010 at 11:27 am

Too bad it wasn't that car with the "deport meksikuns" spraypainted all over it.

Come here a minute December 23, 2010 at 11:38 am

I wonder what was written on the whiteboard attached to the trunk (Liar).

CapeClod December 23, 2010 at 11:27 am

My first thought was that it was just Jenna coming by for a visit.

LionelHutzEsq December 23, 2010 at 12:22 pm

I would have a lot of respect of Jenna is she was driving around in an early-70s Cougar. I'm pretty sure she is the new BMW type.

CapeClod December 23, 2010 at 2:35 pm

I will admit, a car of that quality getting wrecked makes this a sad story.

edgydrifter December 23, 2010 at 11:28 am

Cougar of Lawn Destruction–who do we invade this time?

OneDollarJuana December 23, 2010 at 11:30 am

Thus begins the CoLD war anew.

prommie December 23, 2010 at 11:37 am

Whoever AIPAC tells us to invade,

V572625694 December 23, 2010 at 11:46 am

Who're they mad at this week? We let 'em keep colonizing the West Bank.

bagofmice December 23, 2010 at 11:52 am

Obviously we begin with opening up a new cougar front. The MILFs are next.

horsedreamer_1 December 23, 2010 at 1:11 pm

Finally, G-Dub has an excuse to get with Condoleezza.

Beowoof December 23, 2010 at 5:54 pm

Detroit

neiltheblaze December 23, 2010 at 11:28 am

The incident probably reminded George of his lost hellion teenage years – as opposed to his lost hellion presidential years. I'm sure it brought a sentimental tear to his eye, followed by a night of binge drinking.

SorosBot December 23, 2010 at 11:33 am

His lost teenage, twenties, thirties and early forties; but it was just "youthful" indiscretion.

OneDollarJuana December 23, 2010 at 11:40 am

I think he's trying to recapture his childhood years. Have you heard his latest interviews? Sounds pretty slurry to me.

SorosBot December 23, 2010 at 11:47 am

If I had done what Bush has done, being drunk all the time would be the only way I could live with myself; but the man himself does not appear capable of shame or remorse. But maybe he's still upset over that rapper accurately calling him a racist.

HistoriCat December 23, 2010 at 12:10 pm

He's no racist! He didn't care about those people because they were poor – not because they were black.

OkieDokieDog December 23, 2010 at 11:30 am

I didn't realize that the Mercury Cougar was in the "muscle car" category. It seems way too elitist. I thought it was made for people who were "young at heart" and thought they weren't old enough yet, or too cool for a Lincoln Continental Town Coupe.

Anyhoo – yahoo! I bet ol' Georgie heehawed and probably felt so giddy by all the excitement that he gave Laura the best 2 minutes of her life with some lovin'.

neiltheblaze December 23, 2010 at 11:37 am

Trouble is, he had to wake her.

donner_froh December 23, 2010 at 11:46 am

Not if he used the Julian Assange technique

bagofmice December 23, 2010 at 11:54 am

Mercury. The classy Ford.

jim89048 December 23, 2010 at 1:38 pm

Or less classy Lincoln.

Jerri December 23, 2010 at 1:16 pm

I'll preface this by saying I don't know anything about cars. In the '90s my grandma drove a Mercury Cougar, and I never for one second thought it was cool. Now, all I can picture is her driving slowly up onto George's lawn and parking the thing.

DoktorZoom December 23, 2010 at 2:52 pm

From its introduction to 1973, the Cougar was a clone of the Mustang, and the XR-7 package had at least some appropriate muscle cred; in the mid-70's the Cougar became a clone of the boring boring Thunderbird, and was horrid. They even had a wagon version, for gods sake.

Beowoof December 23, 2010 at 5:56 pm

Is that how long the battery lasts on the rechargable dildo.

PublicLuxury December 23, 2010 at 11:30 am

This is a cover up! It smells really bad. It is obviously Laura regretting her vows and trying to take out her husband instead of boyfriend.

Beowoof December 23, 2010 at 5:57 pm

There is actually real money on the line. And with the increase in tobacco taxes she needs all the cash she can get to keep up her cigs.

Troubledog December 23, 2010 at 11:33 am

Car's registered to Cindy Sheehan Driving School, Crawford, TX

outragedcitizen December 23, 2010 at 11:48 am

Dude, so sorry, I went for the thumbs up, but my wonky mouse clicked on down. Did not mean it, thought your post was funny and appropriate.

Troubledog December 23, 2010 at 12:14 pm

I have referred your explanation to our voter intent division. Joe Miller will be in touch shortly.

BaldarTFlagass December 23, 2010 at 11:35 am

Hopefully, the neighborhood kids will play mailbox baseball next, or TP his house. But trenching his yard is pretty cool and certainly gives me a visceral thrill.

prommie December 23, 2010 at 11:35 am

Bitchin Camaro, bitchin Camaro
Tony Orlando and Dawn!
Bitchin Camaro, bitchin Camaro
Donuts on W's lawn!

Neoyorquino December 23, 2010 at 1:11 pm

Much respect for the Dead Milkmen reference.

bitchincamaro2 December 23, 2010 at 1:39 pm

You really are a fan.

peaceocrap December 23, 2010 at 2:38 pm

They should investigate the mayor's son.

Lascauxcaveman December 23, 2010 at 11:35 am

Lol, the original article mis-identified the car as a Barracuda, a seriously badass car. That piece of mess in the photo is an early 70s Cougar, a seriously fugly car suitable only for secretaries and hairdressers.

[/car guy]

elviouslyqueer December 23, 2010 at 11:40 am

Plus, seriously not a muscle car. Not like, say, a '66 Pontiac GTO.

BaldarTFlagass December 23, 2010 at 11:42 am

It must be said, though, that at least Mercury didn't offer a lame-ass six-cylinder as an option on the ugly early 70s Cougar, but you could buy a 'Cuda with a slant-6. Boo!

[/another car guy]

Lascauxcaveman December 23, 2010 at 12:45 pm

I don't know anyone who did. I think your average 'cuda buyer, by 1970, knew what he was shopping for. Not a hairdresser, that one.

BaldarTFlagass December 23, 2010 at 12:49 pm

I was in the market for one of them back in the 80s, a number of those I looked at had the 6 or the 318. I wanted 340 or 383 or 440 (426 was out of my price range). Kowalski!! (yeah, I know, Challenger, but close enough).

Lascauxcaveman December 23, 2010 at 2:33 pm

The 6s and the 318s were the only ones to survive. The balance of 60s muscle car power to muscle car handling & braking was not amenable to long lives for these cars while in the hands of testosteronal teenagers.

LionelHutzEsq December 23, 2010 at 12:25 pm

Let's not forget, though, that before they moved it to the T-Bird platform, the Cougar was one hell of a muscle car. Shame that Ford couldn't leave good enough alone.

BaldarTFlagass December 23, 2010 at 12:34 pm

The '69 Eliminator with 429 Cobra Jet was pretty cool.

Lascauxcaveman December 23, 2010 at 12:42 pm

Yeah, the cougars were pretty hawt in the first generation. But those early seventies ones – ugh.

bitchincamaro2 December 23, 2010 at 1:48 pm

Landau roofs and opera windows. I hear ya'.

DoktorZoom December 23, 2010 at 3:08 pm

I dunno, Cougars didn't start getting really bulbous and overstuffed until the '74 model, when they switched from the Mustang platform to the Torino/Montego clone. Of course, by 1973, there were no more muscle cars anyway, because of those damn liberals and their emissions controls and Safety-Nazi 5-mph bumpers.

Why, yes, I got my 73 Impala back from the mechanic last Saturday. I guess I'll keep the damned thing, though I get nervous looking out over that expanse of hood–I keep worrying that John McCain might try to land an A-4 on it.

Radiotherapy December 23, 2010 at 12:58 pm

Yeah, but that cougar in the commercials was pretty cool!

jim89048 December 23, 2010 at 2:21 pm

But then, so was that cute little Bobcat. Rawr!

jim89048 December 23, 2010 at 5:38 pm

And all these hours later, Tweety still did. Dufus that he is…

Come here a minute December 23, 2010 at 11:36 am

President Barry had such a good week he decided to cap it off by staging a reenactment of the metaphorical Republicans-driving-a-car-into-a-ditch, right in front of the former president.

bagofmice December 23, 2010 at 11:57 am

I don't think that's what they meant when providing tax cuts for R&D.

VinnyThePooh December 23, 2010 at 11:39 am

John McCain taught the driver.

nounverb911 December 23, 2010 at 11:41 am

Laura and the driver exchanged drunk driving stories.

WhatTheHeck December 23, 2010 at 11:41 am

The president awoke, only to find the axel of evil was right there on his front lawn.

Steverino247 December 23, 2010 at 11:43 am

I thought cougars were looking for younger guys.

LionelHutzEsq December 23, 2010 at 12:13 pm

I just assumed this was a pro-Hillary protest.

DoktorZoom December 23, 2010 at 2:55 pm

It looks like a Puma to me.

Radiotherapy December 23, 2010 at 12:54 pm

But they do like to get fucked up.

SheriffRoscoe December 23, 2010 at 11:44 am

Dubya was voted "Ex-President Most Likely To Have A Car Crash Into His Front Yard" by his daddy, Clinton and Carter. Oh and look!

bagofmice December 23, 2010 at 12:03 pm

If only they had done a little more R&D.//running the joke into the ground.

BaldarTFlagass December 23, 2010 at 11:49 am

Had my money
I tell you what I'd do
Go downtown and buy a Mercury or two
Cause I'm crazy 'bout a Mercury
And I'll cruise up and down this lawn
Up and down this lawn

Extemporanus December 23, 2010 at 11:51 am

Was the driver aiming for Bush's lawn Obama?

Troubledog December 23, 2010 at 12:18 pm

Oh snap

Radiotherapy December 23, 2010 at 12:57 pm

He was jockeying for position…..kkhhhwwwaawwhh (cougar sound).

horsedreamer_1 December 23, 2010 at 1:19 pm

Actually, it was a Teabagger, lashing out at Bush for not being a real Conservative.

wegot2dobetter December 23, 2010 at 11:52 am

was a golf club involved?

LionelHutzEsq December 23, 2010 at 12:14 pm

Please, like they would allow a black/asian person into Bush's neighborhood.

Grief_Lessons December 23, 2010 at 11:52 am

That one dude did time for throwing a shoe at Dubya. I assume this driver will be sent to Gitmo to be anally raped forever.

VinnyThePooh December 23, 2010 at 11:52 am

Death Panel Race 2010

freakishlywrong December 23, 2010 at 11:54 am

Axles of Evil.

Radiotherapy December 23, 2010 at 1:00 pm

Thank heaven it wasn't one of those Camaro IROC's.

DashboardBuddha December 24, 2010 at 2:53 pm

Nicely done

OC_Surf_Serf December 23, 2010 at 11:55 am

Busted brushing Bush's bushes…

(…and I just started drinking)

VinnyThePooh December 23, 2010 at 12:17 pm

Relatives enroute?

HurricaneAli December 23, 2010 at 12:52 pm

I love the holidays.

arihaya December 23, 2010 at 11:58 am

are you sure that the gatecrashing car wasn't a DeLorean ?

SorosBot December 23, 2010 at 12:03 pm

Bush's buddy was unpatriotic, driving a Mercury Cougar instead of a good old fashioned Earth Cougar.

BaldarTFlagass December 23, 2010 at 12:08 pm

God how I hated that double-tracking shit. Thank God my dad brought me a Pioneer Supertuner cassette deck back from Japan in '75. Of course, pre-recorded cassettes weren't very widely available until the Walkman came out, so I had to record my own off my albums on my all-in-one Lloyds stereo.

satyricrash December 23, 2010 at 12:12 pm

Party at the Moon Tower.

LionelHutzEsq December 23, 2010 at 12:15 pm

Does this mean the terrorist have won?

VinnyThePooh December 23, 2010 at 12:16 pm

The Department of Homemade Insecurity announced that it will institute a ban on all Mercury Cougars.

SheriffRoscoe December 23, 2010 at 12:16 pm

8-Tracks. You couldn't fast forward or rewind. And there was always at least one song that got chopped up between two of the tracks. But they were a lot easier than cassettes to dig out of the center console compartment.

Troubledog December 23, 2010 at 12:48 pm

Or they'd shuffle the order of the songs from the album! Or there would be one song that was shortened. Or even sometimes one song would be on there twice!

Now they call that shit "remix"

jim89048 December 23, 2010 at 1:45 pm

I had a Muntz 4-track in my old 64 1/2 Mustang. Now I drive an '08 Mustang with an iPod jack, so progress!

mavenmaven December 23, 2010 at 12:17 pm

Todd Rundgren still doesn't sound right without that track changing sound in the middle of the tracks. These are some nasty memories you have awakened. I had "the wiz" on 8-track as well. The Wiz!

VinnyThePooh December 23, 2010 at 12:36 pm

Ouch!

BaldarTFlagass December 23, 2010 at 12:39 pm

Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of The War of the Worlds.

DoktorZoom December 23, 2010 at 2:59 pm

My life will be forever Autumn…'cause you're not here…cause you're not here…(ad infinitum)

Thank you very much.

mavenmaven December 23, 2010 at 4:36 pm

Thanks to you and Dr. Zoom I will spending all of Christmas pulling those pencils out of my ears.

DoktorZoom December 23, 2010 at 11:51 pm

Come on, Thunder Child!

elviouslyqueer December 23, 2010 at 1:43 pm

My partner has an autographed copy of The Carpenters "Singles." Suck it, all of you.

LionelHutzEsq December 23, 2010 at 12:18 pm

Here. [Hands Kevin a copy of Morrisson Hotel] Take this, it's an 8-track tape. It's one of the last in existence. I want you to steal a car…

Kevin: I have a car…

Bruce: Steal a car!

Kevin: Steal a car!!

Bruce: I want you to get in it and drive West. Play the tape full blast. When the tape ends, get out and get into a fight, then get back into the car, come to town and meet me at the Bush's house…

mumbly_joe December 23, 2010 at 12:19 pm

Bush spokesman David Sherzer said the Bushes were home at the time of the incident but were never in danger.

George Bush doesn't care about black cars.

JackDempsey1 December 23, 2010 at 12:19 pm

I say it's that shoe-throwing guy on a temporary visa, looking to generate material for the second book.
Either that or a 17-year-old whose dad must now agree, Seniors Rule. So there.

bumfug December 23, 2010 at 12:23 pm

"…Fun, fun, fun 'til the Secret Service shot his kneecaps out."

BaldarTFlagass December 23, 2010 at 12:26 pm

The Cougar sprang across the curb onto the lawn as if trying to escape.

chickensmack December 23, 2010 at 12:27 pm

The driver hit the wrong bush hedge.

BklynIlluminati December 23, 2010 at 12:37 pm

You know damn well W asked if he at least brought a six pack.

SorosBot December 23, 2010 at 12:41 pm

I cannot understand a single word in this conversation.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 23, 2010 at 12:42 pm

Get off our lawns damnit!

chickensmack December 23, 2010 at 2:21 pm

Just do what our kids have learned to do: say "Whatever," and walk off.

aguacatero December 23, 2010 at 12:43 pm

Rarely is the question asked: Is our drunkards driving?

David Sherzer's job must be an intellectual feast. Also.

Troubledog December 23, 2010 at 12:46 pm

Me and four guys in my boy Bill's red 67 Impala stationwagon, drunk as fuck, doing donuts on the lawn at Jehovah's Witnesses, mailbox baseball, and Journey on 8-Track.

On those fricking white label 8-Tracks you'd get from (drum roll) The Columbia Record And Tape Club! Remember, CHOOSE ANY TEN ALBUMS FOR ONLY A PENNY.

Good fucking times

UW8316154 December 23, 2010 at 7:30 pm

And then you came over to my house and snuck in the window!

Good fucking times indeed

Troubledog December 23, 2010 at 8:02 pm

Lisa???

ttommyunger December 23, 2010 at 1:26 pm

Alert Secret Service Agents promptly wrestled the vehicle to the ground. (Yes, we're still paying for Secret Service protection for Drunky McW and his deeply dysfunctional family).

zhubajie December 23, 2010 at 5:52 pm

I wonder if that would be good duty or crap duty.

ttommyunger December 23, 2010 at 11:37 pm

Armed to the teeth gophers.

WunkRocker December 24, 2010 at 10:51 am

Scoring weed and blow for Jenna and Babs II. A mixed bag.

ttommyunger December 24, 2010 at 10:58 am

Plus running to Walgreens for Dubya's Metamucil.

lurch394 December 24, 2010 at 11:01 am

Chevy Chase on Weekend Update after that Buick hit Jerry Ford's presidential limousine in Hartford. Classic.

ttommyunger December 24, 2010 at 11:14 am

Another old-timer with a good memory. Huzzah!

lurch394 December 24, 2010 at 11:43 am

Now that I think back, the driver of the LeSabre simply drove into an unblocked intersection and was smacked by the Lincoln. My memory isn't what it once was…

ttommyunger December 24, 2010 at 12:49 pm

Join the…the….oh fuck it.

chickensmack December 23, 2010 at 2:21 pm

To all you old people who replied to Monsieur_Grumpe:

Jesus Retiring Christ, how fucking old are all you people?! I'm 41 and don't remember ANY of that shit.

jim89048 December 23, 2010 at 2:25 pm

Those that refuse to learn from the olds are doomed to repeat history, or some such shit.

lurch394 December 24, 2010 at 10:59 am

The Olds, the Plymouth, the Pontiac, the Mercury–learned from them all.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 23, 2010 at 3:50 pm

People?
What planet is this?

zhubajie December 23, 2010 at 5:50 pm

I'm 57 and I remember it. But I hated cars. Still do.

Beowoof December 23, 2010 at 6:04 pm

Oh fuck there are youngsters in here. Isn't this site linked from Boom?

Troubledog December 23, 2010 at 8:09 pm

I'm the same age as George Clooney.

You're the same age as Beau Biden.

__kth__ December 23, 2010 at 10:00 pm

47 and from Houston. The Linklater film "Dazed and Confused" was my life.

'72 Plymouth Duster, 8-track player standard. But I had heterodox tastes: "This Year's Model", "Best of Sam & Dave" (cause it was in the Blues Brothers movie!, but every song on it will melt your heart) on 8-track. "Who's Next" closest thing I had to the prevailing consensus.

thefrontpage December 23, 2010 at 2:52 pm

Apparenly, Donald Rumsfeld was driving the car, and the passengers were Cheney, Gonzalez, Miers, Card, Fleisher, and Parino. Apparently they had stopped by The Pink Melon to pick up Parino after her late shift, gotten a few six-packs of Pabst Blue Ribbon, and were out "cruising" the neighborhood, drinking, making out with Parino and Miers, and, according to officials, smoking salvia. No one was arrested, and Parino was given a promotion at The Pink Melon.

mrblifil December 23, 2010 at 3:05 pm

Tiger Woods is fucking Laura now?

SudsMcKenzie December 23, 2010 at 3:34 pm
glamourdammerung December 23, 2010 at 4:50 pm

Biden would have been doing doughnuts in the front lawn.

DoktorZoom December 23, 2010 at 11:57 pm

Biden may yet be planning to do exactly that.

chascates December 23, 2010 at 5:00 pm

How many of Bush's plastic lawn jockeys were run over?

LetUsBray December 23, 2010 at 6:04 pm

Git off mah lawn. Heh heh heh.

Jukesgrrl December 23, 2010 at 6:14 pm

Maybe the driver was a gynecologist who tried to practice some love on a patient while they were out Christmas shopping.

JackObin December 23, 2010 at 7:33 pm

Oh what a night. A bunch of Texas assholes crash their assholemobile on the lawn of the idiot son of an asshole. I wonder if "Freebird" or "Stairway to Heaven" was playing on the AM radio?

Troubledog December 23, 2010 at 9:20 pm

I don't think that actually qualifies as a "Muscle Car". This is a grandpa car. This car probably had a fairly straight 351 Windsor engine with a narrowly-jetted 4 barrel carb. The insurance industry had been very successful at shutting down the more exotic products by the time this car was designed.

It's fat and sloppy with leather seats and power accessories and a undertuned automatic transmission. The 73 Cougar had more in common with your mom's Gran Torino station wagon than with the tasty types of Cougars produced from 67 through 70.

DoktorZoom December 23, 2010 at 11:54 pm

Well of course, you're assuming it was stock. Any asshole with enough money to live in (or visit assholes who live in) Dubya's neighborhood probably modified the car to Make It Badass, although obviously they didn't know how to drive it in any case.

mrfawkes December 24, 2010 at 2:24 am

Dallas Texas, a President, a grassy area, a car, shots,….
no need to call Oliver Stone
Just some Texan with 8 shots in him lost on some idiots lawn.

mrfawkes December 24, 2010 at 5:33 am

Alerted by the Secret Service to the situation on his front lawn, and after three attempts to finally engage the correct button on the remote to pause the horror movie he was watching, Bush swaggered outside, looked around, smirked, and did one of the two official duties he was assigned by the vice president (the other–tossing out the first pitch at baseball games) and he gave the errant Cougar driver a nickname….Lawn Cheney.

meester_Data December 24, 2010 at 2:23 pm

Did they have the Democrats push it out while drinking a Slurpee?

DashboardBuddha December 24, 2010 at 2:54 pm

It looks like they tore up some bush…and Laura was last heard saying, "Where is that marvelous cougar?"

zhubajie December 25, 2010 at 1:02 am

When I first read the headline I wondered if someone had sent GWB a car-bomb!

zhubajie December 23, 2010 at 5:47 pm

'73, wasn't that the year of the first oil embargo? Is that why there's no more muscle cars?

lurch394 December 24, 2010 at 10:54 am

You mean TRY to land one on it.

DoktorZoom December 23, 2010 at 8:10 pm

I know this may be hard for some of you young'uns to believe, but back in those days the US Fed'ral Gummint actually mandated emissions controls and safety regulations in an attempt to make cars less dirty and deadly. Detroit's fumbling attempts to comply led to lower-powered engines and massive, heavy bumpers (first mandated in 1973). Muscle cars were already dying out when the oil embargo hit, and that pretty much killed 'em off.

Dashboard_Jesus December 24, 2010 at 1:34 am

dang, you DO know yer cars!

Lascauxcaveman December 24, 2010 at 1:29 pm

[/former Barracuda, GTO owner]

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