How do you know which side in any conflict has the technological advantage? Hint: It’s not the side sending angry faxes, in 2010. This is what North Korea is doing to South Korea, faxing pages that “blame South Korea for the November 23 artillery attack on Yeonpyeong Island.” Harsh. Also, the faxes have been sent not to the military or the UN counsel or whatever, but to “15 companies, consisting of two religious groups, seven trade companies, five civic groups and one media organization.” Jeez, isn’t anybody afraid of the War Crimes Tribunal anymore? Crazy-ass North Koreans. What next, a Twitter post? (No, that would take functioning computers.)
CNN International reports that the other main component of this conflict, at the moment, is a lighted Christmas tree:
South Korea lit up a major Christmas tree in an area bordering North Korea despite concerns that it may become the target of a military attack from Pyongyang. Pyongyang dismantled the tree in 2004 after the countries agreed to halt cross-border propaganda.
The tree is clearly visible from North Korea.
Merry Christmas, Lil’ Kim, now go suck an egg!
One thing that’s awesome about the U.S. arbitrarily drawing a line through the middle of some country it knows nothing about is that the resulting conflict will generally last at least six decades and often much longer!
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And the War on Christmas was born.
Let hope it stays at this level. Those little fuckers (on both sides of the DMZ) are nucking futs.
Koreans may be fuckers, but some of 'em (ROKs, we used to say) are of substantial size.
Big and kind of stompy when they get drunk or angry.
Most are diminutive, but only physically.
Hey! Those are my cousins you're insulting.
But yeah, we are kind of krazy. I don't know why. Probably the Kimchi
Having shared an outhouse with 20 or so Koreans one winter, I'd guess the Kimchi is a likely culprit. My eyes still water occasionally from it.
Well, that Mason-Dixon Line thing got resolved successfully. Wasn't easy, though.
Regards Mason, what's the first thing to come to mind? Mason jars or James Mason, right? And isn't Dixie a nickname for Dixon? So the line was drawing by guys best remembered for canning jars filled with cling peaches and okra and some damn song about cotton balls. Is it surprising there is a problem?
Can't say, as Pynchon's novel on the subject is still on my bookshelf; I was repelled by the antique-y language.
And don't forget that Mason jars were popularized by the Ball family of Muncie Indiana. And that Masons are a cult who use the imagery of Islam; Shriners are merely 32nd-degree Masons.
Wheels within wheels, within jars!
Needz moar chalkboard.
A Clockwork Jarbara.
Awww… The teaches of peaches. Only double A but thinking triple X.
This Christmas Tree might be the last straw (sic). How are the starving North Koreans supposed to handle visions of sugarplums?
At first glance, I thought that read "North Korea Attacks South Korea With Angry FOXES." And sshhh, don't anyone tell S. Korea about junk-fax blocking.
Or spam on the Internets. It's hard enough dealing with that junk when it's in English.
Foxes? Most adorable act of aggression ever!
I thought so too…but being a fox is in the eye of the beholder…unless they mistake them for cougars.
What is with these people? Can't ANYONE leave X-MAS alone? Why do they hate the baby Jeebus? This war on X-mas has got to end. Nuke the fuckers. Merry fuckin' Christmas to teh pagan heathen Kim Jong Palin.
"Lit him up like a fucking Christmas tree" has literally been taken literally.
Hopefully the North Koreans won't escalate and start paging our beepers.
Or start sending faxes that are all black in order to waste S. Korea's precious toner reserves.
Begun this toner war has.
The Republic of Korea wins the War on Christmas. Someone tell Faux News.
North Korea is worried because its teenagers are getting lazy, spending all their time on a new machine which, using a ball that controls a green line on a screen, electronically simulates a ping-pong game. They have also recently developed a device that, using magnetic tape on two spools, allows people to record television shows and play movies at home.
northkorea@aol.com
What's North Korea's baud rate?
You've got mail. Send Meg and Tom in to make amends.
Kim's had a great leap forward? Thought he was still on CompuServe dial-up and using a UUE/MIME decoder.
I miss CompuServe.
@776301,822
Troglodyte. Archie.
I do too, and ragging about Assholes On Line who hadn't a clue about the intertubes and needed a frickin' way too GUI "browser" to go on line.
It wouldn't be the first time DPRK and RoK got into it over a tree.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Axe_murder_incident
Angry Faxes?
Holy crap, never heard of that incident 'till now. An engrossing Wikipedia read.
U.S. arbitrarily drawing a line through the middle of some country it knows nothing about is that the resulting conflict will generally last at least six decades and often much longer!
What about the Brits beloved Gertie Bell and those wonderful lines she drew in the sand east of the Mediterranean? They sure have worked well for the last
millenniumcentury or so.Hadrian's Wall kept those irritating ginger Scots outl! Great Wall of China repelled the Manchu! Maginot Line! Berlin Wall! This shit always works.
Fifty-four Forty or Fight!
Can't FOX News just declare a winner and we can have this over with?
Just wait until the South Koreans start broadcasting an endless loop mashup of "Feliz Navidad" and "Last Christmas" across the border. That'll learn 'em up North.
Don't forget two Holiday Classics Mela Kalikimaka and I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas. Play these on a continuous loop and look for the biggie, WWIII
Nuclear option: "Christmas Time is Here" by Alvin and the Chipmunks.
Dogs barking "Jingle Bells." That'll make 'em hungry, too.
Mr. President, we must not allow a mineshaft gap!
We must not allow a mistletoe gap either.
It would have been funnier if I had change "mineshaft" to "fax machine" as I meant to. Oh well, you get what you pay for.
War is hell.
War on Christmas is hell, also.
War; war never changes.
The South Koreans need to launch an "ass fax" counter-offensive.
If all else fails, they still have "yelling over the fence".
The South, (of Korea, in the form of a xmas tree), shall rise again!
ERIF OUY
RUOY
YRELLITRA
ERIF LLIW EW
SRUO OUY
When did Rufus T. Firefly become South Korea's minister of defense?
Just send a return fax that says you are a corrupt Nigerian Treasury official with a remarkable investment opportunity. Being hard up for cash, I'm sure that the North Koreans will go for the bait.
I guess the South Koreans can counter this with a bunch of billboards facing north showing, I dunno, full plates of food?
Maybe Hillz could think outside the box on this one. Is there anyway she could spike the North's winter kim chi jars with Walnutz? Or would the UN consider that a hengh-ning offense?
This sounds like it needs a real diplomat to negotiate. This is a situation that requires finesse. A situation that requires diplomacy and gentle hand. Send in John McCain. He could fly in and crash their Holiday endeavor. Hey, they might keep him for a little while.
Hard to believe isn't it. Scientists have created mice with fully functioning human brains but the GOP can't find candidates who have them. Maybe they should try the mice in 2012.
"The Evil Axis will kill you with faxes!" What is this, the fucking Battle of Dr. Seuss?
Well, can you blame them? When North Korea wanted to communicate a strong message to it's enemies, only one communication-degreed, foreign policy expert came to mind.
And Sarah Palin was bound by treaty to stand wth her allies.
North Korea is sorta the Sarah Palin of countries – Shrill, intolerant and ill-informed.
But full of righteous certitude.
"The fax is mightier than the sword."
In a troubling development, North Korea has been creating multiple fake MySpace accounts and sending crude "your mom" messages to South Korea and all its friends. Meanwhile, Sen Jim Bunning tweeted that he had "Ordrd 500 pizzas frm Dminoz dlvrd 2 Km Jng Eel LOL." Secretary of State Hillary Clinton dismissed Bunning's actions as "not helping the situation."
Silly weejee yer a chemist you shoulda seen this right away. The faxing is chemical warfare!!!! Thermal fax paper is full of BPA. No, not the Bonneville Power Administration you sillies, but bis phenol A. Nasty stuff the Canadians had the brains to ban but we still put in lots of paper like they use in cash registers at McDonalds & Wal-Mart and in THERMAL FAX PAPER!!!!!! Clever Lil' Kim is chem-bombing us with BPA-infested fax paper. Barry, push the button QWIK !!!!!
We also put BPA in the plastic bottles we use to feed our babies, but that doesn't count since it is part of our home skoolin' for a smarter and less liberal tomorrow.
BPA + infant formula = America's hope for the future.
Well, of course we have to stand with our North Korean allies …
But did they backwards fax these angry letters to South Korea? Inquiring minds what to know. Whether North Koreans are still somehow better-educated than Teabaggers.
Next thing, the North Koreans will be sending tea bags to Congress
Er, the DPRK has a functioning twitter account: http://twitter.com/#!/uriminzok The ROK are having a hell of a time blocking it.
oh noooozzz…this will definitely cause some confusion with the poor interns who are in charge of clearing the fax inbox.
I'm really upset about this, those foxes have done nothing to deserve such cruel treatment and we need to get the U.N. to do something about this right now. SAVE THE FOXES!
Time to turn off the lights on that Kimchi Tree
heyoo
But to reach the real depths of teabagger idiocy, they would have to REVERSE FAX their shit. Also, I like the way the teabagger used Wal-Mart house brand tea. I guess Lipton's is too elitist.
The online gift shop is a revelation. Wish I'd known of it several weeks ago. Xmas shopping would have been soooo much easier.
Oh, yeah, the divided Korea and Germany were totally our fault/idea. The USSR had, like, nothing to do with it.
We'll have to expand our embargo to include dual-use cover sheets.
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