FUNNY PICTURES  12:21 pm December 22, 2010

Fox News Finally Declares a ‘Holocaust Winner’

by Jack Stuef

Book learnin'!
Those Nazis made it close for a while, but in the end, it couldn’t have gone to a better guy.

Wait, this happened during Fox and Friends, America’s number-one journalism source? Well, if anyone knows the Holocaust, it’s they. And they call it straight. BALLS AND STRIKES. They declare the winner at the 0:38 mark:

Stop exasperating Elie Wiesel! He’s been through enough. [Outside the Beltway]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 117 comments }

StillGoinGreen December 22, 2010 at 12:27 pm

Good thing he won the Holocaust or he would have never survived the Nobel Peace Prize!!

Crank_Tango December 22, 2010 at 1:14 pm

at least they didn't call him "Fabio."

Zvi_Bleindmeis December 22, 2010 at 1:23 pm

The Tribe has spoken.

BaldarTFlagass December 22, 2010 at 12:29 pm

Didn't see that one coming.

Buzz Feedback December 22, 2010 at 12:30 pm

Vertical stripes can be very flattering.

V572625694 December 22, 2010 at 12:32 pm

Surprised Fox admits there was a Holocaust. The fair and balanced thing to do, at a minimum, would be to have Holocaust denier on there to give the opposing viewpoint. He could appear over a chyron saying "Holocaust Loser."

Sue4466 December 22, 2010 at 12:39 pm

She also included Hanukah and "holidays" in her greeting. Apparently she's a double agent in the War on Christmas ™.

chicken_thief December 22, 2010 at 12:57 pm

Slightly off topic, but speaking of Gretchen (if that's her name)… why they have to crank the heat up so high on that set? That skin tight sweater would have been the perfect medium to showcase her Miss America class nips…

V572625694 December 22, 2010 at 2:09 pm

Never OT. Links, por favor.

donner_froh December 22, 2010 at 12:32 pm

I would say that Elie Wiesel should stick to hunting escaped Nazi war criminals–there must be a few of them left–and skip the TV news business, but that would make me a bad person so I won't.

chicken_thief December 22, 2010 at 12:47 pm

I cain't unnerstand a word that fuckin weasel said – why don't he learn to speak 'Mericun?!

elviouslyqueer December 22, 2010 at 12:34 pm

And now that he's won the Holocaust, he's GOING TO DISNEYLAND!

PhilippePetain December 22, 2010 at 1:35 pm

Because as we all know, no fascists have anything to do with Disneyland.

trampndirtdown December 22, 2010 at 9:44 pm

Walt may raise up out of the grave to greet him.

JustPixelz December 22, 2010 at 12:34 pm

Obama/Hitler should take note that Wiesel cannot be defeated. And the Health Care Reform Holocaust the TP'ers predicted is doomed to a mere "participant" medal.

freakishlywrong December 22, 2010 at 12:34 pm

Too bad he didn't bring the illegal detainees at GITMO, we'd of been treated to the site of staff at Fux picking up tiny little shards of what would have been left of Gretch's head.

SecretMuslin December 22, 2010 at 12:34 pm

I suppose this makes Anne Frank a Holocaust loser…

mavenmaven December 22, 2010 at 12:40 pm

Her and millions of unfortunate others. We are all Holocaust losers, other than some of the companies that profited off the war.

V572625694 December 22, 2010 at 12:46 pm

Some things never die:

Due to the severity of the war crimes committed by IG Farben during World War II, the company was considered to be too corrupt to be allowed to continue to exist. The Western Allies in 1951, split the company up into its original constituent companies. The four largest quickly bought the smaller ones. Today only Agfa, BASF, and Bayer remain, Hoechst having in 1999 demerged its industrial chemical operations to Celanese AG and merged its life-sciences businesses with Rhône-Poulenc's to form Aventis. Part of Hoechst was afterwards Celanese AG, while another part of the company was sold in 1997 to the chemical spin-off of Sandoz, the Muttenz (Switzerland) based Clariant.

IG Farben was officially put into liquidation in 1952, but this does not mean the company ceased to exist as a legal entity; up to today, it is still in existence as a corporation "in liquidation", meaning that the purpose of the continuing existence of the corporation is being wound up and dissolved orderly. As of 2010, its shares are still traded on German markets

LocalGirlMakesGoo December 22, 2010 at 12:52 pm

Wasn't IBM part of IG Farben?

StillGoinGreen December 22, 2010 at 1:20 pm

Like Time Life Magazine.

GregComlish December 22, 2010 at 12:35 pm

Wiesel didn't win the entire Holocaust. He just won the indivual achievement award for Best Art Direction and Best Adapted Screenplay.

RedneckMuslin December 22, 2010 at 3:53 pm

Wasn't he in that movie….?

edgydrifter December 22, 2010 at 12:35 pm

Spoiler Alert: this is the audience price for Oprah's final show.
You win a Holocaust! You win a Holocaust! You and you and you! Everybody wins a Holocaust!

deelzebub December 22, 2010 at 1:06 pm

You kid, but after a couple more failed diets, she could snap and go Bond villain on us. A hungry unstable Oprah would not be a benevolent overlord.

Rarian Rakista December 22, 2010 at 2:10 pm

She looks like she needs a Dildo missile shot at her.

metamarcisf December 22, 2010 at 12:36 pm

I didn't know they gave out rings at the holocaust.

vulpes82 December 22, 2010 at 12:38 pm

Yeah, Jesse Owens won one, but Hitler wouldn't give it to him.

StillGoinGreen December 22, 2010 at 1:23 pm

Yes they did in the beginning, but the winners wore them as belts, so they stopped later on in the games.

nappyduggs December 22, 2010 at 6:02 pm

Do NOT ask where they got the gold, it is an awful story.

trampndirtdown December 22, 2010 at 9:58 pm

It's a crematory and a smelter, two great things that go great together. Ugh, I feel like Nielist now.

bitchincamaro2 December 22, 2010 at 12:37 pm

Free Bradley Manning! Too bad he's not Jewish.

StillGoinGreen December 22, 2010 at 1:24 pm

And Eli Manning. Also.

trampndirtdown December 22, 2010 at 9:59 pm

Neither Payton or Eli come free of charge.

Negropolis December 23, 2010 at 12:43 am

Them's some ugly brothers. But, when you consider where they are from, you understand the high statistical chance of them being such.

SorosBot December 22, 2010 at 12:38 pm

So now that we know who won the Holocaust, will Fox tell us who won slavery? My guess would be either Sojourner Truth or Frederick Douglass.

mavenmaven December 22, 2010 at 12:41 pm

The South, of course, their tourist reenactments and their States Rights commemorations.

Failure_Artist December 23, 2010 at 9:18 pm

Plus all the slaves ended up in de-facto slavery as sharecroppers, prison laborers, and underpaid servants. Hurray for the Reconstruction!

LionelHutzEsq December 22, 2010 at 12:42 pm

Well, we know that Martin Luther King Jr. didn't win civil rights.

SayItWithWookies December 22, 2010 at 12:47 pm

Haha — wrong. It's Michael Steele, Party of Lincoln.

Negropolis December 23, 2010 at 12:44 am

The modern-day Republicans won slavery and the party never realigned. That's their lie, and they are sticking to it.

JoeMamased December 22, 2010 at 12:39 pm

Won the Holocaust? Pah, I won the Internets!

Sue4466 December 22, 2010 at 12:39 pm

With apologies to everyone here, I don't know that there's anything that can be said that's funnier than that caption.

prommie December 22, 2010 at 12:45 pm

True, really, its sad, but so fucking funny, I am laughing so hard, tears are running down my face, as I simultaneously bash my head repeatedly into a wall. For some reason, these are the two responses I just felt were appropriate, laughing hysterically and bashing my head against a wall.

Sue4466 December 22, 2010 at 12:49 pm

You've described my reaction perfectly. I can't stop laughing, but it's so wrong on so many levels.

LionelHutzEsq December 22, 2010 at 12:47 pm

I'm sure that John Ellis was pacing back in forth waiting for a call from Jeb Bush before they called it for Wiesel.

vulpes82 December 22, 2010 at 12:41 pm

Great job, Elie! Just don't head for the showers!

GunTotingProgressive December 22, 2010 at 12:50 pm

So wrong. Funny as fuck, but SOOOOOO wrong…

StillGoinGreen December 22, 2010 at 1:27 pm

You just made me gasp and say, "OH NO HE DI INT Just go there!"

vulpes82 December 22, 2010 at 2:13 pm

Oh I went there! But, you know, I did tell him NOT to go to the showers! It's not like I was suggesting Elie Wiesel be gassed.

bflrtsplk December 22, 2010 at 12:42 pm

They never showed a leader board, so you could, uh, root for your favorite while getting pleasantly smashed for Holocaust Sunday.

Serolf_Divad December 22, 2010 at 12:42 pm

I believe he's also a Nobel Prize Survivor.

Zvi_Bleindmeis December 22, 2010 at 1:30 pm

I wonder how Elie is at the Cha-cha-cha?

Laughitoff22 December 22, 2010 at 12:42 pm

I'm not so surprised. Why just last week, didn't they announce Nelson Mandela Apartheid Runner-up?

horsedreamer_1 December 22, 2010 at 12:57 pm

I think AIDS won Apartheid.

& pretty much everything else in South Africa.

SorosBot December 22, 2010 at 1:00 pm

Yes, and I think Gloria Steinem and Jane Fonda are about to compete for the title bout of feminism.

LionelHutzEsq December 22, 2010 at 12:43 pm

In the end, though, with the Holocaust, were we not all winners?

guangho December 22, 2010 at 12:44 pm

Pat Buchanan was on hand to award Mr. Wiesel the prize: A toaster oven.

StillGoinGreen December 22, 2010 at 1:30 pm

I'm making a running list of those going to Hell over this piece:

OK, so far it's vulpes82, guangho..

guangho December 22, 2010 at 1:34 pm

You know I'm right. Or would be if Pattycake knew what a toaster oven was.

vulpes82 December 22, 2010 at 3:59 pm

I'm sitting here listening to Dean Martin sing "Silver Bells" for about the seventieth time this month. I'm already in hell, bub.

StillGoinGreen December 22, 2010 at 4:05 pm

Thank the heavenly Lord Father God and all that is holy that most who like him are either dead or dying!! I have a girl here in my office that has listened to him, Bing and Elvis xmas songs for two fucking weeks now! If she worked for me and not my business partner, I would have already fired her!!

BaldarTFlagass December 22, 2010 at 12:46 pm

Now that we have that out of the way, what are the odds on Palin winning the impending Apocalypse?

V572625694 December 22, 2010 at 12:47 pm

They're depressed about this over at POLITICO, as it makes winning the afternoon seem kinda tame.

chicken_thief December 22, 2010 at 12:49 pm

FREE SAKINEH!!!

CapeClod December 22, 2010 at 12:50 pm

And he won it with 169% of the vote.

Kidneys4Sale December 22, 2010 at 12:50 pm

How did this take so long? Was he playing against Joe Miller or Norm Coleman or some shit?

Oblios_Cap December 22, 2010 at 12:51 pm

Now maybe they'll finally invite him to host Saturday Night Live!

SayItWithWookies December 22, 2010 at 12:53 pm

Now Weisel goes up against Alexandr Solzhenitsyn, collectivization winner, and apartheid winner Nelson Mandela for the 20th Century Atrocities Cup.

V572625694 December 22, 2010 at 12:59 pm

With Michael Moore a distant 4th.

Gainsbourg69 December 22, 2010 at 8:14 pm

Brought to you by Heineken.

Oblios_Cap December 22, 2010 at 12:53 pm

"Holiday Season"?!?!? FOX has lost the war on Xmas!

4tehlulz_lite December 22, 2010 at 12:54 pm

Man, Politico must be pissed. Winning the morning doesn't really compete with winning the Holocaust.

PsycWench December 22, 2010 at 12:58 pm

They only made this announcement to steal the thunder from the U.Conn women's basketball team, who set a winning streak record yesterday.

themcwow December 22, 2010 at 1:00 pm

Fox and Friends, a Fassbinder film, right?

BaldarTFlagass December 22, 2010 at 1:02 pm

"A hollow victory."

—Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

jodyleek December 22, 2010 at 1:03 pm

I'd like to buy some Holocaust gear to wear while I cheer on old Elie here but the jerseys really suck!

Moleman_v3 December 22, 2010 at 1:08 pm

Now if we had a Holocaust cloak, THAT would be something.

jodyleek December 22, 2010 at 1:14 pm

You get to wear the green cloak when you win the Masters Holocaust.

arcane_allusion December 22, 2010 at 1:26 pm

I'd settle for an alive Andre the Giant

Groupshrug December 22, 2010 at 1:05 pm

Wait. Did he win THE holocaust; or did he WIN a holocaust?

Because if FOX News made this guy the winner of a contest in which the prize is receiving a holocaust, that would just be fucked up.

How do they determine a prize value for something like that, you know for taxes?

ttommyunger December 22, 2010 at 1:07 pm

Spoiler Alert: the Fox Christmas Special will celebrate the Baby Jeebus Winning Christmas. Bill-O will be the presenter and Glenn Beck will M/C. For special music, a duet by Rush Limpbaugh and Bill Kristol singing their patented version of "Away in a Boxcar". Pat Buchanan will be Sgt. at Arms and will appear in uniform for the occasion, including his trusty Luger. There will be a surprise appearance by Sarah Palin; scooter trash Nationwide will be hoping and praying she will finally show us her tits. "Gott Mitt Uns" One and All!

finallyhappy December 22, 2010 at 1:49 pm

Speaking of weepy Glenn- today I saw literally 100 geese flying in V formations on Rockville Pike- It must mean God loves the Pike or the stores there.

ttommyunger December 22, 2010 at 3:58 pm

Prolly a “V” FOR VICTORY over the evil libruls.

MarionNYNY December 22, 2010 at 1:07 pm

It's actually another one of their comical typos. They meant: Holocaust whiner.

mrblifil December 22, 2010 at 5:52 pm

I stated almost exactly that thought about 10 comments down, nearly worded precisely to the letter. I deleted it and shall commence the nightly blood poisoning forthwith.

trampndirtdown December 22, 2010 at 10:47 pm

Tonight's blood poisoning brought to you by Sam Adams Infinium.

Not_So_Much December 22, 2010 at 1:08 pm

Well, Fox being Fox, one could assume they were going for 'Holocaust Whiner', but had another typo…

Redhead December 22, 2010 at 1:08 pm

Wiesel single-handedly defeated Hitler with his novels, proving once and for all that the pen is mightier than the sword.

Except that studies have proven that 78.53% of Fox News viewers are functionally illiterate. Might explain why we go bomb the shit out of everything and everyone.

Radiotherapy December 22, 2010 at 1:08 pm

Big mistake. Everyone knows the hippies won the Holocaust.

SorosBot December 22, 2010 at 1:09 pm

I thought Don Cheadle was robbed when he didn't win the Rawandan Tutsi genocide.

Tundra Grifter December 22, 2010 at 1:09 pm

I don't know why Wonkette is making such a big deal out of another ClusterFox crawl typo.

It's obvious this was awarded by Pat Buchanan and it's obvious the word they were striving for is "Whiner."

prommie December 22, 2010 at 1:11 pm

Its too bad we're stil losing the Crusades.

PublicLuxury December 22, 2010 at 1:17 pm

Fox and Fiends new segment, "Anchors I'd Like to Fuck," will begin right after they declare a winner in the War on Terror.

problemwithcaring December 22, 2010 at 1:18 pm

Hey – better than being mislabled a Republican, amirite?

mavenmaven December 22, 2010 at 1:27 pm

I believe the award presenter for that category was Mel Gibson.

Extemporanus December 22, 2010 at 1:36 pm

Of course he won the Holocaust — he had the winning numbers hidden up his sleeve.

guangho December 22, 2010 at 1:41 pm

*dies*
from shame and laughter.

StillGoinGreen December 22, 2010 at 1:47 pm

OK, now it's vulpes82, guangho, Extemporanus…

finallyhappy December 22, 2010 at 1:50 pm

And they might be going in a day or two.

Steverino247 December 22, 2010 at 4:08 pm

I'm surprised it took this long for that old joke to pop out.

gef05 December 22, 2010 at 1:57 pm

"Push For Human Rights During Holiday Season"

For the rest of the year, kids, you're on your own.

Tundra Grifter December 22, 2010 at 2:47 pm

"Push For Human Rights During Holiday [War on Christmas! Even if he is Jewish] Season" Yeh, right, like we didn't already have enough to do this time of year.

Just like that whole gay people in the US Military thing – what's the rush? Just why do we have to deal with this NOW?

MissTaken December 22, 2010 at 2:47 pm

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner!

mookwrthwilson December 22, 2010 at 3:07 pm

Unfortunately it was pork flavored…

ginrevolution December 22, 2010 at 3:41 pm

you win some you lose some.

Grief_Lessons December 22, 2010 at 4:20 pm

Aren't you the Indian of the group?

SudsMcKenzie December 22, 2010 at 4:47 pm

That was quicker than the Cubs.

jim89048 December 22, 2010 at 4:57 pm

When I saw the headline, I thought it meant that Eli was the last Holocaust survivor. Because in the end, there can be only one.

nappyduggs December 22, 2010 at 6:04 pm

But, where is his Weagle?

WHEEEEERRRRRE?!111!?XYZ

Thedongsofwar December 22, 2010 at 6:36 pm

Its about time!

BarackMyWorld December 22, 2010 at 7:03 pm

A WINNER IS JEW!

PuckStopsHere December 22, 2010 at 8:37 pm

When's the Victory Parade?

ginrevolution December 22, 2010 at 9:39 pm

you win some, you lose some.

Negropolis December 23, 2010 at 12:46 am

The Jews win everything, don't they? Plus, they own everything in the world, and start all of its wars!

Wait, what?

Negropolis December 23, 2010 at 12:48 am

BTW, this entire thread is going to Christian Hell. It will be promptly and kindly greeted by Hell's host Richard M. Nixon and his dog Checkers. Oh, and Henry Ford and Charles Lindbergh. Also.

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