Joe Manchin Sorry He Disappears When a Politically Dangerous Vote Happens

  obeying the orders of the little man in the fedora

Newly elected Sen. Joe Manchin (D-W.Va.) apologized Tuesday for missing two key votes over the weekend while attending a Christmas party. [...]

Manchin missed votes on the repeal of the military’s “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy and the DREAM Act, a controversial immigration bill. [...]

Manchin said that he would not miss a vote under such circumstances again.

Next time, he will pretend to faint. And the time after that, he will lock himself in chains and a straitjacket and be lowered into the Potomac. And the time after that, he will suddenly act as if he doesn’t speak English and vote “No Comprende” on the bills. And the time after that, he will drink some antifreeze and need to be taken to the hospital. [The Hill]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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