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The first cut is the deepest.A fantastic thing about any kind of gay-related legislation is it gives Republicans a chance to talk about the many homos they’ve known and loved throughout their lives. For example, a near-tearful Congressman Louie Gohmert (R-Texas, obviously) just gave a very moving speech on the House floor about his carefree days as a soldier in the Army barracks. Seems there was an “overt homosexual” or two in the barracks, and then came the very sad moment when the most overtly gay soldier of all missed a signal, apparently, in the dark, and went to the wrong “straight” soldier’s bunk, for anal sex. Louie Gohmert still hasn’t forgotten the way it felt when that beautiful hunk of young man just strutted right past Louie Gohmert’s bunk, as he explains in this heartfelt “It Gets Better” video.

Let’s hear Holy Louie blow his mad riffs, his cum-stained cold war memories, blew and blown by those human seraphim, the soldiers, caresses of Lone Star love in the rotten mosquito night! Moloch the incomprehensible prison barracks! Moloch the crossbone soulless jailhouse and Congress of sorrows! Moloch whose buildings are judgment! Moloch the vast stone of war! Moloch the stunned governments!

Thanks to overt Wonkette operative Chascates.

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