southern gentlemen

Loathsome Southern Dandy Lindsey Graham About To Be Outed?

America's least favorite gay porn.Lindsey Graham, South Carolina’s favorite lifelong bachelor and former military prosecutor, is always reliably against homosexuals having any basic human rights in America because Lindsey’s a Republican, y’all. Anyway, famous outer-of-self-hating-queers Mike Rogers says he’s got pictures of one of Lindsey’s boy toys leaving Lindsey’s house. This would be SHOCKING because come on, everybody knows Republicans cannot be gay because Jesus did not make gays.

Mike Rogers says on his Twitter:

I wonder if Lindsey Graham knows I have pictures of a man who spent the night at his house. pls RT
– 10:57 AM Dec 18th

Just reached lawyer at home. Meeting set for Tues. on releasing pix of man who spent night at Lindsey Graham’s.
– 11:05 AM Dec 18th

While this is looking very good for John McCain and the gay distractions that bedevil his crazy head, we must also wonder if John McCain will call for the execution of his best boy pal in all of Washington, because everybody knows that America WILL NOT TOLERATE any gay “distractions” when people are getting blown, and getting their legs blown off. [Mike Rogers Twitter]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Hola wonkerados.

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164 comments

  1. bfstevie

    It's quite clear that Senator Graham was merely trying to save some wayward young man's soul. And he needed help with his luggage also.

    1. Not_So_Much

      Walnuts has been trying to 'cure' him for years. Usually by spending time with navy seamen. 'Splains why John is sooooo mad all the time — I mean, Lindsey is clearly the hot one.

    2. lulzmonger

      Might also explain why they were calling him "Johnny Wet-Start" long before he ever flew a jet.

      "It's not the policy! It's not the policy! IT'S NOT THE POLICY!"

  2. jus_wonderin

    How can anyone out Lindsey Graham? I mean, he's so far in the closet he's BFF with the White Witch in Narnia.

    And, WWBS (What Would Bristol Say)?

    1. Negropolis

      he's so far in the closet he's BFF with the White Witch in Narnia.

      Bwahahahahahaha………you are fuckin' killing me, here.

  3. 4TheTurnstiles

    I thought the Senate was just a constipated, buttoned-up bathhouse for chinless tortoises and Super Tubers to go Foucault on each other…

    the fanciest closet in America

  4. hagajim

    Two issues with this post:
    1. If Lindsey is gay then apparently he paid better attention in the military than Walnuts because he is still all in one piece (no matter how twisted)….and
    2. My boy Lindsey is no more gay than Johnny Travolta…oh wait.

    1. SorosBot

      John Travolta? Come on now, next you'll be claiming that that nice Tom Cruise, or both Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith, are closeted. Or even Richard Simmons.

      1. elviouslyqueer

        How DARE you cast aspersions on Richard Simmons. Why, he's a perfectly nice young man who just happens to be the teensiest bit flamboyant. Just like that lovely Bryan Fischer over at the AFA.

        1. SorosBot

          Pretty much, yeah. They've got the same homophobia as fundamentalist Christianity and promise that they can cure it; meanwhile, converts have to confess all their secrets early on in initiation so they have the threat of outing any closeted members to hold over their heads.

    2. CapeClod

      I believe that in the 30's the euphemism people used for obviously gay men was that they were 'sensitive.'

    1. OneDollarJuana

      Oh, come now. Lindsey Graham is a Senator. All Senators are wealthy. Thus Lindsey Graham is wealthy. Money talks.

    2. SorosBot

      But he's a Senator, and just as with straight men and young women, rich and powerful gay men have no problem attracting younger and better looking men; the same even goes for lesbians (See Ellen and Portia).

    3. JustPixelz

      Between AIDS, bashing and military service during various wars, Graham may actually become the last gay on earth. And since they recruit instead of reproduce, that will make teh ghey extinct.

    4. nappyduggs

      Seriously. My vagina just seized up, had a sympathetic stroke, and is now sporting a horribly lopsided camel toe.

  5. SheriffRoscoe

    What? Can't confirmed bachelors have other confirmed bachelors stay overnight, so they can, you know, talk about how much they love to eat pussy and stuff?

      1. nappyduggs

        "Dude, are you gay? 'Cause it's cool if you like to fuck guys. I have friends who like to fuck guys…in prison."

  6. prommie

    Whatever did happen to Jeff Gannon? Or would he be too butch for a classic, "Ashley Wilkes" model southern country-club fairy? By their plaid pants shall you know them, and their duck belt.

    1. PhilippePetain

      This goes for the cholos in California, too. Something about being in institutions with a lack of females for too long. It's funny when it sticks after they get out of the joint/service though.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        I know a Puerto Rican guy in NYC who told me same is true in their culture. He says, as an openly gay man, he's quite welcome to "service" men who consider themselves to be straight both before and after the entertainment he provides.

    2. prommie

      Is this some kind of "any port in a storm" rule for when they are deployed? They allow themselves to patronize the gobble-wallahs?

      1. StillGoinGreen

        One of their stories ended with, "did you ever get a really good blowjob from a chick in the Philippines? Are you sure it was a chick? Does that make you gay that you didn't check to see?"

          1. StillGoinGreen

            Sorry – this is just a subject I know quite well, with my doctoral thesis being "Solving the Chick/Dude Blowjob Conundrum".

          2. StillGoinGreen

            I'm close – tell me what you think so far:

            Cunnilingus is best performed by the lipstick lesbian as opposed to males or more masculine lesbians – mainly because they generally have more experience from both sexes at the strip club.

            Felatio is best performed by Filipino Baklas or American women who habitually fail at dieting.

            It is early, so I have very little research – other than past experience.

  7. SayItWithWookies

    Lindsey's such an old southern lady that he and his boy-toy probably had separate bedrooms…so I'd suggest looking for ass tracks in the hallway, if someone wants evidence.

  8. nicnack74

    And so how his this different? Hypocracy is the name of the game in DC politics. Would we expect anything less from Republicans and politicians in general? What would be really shocking if a politician actually kept his promise and was honest the whole time. Good luck with that.

    1. BarryOPotter

      What would be really shocking if a politician actually kept his promise and was honest the whole time

      Minds would be blown.

    1. BarryOPotter

      Is nothing sacred?

      Stand up. Put your hands behind your back. Try to touch the back of your knees with your hands without bending your knees, arms or waist. Turn your wrists so the palms are facing forward. Now grab the closest bit of your body. — That's what's sacred to them.

  9. jim89048

    The Senate is a pretty good gig, isn't it? You'd think he could at least afford a decent beard on his salary. These guys don't even try anymore.

    1. HistoriCat

      Did you see his questioning of Elena Kagan at her confirmation hearings?

      "What did you do at Christmas last year?"

      I wanted to tell Lindsey to stop hemming and hawing and just ask her for a beard date.

  10. MuslinMosk

    Guys, this is a non-story.

    Everyone knows Christmas is the most important holiday of all time because Jesus, and during this most sacred celebration we're supposed to don our gayest apparel.

    In addition to being a political maverick, Graham is also a fashion maverick. His gay apparel this year happens to be an 18 year old boy.

    Why are you starting a war on fashion?

  11. Ruhe

    Man is this good news! I've got so much Christmas shopping left to do and to find out that it's not really the end of December but rather only the beginning of Cocktober is a huge relief.

  12. OkieDokieDog

    Oh Jebus! Everybody, please join hands and pray the gay right out of Lindsey. The prayer chain always works in ridding a good Godly man of that demon abomination.

    /lol

  13. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Dear Almighty Dog,
    Please, please, please let this be true. If you grant me this paltry request I will stop stuffing cheese slices in those prepaid credit card application envelopes and sending them back to Visa, Master Card and such.
    Devotionally Yours,
    MG

    1. Monsieur_Grumpe

      I believe if you buy the cheapest prepackaged American type pseudocheese in large quantities it will come to about 3 cents a letter not that I’m encouraging such unpleasant behavior.

  14. weejee

    ♪♫ She walked up to me and she asked me to dance
    I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice
    She said Lola, L-O-L-A, Lola, L-L-Lola ♫♪

    Perhaps a new State Song for the Yellow Jasmine State.

    1. StillGoinGreen

      If you don't tell me how to do those little musical notes – I'll vote republican in the next general!!

    1. SwattieSwat

      Awwww, I think Kagan and Graham would make a really cute couple… then again, I've always had a bias for lesbian couples…

  15. thefrontpage

    Someone said at a bar the other day that they saw Lindsey Graham at some place called "the Eagle" and another place called "the Crew Club" and that he was seen leaving a popular gym in Northern Virginia at 3 a.m. with a different tie than what he wore going in, and that he was seen at Dupont Circle at some race event thing days before Halloween and that he was recently on a trip to Fire Island with Larry Craig and that he subscribes to "Playgirl" and he has seen "Burlesque" three times, and he has seen "Oklahoma" at Arena Stage and "South Pacific" at that Arlington place and he shops at Lord and Taylor and he eats quiche at brunches at Perrry's in Adams Morgan every Sunday.

    Is that gay?

      1. SmutBoffin

        Really? I think that just reading it made me gay.

        BTW, is there anything you get for being recruited into the gay agenda or whatever? Some better-fitting slacks, maybe?

        1. elviouslyqueer

          We used to offer some pretty fabulous incentives, like toaster ovens and Cher Comeback concert tix. Now you just get to settle for things that are more aesthetically pleasing, like gazing wistfully at the FIT training guy, Chris O'Donnell, Stephen Dorff, or Daniel Radcliffe. Oh, and from a purely practical standpoint, chicks like us because we're (generally) witty, fun to be around, and "safe dates." So there is that.

  16. jim89048

    In fairness to Lindsey, I've been single even longer than he has, and not gay. Then again, I came out as an ugly a long time ago.

    1. Dashboard_Jesus

      ME TOO! although I DO have this very strong attraction to ElviouslyQueer lately, does that make me gay? (hey he makes me laugh, laugh, laugh!)

      1. Extemporanus

        It's a shout out to the late, gay Editor Jim Newell, who just cold smeared that alt text all over that "Joementum & Homomentum" glee club yearbook photo many moons ago.

        (I can't see alt text on my computational device, so hopefully Ken didn't do the same. But if he did, just shove a "more" or "chunky" or something in the middle of my original comment, and call it a day.)

  17. chicken_thief

    Lieberman appears to enjoy Lindsey's "and this is how is gobble McCain's little cock" joke just a tad to enthusiastically.

  18. VespulaMaculata

    You had to do it didn't you, and this close to Christmas…? You got any heart left? You had to paint me the mental picture of this creature nude on all fours, all greased up and whimpering 'it's so big, daddy…'?

    Lucky day only for bulimics needing a new trigger.

    1. Extemporanus

      TRUE STORY: 

      About eleven or twelve years ago, my filterless, flamboyant, fag hag-ulous girlfriend at the time was a waitress at this overpriced little breakfast joint in San Francisco's Marina district that was inexplicably popular with local "royalty" (Robin Williams, Willie Brown, Lars Ulrich, and the like.) 

      One morning, around 8am, Kevin Spacey sauntered in with a jean shorts and tank top-clad slight young man whom she gauged to be about sixteen, seventeen tops. Being that she was the most erudite and entertaining five-foot tall platinum blonde "Express Yourself"-era Madonna-by-way-of-Phyllis Diller-esque waitress on staff, the cranky old queen running the place promptly seated Mr. Spacey's party of two in her section. 

      Here's a rough transcript of what followed: 

      GIRLFRIEND: "Good morning! Can I get you and your boyfriend some coffee while you decide on what to order?" 

      SPACEY: "He's my son." 

      GIRLFRIEND: "Oh, of course he is, Mr. Söze." **wink wink** 

      SPACEY: "Excuse me?" 

      GIRLFRIEND: "Two coffees…extra cream…coming right up!" 

      She was fired before their flapjacks even left the griddle.

    1. deelzebub

      This is why the internet is awesome. You have some weird question pop into your head, such as which word is older- cocksucker or motherfucker, and in seconds you can have your answer. In the dark ages before the late 1990s, you had to decide if the trivial bullshit that had sparked your curiosity was worth a long frustrating trip to the library.

      1. Negropolis

        And, with u-scan checkouts, and online catalogs, you don't even have to ask a librarian an embarrassing questions, or have the clerk see what you're checking, well, except for the time they spend in the system looking up everyone's checkouts for shits-and-giggles.

  19. mrblifil

    Indeed, he was so stridently moralistic on a subject about which he had no real right to opine, it made one wonder if he wasn't trying to divert attention from himself…

  20. ttommyunger

    Not reported was the fact that Lindsay was heard shouting after the guest: "You never even gave me a reach-around!".

  21. prochoicegrandma

    LOL, it doesn't appear that many here are SHOCKED about Lindsey Graham! Just add him to this looooonnng list of Republicans: http://www.republicanoffenders.com/

    or this: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/dubo

    I do hope there is a picture of John McCain sneaking out the back door, or the incoming Weeper of the House John of Orange. Can we have the information before Christmas, like an early Christmas present to rub in the face of RWNJ relatives??

  22. DustBowlBlues

    Gay? Lindsay? The guy the wonkeratti has been identifying as Graham (R-Closet) for years? It's a Xmas dream come true.

    Damn, got on "my" wonkette too late. Exhausted from preparing another perfect fucking Xmas for my unappreciative family, I'm going to bed.

    Later, losers.

    1. ShaveTheWhales

      Great, you've prepared YAPFC (the "Y" is for "yet" — its a computer nerd joke), and I finally rolled my ass downhill to Modesto for a brief burst of worthly shopping scum.

      Luckily, decades of subtle fucking up have lowered my Xmas expected-performance bar to the general elevation of the Marianas Trench. But I suspect you'll still get (and deserve) more appreciation.

  23. surestraight

    You know, I wish you in my face gays would just do your thing quietly and leave me alone. If you butt breaths want to slober all over each other do it behind closed doors, you make my skin crawl. God didn't make gays, gays made gays.

  24. kottmyer

    I actually served with Lindsey Graham in the Air Force; prosecuted some cases with him in Europe and took a trip with him to Germany to check out an Army forensics lab, since we were just starting to use lab results in drug prosecutions. He was a really nice, funny guy, then.

    I don't know what his orientation is. I'm actually more shocked at how much of an asshole he has turned into, than the possibility that he might be gay.

Comments are closed.