southern gentlemen

Loathsome Southern Dandy Lindsey Graham About To Be Outed?

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America's least favorite gay porn.Lindsey Graham, South Carolina’s favorite lifelong bachelor and former military prosecutor, is always reliably against homosexuals having any basic human rights in America because Lindsey’s a Republican, y’all. Anyway, famous outer-of-self-hating-queers Mike Rogers says he’s got pictures of one of Lindsey’s boy toys leaving Lindsey’s house. This would be SHOCKING because come on, everybody knows Republicans cannot be gay because Jesus did not make gays.

Mike Rogers says on his Twitter:

I wonder if Lindsey Graham knows I have pictures of a man who spent the night at his house. pls RT
— 10:57 AM Dec 18th

Just reached lawyer at home. Meeting set for Tues. on releasing pix of man who spent night at Lindsey Graham’s.
— 11:05 AM Dec 18th

While this is looking very good for John McCain and the gay distractions that bedevil his crazy head, we must also wonder if John McCain will call for the execution of his best boy pal in all of Washington, because everybody knows that America WILL NOT TOLERATE any gay “distractions” when people are getting blown, and getting their legs blown off. [Mike Rogers Twitter]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • SorosBot

    This is news? Graham coming out would be just as surprising as when Ricky Martin and Clay Aiken did.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      La Vida Ham Biscuits.

  • bfstevie

    It's quite clear that Senator Graham was merely trying to save some wayward young man's soul. And he needed help with his luggage also.

    • kenlayisalive

      Trying to suck the gay out of him?

      • prommie

        If that doesn't work, he could also try to fuck the gay out of him, or, the converse.

        • vulpes82

          Please, Miss Lindsay is a total power bottom if ever there was one.

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      my money's on srsly GAY Rep. Shock, for the WIN!

  • ManchuCandidate

    I'd laugh so much if it was John McCain leaving Lindsey's place as it would explain McCain's Ahab like obsession against the Ghey.

    • vulpes82

      Lemon Party!

    • Not_So_Much

      Walnuts has been trying to 'cure' him for years. Usually by spending time with navy seamen. 'Splains why John is sooooo mad all the time — I mean, Lindsey is clearly the hot one.

      • gvvt

        You said semen!!!!

    • James Michael Curley

      We all know what happened to Ahab when he tried to mount Moby Dick.

    • lulzmonger

      Might also explain why they were calling him "Johnny Wet-Start" long before he ever flew a jet.

      "It's not the policy! It's not the policy! IT'S NOT THE POLICY!"

  • elviouslyqueer

    Rogers first tweeted this on the 18th, so what's the hold-up? PICS or GTFO.

    • Rarian Rakista

      My guess someone is willing to pay more cash money for the story.

  • jus_wonderin

    How can anyone out Lindsey Graham? I mean, he's so far in the closet he's BFF with the White Witch in Narnia.

    And, WWBS (What Would Bristol Say)?

    • mumbly_joe

      You're just hating on Lindsey because he's a Hard Ass Worker!

      • petehammer

        Bravo! (applauds)

      • Rarian Rakista

        He doesn't look like any power top I have ever seen.

        • mumbly_joe

          To clarify:

          Hard-ass worker (Power bottom),

          Hard ass-worker (top).

          • Negropolis

            Alas, hyphens eventually make fools of us all.

          • DustBowlBlues

            This makes me thankful for being both old and straight. I could never learn all these code words.

    • Negropolis

      he's so far in the closet he's BFF with the White Witch in Narnia.

      Bwahahahahahaha………you are fuckin' killing me, here.

  • 4TheTurnstiles

    I thought the Senate was just a constipated, buttoned-up bathhouse for chinless tortoises and Super Tubers to go Foucault on each other…

    the fanciest closet in America

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Something is getting blown, and pretty sure it's Lindsey Graham's poolboy choirboy "bodyguard".

    • horsedreamer_1

      It's gotten pretty rough for Kevin Costner.

      But it explains Swing Voter, at least.

  • hagajim

    Two issues with this post:
    1. If Lindsey is gay then apparently he paid better attention in the military than Walnuts because he is still all in one piece (no matter how twisted)….and
    2. My boy Lindsey is no more gay than Johnny Travolta…oh wait.

    • SorosBot

      John Travolta? Come on now, next you'll be claiming that that nice Tom Cruise, or both Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith, are closeted. Or even Richard Simmons.

      • elviouslyqueer

        How DARE you cast aspersions on Richard Simmons. Why, he's a perfectly nice young man who just happens to be the teensiest bit flamboyant. Just like that lovely Bryan Fischer over at the AFA.

      • prommie

        Or that delightful Charles Nelson Riley fellow, oh, he is so funny.

      • seppdecker

        Is that the appeal of Scientology? Do they have some special pray-away-the-gay Thetans in their volcano hideout or something?

        • SorosBot

          Pretty much, yeah. They've got the same homophobia as fundamentalist Christianity and promise that they can cure it; meanwhile, converts have to confess all their secrets early on in initiation so they have the threat of outing any closeted members to hold over their heads.

      • neiltheblaze

        Damn – I should have been quicker with the Richard Simmons joke. Drat!

    • CapeClod

      I believe that in the 30's the euphemism people used for obviously gay men was that they were 'sensitive.'

      • chicken_thief

        Was that just before or after "cocksucker" was in vogue?

  • simplyblue7

    I think it would be embarrassing for the guy leaving Lindsey's house. Come on, I wouldn't sleep with Lindsey if he were the last gay on earth.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Oh, come now. Lindsey Graham is a Senator. All Senators are wealthy. Thus Lindsey Graham is wealthy. Money talks.

      • WABishop

        And the best way of cashing in? "Accidentally" being seen leaving the house under questionable circumstances.

    • SorosBot

      But he's a Senator, and just as with straight men and young women, rich and powerful gay men have no problem attracting younger and better looking men; the same even goes for lesbians (See Ellen and Portia).

      • Negropolis

        Now, now. Ellen is a handsome woman.

    • JustPixelz

      Between AIDS, bashing and military service during various wars, Graham may actually become the last gay on earth. And since they recruit instead of reproduce, that will make teh ghey extinct.

    • nappyduggs

      Seriously. My vagina just seized up, had a sympathetic stroke, and is now sporting a horribly lopsided camel toe.

      • Dashboard_Jesus

        that almost sounds like fun! or at least worth a quick look? (gotta luv the cameltoe!)

    • Catadromy

      But he has such purty blue eyes…

  • ShiftyParadigm

    It's just the ham biscuits delivery boy.

    • V572625694

      It's kind of astonishing that the thread got this far before Lindsey's favorite food got mentioned.

  • harry_palmer

    Jesus didn't make gays, he just wore a dress and hung around with nothing but dudes, like Lindsey Graham.

    • TheMightyHaltor

      Mary Magdalene was his beard.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    What? Can't confirmed bachelors have other confirmed bachelors stay overnight, so they can, you know, talk about how much they love to eat pussy and stuff?

    • LocalGirlMakesGoo

      It feels like a bag of sand, right?

      • nappyduggs

        "Dude, are you gay? 'Cause it's cool if you like to fuck guys. I have friends who like to fuck guys…in prison."

    • prommie

      Planning what to wear to the Secession Ball, and such.

  • Pragmatist2

    G-ood looks
    A-ndrogynous name
    Y-outhful attire

    That spells "GAY" to me!

    • dyedwool

      Well, one outta three is still "GAY"!

    • DustBowlBlues

      Where does the R fit?

  • Gorillionaire

    This is good news for Alvin Greene.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Zen & the Art of Re-counts.

  • CapeClod

    I thought the reason that he was still unmarried had something to do with his hideous unattractiveness.

  • Crank_Tango

    This is REALLY good news for John McCain.

    • Amaravilha

      This is good news for Meghan McCain.

  • prommie

    Whatever did happen to Jeff Gannon? Or would he be too butch for a classic, "Ashley Wilkes" model southern country-club fairy? By their plaid pants shall you know them, and their duck belt.

    • vulpes82

      I'm sure he likes the rough trade to ravish him like Sherman did Atlanta!

    • elviouslyqueer

      Oh prommie, fashion fail. The rule is: plaid pants, solid belt. Solid pants, duck belt.

      • prommie

        One of my most prized possessions is a spouting whale belt. Of course it is not worn with plaid, silly.

  • StillGoinGreen

    My Navy pilot friends told me that you are not considered gay if you only let them blow you.

    • jus_wonderin

      "They want you, they want you
      They want you as a new recruit"

    • PhilippePetain

      This goes for the cholos in California, too. Something about being in institutions with a lack of females for too long. It's funny when it sticks after they get out of the joint/service though.

      • Jukesgrrl

        I know a Puerto Rican guy in NYC who told me same is true in their culture. He says, as an openly gay man, he's quite welcome to "service" men who consider themselves to be straight both before and after the entertainment he provides.

    • mereoblivion

      So if I only let your Navy pilot friends blow me, I'm in the clear?

    • prommie

      Is this some kind of "any port in a storm" rule for when they are deployed? They allow themselves to patronize the gobble-wallahs?

      • StillGoinGreen

        One of their stories ended with, "did you ever get a really good blowjob from a chick in the Philippines? Are you sure it was a chick? Does that make you gay that you didn't check to see?"

        • HistoriCat

          I thought this was a political/humor site. Why are you hitting us with the deep philosophy?

          • StillGoinGreen

            Sorry – this is just a subject I know quite well, with my doctoral thesis being "Solving the Chick/Dude Blowjob Conundrum".

          • HistoriCat

            Well, I've been wondering about that one, so once you have a definitive answer, let us know.

          • StillGoinGreen

            I'm close – tell me what you think so far:

            Cunnilingus is best performed by the lipstick lesbian as opposed to males or more masculine lesbians – mainly because they generally have more experience from both sexes at the strip club.

            Felatio is best performed by Filipino Baklas or American women who habitually fail at dieting.

            It is early, so I have very little research – other than past experience.

    • trampndirtdown

      Read the chapter in John Water's book Role Models, about USMC porn.

  • imissopus

    It's no big deal, Lindsey was just letting former colleague Larry Craig crash on his sofa.

    • OneDollarJuana

      And use the bathroom.

      • Negropolis

        Is that what Lindsey's calling himself, these days? The bathroom? Really?

        • trampndirtdown


  • SayItWithWookies

    Lindsey's such an old southern lady that he and his boy-toy probably had separate bedrooms…so I'd suggest looking for ass tracks in the hallway, if someone wants evidence.

  • nicnack74

    And so how his this different? Hypocracy is the name of the game in DC politics. Would we expect anything less from Republicans and politicians in general? What would be really shocking if a politician actually kept his promise and was honest the whole time. Good luck with that.

    • BarryOPotter

      What would be really shocking if a politician actually kept his promise and was honest the whole time

      Minds would be blown.

      • HuddledMass

        For a change.

  • metamarcisf

    First, Casey Stengel; then Charles Bronson; then Dick Butkus.

    Now Lindsey Graham

    Is nothing sacred?

    • BarryOPotter

      Is nothing sacred?

      Stand up. Put your hands behind your back. Try to touch the back of your knees with your hands without bending your knees, arms or waist. Turn your wrists so the palms are facing forward. Now grab the closest bit of your body. — That's what's sacred to them.

  • jim89048

    The Senate is a pretty good gig, isn't it? You'd think he could at least afford a decent beard on his salary. These guys don't even try anymore.

    • HistoriCat

      Did you see his questioning of Elena Kagan at her confirmation hearings?

      "What did you do at Christmas last year?"

      I wanted to tell Lindsey to stop hemming and hawing and just ask her for a beard date.

  • MuslinMosk

    Guys, this is a non-story.

    Everyone knows Christmas is the most important holiday of all time because Jesus, and during this most sacred celebration we're supposed to don our gayest apparel.

    In addition to being a political maverick, Graham is also a fashion maverick. His gay apparel this year happens to be an 18 year old boy.

    Why are you starting a war on fashion?

    • SorosBot

      How could suggest there's anything gay about that classic Christmas song? Fa la la la la, la la la la.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Lindsssy was just showing his friend his Yule log.

  • DrunkenPalmetto

    If my home state can forgive intercontinental adultery…

  • Ruhe

    Man is this good news! I've got so much Christmas shopping left to do and to find out that it's not really the end of December but rather only the beginning of Cocktober is a huge relief.

    • Schmannnity

      Dickcember. Get with it.

  • notreelyhelping

    And then they threw his barbells out the window after him.

  • harry_palmer

    He and his overnight guest were just going over Lindsey's positions on Don't Ask Don't Tell.

    • jim89048

      I'm guessing "missionary" isn't one of them.

  • OkieDokieDog

    Oh Jebus! Everybody, please join hands and pray the gay right out of Lindsey. The prayer chain always works in ridding a good Godly man of that demon abomination.


    • Chet Kincaid

      Virtuous Circle Jerk.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Dear Almighty Dog,
    Please, please, please let this be true. If you grant me this paltry request I will stop stuffing cheese slices in those prepaid credit card application envelopes and sending them back to Visa, Master Card and such.
    Devotionally Yours,

    • fuflans

      ok i am so TOTALLY doing that. and i am going to use AMERICAN cheese.

      • Sheesko

        Use the Wal-Mart knockoff brand. Sweet!

    • neiltheblaze

      Whatever happens, please don't stop doing that.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      I believe if you buy the cheapest prepackaged American type pseudocheese in large quantities it will come to about 3 cents a letter not that I’m encouraging such unpleasant behavior.

  • weejee

    ♪♫ She walked up to me and she asked me to dance
    I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice
    She said Lola, L-O-L-A, Lola, L-L-Lola ♫♪

    Perhaps a new State Song for the Yellow Jasmine State.

    • StillGoinGreen

      If you don't tell me how to do those little musical notes – I'll vote republican in the next general!!

      • weejee

        hold the alt and type 13 = ♪
        hold the alt and type 14 = ♫

        ♪♫ ta la ♫♪

  • StillGoinGreen

    That was no man – it was just the other non-gay/unwed in Washington, Elena Kagan.

    • SwattieSwat

      Awwww, I think Kagan and Graham would make a really cute couple… then again, I've always had a bias for lesbian couples…

  • thefrontpage

    Someone said at a bar the other day that they saw Lindsey Graham at some place called "the Eagle" and another place called "the Crew Club" and that he was seen leaving a popular gym in Northern Virginia at 3 a.m. with a different tie than what he wore going in, and that he was seen at Dupont Circle at some race event thing days before Halloween and that he was recently on a trip to Fire Island with Larry Craig and that he subscribes to "Playgirl" and he has seen "Burlesque" three times, and he has seen "Oklahoma" at Arena Stage and "South Pacific" at that Arlington place and he shops at Lord and Taylor and he eats quiche at brunches at Perrry's in Adams Morgan every Sunday.

    Is that gay?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Nope. Why do you ask?

      • SmutBoffin

        Really? I think that just reading it made me gay.

        BTW, is there anything you get for being recruited into the gay agenda or whatever? Some better-fitting slacks, maybe?

        • elviouslyqueer

          We used to offer some pretty fabulous incentives, like toaster ovens and Cher Comeback concert tix. Now you just get to settle for things that are more aesthetically pleasing, like gazing wistfully at the FIT training guy, Chris O'Donnell, Stephen Dorff, or Daniel Radcliffe. Oh, and from a purely practical standpoint, chicks like us because we're (generally) witty, fun to be around, and "safe dates." So there is that.

        • Dashboard_Jesus

          …something like this maybe?

    • dyedwool

      Nope. Just a little touristy.

  • jim89048

    In fairness to Lindsey, I've been single even longer than he has, and not gay. Then again, I came out as an ugly a long time ago.

    • ttommyunger

      But Lindsay is not ugly, he is uuuuuuuuuugly!

    • DustBowlBlues

      Dear Mr. Ugly: I think it was very brave of you to use your real picture in lieu of an avatar.

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      ME TOO! although I DO have this very strong attraction to ElviouslyQueer lately, does that make me gay? (hey he makes me laugh, laugh, laugh!)

  • tribbzthesquidz

    He just needed help getting that Yule Log unpinched.

  • Extemporanus

    Mmm, cum!

    • StillGoinGreen

      Is that the gayble version of "Jesus wept"?

      • Extemporanus

        It's a shout out to the late, gay Editor Jim Newell, who just cold smeared that alt text all over that "Joementum & Homomentum" glee club yearbook photo many moons ago.

        (I can't see alt text on my computational device, so hopefully Ken didn't do the same. But if he did, just shove a "more" or "chunky" or something in the middle of my original comment, and call it a day.)

        • prommie

          Rope-y, rope-y cum.

    • SmutBoffin



  • JoshuaNorton

    What makes anyone thnk that the gays would really want that prissy little wanker in their ranks?

    • weejee

      big thumbs up on that one

    • fuflans

      well, lindsey is the better half in that picture for sure.

  • chicken_thief

    Lieberman appears to enjoy Lindsey's "and this is how is gobble McCain's little cock" joke just a tad to enthusiastically.

  • SorosBot

    Here's something relevant to take away everyone's productivity today:

  • weejee

    Only if it's not noteworthy.

  • neiltheblaze

    Oh noes! Next we'll find out that Liberace and Richard Simmons are gay too.

  • JoshuaNorton

    Lindsey, I don't care how soft and ladylike your hands are, the answer's no.

  • xsluggo

    Hey! Lay off. Lindsey goes to the Grecian Baths only because he feels dirty …. and so very needy.

  • gogren

    I'm sure he was just his 'Business Associate', Benji…….

  • VespulaMaculata

    You had to do it didn't you, and this close to Christmas…? You got any heart left? You had to paint me the mental picture of this creature nude on all fours, all greased up and whimpering 'it's so big, daddy…'?

    Lucky day only for bulimics needing a new trigger.

  • Troubledog

    I bet it was Kevin Spacey.

    • elviouslyqueer

      HAHAHAHAHA. And yes. Although I would've said it was Jim Brickman.

    • Jukesgrrl

      He has better taste and no trouble getting attention.

    • Extemporanus

      TRUE STORY: 

      About eleven or twelve years ago, my filterless, flamboyant, fag hag-ulous girlfriend at the time was a waitress at this overpriced little breakfast joint in San Francisco's Marina district that was inexplicably popular with local "royalty" (Robin Williams, Willie Brown, Lars Ulrich, and the like.) 

      One morning, around 8am, Kevin Spacey sauntered in with a jean shorts and tank top-clad slight young man whom she gauged to be about sixteen, seventeen tops. Being that she was the most erudite and entertaining five-foot tall platinum blonde "Express Yourself"-era Madonna-by-way-of-Phyllis Diller-esque waitress on staff, the cranky old queen running the place promptly seated Mr. Spacey's party of two in her section. 

      Here's a rough transcript of what followed: 

      GIRLFRIEND: "Good morning! Can I get you and your boyfriend some coffee while you decide on what to order?" 

      SPACEY: "He's my son." 

      GIRLFRIEND: "Oh, of course he is, Mr. Söze." **wink wink** 

      SPACEY: "Excuse me?" 

      GIRLFRIEND: "Two coffees…extra cream…coming right up!" 

      She was fired before their flapjacks even left the griddle.

  • Swampgas_Man

    From the little research I've done, cocksucker preceded motherfucker.

    • deelzebub

      This is why the internet is awesome. You have some weird question pop into your head, such as which word is older- cocksucker or motherfucker, and in seconds you can have your answer. In the dark ages before the late 1990s, you had to decide if the trivial bullshit that had sparked your curiosity was worth a long frustrating trip to the library.

      • Negropolis

        And, with u-scan checkouts, and online catalogs, you don't even have to ask a librarian an embarrassing questions, or have the clerk see what you're checking, well, except for the time they spend in the system looking up everyone's checkouts for shits-and-giggles.

    • jim89048

      Both just before tits, according to George Carlin.

  • OzoneTom

    I can only hope that the pictures are clear enough to make out McCain's misshapen visage.

  • mrblifil

    Hey isn't today one of those "Tuesday" deals? Or should we now refer to it as "Whosgay?"

  • mrblifil

    Indeed, he was so stridently moralistic on a subject about which he had no real right to opine, it made one wonder if he wasn't trying to divert attention from himself…

  • NorthStarSpanx

    I object to Graham coming out on the grounds that he is not worthy of the fabulous Gay label.

    • elviouslyqueer

      We (*adjusts tiara*) concur (*gives royal wave*).

  • succalina

    Is it Aaron Schock (R-FLAMING) in the pics?

  • valgal2342

    Please let it be Mitch McConnell in those photos.

  • Jukesgrrl

    Oh, pish-posh. Next thing, you'll be claiming Orrin Hatch is gay!

  • thefrontpage

    Anyone named "Lindsey Graham" or "Orrin Hatch" has to be batting for the alternate team.

  • JackObin

    He's a lifelong bachelor? And I thought he was stupid.

  • ttommyunger

    Not reported was the fact that Lindsay was heard shouting after the guest: "You never even gave me a reach-around!".

  • Negropolis

    Wait, my congressman's name is Mike Rogers…

  • prochoicegrandma

    LOL, it doesn't appear that many here are SHOCKED about Lindsey Graham! Just add him to this looooonnng list of Republicans:

    or this:

    I do hope there is a picture of John McCain sneaking out the back door, or the incoming Weeper of the House John of Orange. Can we have the information before Christmas, like an early Christmas present to rub in the face of RWNJ relatives??

  • DustBowlBlues

    Gay? Lindsay? The guy the wonkeratti has been identifying as Graham (R-Closet) for years? It's a Xmas dream come true.

    Damn, got on "my" wonkette too late. Exhausted from preparing another perfect fucking Xmas for my unappreciative family, I'm going to bed.

    Later, losers.

    • trampndirtdown

      Good night, oh and you Okies should tighten up your borders, evidently some of you sharia is leaking out and dripping on poor Louie Gohmert's head.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Great, you've prepared YAPFC (the "Y" is for "yet" — its a computer nerd joke), and I finally rolled my ass downhill to Modesto for a brief burst of worthly shopping scum.

      Luckily, decades of subtle fucking up have lowered my Xmas expected-performance bar to the general elevation of the Marianas Trench. But I suspect you'll still get (and deserve) more appreciation.

  • surestraight

    You know, I wish you in my face gays would just do your thing quietly and leave me alone. If you butt breaths want to slober all over each other do it behind closed doors, you make my skin crawl. God didn't make gays, gays made gays.

  • rbrnt2b

    Lindsay's been waiting for the repeal of DADT so he could legally be Gay.

  • MLite


  • kottmyer

    I actually served with Lindsey Graham in the Air Force; prosecuted some cases with him in Europe and took a trip with him to Germany to check out an Army forensics lab, since we were just starting to use lab results in drug prosecutions. He was a really nice, funny guy, then.

    I don't know what his orientation is. I'm actually more shocked at how much of an asshole he has turned into, than the possibility that he might be gay.

  • Natalie Frenshen

    No way would a young gay stud hook up with an old out of touch, uncool geezer….for free, anyway.