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  • Massachusetts police are investigating the theft of approximately 1,500 “Toys for Tots” toys that were supposed to be delivered to needy children rather than thieved. This comes just days after a similar incident in Maine, in which a shrewd entrepreneur silent-auctioned an entire Toys for Tots warehouse on eBay. C’MON AMERICA. Children are already the most underprivileged and neglected demographic — the child poverty rate is currently at an incomprehensible twenty percent — so is it possible maybe not to steal toys from needy children, since most of the poor tykes are literally starving? Or is that too much to ask? Geezus Christ. Hundreds of years from now, historians will look back and say, “When everyone started stealing Christmas toys from orphans — that was what made America exceptional. And thank goodness all those greedy fuckers died in a nuclear holocaust.” [Fox News]
  • The Senate might actually vote on the totally noncontroversial, should-have-passed-a-million-years-ago START treaty sometime today! Dirty old tortoise Mitch McConnell is not pleased. [McClatchy]
  • What do warmongers want for Christmas? More “Special Operations ground raids across the border into Pakistan’s tribal areas,” or so it seems. Ball’s in your court, Santa. [NYT]
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