GUYS WHO KNOW A LOT ABOUT SEX  3:15 pm December 20, 2010

Pope Blames Catholic Church Child-Rape On Hippies

by Jack Stuef

“In the 1970s, pedophilia was theorized as something fully in conformity with man and even with children,” the pope said. “It was maintained – even within the realm of Catholic theology – that there is no such thing as evil in itself or good in itself. There is only a ‘better than’ and a ‘worse than.’ Nothing is good or bad in itself.”

“The effects of such theories are evident today,” he said.

Next time you’re forced to have sex against your will, remember that’s not a person raping you — it’s moral relativism. [AP via Wonkette operative "Eric G."]

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Troubledog December 20, 2010 at 3:23 pm

So Radiohead is neither good nor bad; only better than Oasis and worse than Coldplay. Got it.

mookwrthwilson December 20, 2010 at 4:23 pm

No…it's Radiohead, somewhere far behind that is Oasis, and then about light years away from that it's Coldplay….

CalamityJames December 20, 2010 at 6:40 pm

I was hoping someone would point out the faulty logic of placing Radiohead anywhere below Coldplay.

chascates December 20, 2010 at 3:31 pm

“Evil is in the eye of the beholder.”
–Genesis 3:1-7

CalamityJames December 20, 2010 at 6:40 pm

Well, poke his goddamned eye out!!

SorosBot December 20, 2010 at 3:35 pm

If the "moral relativism" of the 1960s and 70s caused the priests to rape children, then what was causing it for the hundreds of years prior during which priestly rape was just as common?

LionelHutzEsq December 20, 2010 at 5:53 pm

Lots of wine?

CalamityJames December 20, 2010 at 6:41 pm

God raped a 13 year-old.

Negropolis December 21, 2010 at 4:53 am

That is so sacreligious it's funny.

problemwithcaring December 21, 2010 at 1:44 am

Follow-up: When did "the devil" stop working?

Kidneys4Sale December 21, 2010 at 9:29 am

The threat of moral relativism, of course. Same thing with the whole Republicans/Rentboys/Socialism setup.

mereoblivion December 20, 2010 at 3:35 pm

In the eys of Pius XII, Hitler wasn't exactly good, he was just better than the Communists. And the usurous Christ-lynchers. And the demented atheist homos. The effects of such theories are evident today.

elviouslyqueer December 20, 2010 at 3:37 pm

Gotcha. Buttsecksing a 12-year-old is better than buttsecksing a 10-year-old, but is still worse than buttsecksing a 14-year-old.

prommie December 21, 2010 at 9:57 am

The legal limit is actually half your age, plus 7.

Steverino247 December 20, 2010 at 3:39 pm

There is no bad beer. Some beers are better than others?

Boojum_Reborn December 20, 2010 at 5:15 pm

Some girls are bigger than others,
Some girls are bigger than others,
Some girls' mothers are bigger than other girls' mothers.

HistoriCat December 21, 2010 at 10:22 am

So what you're saying is that Bud Light in not actually beer and therefore is not bad beer? OK, I can buy that reasoning.

SexySmurf December 20, 2010 at 3:40 pm

Fun fact: When the current Nazi Pope became Nazi Pope, the Vatican was worried that the Nazi Pope might be sued for his role in covering up for rapist priests that it asked the then asshole President of the United States to grant the Nazi pope a pardon. And then asshole President of the United States actually did because he was an asshole.

el_donaldo December 20, 2010 at 3:49 pm

Jesus H. Fucking Christ! The 70s was a few decades ago. Priests have been regularly raping boys for hundred, or maybe thousands of years. Pop quiz, you beanie-wearing plexiglass-cab-driving dried up old Nazi: is one molester out of every twenty persons a social norm? Or is it just the norm in the priesthood?

mumbly_joe December 20, 2010 at 3:55 pm

Muscular Christian Values!!

edgydrifter December 20, 2010 at 4:03 pm

Vein-y, engorged, muscular Christian values.

Negropolis December 21, 2010 at 4:54 am

All the better to grip you with, my dear. Those muscles aren't just for show, you know.

mavenmaven December 20, 2010 at 4:05 pm

It sounds like the Vatican and the Tea Party have something in common- just say any thing in a way that sounds like a social science "explanation" and assume the faithful will buy it and turn it into a talking point.
Liberals, Liberation theology, all good "explanations".

nounverb911 December 20, 2010 at 4:08 pm

This sounds like the vatican definition of DADT.

MadBrahms December 20, 2010 at 4:09 pm

Well, it`s so obvious, really. No one was ever raped by the church before the 70s.

BornInATrailer December 20, 2010 at 4:11 pm

What!? A few decades back society was tolerant of pedophilia and today society considers child pornography normal? This only makes sense if the society he refers to is the Catholic clergy. But then it wouldn't be much of an argument explaining away their boy fondling.

Never go full pope.

SudsMcKenzie December 20, 2010 at 4:14 pm

Hey, in the 70's we had pet rocks, sea monkeys, and Sanford and Son. … even God didn't know what the fuck was going on.

Gratuitous World December 20, 2010 at 4:14 pm

priests don't rape kids. society rapes kids with priests' dongs.

Rarian Rakista December 21, 2010 at 2:46 am

Are those made by monks in Mendocino?

Gopherit December 20, 2010 at 4:16 pm

It's so obvious. Once we stopped doing the mass in latin, boyfucking was the next logical step.

V572625694 December 20, 2010 at 4:18 pm

I suppose all you wise-ass "commenters" here think it's easy to come up with arguments that will deflect the blame for torturing children away from child-torturing priests who torture children, and then try to cover it up for many years, and then buy off the victims with gag-order (heh heh) settlements, and then try to use bankruptcy to evade the liability for court judgments

Let's see what you can come up with if you think it's so easy to defend this sort of organized criminal behavior directed from the top down with complicity at every level from Rome to the parish priest in Bumfuck Idaho!

BerkeleyBear December 20, 2010 at 5:56 pm

Given the 1000+ years of time (since before Dante called them out on it, pederasty by both nobles and clergy was generally accepted if not discussed in mixed company) to come up with a convincing line and the near unlimited budget they could do better than this. Where's the Crusade to deflect attention/raise fat moneys?

Pop_Socket December 20, 2010 at 9:01 pm

Fucking altar boys were asking for it wearing those pansy dresses.

undeterredbyreality December 20, 2010 at 11:19 pm

Well, in defense of the priest in Bumfuck, isn't it pretty much required there?

transfatz December 21, 2010 at 3:38 am

More so in Athol.

Asa_Hawks December 20, 2010 at 4:21 pm

Theorized by who, you fucking asshole? What mainstream thinker ACTUALLY THEORIZED THAT RAPING CHILDREN WAS OKAY? And don't say Hans Kung.

LetUsBray December 20, 2010 at 11:24 pm

That would be His Eminence, Archbishop Mike Hawk.

GodShammgod December 20, 2010 at 4:28 pm

Anyone ever notice that John McCain and the Pope have never been in the same room together? Check that shit out.

Dilaceratus December 20, 2010 at 4:34 pm

Yes, truly the 1970s were awash in Moral Relativism; what a shame the world turned its eyes away from the Clear and Absolute demands laid down by the Biblical God. As anyone who has ever so much as thumbed through His Holy Book will instantly be able to inform you, Abuses of Power were so very much at the forefront of that God’s mind that He’s still Kicking Himself over dictating a few thousand scrolls filled with all of those Begats and Don’t Wear Wool Blends, and never mentioning the subjects of Slavery, Sexual Slavery, Child Abuse, and Child Sexual Abuse, even once.

Dilaceratus December 20, 2010 at 4:43 pm

Well, in a negative way.

SayItWithWookies December 20, 2010 at 4:49 pm

Sure, to some people he's an ossified thowback to a Medieval mentality when an all-powerful clergy abused everything and everyone around them with impunity — but in reality he's as hapless a victim as those innocent ten-year-old altar boys. In much the same way that St. Ronald of Burbank said that the SS troops in the Bitburg cemetery were victims of Nazism as well.

chickensmack December 20, 2010 at 5:41 pm

Who is St. Ronald the patron saint of? And what is his Feast Day?

Angry_Marmot December 20, 2010 at 7:33 pm

He's the patron saint of contras and he feasts on dead nuns in El Salvador.

Negropolis December 21, 2010 at 4:57 am


Redhead December 20, 2010 at 4:57 pm

When did Red Foreman get ordained?

assistantatlas December 20, 2010 at 5:01 pm

Remember, y'all, the Pope is infallible. Never wrong about anything.

So let's review what we know to be true now–condoms cause AIDS and only HIV-infected prostitutes should use them (to facilitate the transfer of the AIDS, presumably), it's totally okay to rape underage boys (or girls) if you're a priest and the proper response to said action is to do your best to cover it up and make sure no one is ever brought to justice (that's what God is for, silly!), abortion is evil but don't tell anyone about the contraception that might prevent them because that is also evil, and a tiny neighborhood made of gold in the center of Rome is a "country" and therefore the Pope should be immune from prosecution by anyone, forever.

Oh….and dudes who wear red Prada shoes are totally NOT gay.

finallyhappy December 20, 2010 at 5:16 pm

I don't think most gay guys who are not into drag would wear red shoes- they have much better taste. However, with his lacy collars and dresses, I guess the red pradas do work for Pope Dragalina

aqua_buddha December 20, 2010 at 5:19 pm

Well now that you mention it, we have noticed the tiniest bit of petulance that enters into nearly every Papal counter-response. Just before they catch themselves, and the official restatement of the statement is released.

Kind of like every congressman has an automatic "supporting our troops" trigger in his head, ready for any occasion.

But more .. lizardy, if that's possible.

chickensmack December 20, 2010 at 5:26 pm

Hard to pawn off the idea that a Nazi Pope can be a relativist pussy, when a Teabagger like Judson Phillips can outright call for the downfall of an entire sect of Christians.

MadBrahms December 20, 2010 at 5:43 pm

Oh I just *love* the First Church of Karl Marx. The midnight mass for May Day is so moving.

Steverino247 December 20, 2010 at 5:56 pm

Hey, I was the first to comment on that guy's wacko posting! Thanks for the tip.

Dec 20, 2010
10:55 pm
#1 Steverino247 :

May I suggest a follow up visit with your psychiatrist? You’re barking mad, you know?

PublicLuxury December 20, 2010 at 5:34 pm

It is important to establish a hierarchy. This is something that our young Nazi Pope learned well when he was in the Hitler Youth. Using his reasoning there is a sliding scale of bad badder baddest and good gooder goodest. So if you just have to bang your sister, it is baddest when she is a toddler and goodest when she is a horny teenager. In fact, you are doing a service, a community service, by banging any horny teenager that comes into your range.

Poke hard. Poke fast. Poke often. Poke like the Pope.

ogradybt December 20, 2010 at 5:40 pm

Ross Douthat floated this genius concept a couple months ago. Glad to know the Vatican is filtering their shitty PR through that beardy pretend-moderate slob.

HempDogbane December 20, 2010 at 5:46 pm

What's this I hear about Liberace Theology?

Steverino247 December 20, 2010 at 5:58 pm

Me? I blame the First Church of the Jumpin', Screamin', GEE-ZUZ-UH for all my troubles…

kenlayisalive December 20, 2010 at 6:01 pm

Quiet children, the elderly man in the pink satin robe and $50,000 shoes is going to talk to us about an extinct little thing they had in the seventies called 'pedophilia'.

And next he'll be saying a liberal stance regarding of Pope-o-phila caused all those children to rape him.

MiniMencken December 20, 2010 at 6:44 pm

Well, yes, and then Rodrigo Borgia was so influenced by the situational ethics of the 1470s that when he became Pope Alexander VI in 1492, through a campaign of bribery amongst the College of Cardinals, he held orgies in the Vatican with troupes of prostitutes, poisoned his rivals in the Church hierarchy and elevated his bastard children to high offices. Or, as we degenerate moral relativists like to say, "plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose."

prommie December 21, 2010 at 10:01 am

Berlusconi the first?

HistoriCat December 21, 2010 at 10:39 am

It's a proud Italian tradition.

undeterredbyreality December 20, 2010 at 11:42 pm

"And next he'll be saying a liberal wide stance regarding of Pope-o-phila caused all those children to rape him."


ttommyunger December 21, 2010 at 12:12 am

Also, youngsters are more clumsy than at any other time in history. They are forever falling face and ass-first onto the penises of my Faithful Minions. It's just a sign of the times, you know.

prommie December 21, 2010 at 10:00 am

What happened? Well, umm, see, there was this altar-boy, and, umm, I was walking by, and, umm, I fell in.

aguacatero December 21, 2010 at 1:03 am

Know who else was a HUGE moral relativist?

The Pope's former boss, Hitler!

Jukesgrrl December 21, 2010 at 1:20 am

How does that moral relativism work at Notre Dame? Is a coach who sends an undergrad up a tower in a wind storm so he gets killed better or worse than a coach who laughs about a football player who molested a girl who then kills herself? What? It's the same coach? My bad.

transfatz December 21, 2010 at 4:48 am

Perhaps if we got rid of that moral relativist statute of limitations we could drag kindly father O'Bugger out of his comfortable existence and fling him into prison where he belongs.

Negropolis December 21, 2010 at 5:00 am

Remember when the Catholic Church charged the Knights Templar with sodomy (among many other things)? Yeah , this ain't their first rodeo.

prommie December 21, 2010 at 9:58 am

This is all greek to me.

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