Peter King: I’m No Bigot; Here Are Some Bigoted Things I Believe

  true hate

Sure fits in good.Rep. Peter King is going to be the new chairman of the House Homeland Security Committee next month, but some people (i.e., terrorists) have a problem with this, because Peter King has a habit of saying really bigoted things about Muslims. This hurt Peter King’s feelings so much that he got all defensive and penned an op-ed in today’s Newsday (his “enemy”) about how he is actually American Islam’s best friend. “Indeed, in 1995 the ICLI honored me for my ‘support of the Muslim community in general’ and my ‘advocacy of human rights in Bosnia and Kashmir.’” Indeed, he certainly hasn’t said anything mean about Muslims since he got that award, in 1995, and, indeed, American Muslims are now being turned into al-Qaedas by their imams.

In the 90s, Pete King basically was Muslim:

I attended the Islamic Center of Long Island (ICLI) in Westbury on a regular basis, visited socially with local Muslim leaders, had Muslim students intern in my office, and advocated for Pakistan’s position against India in Kashmir.

Better put Pete King on a watch list. That’s the profile of a future terrorist right there.

BUT!

Even today I cannot begin to describe the disappointment, anger and outrage I felt when, barely a month after those attacks that killed so many hundreds of Long Islanders, prominent Long Island Muslim leaders were insisting there was no evidence that al-Qaida was responsible for the attacks – even saying it could have been the CIA, the FBI or the Zionists!

Even more troubling is that to this day, no Muslim leader has denounced those vile remarks. Nor did Newsday say a word about these slanders – no moral outrage or condemnation. No demand for an apology or even an explanation.

Fucking Newsday. Unfortunately, no Muslim leader has denounced these vile remarks, because this anecdote was probably pulled out of Peter King’s ass. If it is true, these “Long Island Muslim leaders” (the most powerful kind of Muslim leaders!) were actually on the opposite side of al-Qaeda, because al-Qaeda was very unequivocal about their responsibility for the 9/11 attacks. In fact, this is one of the few issues on which the U.S. and al-Qaeda agree.

As I became more immersed in attempting to unravel the radical Islamic threat to our nation and our civilization, it became more and more obvious to me that the moral myopia of Long Island’s Muslim leaders and their apologists in the media was the rule – and that there were few exceptions.

Peter King is the only man who has unraveled this secret code, which makes Muslims terrorists. It is just like the Da Vinci Code, and Pete King is just like Tom Hanks, only sexier.

King goes on to say that because a few young Muslim men have been entrapped into becoming faux terrorists by the FBI, American imams are at fault for secretly allowing Muslims to become radical terrorists. But Pete King loves regular America Muslims who are not terrorists, he says, paradoxically. So what is it about the imams that makes him hate them so much? Pete King was angling for a cushy imam job in the 90s but was beat out by a more suave, actually Muslim guy, probably.

And then 9/11 happened. COINCIDENCE? [Newsday]

Share This
 
Related video

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef