When Michele Bachmann lost her bid to join the Republican House leadership last month, an idiot or two decided this meant her increasing crazy-fueled political power had finally hit a wall. (Or a glass ceiling. Or a wall made out of brick and abortion-blood mortar. Etc.) But perhaps the reason she lost isn’t that her power is limited. Perhaps she lost because those men running the Republican caucus are out of touch with America, whereas Bachmann is America, in the body of the Virgin Mary, with the face of a demon okapi. She is strong because America is strong. And that’s why Bachmann may very well run for Senate in 2012.
In this scenario, Bachmann would face the incumbent Amy Klobuchar, who pathetically lacks the ability to say crazy shit to rake in the money of the crazies.
Bachmann brought in an eye-popping $13.2 million during the [2010] campaign, shattering the previous fundraising record for House candidates and eclipsing even the totals for many Senate campaigns, which are typically more expensive to run.
Klobuchar, for instance, raised just more than $9 million for her successful Senate run in 2006.
And 2006 was a time when America actually had an economy that wasn’t just a giant collection of mirrors glued together with duck sauce. Or at least it was a stronger mass of duck-sauce mirrors. Michele Bachmann’s 2010 fundraising haul was made up entirely of food-stamp cards, Social Security checks, and Beanie Baby bonds.
Tony Sutton, Chairman of the Minnesota Republican Party, said Bachmann would be a “very strong” challenger to Klobuchar.
That may seem like a strange thing to say, but the political landscape has changed in Minnesota. Citizens now routinely burn gay people to keep warm and have passed a law making it illegal to speak in anything but the new official language, “Bible verses.” In other words, it is Bachmann country. And come 2012, that woman will show us what Senate obstructionism really looks like. [The Hill]
{ 114 comments }
"Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live" (Exodus 22:18). Oh, wrong witch. My bad.
This is one of the best of the year, if you ask me.
In the venerable words of one great American patriot Nathan Hale:
Sen Amy Klobuchar already write a book about Metrodome, when Frau Bachmann was learning how to spell
Let's all bow our heads and pray to whatever god we may or may not believe in that the rapture comes quick and Michele Bachmann gets sucked up to teach her "constitution classes" in the sky.
May yer prayers be answered, but some how I haz difficulty getting Bachmann and rapture into the same thinkie thought. I know yer meaning the rapture that is often capitalized, and no not capitalized like those who pull the teatards strings, but I has trouble tripping over my libtarded sense of rapture infused with passion and ecstasy.
Haha, but ewww!
Bachmann brought in an eye-popping $13.2 million during the [2010] campaign
It costs a lot to cover up your staggering ineptitude and sheer insanity, even in a single Congressional district. She'll need many, many times that to make the people that elected Al Franken forget that she's a batshit crazy racist bimbo. Especially when her opponent is someone as well spoken and professional as Klobuchar. In other words, run Shelly, run.
These are the same people who elected Jessethebody Ventura.
But Garrison Keillor told me Minnesotans are all unassuming, powder-milk-biscuit-eating Norwegian bachelor farmers. How did they all catch the crazy?
If MTV were to film a bunch of Minnesota high school kids in the dead of winter, then the Jersey Shore kids would suddenly look like Nobel laureates.
In a word, winter. You know, that season that (at least in Minnesota) runs from August to June. See also: "cabin fever."
& the lye, in the lutefisk.
Agreed. She will have her ass handed to her by Amy Klobuchar. I can only encourage The Batshyt Crazy One to take this opportunity to reach for the stars.
Such a nice photo of Mary Tyler Moore !
She can "turn the world on" with her "smile."
Who can turn the world on with her smile? Well it's Michele Bachmann, girl, and you should know it!
She's gonna make it after all, to the Senate.
I knew that haircut looked familiar!
Unlike her district, the rest of Minnesota is probably not willing to elect someone who is completely batshit insane; so please, run crazy lady, run yourself back home and into irrelevance.
Tom Emmer & his gay-baiting* took 43.2% of the vote in the last state-wide race (for governor) so don't be so sure.
& I'm guessing, had that Independence Party** candidate not been there, Emmer might have won.
*When will his Larry Craig moment come?
**Still? Why not try to build a competent Green Party, Minnesota? What's with the nostalgia for Perot 1992?
But luckily, while 43% is a majority in the Senate it is not one to get into it.
Yet.
touche.
I'm hoping the rest of the state is a little more savvy than her gerrymandered enclave of exurban wing nuts.
Oh yeah, because as we all learned last month, when "batshit insane" disguises itself as as populism and is backed by corporate money, it never wins elections, does it?
It does for the House, but luckily only made the Senate in Kentucky.
And while Minnesota may be a bit bipolar, at times, it ain't "Kentucky Stupid-Crazy," thank the baby Jesus.
Yeah! go Michele, get out of your tiny little gerrymandered district and see what thhe people of your state think about you.
Klobuchar has one of the rare giant, useful brains in that building. Swapping it out fir a deranged, Jeebus-y baby farmer with bulging eyezballz is going to take more than big cash. Fuck this up Minnesota, and the rest of us are coming after you. Just sayin'.
Is there anyone from Minnesota here who can explain to the rest of us just what the fuck is going on up there?
These are the people who thought a 39 years old Brett Favre was their ticket to overcoming the legacy of failure that was the Bud Grant/Fran Tarkenton 70s.
They also don't think Zygi Wilf is going to move the team to Los Angeles.
But at least they gave us Prince, the Replacements, Low, & Joe Mauer.
I still have a t-shirt from that show Joe Mauer opened for the Replacements.
I didn't say they were all musicians.
Easy there. It was just a joke. All of this is a joke. In real life Michele is on the Intelligence Committee and everything in Minnesota is just fine. Really.
With those detailed comments you must be here, too?
I have never understood why losing a bunch of Super Bowls while having lots of winning seasons is a "legacy of failure" for Minnesota or Buffalo. Their legacy is worse than, say, Detroit's, or Green Bay's throughout the 70s and 80s? But, fuck 'em, go Bears!
Insanity. Spreading. The GOP has tapped into Minnesota's xenophobic suburbs and rural areas. Don't believe Minnesota Nice; it's just that before this, nobody understood just how scared of the brown people and not-true-Christians Minnesotans are. With decades of GOP pi**ing on public education, the population is finally dumb enough to be manipulated. Meet Bachmann; a woman who is a True Believer in her own twisted take on reality. She has charisma, and Minnesotans are suckers for charisma. We have so little.
Bachmann represents a God and Gun clinging district of rural folk and middle class white flight facing foreclosure who think the wack-a-doodle brand of Republicanism will sustain them.
The rest of the state is a bit more reality based. By all means pour that Koch brothers money into this dingle fritze's campaign
(By the way 63% of the voters didn't vote for Jesse, and only 40 something percent voted for the good-hearted mush mouth Dayton – a case for run-off elections)
This isn't half as crazy as ice-fishing.
Agreed.
A relative went to clear roads after the big storm a week ago. A guy had loaded up the kids, hooked the truck to the ice house and set out for the lake. He got stuck so the family spent the night in the ice house. When my relative came along the next day the kids were running around outside playing in the snow. On the road.
What's an ice house?
I think it's all those layers of winter clothing; you can't tell if it's your sister or mother you're courtin' and sparkin', therefore inbred enclaves abound.
A college roommate of mine was from Edina. The year we roomed together, Ollie North was running for Senate from my home state of Virginia and my roomie didn't let me hear the end of it. I've always regretted that we lost touch after college, simply so I could give him shit about Jesse Ventura and now Bachmann.
I live in the 6th district and I cannot tell you what is going on. At least I had the pleasure of NOT voting for her…
You can tell when Michele's fundraising efforts are hitting the mark by the surge of scooters appearing for sale on Twin Cities Craigslist. Being housebound watching "Matlock" reruns is a small price to pay for getting America's Heroine (TM) re-elected.
"The okapi is a giraffid artiodactyl mammal native to the Ituri Rainforest."
… The more you know!
Want.
Actually, it's a native of the NYT crossword puzzle.
Will Shorts is dreamy.
The Congresswoman from the Crazy District would have to attract votes from the Muslim District, the IBM/Mayo District, the East North South Dakota District, the Iron Ranger District, the Very, Very Urban District and the Districts of those two Other Guys.
But how does she poll with the key Elwyn P Tinkleberg demographic?
Oh, pretty well, I guess.
After a laugh at his name, the first things that come to mind about Elwyn are intelligence and competence, so, not so good, I'd say.
It’s childish to goof on someone’s name, so Wonkette is just the place to do that. Tinkleberg did seem like a serious, worthy guy. Have they checked the water in Bachmann’s district? Could be a plume of TCE or some other horrible chemical from the old ammo plant near Arden Hills is making them all crazy.
Nah; it's not the water, it's the tall pine family trees; no branches, and plenty of saps.
In the spirit of secessionist nostalgia that pervades this sesquipedalocentennial remembrance of the War of Northern Aggression, I move for the reintroduction of vicious canings on the Senate floor.
Michele must run for Senate. She can't let the title of most batshit crazy candidate go to a Delaware masturbation witch.
Michele recently hired the masturbation witch's spokesturd for her very own.
No way that Minnesota will send Bachmann to the Senate. That would be as bad as electing some washed up, roid-fueled ex-wrestler as governor.
He's looking a lot more sane in comparison with these guys…
Honestly, I don't agree with half of Jesse's conspiracy-theory addled brain, but he's damned better than either Bachmann or Coleman. He may be crazy, but at least he knows it, and that's a helluva lot more than can be said Michele "Crazy Eyes" Batshit.
Well..those farm subsidy checks won't mail themselves!
"Citizens now routinely burn gay people to keep warm"
Since a "faggot"is a bundle of sticks, then this is true.
I think someone can smell the census data. Can you say negative population growth? How's that "don't fill out your census forms" gonna work for you in next election cycle? I think she knows her district is on the chopping block.
I hate the very idea of Bachmann in the Senate. Even as a tourist. Klobuchar doesn't have any charisma to speak of, either, but at least she's nowhere near nuts. The Republicans in Minnesota are getting nuttier and nuttier and it feels, more numerous. Can we spray for them?
As a Wisconsinite, I endorse this "Spay & Neuter Minnesotans" campaign.
Can we also apply that to non-Madison Wisconsin?
Bach dat azz up.
$13 million? Between Glenn Beck's invest-in-gold gimmicks and this, it's no wonder these 'tards complain about taxes. They've blown away all their disposable income.
Doesn't matter, now that Bachmann will have access to all kinds of secret intelligence
(http://blogs.wsj.com/washwire/2010/12/17/bachmann-to-intelligence-committee/)
we're all going to die, anyway.
Can't wait to see her grill Leon Panetta the way she did Geithner. "So Mr Panetta, how many alien autopsies has the CIA performed in the 3rd quarter of FY 2011?"
Wouldn't a minimum requirement to serve on the intelligence committee be intelligence?
BWAHAHAHAHAH!
You've obviously been living in some kind of isolated research station in Antarctica for the last couple of years….
Remember when Our Lady of the Batshit Insane decided that filling out census was against her Constitutional Rights Given To Her Directly From The Baby Jesus? And she implied that if census people came around, folks would be within their rights to throw that census away? Well, now it looks like Minnesota may lose a congressional seat. The state may come up 1,000 people short. Good Job, Crazy Lady!
Has anyone set up a shrine to our one true goddess of the looney?
If she runs for the Senate, Fox will have to carve out 22 hours a day for her to rant and slip in her" http://www.bachmanforsenate.com" uttering.
Bachman Take overdrive
Great I look forward to when they trot out her gay husband. Dollars to doughnuts this exploratory phase will either result in a divorce, a suicide, or the dropping of the idea entirely.
Um, he's effete, yes; but gay? No. He's a Casper Milquetoast raving loony Born Again. If he's gay, he's so far in the closet mothballs are more out than he…
"Tony Sutton, Chairman of the Minnesota Republican Party, said Bachmann would be a 'very strong' challenger to Klobuchar. " = "Klobuchar will beat her like a rented mule, but what the fuck do you expect me to say?"
Might this be the GOP culling chaff? Talk up a Bachmann candidacy, get her to run, see her lose… It's what became of previous Congressional GOP Too-Crazy-Even-for-the-Fundamentalist-Establishment standard-bearer, Rick Santorum. (Granted, he was the incumbent, in '06.)
Sure, Ol' Rick is talking up a Prexy run in '12, but as I always point out: Gary Bauer ran for President. Twice. Each time with the imprimatur of Thoughtful Conservative™ George Will. (I remember the argument well: you'll say Gary Bauer is only 5'4", therefore is not Presidential, but you must recall, James Madison, father of our Constitution, was likewise as diminuitive.) & he went nowhere. I expect no more from Ex-Senator Frothy Mix.
&, likewise, too — whither Shelly Bachmann?
Yeah, but we in Pennsylvania just elected a guy just as crazy as old Rick, pretty much his doppleganger.
No matter how she dolls up her hair or how much plastic she glues to her face, she always looks like she's trying out a new butt plug. Not that that's a bad thing.
If only they made one big enough for her mouth.
They're interchangeable.
I did not know that.
CBS cares.
Who can creep out people with her smile?
Who can take a normal day, and suddenly make it all seem insane?
Well it's you girl, and you should know it
With each rant and every crazy moment you show it
Power all around, you want to taste it
You can have a seat, why don't you take it
You're gonna make it after all
You're gonna make it after all
So – Michelle is going to try and test the waters to see if the rest of the state is as fucked in the skull as her district.
This should be funny.
And the Coen brothers.
Apparently Minnesotan and Jewish means something altogether different. Than Michele, I mean.
Yes. Coen Bros., Franken, Dylan, Wellstone and the Mustache of Mixed Metaphors, among others.
Coens, Dylan, and Franken; they're probably the only four Jews from Minnesota ever, and they all turned out to be awesome. How the same state that produced them could give us Bachmann is mind-boggling, although it makes more sense that the same state that thinks an elderly man who inexplicably refuses to retire would still make a good quarterback would elect her.
Bachman is tired of having to run every two years. She does nothing for her district but they luv her. See, it is the baby Jeebus' will that their homes are foreclosed upon and families live in their pet's carrier. The Bachmann has TONS of fundie money flowing in from all over the country. The fundies adore her 'cause she evokes the baby Jeebus, she spews biblical verses when on fundie radio, and talks about rooting out communist, marxist, Kenyans, socialists, wealth redistributors, Clinton loving amoral piggies.
Send money to Klobucher NOW.
Female hysteria was a once-common medical diagnosis, which is today no longer recognized by modern medical authorities as a medical disorder.
She needs a second opinion.
Hysteria as a diagnostic term was retired because its root meaning of "uterus" was offensive and too specific. "Histrionic" is the current substitute, with the root meaning of "actor."
My considered diagnosis is that Ms. Bachman suffers from Santorum's Disease.
Hysteria was generally a result of boredom – middle class women were left with nothing to do all day (housework was done by servants and of course they couldn't do productive work outside of the home). The cure for hysteria was medical stimulation (thus was born the vibrator).
Given here husband's dubious sexuality and her own cold-fishyness, hysteria may very well be the problem here. Someone get this woman a vibrating dildo – stat!
Uh – better make it a small one … don't want to overdo it.
One would hope the chance of a Senator Bachmann would be enough to stop the third party bs in Minnesota that keeps making what should be clear Dem wins (Franken and Dayton) nail biters. Ever since Ventura got in as a protest candidate these tools have been screwing things up, to the point where now the GOP controls the state house (so if they do lose a seat its Keith Ellison they'll target even though Bachmann's district makes no sense).
Oh, and that 13 million sounds impressive, until you realize that it was mainly non-Minnesota wing nuts from blue districts latching on to her instead of any indication of home grown support. She and Pawlenty are both pretty well reviled state wide, mainly for not giving a shit about the state's issues.
I'd be worried about Pawlenty as the GOP 2012 nominee…if I thought he actually had a chance of getting the nomination. The fact that he and Mittens' terms as governor were so unpopular probably won't be enough to dissuade people from voting for them, but their lack of wingnut drawing power might keep them off the fall ballot.
That wall she hit in the House – it was the "Wall of Stupid" – been there since Newt in '94 – maybe longer,
No wonder Bachmann has been trying to de-fund Planned Parenthood, the UN Population Fund and the Census, she wants to erase evidence of a voting base so that she can declare herself Senator of the phantom Minnesota State.
Is the economy made of mirrors and duck sauce thing an original Wonkette invention? Because that is fukcing brilliant.
It's cute how Dr. Bachmann lets his little woman have her little government hobby thingy.
Why stop at the Senate? Palin/Bachmann at the top of the 2012 Ticket! Double your pleasure, double your fun, put two twats in power instead of just one. My apologies to Doublemint, a fairly tasty chewing gum.
I had no idea who Amy Klobuchar was until this announcement, which led me to her website; good job, Minnesota. I actually like this one, though let's face it, she could give Lisa Murkowski a run for her money in the name department.
The one thing Mad Michele has in spades is ambition that far outstrips ability (where have we seen that before?) – don't be surprised to see "Bachmann/(fill in conservatard fuckwit of choice here) 2016" bumper stickers showing up mid 2015
Id totally "hit that wall". ducksauce a plus.
Why is Bachmann running for senate?
Two words (three?): CongressMILF-elect Noem. Michele won't be the "pretty one" (gag) anymore.
I hope she runs just because the satisfaction of watching Joe Miller's post-loss meltdown will be starting to wear off by then.
Klobuchar is actually much better looking than Bachmann. And of course, the criteria for a candidate is who you'd have "It's Just Lunch!!®" with.
Since I'm not a Republican, a woman's physical attractiveness has no influence on my desire to vote for her.
This is fortunate because while Bachmann is no Salma Hayek, Klobuchar is just fugly.
Now, now. While I loves me to death some Amy Klobuchar, she has the facial features and the haircut of a muppet.
I can here it now, echoing from the Senate chamber; "The chair recognizes the cunt from Minnesota".
Too close for comfort, but not in Minny, no.
I used to go to Duluth fairly often as a kid, too — had cousins & an uncle in the Duluth-Superior metroplex — & caught a Garrison Keillor live appearance at Big Top Chetaqua (sp?) when I was 13.
A structure about the size of a NY apartment, only one story in most cases, on wheels, that can be towed to a frozen lake and lowered onto the ice. There is a hole(s) for fishing through the ice. Maybe NY apartment isn't so apt, as the kitchen is much nicer in the ice house. Flat screen prob. larger also.
And beer. Lots and lots of beer. Or bourbon. Or both.
OK>
Comments on this entry are closed.