The Confederates lost the war of Northern Aggression because Jefferson Davis repealed DADT. Fact.

  • Dust off your fiddle and play a nice slave owner hymn: It’s Secession Remembrance Week in South Carolina! And what better way to honor your treasonous, slave-owning heritage than to attend the magnificent Charleston Secession Ball this evening? (Lindsey Graham will wear his favorite gown, the one made out of ham biscuits. Good luck, eligible bachelors!) Other activities include “sitting around talking about the good ol’ days” and “spitting into a cup.” This year marks the Sesquicentennial celebration, which is maybe why some dingbat Kleagle from the Sons of Confederate Veterans got all hot and bothered and said this: “We could look back and say [the Civil War] wasn’t something to celebrate … But we do celebrate the courage and the integrity of 170 men who signed their signatures to the Article of Secession — the courage of men to do what they think is right.” Where is William Tecumseh Sherman when you need some flames? [McClatchy]
  • Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen (R-FLA), soon-to-be chairwoman of the House Foreign Affairs Committee, has promised to stop Iran’s nuclear ambitions with all sorts of harsh sanctions. It’s nice to know that Republicans oppose nuclear proliferation! [The Hill]
  • Mitch McConnell is doing everything he can to stop START from passing. Republicans love nuclear proliferation, yay proliferation! [CNN]
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  • Plowmon

    At last, a event I can wear my Confederate officer's uniform to without disapproving stares and sharp comments…

  • Confederate Ghosts in the Electric Mists

    • BeWoot


      • You are, of course, correct.

        I however, have erred, the correct title is –

        "In the Electric Mist with Confederate Dead"

        – 1993, James Lee Burke

    • DoktorZoom

      Do Confederate androids dream of fucking electric sheep?

      • jim89048

        If it's got the new Gingerbread O/S, then yes. Electric demon sheep.

      • Negropolis

        "electric"? They still dream about the real thing.

  • GuanoFaucet

    "Where is Tecumseh Sherman when you need some flames?"

    Indeed. And Nat Turner would make a fine addition to the guest list, too.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Don't forget: what can John Brown do for you?

      • DashboardBuddha

        Union Army – We LOVE logistics (sorry about that whole Mississippi river thing and tearing up the railroads, Johnny Reb)

        • horsedreamer_1

          But we did draw it up on a white board, at least.

    • BerkeleyBear

      How dare you suggest the noble cause of secession had anything to do with that dusky demon's crimes? Other than the multiple mentions of slavery in the articles of secession themselves, of course.

  • Barbara_i

    Oh pooh! I can't go, my uncle is busy that night. That's a shame because he tell the most hilarious stories about 6th grade or "his senior year" as he likes to call it.

    • glamourdammerung

      And that outlawing slavery was prohibited in the CSA "constitution", along with speaking out against the government. But it was all about freedom.

  • slappypaddy

    they'll be having turnips for dessert.

    • HistoriCat

      As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again!

  • Oh Sons of the Confederduncy. It don't matter how many inbred traitorous dreams you have of mounting your mom/cousin/sister/nephew while "Dixie" plays in the background and black folk are in their "rightful" place slaving in your fields while yelling "Massa, you lazy white boys gotts a bigger penis than any blacks man!" because you can't turn back time or reality.

  • dr_giraud

    "Lindsey Graham will wear his favorite gown, the one made out of ham biscuits."

    Good thing the Huckabees are in Arkansas.

    • DashboardBuddha

      Graham – Bite me, Huck!
      Huckabee – With relish, Lindsey!

      • Negropolis

        nom, nom, nom…

        Huckabee's getting fat, again. I guess that means he's decided not to run for president.

  • kenlayisalive

    "But we do celebrate the courage and the integrity of 170 men" who made an utterly stupid decision to try and save a totally evil institution, and in the process caused the pointless deaths of hundreds of thousands of their countrymen in the name of racism and cotton profits.

    Cue KC and the Sunshine Band.

    • horsedreamer_1

      For irony, I would have said 'Queue Earth, Wind, & Fire'.

      Mostly, though, I just love "September".

      • Barbara_i

        I'm not going to complain that this tune will be stuck in my head all day. Even when others forget my birthday, the 21st night, September, Phil Bailey and the rest remembered it.

  • nicnack74

    Oh I wish I were White to be in the true spirit of Southern succession and the war of Northern Aggreession so I can truly appreciate the historical enormity of the Civil War. To hear my mom tell it, my familiy members were systematically raped and they got to watch their loved ones sold off to other farms. It's good that the South can celebrate their heritage and the freedom of "States Rights" and willfully state that an African American does not equal one white man. It's nice to know that revisionist history can now just state that it was about rugged indiviudalism, and that whole slavery thing wasn't really a big deal. How intriguing. I only get to look at my neice with blond hair and gray eyes as she tries to be blacker than black (cus you do have to prove yourself when you have light skin), and I get remember that race is a man made construct, whereas ethnicity is completely different.

    But as evidenced by my Kenyan Half Breed Muslan President; you can still perservere and become the most powerful man in the United States. And they hate it. I love what little democracy we have left.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Tim Scott co-signs.

      (First time he's co-signed anything that wasn't a predatory loan, too.)

    • DoktorZoom

      Good news for our dusky-hued brethren! One of the more recent tropes among the Sons of Treason-Worship is the notion that significant numbers of southern black supported the Confederacy. Yes, you too can honor the Lost Cause–all it takes is just a comprehensive denial of reality, which is already a cinch for those who romanticize the Confederate Cause. Ta-Nehesi Coates has done a couple of very good posts on the matter, for anyone who prefers to stay rooted in sanity.

  • Mindblank

    Any chance some NAACP members could get confederate officer uniforms and attend the ball? They have a right to be re-enactors, too.

    • SorosBot

      No, they need blue uniforms, and period-accurate functioning loaded rifles.

    • SecretMuslin

      I just hope Alvin Greene is invited, so he can shine the "officers" shoes as they enter.

  • Serolf_Divad

    We could look back and say [the Civil War] wasn’t something to celebrate … But we do celebrate the courage and the integrity of 170 men who signed their signatures to the Article of Secession –- the courage of men to do what they think is right.”

    Where have I heard this before? Oh, that's right:

    …thousands upon thousands of valiant men died defending their respective countries in the name of a better tomorrow. We salute these idealists; no matter how unsavory the Nazi government was, the front-line soldiers of the Waffen-SS (in particular the foreign volunteers) gave their lives for their loved ones and a basic desire to be free.

    It's about time we started the process of rehabilitating those poor, misunderstood slave owners and Nazis.

    • horsedreamer_1

      & why is Sarah Palin oddly silent on these paens to treason & totalitarianism?

      • HistoriCat

        Why would you question SP staying silent on anything? I consider it a Christmas miracle that she hasn't unloaded a steaming pile of Alaskrap on us. Any day where we don't hear from her is a good day.

        • Angry_Marmot

          Her handlers are worried about over-exposure and cheapening the brand– you know, like Elvis.

    • Negropolis

      I honestly don't understand military fetish, and this visceral need to praise a soldier no matter how horrible his or her orders are. I can go so far as to saying that history doesn't have to vilify soldiers (at least not as much or more so than their officiers and civilian leadership) to no end, but this desire to attempt to make good what is inherently evil can't ever square with me.

  • WarAndGee

    How can we get the south "to do it again." Seriously.

    Isn't time to cut off these red conservative welfare states and create a right wing utopia haven for our greying crabby, flannel-wearing uncles where they can go to get away from the tyranny of the socialism, like medicare and social security and paying back for their public education and public libraries.

    A place where they can go to openly free themselves from having to share a nation with foriegners and brown people and local government that doesn't plow snow off their streets the right way.

    A place where they can sanctinmoniously reminisce about the glory of war of which the vast majority never fought in or saw combat. Perhaps put up a memorial every few blocks and few more military holidays on the calendar.

    And Jesus only too.

    Whose with me? Lets give red state succession a chance.

    • deanbooth

      Sign me up! (Can I pay someone to serve for me?)

      • Of course that is what Citizens United is all about.

      • V572625694

        Tradition's a beautiful thing, isn't it? It's what the treasonous seccessionists were fighting for! Oh and the slavery, which was 19th Century's equivalent of illegal immigration. Cheap labor is so nice if you don't care about the cheap laborers!

        Of course you could buy your way out of the draft in the North too.

    • Banelm

      Why wait on them? Preemptive this, 1% that, blah blah… Let's unfurl Sherman's old flag and do our part first! Meet you in Savannah bitches!

  • BeWoot

    Sure, these chumps are celebrating now, commemorating the Secession. Personally, I can't wait to see how they celebrate the sesquicentennial of Appomattox. On the other hand …

    • horsedreamer_1

      Commemorating Appomattox? Hell, they won't live past Freaknik. All those nigras in one place, whoopin' & hollerin', will be too much for the First Infantry, Rascal Division to bear. Hearts will give out.

  • Progressiveinga

    Sons of Confederate Vet: What do you want to do now?
    Toothless Man: [grinning] He got a real pretty mouth ain't he?
    Sons of Confederate Vet: That's the truth
    Toothless Man: You gonna do some prayin' for me, boy. And you better pray good.

    Que the banjo……..

  • horsedreamer_1

    Con la decadencia de los hermanos Castro, los con el poder en la republica banana de Miami tienen que encontrar a otro enemigo. Por que no Ahmadinejad?

    • arihaya

      Por que no te callas?

      sorry that's the only Spanish I know aside "Te amo"

      • mereoblivion

        "Why aren't we listening to Callas right now?" Bit OT, but I tend to agree.

  • deanbooth

    "celebrate the courage … of men to do what they think is right."

    This sentiment got Bill Maher kicked off the air in 2001.

    • SorosBot

      Why would you celebrate the courage of men who did "what they think is right" when what they thought was right was actually really, really, really, really, really wrong, in fact pure unadulterated evil?

  • arihaya

    not surprising as this is come from the state that gave you Zombie Thurmond,,

    i mean ,, Senator at age of 102,, he must be a zombie or something

  • SorosBot

    For once, the question can be asked in pure seriousness with no irony: Sons of Confederate Veterans, why do you hate America?

  • If Obama wanted to crash this soiree, would he only have to pay 3/5 price?

  • freakishlywrong

    Mitch McConnell, the first truly evil turtle to serve in the Senate, is not against the START treaty, he's against the mixed race Democrat in the White House. He's said as such. Yet, Gawd forbid anyone in our librul media actually points that out.

    • TimeCubist

      Kentucky can secede this time around. Seriously guys, nobody's going to stop you.

  • "spitting into cups" really now Riley the discriminating Son of a Confederate always uses a muddjugg.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Two Rebels, One Spittoon.

  • guangho

    I'm all for this event, provided that it concludes, in a rather permanent fashion, with a Nat Turner set piece.

  • PresBeeblebrox

    OK, if they want to do it this way, I'm all for celebrating the 150th anniversary of Billy Sherman's troops burning and plundering the South on their way to the sea. Let's have a big fucking gala ball for that. Theme costumes! We can award a prize for the costume that best depicts plantations burning to the ground.

    I mean, what the fuck. These assholes are imbeciles. They're celebrating treason, sedition, and captivity. “It’s more about celebration than history" might as well be "It's about heritage, not hate!" Bullshit. You can't separate the hate from the heritage when it comes to the Confederacy, since the nation was founded on the principle of human bondage.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh for fuck's sake, Dixieland. Look away, look away.

  • prommie

    It was all about lighthouses, nothing to do with slavery; them southerners simply hated the way the federal government was always constructing "aids to navigation." And really, come on, who can deny it, the darkies were better off under that "peculiar institution."

    • GOPCrusher

      I especially like they trot out the olde saw, "Well the blacks in Africa used each other as slaves.". I guess they figure that they were treated better since they were owned by white folk.

  • BerkeleyBear

    So, when they re-enact the firing on Ft. Sumter in a few months, do we get to respond with the full weight of the modern military? Please?

    All this bullshit makes me laugh, because if any state tried seceding they would not only lose all their sweet government pork – I'd love to see one state get by without Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security, not to mention Federal dollars for military bases, roads, etc. – but they'd find out in a heartbeat that our modern military leadership isn't a bunch of namby-pamby state allegiance first types. Maybe some National Guard tinpot generals would take up the cause, but I'm guessing not many, and they don't exactly have access to the best toys. The third battle of Bull Run would last about as long as it took to deploy a few M1-A1 Abrams tanks and scramble a fighter/attack squadron out of Norfolk or Dover (or any of a number of other locations).

    • HistoriCat

      Only this time we don't play nice afterwards. We hang the traitors and leave their bodies to rot.


  • ♪♫ Hurrah! Hurrah! We bring the Jubilee
    Hurrah! Hurrah! The flag that makes you free
    So we sang the chorus from Atlanta Greenville to the sea
    While we were marching through GeorgiaSowKurrhuhlienuh ♫♪

  • One of my favorite quotes from William Tecumseh Sherman, a real quote machine in his day: “You cannot qualify war in harsher terms than I will. War is cruelty, and you cannot refine it; and those who brought war into our country deserve all the curses and maledictions a people can pour out.”

    • GOPCrusher

      My favorite quote is "The truth is, the whole army is burning with an insatiable desire to wreak vengeance upon South Carolina. I almost tremble at her fate, but feel that she deserves all that seems in store for her."

  • PublicLuxury

    My ball gown's at the cleaners. Now whut?

    • HistoriCat

      Have your house slaves make you a new one.

    • ttommyunger

      Borrow one of Lindsay's.

      • PublicLuxury

        Do you think it'll fit? Lindsay's a little broader in the shoulder than I am… but I suppose it can be altered.

        • ttommyunger

          Hips and waist, maybe; shoulders, I fucking doubt it.

    • DoktorZoom

      White sheets always work. Don't forget the eye holes.

      • PublicLuxury

        Good safety tip.

  • PublicLuxury

    The War of Northern Aggression was the result of the last Secession Ball.

    Quite the learning curve.

  • mereoblivion

    They're going to live through this and when it's all over–if they have to lie, steal, cheat or kill–as God is their witness, they'll never be under a darkie preznint again.

  • NickDanger007

    W.T. Sherman was right. Shoulda hanged their treasonous leaders and exiled anybody who wouldn't take the loyalty oath. Then confiscate slave owners' land and redistribute it to the freed slaves–arm them. And give land to poor whites. Move in settlers from the north. We'd have a far more intelligent country today.

  • problemwithcaring

    Those folks were a bunch a nonworking, lazy, white racists screaming about the government taking away entitlements provided for them through the work of others. They had the courage to whine about it.

    The South hasn't changed at all.

    • PublicLuxury

      Those fuckin' welfare entitlement queens. Little titty babies sucking on the governement's double d's. Good thing we beat the shit out of them once. This time we need to nuke them and rid ourselves of the 'southern menace'.

  • DingusMcHatred

    No, no…don't go. No, really, stick around, it's just getting good. Seriously. Seriously. No, you gotta go? Ok, see ya. [!!!!!]

  • VinnyThePooh

    Oh, just go already!
    Go recreate the good ol' days for the good ol' boys.
    Go shutter your schools and mule-kick the little sense out of your kids' heads with religious stupidity.
    You "men" can wear your commando camo and you "women" can wear your asinine dresses with the fugly white shoes. 24/7. And you'll no longer see us snicker and point.
    You can dissolve your gubmint so you can eat your tainted Hungry Man meals while mouth-breathing the formaldehyde in your single-wide.
    You can proudly display your sacred banner of hate while sodomizing yourselves with your gunz. Oh, yer gunz. Oh, how you love yer gunz. Nothing swells your grain of rice like yer gunz.

    So, g'head. Sign and submit you Articles of Succession so we can finally move into the 21st century and you can start your early 19th century fantasy.

    Good luck.

  • PresBeeblebrox

    Amazingly, many of the comments on the McClatchy site are reality-based and not written by dumbfuck racists, but this one obviously was:

    The war between the States was about the right of states to secede from the Union. The declaration of Independence was voted for by 13 states including 4 of the states that decided to revoke their vote and seceded Slavery,as horrible as it was,never a factor in this conflict . The emancipation proclamation only covered the states that seceded and not West Virginia,,a Union state .

    It may be time for many the states to consider seceding from the dictators in Washington D.C and forming a true Republic.

    • BlueStateLibel

      We can only encourage them!

      • finallyhappy

        The sooner the better!

  • xsluggo

    Ros-Lehtinen demands an investigation into how Fidel Castro could claim Cuban citizenship when he had only a Kenyan birth certificate. Film at 11.

  • Steverino247

    Whenever I encounter some twit trying to make the case for "It was about state's rights and not slavery" I tell them to read the articles of secession and see for themselves that the word SLAVERY is used more times in a sentence than FUCK in a porn film.

    The courage to enslave others. Yeah, right. Oh, and just because other Africans were rounding them up for you on the other side of the Atlantic doesn't give you a free pass, either!

    • Veritas78

      Specifically, it was about the states' rights to permit slavery, and about their rights to force slavery upon new states joining the union, even if those new states didn't previously have a history of slavery.

      Oh, and about their rights to force non-slave-holding states to enforce the property laws of slave-holding states. So it was anything but a "Stop picking on us—just leave us alone!" deal.

  • Fort Sumter 1861, Nevah fogit! Insert crying eagle.

  • obfuscator2

    i'm pretty sure that the mascot for the old duck and cover instructional films was a turtle, no?

    fuck and cover, more like. amirite?

  • What will Nikki Haley (R – Dark Person) go as?

    • PublicLuxury

      Mammy Nikki

    • Negropolis

      The wife of a swarthy Indian merchant visting the port of Charleston, of course.

  • ttommyunger

    I would just like to take this opportunity to remind all true Southerners who may be reading this: there are still four black asses covering White House porcelain every fucking day they are in town. I just like to remind them, 'cause I know it drives them nucking futs.

    • PublicLuxury

      A friendly reminder? Where's the uni-bomber when he is needed to deliver a nice invitation to STFU! In typical government fashion… Uni is basking in glorious sunshine of the California Penal System

      • ttommyunger

        I know he is suffering. Three squares with room service. Climate-controlled and indoor plumbing. To fully appreciate this one needs to check out his living conditions at the time of his arrest. 'Merikan Justice.

        • PublicLuxury

          I know where he lived. I was teaching just a few miles from him. Oy. The confiscated his cabin and moved it to Malmstrom Air Force Base in Great Falls, MT. Nice little fixer-upper he had.

          • finallyhappy

            I thought the cabin was here in Dc at the Newseum or the Crime and Punishment place

          • PublicLuxury

            It may be there now. Back in the day. . . they moved it to MAFB while they were waiting trial and evidence and that good stuff.

          • ttommyunger

            I'm sure he is suffering mightily.

  • bumfug

    Who needs Sherman to bring the flame when they've got Lindsey Graham?

  • Negropolis

    I guess it's better than calling it Slavery Week. Wait. No, it really isn't…at all.

    Every time I hear someone talk about the "New South" I like to ask them where it is, because I sure as hell haven't seen it. Whatever is changing on the ground is more than made up by its political leadership, whose consituents are STILL electing flagrant racists and other assorted bigots.

    Like most (or at least many) African Americans, my family's origins are there and distant relatives still live where they were first brought. Thank god most had the sense to leave the state as soon as they were allowed to.

    Fuck South Carolina, and the tired, old horse it rode in on. You damn-near single-handedly killed this nation, and that'll only be forgotten when you stop fighting the fucking war, already.

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