For the past hundred years or so, political people in Washington and Southern California have looked forward to nothing more than the whimsical/weird Christmas Card sent out by Congresswoman Loretta Sanchez. Why? Because it showed a bit of whimsy/weirdness, which means it was utterly unique in the dead-soul forced-smile world of U.S. politics. Well, we hope you all enjoyed the fun of years past, with Loretta and her cat doing various funny things like surfing or riding motorcycles or burning twenty dollar bills. We hope you liked all that.
Because it’s over. Loretta’s cat died.
Happy Christmas, everybody! The cat apparently died in a tragic holiday fire. [Thanks to "Danielle" for sending the card and bumming everybody out. Thanks a lot, "Danielle."]
{ 182 comments }
i haz a sad!
Sad, but his plus/minus had been going down for several seasons, so it was inevitable.
And here I was thinking it was the ongoing debacle that is the Phoenix Coyotes drove him to immolation.
Phoenix coyotes are known for having a taste for cats and small dogs.
Today, we are all Gretzky.
Awesome! I've been wanting to bang Janet Jones for like, forever.
Man. This is like tuning in for the Barney Miller Christmas Special and getting the Jack Soo Memorial Clip Show instead.
Win!!!1!
Jack Soo was awesome, I'll have you know.
Deadpan humor is very nice. That guy on "Curb" who plays Marty Funkhouser is terrific.
I was thinking of the unexpected Xmas sadz, not casting aspersions on Lt. Yamada. He was a nifty part of one of the great ensemble workplace comedies.
His coffee, on the other hand…
On topic, a recent surprise for me, I just got the first disc of the Firefly teevee show from Netflix and, holy shit – Ron Glass! I haven't seen him in a million years.
He was a funny dude. Remember the 'Fro he had on Barney Miller? Good times.
Yeah, as a young white kid growing up in the 70's, Bill Cosby, Robert Guillame, Ron Glass and Tim Meadows taught me I didn't have to be afraid of black people anymore.
Then somebody introduced me to James Brown and Screamin' Jay Hawkins…
Holy shit! The preacher from Firefly was on some other show back in the seventies?
Yes! Barney Miller! And, apropos of yesterday's vote, the show featured gay people. Granted, they were only ever there as arrestees, but, it was way back in the '70's. Now I haz an old.
Barney Miller was always a Fav of mine.
Spoiler alert! Dwight put it in the freezer.
Stri Fry tonight. You're invited Crank.
I'm down! Is it gonna involve eating pussy?
I can haz cremation?
Nice to have another bummer right before going into the weekend; well it's time to hit the bottle.
Actually the more I think about it, the better off we are all. This just means there will be more cat food available once the new congress passes austerity cuts and gets rid of food stamps and such.
Wouldn't sweat it. Plenty more pussies in Congress.
everybody lift your first friday beginning-of-the-binge boozey drinks – lift them high, i say! – and toast the memory of the handsome and heroic gretzky. TO GRETZKY!
I am gonna twist of a fatty of the finest organic california medical catnip around, for the shorties.
I thought you meant Brasky…
Damn, that cat was old. Did a universal healthcare death panel get him, in the end?
Thank god I'm a dog person.
Now, where's that bottle of Bushmill's?
Wuz that cat a Persian???? Could Gretsky have been a plant by Ahmadinejihad????? Could Gretsky have been leakin' before the Wiki????? Video at 11:00.
Maybe the cat knew too much…
Where is your SOUL, chascates?
/yeah the cat was hella ugly.
It looked like Wilford Brimley with a bad case of hypertrichosis. Still, having your pet die at Xmas makes for a shitty future-memory. I can vouch for that.
Anyone who can fit in a Wilford Brimley reference in everyday conversation is good people in my book.
Yes! My pee recovered, and it's higher than Layne's. There is a Jeebus.
Me too! It's gonna be a swell Christmas.
And on that cheery note I frolic, BUT, some time I'll tell you all about how my crazy grandmother put our Siamese in the freezer and I'm not kidding.
Watch the frolicking. It inevitably leads to some fool girl brushing your wing, and then, heartbreak.
My mother put the family's cremated kitties in their boxes right there in the kitchen hutch, next to the cheerios and bran flakes.
Oh, she didn't cremate them to put them with the breakfast cereal, it was a gradual thing, old age, car squashings, etc.
I, ah, have a finch in my freezer. One of these years I'll bury it, if the damn snow ever melts long enough.
Will Pope Kitty be presiding at Gretzky's funeral? It seems only fitting.
I have some acrobatic male cats I can send to perform if the Pope needs an incentive.
R.I.P. kitty.
Oh, hai you guys! The Guardian has a synopsis of the police reports/ allegations against Julian Assange:
http://m.guardian.co.uk/media/2010/dec/17/julian-…
That dude may be the messiah of freedom but seriously, what a dick.
hmm yeah, when it starts to feel great, the rubber has given out. no mistaking that, not sober anyway.
the sex police are out there on the streets, while indoors, there's gonna be a meter on every bed that will disclose what everybody does.
The rich have got their chattels in the bedrooms of the poor, after all.
Tower of Schlong
"It was the worst sex ever," one of the victims complained. Wow, I didn't realize being lousy in bed is a crime.
At least I am now officially off the hook for that "worst sex ever" thing.
Only if you've been banging Swedish chicks, but, what the hell, it still seems like a net plus to me.
The case against Assange, which has been the subject of intense speculation and dispute in mainstream media and on the internet, is laid out in police material held in Stockholm to which the Guardian received unauthorised access.
Unauthorized access? Oooh! Karma's a bitch, ain't it.
Well, Gretzky's smile was starting to seem a little forced. And now he's gone to white pussy heaven so all manner of thing be well.
Oh, OK. For a second I thought she meant that the rabbit died.
word around the campfire is that cat was the only fur on Loretta's lap
meow,also
Now that that's out of the way, I'd hit that.
Pix!
… that cat was the only fur on Loretta's lap
I imagine Christine O'Donnell's cat goes missing for days on end, then she decides to do a skivy refresh and "Meow!"
gretz was 93 cat years old. r.i.p., fine feline.
But what was his cat-pee score?
And did she first give him a cat scan?
Nineteen years is a long time for a cat, so nice run, Gretzky. And here's to Loretta Sanchez and fresh pussy.
But you have to substract from the 19 years time spent in the penalty box.
Not quite sure what she means by "harmed" in that 2004 card. Just burning the tip of their tails doesn't hurt cats much, but the invisible psychological scars can be lasting. Gretzky may have lived another six years in mental agony and his death may well have been a deliverance.
Also, with that name and certainly very clumsy on ice – never mind skates – he probably suffered from a dreadful case of low self-esteem.
Can I have the fur? I need a lining for my burlap hobo gloves.
you guys laughed and laughed, but Palin was clearly on point about Obama's feline death panels.
That Sanchez is dirty.
Thought she was talking about the hockey player when she drunk dialed me on the phone, now this all makes sense!
gretsky moved to a better world before the 112th congress kicks in.
smart cat.
Just have Gretzky freeze dried. No reason to mess with a sacred Christmas tradition.
It's been a great week all around, yes? First, our Kenyan-muslim-socialist president turns Repubatard, I'm forced to use dead weeds as Xmas decorations, and this poor lady's cat passes away. But in the immortal words of Homer Simpson, there's nothing that booze can't cure, let the drinking begin.
CHEERS!
~
White pussy is dead? Quick, somebody call Greta v. S. and Nancy Grace!!!
"Tragic" is one opinion.
Tough room.
Buck up, little camper – I actually laughed out loud when I read it. And was surprised by the negative… I'll give ya a plus thumb!
True story, I'll spot you a thumbs up.
O/T, but how the hell did I gain 40 "pees" since lunch? I mean, my last penis gag was good, but not that good. By next Tuesday, I will have 300 pees, and you will all bow down.
Ken Layne was using our "p" points in some kind of ponzi scheme. Thanks to an out-of-court settlement, we got them back.
God, I hope his son (if he has one) doesn't hang himself.
The man always keeps my "pees" down in the 90s, so's I don't get too high and mighty.
It's "The Man" and you always have to be takin' it to him.
Hey puck feeling ok?
Yeah, I'm OK, thanks. I expect to be back on the ice next week, speaking of hockey-related themes…
Who gagged on a penis? Pix!
Loretta Sanchez: the original anchor congresswoman.
RIP Kitteh. Enjoy the celestial cheeseburgers.
One can buy a new cat, you know.
Just sayin'.
There are some cats that you just can't buy, unlike congresspeople.
And cats should be neutered, but congresspeople should be neutered with extreme predjudice.
How much are you selling yourself for?
It was $300/hr once upon a time. Now $3.50 and whatever's left in that bottle…
I've got $1.50 in the kitty. Get it? In the kitty?
To paraphrase Chris Rock, "NEW PUSSY CAIN'T POSE FOR AN OLAN MILLS CHRISTMAS PORTRAIT!"
new pussy is illiterate!!!
People pay for cats?!
Well, now we know we've lost the brains of the outfit…
That cat was 19 years old! Born during the Bush Administration (non-fuckup edition). Old enough to vote, enlist, get pregnant (Palin cats only). Older than some of the things in my 'fridge.
Here, let me fix that for ya: Less fucked up edition.
Maybe it's better Gretzky passed before Sanchez traded him.
It was probably those damn Vietnamese that killed poor Gretsky!
(reference)
play gretzky off, keyboard congresswoman.
Looking at that cat's picture, you know he's seen some things. Some things that cannot be unseen even for cats, who are all about convenience after all.
How sad that the poor cat died before the Obama tax miracle cured the economy and fixed unemployment.
I think that THIS is the year those upper-level tax cuts are really gonna start trickling down.
I know, right? I almost can't wait to finally start getting trickled on.
I think we've more likely been tricked by the financial highs than we'll get trickled. Peed upon, too, also, but not in those greenies next to our avatars.
Watch Sarah Palin put a picture of a dead moose on her Christmas card for one-upmanship.
It's for a project for her Palintology course.
Gretzky didn't happen to be near any of those fish she was batting, did he?
Proposed card caption:
Venite Adoremoose. (Come, let us give Sarah some gold).
Whozzah dead widdle pussy cat? You are! You're a dead widdle pussy cat!
My pussy died at 18. My Muffy did not go on Congressional Junkets so she did not show the longevity that corporate money can provide.
The family cat we had when I was a kid lived to 21 (possibly 22; she was full grown when she adopted us). This shows the longevity that sleeping on my feet and alternately, on my face, can provide.
I would gladly sleep in your face :)
You ain't heard my snoring yet.
Your pussy died at eighteen, or was it so good you just felt like you'd died and you had seen the face of God? Be specific!
It was soooooo good I saw the face of God. On the up side, it is still good and God's face hasn't changed.
Good for you! Everyone has the right to be orgasmic. May you observe His Visage three different ways: long, hard and often.
Aw hell, I might as well share in the grief and mention the passing of another fine animal, a Great American (American Shorthair), a long time member of my family, all 18 pounds of him a lean, mean rabbit-killing machine. Tallest cat I ever met, a born clown, and a great big lovable galoot who made it a point to bite everyone, when provoked, except me.
I only hope his love of sharing my bourbon on the rocks, a habit of his in his younger days, wasn't the major factor in his death by liver failure at age 13, about two months ago.
R.I.P., Blackie. *sniff* ('Scuse me, I think I got something in my eye)
He reminds me a bit of my current Buddy…although the Budster only tips the scales at 14 pounds. His "sister" MC only weighs 7 pounds and likes to sleep on my side with me in bed. Cat whore that I am, I don't want to disturb her in her slumbers so when I have to turn over, I do so VERY slowly. This allows her to do what I like to call "The Slow Motion Log Roll" with me playing the role of the log. Buddy just sleeps off to one side and laughs.
I dig cats.
I am about to go into the bog for a slow motion log roll myself.
I'm sorry, Caveman. I'll raise a nice glass of bourbon to Blackie tonight.
Aww, take care. Thirteen is a good run for a cat. I think you did just fine.
I asked my cats how they felt about this: one could not be distracted from drinking from the Solstice tree well and the other was licking his no longer existent balls and couldn't take any questions. I take that for "life is short: run hard, sleep often, eat mice, and get your human to scratch your chin."
Very Tao, these beings.
Who says a touching and timeless Xmas tradition has to end? http://www.americantaxidermyonline.com/
I was going to have my cat stuffed…. But friends and family found it odd at the best point and disturbed at the worst point. The husb rolled in and said, "That's fucking gross! No! You are not going to do that." Discussion ended and the cat got cremated and looked a lot like kitty litter…. Go figure?
Well, now that the cat is dead, I can pet her pussy.
Until
BoehnerBoner cries over it, it never happened.but she whored you out on Xmas cards. They were excellent. Didn't you know – kitty cam!
And I thought only good things happen when a fluffy-haired pussy gets really hot…
I'm suspecting Bo was involved and Michelle was the evil genius behind it all.
Now wait just one goddamn minute. How in the $#@^&% did metamarcisf wind up in his/her beautiful red hole again after the The Great P Forward?
Peezee come, peezee go.
Well done.
On the bright side, the fact that poor Gretzky passed before December 31st means that Loretta can claim a 30% Energy Tax Credit for reducing her cat footprint.
To hear a Freeper tell it, the cat committed suicide to avoid the estate tax.
ya beat me by a hair. Good job God!
And Gretzky died before the estate tax gets reinstated!!! Loretta gets all the monies from those Tender Vittles commercials that are part of the estate sans the taxman hit.
In honor of poor Gretzkey, I have updated my avatar, to Spike.
In other news the guy who was marinating his cat while still alive appeared in a Buffalo Courtroom today. http://www.torontosun.com/news/weird/2010/12/17/1…
Another cat died today, Captain Beefheart, RIP.
"Ashtray heart.."
Damn…one of my favs from my mispent youth, gone.
Until he died, I had no idea that he lived in the same town as me. I need to get out more, while I still fit through the doorway.
Damn. In this situation, the snark just writes itself, but out of respect for the dead kitty…
… oh, fuck it. I'd vote in her district, if you know what I mean.
Now I feel bad.
Gretzky will be her new 'body glove'..bluh.
(Having problems with snark, 'cause pet death fucking sucks).
Gretzkey wil celebrate Xmas dinner at a Chinese restaurant.
It's a Mexskin Tradition . . . .
I don't particularly like cats, but anybodies pet dieing makes me kinda sad. I also wish i was in her district, any one who sends out christmas cards like that needs my vote.
I hope Ms. Sanchez gets a cat from a shelter. I just adopted 2 kittens that were born outside a kitchen I volunteer at.
On the ASG Usenet group, a celebrity gossip list, someone who has just died is now said to be in the stereo cabinet because of this one post in reply to a poster's pet loss:
Having been through it myself, I know how you are feeling. I had my
cat freeze dried and he is in my stereo [cabinet] and can be seen through glass doors in a sleeping position. I couldn't bear to put him in the ground. Some people react strangely but it gives me great comfort to always see the animal who was my good friend. Though I've had many animals over the years, Spike was my special buddy and he will be buried with me.
I am sick. Read this and all I can think about is hot pussy.
Um, not to be cruel or anything, but I'm guessing it's cold pussy by now.
Hmmmm. Reminds me of my first wife.
That is a very ugly baby.
Off to Puss & Boots Hill, I presume.
The man they called the Boehner swore he'd kill the cat on sight
He loaded up his shotgun with nails and dynamite
He waited and he waited for the cat to come around
Ninety seven pieces of the Boehner is all they ever found
But Gretzky came back the very next day
Her cat came back, we thought he was a goner
But the cat came back; it just couldn't stay away
it's christmas time, there's no need to be afraid,
at christmas time, we let in light and we banish shade
and in our world of plenty we can spread a smile of joy
throw your arms around the world at christmas time.
but say a prayer, a pray for the other ones…
do they know it's christmas time at all?
A hairy pussy gets all of this attention? Christine O'Donnell weeps.
Gretzky was a traditionalist. The waxing trend completely passed him by.
is one of the stages of grief, horny?
All this domestic animal worshipping by political leaders is a Sign of the Rapture.
Sanchez clearly didn't understand when she was told that many voters were interested in her pussy.
This presents a real dilemma: Get skunk drunk to forget or stay sober to maintain some dignity. Aaahhhhh! Pass the bottle.
By the way, John Boner didn't cry.
This is good news for John McCain.
That's a lotta kitty.
As long as Van Tran is not eating Loretta's dead pussy..
Mourn not–Gretzky is now with Ceiling Cat. Thanks to his modelling experience, he's being groomed as Ceiling Cat's body double for prmotional events, photo shoots, etc.. His charmed life of snuggling between the legs of brown ladies goes on.
Met her campaigning @ 2006 Tet Festival (without Catbus) in full Vietnamese trad garb, passing out New Year envelopes/candy. Pre Van Tran gaffe.
So it wasn't a Tet offensive?
Not yet.
Some pussies are more smokin' than others.
OT. Cloture on the DADT repeal. 65-33 for. I'm actually liking Joe Lieberman. Yetch.
a broken clock is right 729 times a year more than lieberman, not including leap years, but still.
So one cat down, a hundred million to go. These feline parasites have figured out how to infest their human hosts so that the latter no longer prefer human contact, resulting in the widespread misanthropy we have all observed in cat "owners." It's all part of the plan. When they finally achieve a détente with dogs, we are truly fucked.
Cats could hardly do the pretty good job humans do of making me wish to avoid most humans.
Bummer. No more poopy litter bags to send to Sharron Angle.
I'll be sure to bring a bib!
And practice air licking the alphabet…
Dear Kitty. Sorry Loretta.
Oh, one more thing:
Documented intelligence from our National Strategic Assets (well, okay, a bunch of blurry xeroxes that the Israelis faxed over) establishes that Persian cats are running a covert uranium enrichment program outside of IAEA controls.
Also, Persian cats get that "unibrow" thing when they get older. And their granduncles are all former colonels in the Savak.
Siamese cats, on the other hand . . . or other paw. Whatever.
You just can't trust Persians with their stupid little smug faces …
The Loretta Sanchez's mailing list is huge, covering not just people in her California district, the 47th, and Washington D.C. but political types across this here great land of ours. Receiving her Xmas card has always been the highlight of my season. But, nothing will match the splendor of her 2006 effort…
That's why you never got your feline pimp card, which sucks if you were dreaming of becoming a card-carrying feline pimp.
There's so much material for hilarity here, but as a cat owner I just feel super bummed out. Hang in there, Loretta.
I don't know anything about her politics but losing a 19 year animal friend hurts.
Ok, the banner ad on this page is for Snapfish christmas photo cards. WTF?
Speaking of WTF, she named her cat Gretzky?
Dead cat=Good cat.
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