All I ever get for Christmas is blue.For the past hundred years or so, political people in Washington and Southern California have looked forward to nothing more than the whimsical/weird Christmas Card sent out by Congresswoman Loretta Sanchez. Why? Because it showed a bit of whimsy/weirdness, which means it was utterly unique in the dead-soul forced-smile world of U.S. politics. Well, we hope you all enjoyed the fun of years past, with Loretta and her cat doing various funny things like surfing or riding motorcycles or burning twenty dollar bills. We hope you liked all that.

Because it’s over. Loretta’s cat died.

Aw goddammit how much of this we got to take?Happy Christmas, everybody! The cat apparently died in a tragic holiday fire. [Thanks to “Danielle” for sending the card and bumming everybody out. Thanks a lot, “Danielle.”]

Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • CherryGarCAhhh

    i haz a sad!

  • GunTotingProgressive

    Sad, but his plus/minus had been going down for several seasons, so it was inevitable.

    • BerkeleyBear

      And here I was thinking it was the ongoing debacle that is the Phoenix Coyotes drove him to immolation.

      • Negropolis

        Phoenix coyotes are known for having a taste for cats and small dogs.

  • dyedwool

    Today, we are all Gretzky.

  • DoktorZoom

    Man. This is like tuning in for the Barney Miller Christmas Special and getting the Jack Soo Memorial Clip Show instead.

    • GuyClinch


    • Tommmcatt

      Jack Soo was awesome, I'll have you know.

      • V572625694

        Deadpan humor is very nice. That guy on "Curb" who plays Marty Funkhouser is terrific.

      • DoktorZoom

        I was thinking of the unexpected Xmas sadz, not casting aspersions on Lt. Yamada. He was a nifty part of one of the great ensemble workplace comedies.

        His coffee, on the other hand…

      • On topic, a recent surprise for me, I just got the first disc of the Firefly teevee show from Netflix and, holy shit – Ron Glass! I haven't seen him in a million years.

        • Tommmcatt

          He was a funny dude. Remember the 'Fro he had on Barney Miller? Good times.

          • Yeah, as a young white kid growing up in the 70's, Bill Cosby, Robert Guillame, Ron Glass and Tim Meadows taught me I didn't have to be afraid of black people anymore.

            Then somebody introduced me to James Brown and Screamin' Jay Hawkins…

        • Holy shit! The preacher from Firefly was on some other show back in the seventies?

          • ChessieNefercat

            Yes! Barney Miller! And, apropos of yesterday's vote, the show featured gay people. Granted, they were only ever there as arrestees, but, it was way back in the '70's. Now I haz an old.

      • Beowoof

        Barney Miller was always a Fav of mine.

  • Crank_Tango

    Spoiler alert! Dwight put it in the freezer.

    • PublicLuxury

      Stri Fry tonight. You're invited Crank.

      • Crank_Tango

        I'm down! Is it gonna involve eating pussy?

  • dyedwool

    I can haz cremation?

  • SorosBot

    Nice to have another bummer right before going into the weekend; well it's time to hit the bottle.

    • angryclownspawn

      Actually the more I think about it, the better off we are all. This just means there will be more cat food available once the new congress passes austerity cuts and gets rid of food stamps and such.

  • Sassomatic

    Wouldn't sweat it. Plenty more pussies in Congress.

  • everybody lift your first friday beginning-of-the-binge boozey drinks – lift them high, i say! – and toast the memory of the handsome and heroic gretzky. TO GRETZKY!

    • Crank_Tango

      I am gonna twist of a fatty of the finest organic california medical catnip around, for the shorties.

    • jim89048

      I thought you meant Brasky…

  • MinAgain

    Damn, that cat was old. Did a universal healthcare death panel get him, in the end?

  • Radiotherapy

    Thank god I'm a dog person.
    Now, where's that bottle of Bushmill's?

  • Wuz that cat a Persian???? Could Gretsky have been a plant by Ahmadinejihad????? Could Gretsky have been leakin' before the Wiki????? Video at 11:00.

  • GuyClinch

    Maybe the cat knew too much…

  • Where is your SOUL, chascates?

    /yeah the cat was hella ugly.

    • edgydrifter

      It looked like Wilford Brimley with a bad case of hypertrichosis. Still, having your pet die at Xmas makes for a shitty future-memory. I can vouch for that.

      • Negropolis

        Anyone who can fit in a Wilford Brimley reference in everyday conversation is good people in my book.

    • Boredw/Gravity

      Yes! My pee recovered, and it's higher than Layne's. There is a Jeebus.

      • Beanball

        Me too! It's gonna be a swell Christmas.

        And on that cheery note I frolic, BUT, some time I'll tell you all about how my crazy grandmother put our Siamese in the freezer and I'm not kidding.

        • DoktorZoom

          Watch the frolicking. It inevitably leads to some fool girl brushing your wing, and then, heartbreak.

        • ChessieNefercat

          My mother put the family's cremated kitties in their boxes right there in the kitchen hutch, next to the cheerios and bran flakes.

        • ChessieNefercat

          Oh, she didn't cremate them to put them with the breakfast cereal, it was a gradual thing, old age, car squashings, etc.

          I, ah, have a finch in my freezer. One of these years I'll bury it, if the damn snow ever melts long enough.

    • Mahousu

      Will Pope Kitty be presiding at Gretzky's funeral? It seems only fitting.

      I have some acrobatic male cats I can send to perform if the Pope needs an incentive.

  • R.I.P. kitty.

    Oh, hai you guys! The Guardian has a synopsis of the police reports/ allegations against Julian Assange:

    That dude may be the messiah of freedom but seriously, what a dick.

    • Crank_Tango

      hmm yeah, when it starts to feel great, the rubber has given out. no mistaking that, not sober anyway.

    • slappypaddy

      the sex police are out there on the streets, while indoors, there's gonna be a meter on every bed that will disclose what everybody does.

      • V572625694

        The rich have got their chattels in the bedrooms of the poor, after all.

        • Beetagger

          Tower of Schlong

      • Bluestatelibel

        "It was the worst sex ever," one of the victims complained. Wow, I didn't realize being lousy in bed is a crime.

        • PuckStopsHere

          At least I am now officially off the hook for that "worst sex ever" thing.

          • chicken_thief

            Only if you've been banging Swedish chicks, but, what the hell, it still seems like a net plus to me.

    • Steverino247

      The case against Assange, which has been the subject of intense speculation and dispute in mainstream media and on the internet, is laid out in police material held in Stockholm to which the Guardian received unauthorised access.

      Unauthorized access? Oooh! Karma's a bitch, ain't it.

  • mereoblivion

    Well, Gretzky's smile was starting to seem a little forced. And now he's gone to white pussy heaven so all manner of thing be well.

  • metamarcisf

    Oh, OK. For a second I thought she meant that the rabbit died.

  • rocktonsam

    word around the campfire is that cat was the only fur on Loretta's lap


    • jim89048

      Now that that's out of the way, I'd hit that.

    • ttommyunger


    • BarryOPotter

      … that cat was the only fur on Loretta's lap

      I imagine Christine O'Donnell's cat goes missing for days on end, then she decides to do a skivy refresh and "Meow!"

  • slappypaddy

    gretz was 93 cat years old. r.i.p., fine feline.

    • Krugmanic Depressive

      But what was his cat-pee score?

      • T_Party_Pickens

        And did she first give him a cat scan?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Nineteen years is a long time for a cat, so nice run, Gretzky. And here's to Loretta Sanchez and fresh pussy.

    • xsluggo

      But you have to substract from the 19 years time spent in the penalty box.

  • charlesdegoal

    Not quite sure what she means by "harmed" in that 2004 card. Just burning the tip of their tails doesn't hurt cats much, but the invisible psychological scars can be lasting. Gretzky may have lived another six years in mental agony and his death may well have been a deliverance.
    Also, with that name and certainly very clumsy on ice – never mind skates – he probably suffered from a dreadful case of low self-esteem.

  • xsluggo

    Can I have the fur? I need a lining for my burlap hobo gloves.

  • you guys laughed and laughed, but Palin was clearly on point about Obama's feline death panels.

  • eekahil

    That Sanchez is dirty.

  • wok3

    Thought she was talking about the hockey player when she drunk dialed me on the phone, now this all makes sense!

  • fuflans

    gretsky moved to a better world before the 112th congress kicks in.

    smart cat.

  • Just have Gretzky freeze dried. No reason to mess with a sacred Christmas tradition.

  • Bluestatelibel

    It's been a great week all around, yes? First, our Kenyan-muslim-socialist president turns Repubatard, I'm forced to use dead weeds as Xmas decorations, and this poor lady's cat passes away. But in the immortal words of Homer Simpson, there's nothing that booze can't cure, let the drinking begin.

  • Steverino247

    White pussy is dead? Quick, somebody call Greta v. S. and Nancy Grace!!!

  • Barrelhse

    "Tragic" is one opinion.

    • Barrelhse

      Tough room.

      • chicken_thief

        Buck up, little camper – I actually laughed out loud when I read it. And was surprised by the negative… I'll give ya a plus thumb!

      • transfatz

        True story, I'll spot you a thumbs up.

  • Wadisay

    O/T, but how the hell did I gain 40 "pees" since lunch? I mean, my last penis gag was good, but not that good. By next Tuesday, I will have 300 pees, and you will all bow down.

    • JustPixelz

      Ken Layne was using our "p" points in some kind of ponzi scheme. Thanks to an out-of-court settlement, we got them back.

      • OneDollarJuana

        God, I hope his son (if he has one) doesn't hang himself.

    • Beetagger

      The man always keeps my "pees" down in the 90s, so's I don't get too high and mighty.

      • PuckStopsHere

        It's "The Man" and you always have to be takin' it to him.

        • Hey puck feeling ok?

          • PuckStopsHere

            Yeah, I'm OK, thanks. I expect to be back on the ice next week, speaking of hockey-related themes…

    • ttommyunger

      Who gagged on a penis? Pix!

  • Respitetini

    Loretta Sanchez: the original anchor congresswoman.

    RIP Kitteh. Enjoy the celestial cheeseburgers.

  • Tommmcatt

    One can buy a new cat, you know.

    Just sayin'.

    • slithytoves

      There are some cats that you just can't buy, unlike congresspeople.

      • Rotundo_

        And cats should be neutered, but congresspeople should be neutered with extreme predjudice.

    • wondering where i am

      How much are you selling yourself for?

      • Tommmcatt

        It was $300/hr once upon a time. Now $3.50 and whatever's left in that bottle…

        • DashboardBuddha

          I've got $1.50 in the kitty. Get it? In the kitty?

    • nappyduggs


      • Crank_Tango

        new pussy is illiterate!!!

    • ChessieNefercat

      People pay for cats?!

  • Tundra Grifter

    Well, now we know we've lost the brains of the outfit…

  • JustPixelz

    That cat was 19 years old! Born during the Bush Administration (non-fuckup edition). Old enough to vote, enlist, get pregnant (Palin cats only). Older than some of the things in my 'fridge.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Here, let me fix that for ya: Less fucked up edition.

  • EdFlintstone

    Maybe it's better Gretzky passed before Sanchez traded him.

  • It was probably those damn Vietnamese that killed poor Gretsky!


  • obfuscator2

    play gretzky off, keyboard congresswoman.

  • PsycWench

    Looking at that cat's picture, you know he's seen some things. Some things that cannot be unseen even for cats, who are all about convenience after all.

  • angryclownspawn

    How sad that the poor cat died before the Obama tax miracle cured the economy and fixed unemployment.

    • Crank_Tango

      I think that THIS is the year those upper-level tax cuts are really gonna start trickling down.

      • angryclownspawn

        I know, right? I almost can't wait to finally start getting trickled on.

        • I think we've more likely been tricked by the financial highs than we'll get trickled. Peed upon, too, also, but not in those greenies next to our avatars.

  • GodShammgod

    Watch Sarah Palin put a picture of a dead moose on her Christmas card for one-upmanship.

    • bflrtsplk

      It's for a project for her Palintology course.

    • chicken_thief

      Gretzky didn't happen to be near any of those fish she was batting, did he?

    • transfatz

      Proposed card caption:

      Venite Adoremoose. (Come, let us give Sarah some gold).

  • ShiftyParadigm

    Whozzah dead widdle pussy cat? You are! You're a dead widdle pussy cat!

  • PublicLuxury

    My pussy died at 18. My Muffy did not go on Congressional Junkets so she did not show the longevity that corporate money can provide.

    • The family cat we had when I was a kid lived to 21 (possibly 22; she was full grown when she adopted us). This shows the longevity that sleeping on my feet and alternately, on my face, can provide.

      • PublicLuxury

        I would gladly sleep in your face :)

    • ttommyunger

      Your pussy died at eighteen, or was it so good you just felt like you'd died and you had seen the face of God? Be specific!

      • PublicLuxury

        It was soooooo good I saw the face of God. On the up side, it is still good and God's face hasn't changed.

        • ttommyunger

          Good for you! Everyone has the right to be orgasmic. May you observe His Visage three different ways: long, hard and often.

  • Aw hell, I might as well share in the grief and mention the passing of another fine animal, a Great American (American Shorthair), a long time member of my family, all 18 pounds of him a lean, mean rabbit-killing machine. Tallest cat I ever met, a born clown, and a great big lovable galoot who made it a point to bite everyone, when provoked, except me.

    I only hope his love of sharing my bourbon on the rocks, a habit of his in his younger days, wasn't the major factor in his death by liver failure at age 13, about two months ago.

    R.I.P., Blackie. *sniff* ('Scuse me, I think I got something in my eye)

    • DashboardBuddha

      He reminds me a bit of my current Buddy…although the Budster only tips the scales at 14 pounds. His "sister" MC only weighs 7 pounds and likes to sleep on my side with me in bed. Cat whore that I am, I don't want to disturb her in her slumbers so when I have to turn over, I do so VERY slowly. This allows her to do what I like to call "The Slow Motion Log Roll" with me playing the role of the log. Buddy just sleeps off to one side and laughs.

      I dig cats.

      • 738838

        I am about to go into the bog for a slow motion log roll myself.

    • UW8316154

      I'm sorry, Caveman. I'll raise a nice glass of bourbon to Blackie tonight.

    • ChessieNefercat

      Aww, take care. Thirteen is a good run for a cat. I think you did just fine.

  • slithytoves

    I asked my cats how they felt about this: one could not be distracted from drinking from the Solstice tree well and the other was licking his no longer existent balls and couldn't take any questions. I take that for "life is short: run hard, sleep often, eat mice, and get your human to scratch your chin."

    Very Tao, these beings.

  • JackDempsey1

    Who says a touching and timeless Xmas tradition has to end?

    • PublicLuxury

      I was going to have my cat stuffed…. But friends and family found it odd at the best point and disturbed at the worst point. The husb rolled in and said, "That's fucking gross! No! You are not going to do that." Discussion ended and the cat got cremated and looked a lot like kitty litter…. Go figure?

  • LionelHutzEsq

    Well, now that the cat is dead, I can pet her pussy.

  • jim89048

    Until Boehner Boner cries over it, it never happened.

  • An_Outhouse

    but she whored you out on Xmas cards. They were excellent. Didn't you know – kitty cam!

  • Plowmon

    And I thought only good things happen when a fluffy-haired pussy gets really hot…

  • An_Outhouse

    I'm suspecting Bo was involved and Michelle was the evil genius behind it all.

  • user-of-owls

    Now wait just one goddamn minute. How in the $#@^&% did metamarcisf wind up in his/her beautiful red hole again after the The Great P Forward?

    • Peezee come, peezee go.

      • DashboardBuddha

        Well done.

  • user-of-owls

    On the bright side, the fact that poor Gretzky passed before December 31st means that Loretta can claim a 30% Energy Tax Credit for reducing her cat footprint.

    • GodShammgod

      To hear a Freeper tell it, the cat committed suicide to avoid the estate tax.

      • ya beat me by a hair. Good job God!

    • And Gretzky died before the estate tax gets reinstated!!! Loretta gets all the monies from those Tender Vittles commercials that are part of the estate sans the taxman hit.

  • Beowoof

    In honor of poor Gretzkey, I have updated my avatar, to Spike.

  • Beowoof

    In other news the guy who was marinating his cat while still alive appeared in a Buffalo Courtroom today.

  • jim89048

    Another cat died today, Captain Beefheart, RIP.

    • jqheywood

      "Ashtray heart.."
      Damn…one of my favs from my mispent youth, gone.

    • natoslug

      Until he died, I had no idea that he lived in the same town as me. I need to get out more, while I still fit through the doorway.

  • Blendergoathead

    Damn. In this situation, the snark just writes itself, but out of respect for the dead kitty…

    … oh, fuck it. I'd vote in her district, if you know what I mean.

    Now I feel bad.

  • smokefilledroommate

    Gretzky will be her new 'body glove'..bluh.
    (Having problems with snark, 'cause pet death fucking sucks).

  • Neilist

    Gretzkey wil celebrate Xmas dinner at a Chinese restaurant.

    It's a Mexskin Tradition . . . .

  • I don't particularly like cats, but anybodies pet dieing makes me kinda sad. I also wish i was in her district, any one who sends out christmas cards like that needs my vote.

  • chascates

    I hope Ms. Sanchez gets a cat from a shelter. I just adopted 2 kittens that were born outside a kitchen I volunteer at.

    On the ASG Usenet group, a celebrity gossip list, someone who has just died is now said to be in the stereo cabinet because of this one post in reply to a poster's pet loss:

    Having been through it myself, I know how you are feeling. I had my
    cat freeze dried and he is in my stereo
    [cabinet] and can be seen through glass doors in a sleeping position. I couldn't bear to put him in the ground. Some people react strangely but it gives me great comfort to always see the animal who was my good friend. Though I've had many animals over the years, Spike was my special buddy and he will be buried with me.

  • ttommyunger

    I am sick. Read this and all I can think about is hot pussy.

    • user-of-owls

      Um, not to be cruel or anything, but I'm guessing it's cold pussy by now.

      • ttommyunger

        Hmmmm. Reminds me of my first wife.

  • That is a very ugly baby.

  • Off to Puss & Boots Hill, I presume.

  • user-of-owls

    The man they called the Boehner swore he'd kill the cat on sight
    He loaded up his shotgun with nails and dynamite
    He waited and he waited for the cat to come around
    Ninety seven pieces of the Boehner is all they ever found

    But Gretzky came back the very next day
    Her cat came back, we thought he was a goner
    But the cat came back; it just couldn't stay away

  • fuflans

    it's christmas time, there's no need to be afraid,
    at christmas time, we let in light and we banish shade
    and in our world of plenty we can spread a smile of joy
    throw your arms around the world at christmas time.

    but say a prayer, a pray for the other ones…
    do they know it's christmas time at all?

  • DashboardBuddha

    A hairy pussy gets all of this attention? Christine O'Donnell weeps.

    • CapnFatback

      Gretzky was a traditionalist. The waxing trend completely passed him by.

    • rocktonsam

      is one of the stages of grief, horny?

  • elpinche

    All this domestic animal worshipping by political leaders is a Sign of the Rapture.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Sanchez clearly didn't understand when she was told that many voters were interested in her pussy.

  • bflrtsplk

    This presents a real dilemma: Get skunk drunk to forget or stay sober to maintain some dignity. Aaahhhhh! Pass the bottle.

    By the way, John Boner didn't cry.

  • PublicLuxury

    This is good news for John McCain.

  • That's a lotta kitty.

  • x111e7thst

    As long as Van Tran is not eating Loretta's dead pussy..

  • predilectrix

    Mourn not–Gretzky is now with Ceiling Cat. Thanks to his modelling experience, he's being groomed as Ceiling Cat's body double for prmotional events, photo shoots, etc.. His charmed life of snuggling between the legs of brown ladies goes on.

  • themcwow

    Met her campaigning @ 2006 Tet Festival (without Catbus) in full Vietnamese trad garb, passing out New Year envelopes/candy. Pre Van Tran gaffe.

    • So it wasn't a Tet offensive?

      • themcwow

        Not yet.

  • Some pussies are more smokin' than others.

  • x111e7thst

    OT. Cloture on the DADT repeal. 65-33 for. I'm actually liking Joe Lieberman. Yetch.

    • Crank_Tango

      a broken clock is right 729 times a year more than lieberman, not including leap years, but still.

  • Veritas78

    So one cat down, a hundred million to go. These feline parasites have figured out how to infest their human hosts so that the latter no longer prefer human contact, resulting in the widespread misanthropy we have all observed in cat "owners." It's all part of the plan. When they finally achieve a détente with dogs, we are truly fucked.

    • glamourdammerung

      Cats could hardly do the pretty good job humans do of making me wish to avoid most humans.

  • VinnyThePooh

    Bummer. No more poopy litter bags to send to Sharron Angle.

  • Crank_Tango

    I'll be sure to bring a bib!

    • chicken_thief

      And practice air licking the alphabet…

  • 102415

    Dear Kitty. Sorry Loretta.

  • Neilist

    Oh, one more thing:

    Documented intelligence from our National Strategic Assets (well, okay, a bunch of blurry xeroxes that the Israelis faxed over) establishes that Persian cats are running a covert uranium enrichment program outside of IAEA controls.

    Also, Persian cats get that "unibrow" thing when they get older. And their granduncles are all former colonels in the Savak.

    Siamese cats, on the other hand . . . or other paw. Whatever.

    • HistoriCat

      You just can't trust Persians with their stupid little smug faces …

  • MiniMencken

    The Loretta Sanchez's mailing list is huge, covering not just people in her California district, the 47th, and Washington D.C. but political types across this here great land of ours. Receiving her Xmas card has always been the highlight of my season. But, nothing will match the splendor of her 2006 effort…

  • BarryOPotter

    That's why you never got your feline pimp card, which sucks if you were dreaming of becoming a card-carrying feline pimp.

  • realmurkin

    There's so much material for hilarity here, but as a cat owner I just feel super bummed out. Hang in there, Loretta.

  • transfatz

    I don't know anything about her politics but losing a 19 year animal friend hurts.

  • IgnatiusRally

    Ok, the banner ad on this page is for Snapfish christmas photo cards. WTF?

    Speaking of WTF, she named her cat Gretzky?

  • Tomtom29

    Dead cat=Good cat.

Previous articleBoehner & McCain Can’t Stand Those Disgusting Fruits
Next articleSenate Votes To Repeal DADT In John McCain’s Face