CHERRY TREE MASSACRE  1:03 pm December 17, 2010

Obamas Spend Holidays With College A Capella Groups, Worshipping Dog

by Jack Stuef

Didn't you two go to college? And you never figured out a way to ignore these a capella groups?
Thanks to Jackie Kennedy being hott that one time she lived there, the White House is supposed to be a place of well-decorated holiday majesty at this time of year. But the Obamas are ruining it by hanging out with singing asthmatic white college guys and forcing everyone around to worship their horrifyingly faceless dog, according to photos released by Pete Souza today.

The White House is not a place for cougar jokes, boys.
“Yes, a capella group, I would love to hear about the lobsters on your sexy very-adult canvas belt or the time your day-school quiz bowl team won the New Jersey state high-school championship, but I have to go…”

'And then the magic snowman told all the children he had a lot to deal with from the opposition and had to cave into doing what they wanted, even though he said he was magic.'
“…get blown up by these frightened children who have bombs under their giant winter hats.”

Finally somebody is able to tear him away from writing all that 'Homeward Bound' fan fiction.
The Bo is pleased with your offerings and shrines. Worship him.

Tastes like Chinese food.
This is how you take communion in the White House dog cult.

Okay okay. Don't get so grabby.
These children were lepers.

Or are they nutcracker soldiers? Same thing.
Meanwhile, three gay soldiers upset about the DADT repeal failure contemplated self-immolation. [Flickr]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 116 comments }

Mr_Boston December 17, 2010 at 1:08 pm

Oh, I thought the glee club had something to do with DADT repeal, because that sort of thing would be bound to happen. You know, the Singing Sailors or something belting out standards and show tunes.

V572625694 December 17, 2010 at 1:22 pm

I think the services already have this, ghey as it may sound. Yes..

The USAF "Singing Sargeants":
http://www.usafband.af.mil/ensembles/BandEnsemble

The Army's "Pershing's Own":
http://www.usarmyband.com/chorus/the_us_army_chor

The Navy doesn't have one because, c'mon, everybody knows what goes on once they sail over the horizon.

DeLand_DeLakes December 17, 2010 at 5:09 pm

And let us not forget the singing and dancing Marines at the beginning of Pee Wee's Christmas special!

PsycWench December 17, 2010 at 1:10 pm

You sure that last picture isn't three guys pissing in the fire to put it out?

slithytoves December 17, 2010 at 1:12 pm

One is pretty clearly a woman… unless she's using one of the those devices I've seen in magazines in my gyney's office.

PsycWench December 17, 2010 at 1:16 pm

I see the skirt…but it could be a Scotsman with skinny legs.

ttommyunger December 17, 2010 at 1:24 pm

The skirt means nothing in this Man's Army!

Terry December 17, 2010 at 1:32 pm

Don't most kilted Scotsmen tend to have skinny legs?

V572625694 December 17, 2010 at 2:09 pm

Clan tartan and knee socks or GTFO…

DashboardBuddha December 17, 2010 at 2:16 pm

beat me to it.

OneDollarJuana December 17, 2010 at 1:11 pm

Obama is gay?

SayItWithWookies December 17, 2010 at 1:12 pm

See how friendly a FDOTUS can be when your president doesn't drop him on his head all the time?

DoktorZoom December 17, 2010 at 1:48 pm

Bo is also very happy that he's not a beagle

V572625694 December 17, 2010 at 2:09 pm

Shame on you, and fist-up, for dredging up that ancient horror.

slithytoves December 17, 2010 at 1:15 pm

Bet Michelle ran straight away to the bathroom to wash her hands of all the clearasil those guys put on their acne blooms.

OkieDokieDog December 17, 2010 at 1:15 pm

I adore The Bo. He is worthy of a cult following.

Poor Barney Bush had to work for a living by driving the W around the ranch (because the W wouldn't have found his way back home otherwise).

V572625694 December 17, 2010 at 1:23 pm

But Barney bit a journasaur once, to his eternal credit.

gef05 December 17, 2010 at 1:35 pm

Both good dogs.

But then, all dogs are good dogs.

nappyduggs December 17, 2010 at 1:45 pm

And all children are lepers.

deelzebub December 17, 2010 at 1:58 pm

I call mine a plague rat. Not a month goes by that he doesn't bring a virus of some sort home from school.

DoktorZoom December 17, 2010 at 1:39 pm

No snark: I would just love to give Bo a tummy rub.

OK, Michelle, too, but for VERY different reasons.

V572625694 December 17, 2010 at 1:47 pm

Now I'm imagining Michelle's firm, flat, mocha-colored tummy. Do I have to ring off the clock?

DoktorZoom December 17, 2010 at 1:50 pm

I'll be right back. I feel strangely like the Pope watching acrobats just now.

finallyhappy December 17, 2010 at 3:17 pm

The only good thing to come out of the White House during the Bush administration were the Barney cam films(unfortunately, the movies also contained many evil Republicans).

Also – to Jack- do not make fun of Bo- that is not allowed!

charlesdegoal December 17, 2010 at 1:15 pm

Those glee-club guys, so totally 1962.

GOPCrusher December 17, 2010 at 5:32 pm

A Capella groups are the mime troupes of the 21st Century!

AntonovBureau December 17, 2010 at 1:16 pm

Ohh, everytime I see that Kenyan usurper in his elitist ways I get a little tingly feeling inside of me.

GeoffPeterson December 17, 2010 at 1:57 pm

I get that tingly feeling down my leg, just like Chris Matthews.

snoopyfan2010 December 17, 2010 at 7:05 pm

That's what happens when you grow up…..you feel things…..different things.

slappypaddy December 17, 2010 at 1:16 pm

and what better way could there be to celebrate the birth of dog? he has his own pretty tree to piss on, too.

jim89048 December 17, 2010 at 2:29 pm

Bo knows Xmas!

jqheywood December 17, 2010 at 2:31 pm

Bo knows your sister….

AntonovBureau December 17, 2010 at 1:17 pm

Can we have the War on Christmas now?

smokefilledroommate December 17, 2010 at 1:19 pm

Is that the DADTones?

Crank_Tango December 17, 2010 at 1:21 pm

If it don't got Nicole Sherzinger and Ben Folds, it ain't my kinda a capella.

elpinche December 17, 2010 at 1:22 pm

Good god, the dog worshipping …it's almost SATANIC.

At dinner….
Michelle: " Ah, dessert! Chilled monkey brains . "

themcwow December 17, 2010 at 2:00 pm

Dog cookies = orishas.

SecretMuslin December 17, 2010 at 1:23 pm

Andy Bernard would be so proud! Is that "Here Comes Treble?"

Pragmatist2 December 17, 2010 at 1:23 pm

"Don we now our Gay Apparel…."

Terry December 17, 2010 at 1:33 pm

Abercrombie & Fitch?

GOPCrusher December 17, 2010 at 5:33 pm

An assless snow suit.

SmutBoffin December 17, 2010 at 1:24 pm

Whatta bunch of decent-looking, clean-cut fellas. Makes me wanna puke, actually.

PIC #2: Is Michelle tickling that guy?

PIC #4: ALL HAIL THE HYPNO-BO

MissTaken December 17, 2010 at 1:26 pm

In the second a cappella pic that boy is swooning into his boyfriend's chest. How cute!

mereoblivion December 17, 2010 at 2:28 pm

That's his girlfriend's chest, but cute nonetheless.

smokefilledroommate December 17, 2010 at 9:45 pm

A great head for photoshopping!

edgydrifter December 17, 2010 at 1:28 pm

My "button" finger would start throbbing madly if I had invite the Whifflepoofs into my house to sing Bieber-inspired rounds and grope my dog. The presidency can't possibly pay well enough to endure Boehner AND this.

ttommyunger December 17, 2010 at 1:29 pm

You can't see from this angle but the Military types are roasting their little weenies over the open fire; yes Martha, all three. Yes, they are tough nowadays. ps About those A Crapella Singers: I havn't seen that many ecstatic gay men in one room since the Village People's last concert. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

finallyhappy December 17, 2010 at 3:20 pm

There are lots of these groups now-I don't know when Acapella became so popular in colleges. There is a TV show on now with a competition for these groups(but I think they are not all college groups- I don't know- I do not watch it- but if the Palins get on – I might!)

ttommyunger December 17, 2010 at 3:42 pm

I would pay to see the Palins do the Prong Dance in an Asparagus Patch, that's about it.

Oblios_Cap December 17, 2010 at 1:32 pm

The Founding Fathers never intended for glee clubs to set foot in the White House. I can see from that first picture that George is not amused!

gef05 December 17, 2010 at 1:32 pm

Re Bo's decoration: "Some 80 volunteers helped create the 4 foot statue, which is made of 40,000 pipe cleaners. "

Should read:

Some 80 volunteers helped create the 4 foot statue, which is made from the hair of 40,000 virgins.

40,000 *Kenyan* virgins.

Lascauxcaveman December 17, 2010 at 1:43 pm

Aw, man. I thought it was a Bo piñata. That way they can beat the crap out of him, and later eat him in cookie form. Just like a doggy Jesus. I don't want to be there when they nail him to a cross, however.

finallyhappy December 17, 2010 at 3:21 pm

This isn't the gigantic Marzipan Bo?

Monsieur_Grumpe December 17, 2010 at 1:34 pm

I will confess that I sang in one of the college glee type groups with the dance moves and snazzy outfits but it was easy credits, no home work and lots of women. Laugh all you want but I got laid more than once in college.

Neilist December 17, 2010 at 1:43 pm

"but I got laid more than once in college."

Well, sure, but what was his name?

:::Bland, deadpan innocent look::::

Monsieur_Grumpe December 17, 2010 at 1:54 pm

Amy, Wendy, Jane, Sue, Becky I, Wilma (really), Whatshername, Cindy, Glenda(again really), Becky II and so on…
*not so innocent look*

V572625694 December 17, 2010 at 1:49 pm

Credit? Towards what degree…the GaY?

Monsieur_Grumpe December 17, 2010 at 2:01 pm

Degree?

V572625694 December 17, 2010 at 2:12 pm

Ah, Montessori U.

horsedreamer_1 December 17, 2010 at 3:34 pm

Western Washington or Evergreen?

jim89048 December 17, 2010 at 2:38 pm
PubOption December 17, 2010 at 3:38 pm

Are you Michael Steele?

horsedreamer_1 December 17, 2010 at 1:34 pm

RE: alt-text for second photo: Michelle will not qualify for cougar status 'til Malia is in the upperclasses in high-school (eleventh grade?). Still just a MILF &/or FLILF.

widestanceroman December 17, 2010 at 1:35 pm

Re: photo 2 alt-text–then why is the big-toothed dork with Hannity hair thrusting toward Mrs. O? Obama threatened the Jonas boys with predator drones over his daughter(s) and this kid is practically dry humping the FLOTUS. Not a good move. . .

JoshuaNorton December 17, 2010 at 1:36 pm

They all should stand around Bo and sing "In The Arms Of an Angel" until everybody gives them a lot of money to stop.

freakishlywrong December 17, 2010 at 1:38 pm

So, basically, on Dec 10th when Obarmar turned the WH back over the Bill and let him sell this awful tax package, he was really saying; "Hey, gotta go, swing choir won't practice itself now will it"?

Neilist December 17, 2010 at 1:41 pm

Would have been a more interesting story if the glee club had performed in traditional Kenyan-Hawaiian minstrel show blackface.

To the accompaniment of banjo and jews harp.

Just sayin'

"Hard Times" by Stephen Foster would have been an appropriate holiday selection THIS season . . .

DoktorZoom December 17, 2010 at 1:43 pm

Meanwhile, Sue Sylvester is conspiring with Michele Bachmann to get the Cheerios invited to perform at the Christmas Eve Koran-burning…

SorosBot December 17, 2010 at 2:16 pm

Now see why couldn't they have been joined by Santana, Tina, Rachel and Quinn in skimpy outfits? That would have been a merry Christmas indeed.

DoktorZoom December 17, 2010 at 2:42 pm

Good news: During next year's sweeps, Michele Obama will do a brief cameo on Glee.

Bad news: She will be wearing a blue tracksuit.

nappyduggs December 17, 2010 at 1:46 pm

Everyone is all about Mich's arms, but look at those gams. Like a couple of brick shithouses. Lovely. They go all the way up to her ass. That gal's alright.

mereoblivion December 17, 2010 at 2:31 pm

"I just had them lengthened. Now they go all the way up."

donner_froh December 17, 2010 at 1:47 pm

If a dog is on object of worship it should by a St. Bernard, at least.

Unless it is owned by Mark Foley who likes to whippet while sexting pages.

General Petreus (and the CinC) really like the Afghan hound even though it eats all the food and bites him when he tries to pacify it.

Harry Reid has a Boxer that is afraid of Republicans.

Extemporanus December 17, 2010 at 1:47 pm

Anyone know if Barackapella does gay weddings?

DashboardBuddha December 17, 2010 at 2:17 pm

+1 for Barackapella

Tommmcatt December 17, 2010 at 1:47 pm

Barry looks like he's been at the Courvoisier and OJ in that first picture…

freakishlywrong December 17, 2010 at 1:56 pm

Look at the doinks surrounding him, I mean Jesus, wouldn't you?

V572625694 December 17, 2010 at 2:13 pm

Courvoisier and OJ — is that a thing? Because ew.

Tommmcatt December 17, 2010 at 3:32 pm

I'm afraid it was ironic racism, of which I am ashamed and which I almost never post because, well, racism. My only defense is that is that this is mild ironic racism, because as anyone that has worked in a bar with an African-American clientele will tell you, Courvoisier and OJ is pretty popular with the black dudes. Gin and Lemonade or Gin and OJ too.

Not much of a defense, but there it is. I like a nice Gin and Lemonade myself, by the way, so there's what you can get me for Christmas.

V572625694 December 17, 2010 at 3:47 pm

I knew rappers liked Cognac, but did know that very, very urban types would debase it w/OJ. De gustibus, etc. Our screeching denunciations of it when exhibited by others, even inadvertent, grant Wonketeers an automatic pass on racism.

jim89048 December 17, 2010 at 2:45 pm
elpinche December 17, 2010 at 1:49 pm

Seriously though, who dressed these guys .. Bo ? It's like the WH has a giant box of Docker clothes and Barry gave them 2 min to get dressed.

JoshuaNorton December 17, 2010 at 1:58 pm

Not to mention that whole "no white after Labor Day" faux pas.

JoshuaNorton December 17, 2010 at 1:54 pm

They think this will look good on their resume at the next "Glee" open audition.

MistaEko December 17, 2010 at 2:00 pm

Oh look! It's like GLEE with double the disappointment and wasted potential!

/-1 me all you want that show went from guilty pleasure to mindless drivel months ago.
//sorry Josh didn't see you up there

SorosBot December 17, 2010 at 2:17 pm

Oh, I'm with you there now; after the first few episodes of this season I've taken to just having the show in the background and only really paying attention to the musical numbers. The plots have just gotten dumb, on the episodes that even have one.

SorosBot December 17, 2010 at 2:13 pm

Now I went to a college with a very accurate nerdy reputation and played regular Dungeons and Dragons there. These a capella guys? Much, much nerdier than me.

DoktorZoom December 17, 2010 at 2:55 pm

Since 1974, D & D has made at least a billion dollars, and has been played by millions of boys and at least three girls.

(Paraphrase of a line from Mark Barrowcliffe's The Elfish Gene)

DashboardBuddha December 17, 2010 at 2:14 pm

In the last picture the woman looks like a tranny pissing on the fire.

slithytoves December 17, 2010 at 2:16 pm

What's with the "sponsored post?" We used to call 'em ads.

DashboardBuddha December 17, 2010 at 2:19 pm

Needs moar jazz hands

Beetagger December 17, 2010 at 6:53 pm

How come the guy in the middle in pic #1 is in blackface?

DashboardBuddha December 17, 2010 at 2:20 pm

Heh…I just noticed my P is back up where it belongs. I have been working my head off lately and haven't had much time for teh Wonkette (boss is out of the office today, yay!). Has something changed?

WarAndGee December 17, 2010 at 2:34 pm

Oh… oh…please let me give a conservative's review of the first photo, might like you'd find at Newsbuster, BIG BRIETBART, World Daily Net or poor dead W F Buckley's old mag that has turned into a Rush Limbuagh poop blog on paper:

"The President proves once again that he is incapable of providing dignity to his role as Commander in Chief. It is as if he has turned our White House into his own private homestead complete with summertime porch for which to sing and dance.

Granted the last inhabitant chest bumped naval cadets and shoulder goosed the German head of state, but those acts occured well into his term following long spates of dignity rooted in the light hearted spirit of our founding fathers. That is something this president is incapable of understanding due to his socialist veneer."

The reactionary consumers of the Brietbart turdfest of web sites may duplicate and paste the above nonsequitor to any of the disingenious "articles" crapped out on to the internet by the authors at Big…Whatever (because damn! you know that sounded intellectual.)

donner_froh December 17, 2010 at 2:51 pm

Dog worshiper or not I would love to have the White House pastry chef–or an assistant since he/she will be pretty busy this time of year–drop over for an afternoon and bake a lot of yummy treats.

DCHatesMe December 17, 2010 at 3:19 pm

The glee club is actually a relief from the rest of the proceedings. Christmas at the Whitehouse seems so rigid and formal. Standing in line and smiling on command. Sir, yes sir, we are filled with seasonal joy, sir.

simplyblue7 December 17, 2010 at 3:33 pm

I would have the acappella group sing "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego"
that song usually cheers me up when I don't get what I want.

lloydstool December 17, 2010 at 4:38 pm

Those two darkish people in the middle look high.

Pragmatist2 December 18, 2010 at 2:44 am

No. I think they are both baritones.

Jukesgrrl December 17, 2010 at 5:09 pm

Obviously they haven't seen the Kardashian Kristmas Kard, or they would know how these things are supposed to look.

MinAgain December 17, 2010 at 5:43 pm

Oh, please. Michelle's hotter than Jackie even thought about being.

Sassomatic December 17, 2010 at 6:18 pm

Bo is morally weak.

PublicLuxury December 17, 2010 at 9:11 pm

Weak? Are you sure? I mean he has his OWN shrine.

zhubajie December 20, 2010 at 12:52 am

All dogs are morally weak. They don't care.

I think I could turn and live with animals, they are so placid and self-contain'd;
I stand and look at them long and long.

They do not sweat and whine about their condition;
They do not lie awake in the dark and weep for their sins;
They do not make me sick discussing their duty to God;
Not one is dissatisfied—not one is demented with the mania of owning things;
Not one kneels to another, nor to his kind that lived thousands of years ago;
Not one is respectable or industrious over the whole earth.
[Leaves of Grass 32, ll.682-689]

aguacatero December 17, 2010 at 6:28 pm

Take that haters! Imagine college glee club members being invited to perform at the White House pre-Obama!

PublicLuxury December 17, 2010 at 9:10 pm

Do you think they all had butt sex in the White House? First a blowjob now butt sex. What is happening to my country?

zhubajie December 20, 2010 at 12:53 am

It's growing up?

mourningnmerica December 18, 2010 at 9:37 pm

Can it be a coincidence that they posed for that lead photo right as Don't Ask Don't Tell was passed?

zhubajie December 20, 2010 at 12:50 am

"Meanwhile, three gay soldiers upset about the DADT repeal failure contemplated self-immolation."

Where do you think suicide bombers come from?

NorthStarSpanx December 20, 2010 at 11:31 am

When is Obama going to invite the cast of Sarah Palin's Alaska to the White House?

V572625694 December 17, 2010 at 2:10 pm

No kidding. Are Our Schools just big Petri dishes for cultivating rhinovirus?

gef05 December 17, 2010 at 2:19 pm

From a doctor buddy: "Secretion swappers"

nappyduggs December 17, 2010 at 2:52 pm

They are all so diseased. I know it's necessary, but MEIN GOTT, there has got to be a limit. Nature should have instituted some sort of snot-and-phlegm cap.

DoktorZoom December 17, 2010 at 2:38 pm

Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children vectoring?

deelzebub December 17, 2010 at 3:48 pm

The little outbreak monkeys lure you in with there cuteness, then cough right in your face. Tiny germy bastards.

OkieDokieDog December 17, 2010 at 4:32 pm

That's why I chose an Internist for my primary physician – I have yet to see a small germy child in the waiting room.

This ; too also – that's why I have dogs and no kids.

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