THE RAINBOW BRIDGE  10:39 am December 17, 2010

Dearly Departed Spending Omnibus Was Not Fit For This World

by Jack Stuef

Ice hair only makes melodrama worse.Just days after it came into our lives, Harry Reid has given up trying to pass the $1.2-trillion spending omnibus, the greatest proposed legislation in the history of our great country. Reid said he would work with Mitch McConnell on a stopgap measure to fund the government for a bit, but how do you tell that to the poor children whose only Christmas wish was to see this dear spending bill be passed? For a single moment, kids dreamed that one day they too could put together a spending package filled with Republican earmarks like this one and see the GOP actually vote for it. But it was not to be. In the end, the spending omnibus, like so many inspiring omnibuses on which we place our hopes, was too good for this world.

Mr. Reid in floor remarks on Thursday night said that he had spoken with Republican senators who had previously expressed a willingness to support the spending bill and concluded they would not vote for it.

Good night, sweet prince. We can take solace in knowing you didn’t feel any pain, because you’re a 2,000-page document made of paper and full of ridiculous numbers and ugly government pork. And that, somewhere in the sky, you can roam free with all the other failed legislation and a naked, cream-cheese-smeared Robert Byrd. [NYT]

 
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{ 68 comments }

Sassomatic December 17, 2010 at 10:42 am

I hope it at least got to have sex in a car.

bagofmice December 17, 2010 at 10:49 am

That would be involve porking, and republicans object.

bitchincamaro2 December 17, 2010 at 10:57 am

That reminds me. I'm double-porked out front.

BarryOPotter December 17, 2010 at 11:35 am

Exhibitionist.

jodyleek December 17, 2010 at 10:55 am

That's one more bill that will never go to school,
Never get to fall in love, never get to be cool.

bitchincamaro2 December 17, 2010 at 11:08 am

I imagine Newtie wetting himself at the prospect of government interuptus.

Allmighty_Manos December 17, 2010 at 10:46 am

Building an Omnimbus memorial would make for some sweet, sweet pork to whatever district can grab it.

V572625694 December 17, 2010 at 11:11 am

Senator Roland Burris has some designs available.

Serolf_Divad December 17, 2010 at 10:48 am

At least it got to sketch Kate Winslett naked.

SexySmurf December 17, 2010 at 10:49 am

Remember when we lived in a functioning Democracy? Yeah, that was awesome.

harry_palmer December 17, 2010 at 10:59 am

Yes, but if these clowns could get any more done than they're able to now, think how truly fucked we'd be.

BarryOPotter December 17, 2010 at 11:44 am

…truly fucked we'd be

Life in a America has become even more of a conundrum than I thought possible but a scant two years ago.

Those that want the economy to improve can't bear to see such a thing on That One's watch. While the country's collective physical health treads water in a sea of carbonated corn syrup, its head ducking below the surface more frequently, canards set afloat are winning irrational arguments.

H_P, you're speaking truth to power…

slappypaddy December 17, 2010 at 11:55 am

no.

spinozasgod December 17, 2010 at 10:49 am

mmmmmmmmmm…..republican pork…..

OneDollarJuana December 17, 2010 at 10:52 am

I dunno. By the time you trim all the fat off McConnell, I don't think there's a lot of meat left.

freakishlywrong December 17, 2010 at 11:00 am

Cooter. As in cooter pie. Fitting!

ttommyunger December 17, 2010 at 11:01 am

Ummmmm, Fecal matter?

SorosBot December 17, 2010 at 11:26 am

Soup.

DeeJayKitteh December 17, 2010 at 11:34 am

Is that what all the poors are going to live off of instead of government cheese once the Republicans are successful in gutting Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security?

BerkeleyBear December 17, 2010 at 2:22 pm

Sadly, no more cheese warehouses exist, since we got Domino's to take up the slack and add 50 pounds of mozzerella to every pie.

My father bringing home the essentially inedible cheese bricks in the stamped cardboard boxes (despite being a well compensated professional, he was also a cheap as hell immigrant, so go figure) still haunts me. Particularly since the shape conned me into thinking it would be something like Velveeta, that noxious food like compound beloved by middle class white kids everywhere.

JustPixelz December 17, 2010 at 11:53 am

Repubican pork tastes like cock being jammed down our throats.

MarieDeGournay December 17, 2010 at 10:49 am

Push them both off the ship. God I hate that movie.

SorosBot December 17, 2010 at 10:59 am

Parts are enjoyable; it's basically good if you only watch the scenes with no DiCaprio or Winslett, aside from the one with Winslett's boobs.

V572625694 December 17, 2010 at 11:12 am

And then the awful Canadian screeching starts…

Lascauxcaveman December 17, 2010 at 11:17 am

The only part I remember (apart from Kate's boobs) was when the ship was almost sunk, going down at a crazy angle so all the people left on board were sliding down the deck and into the water.

My then 3-year-old watching it with us shouted out "Everybody into the pool!"

mereoblivion December 17, 2010 at 11:40 am

I thought I did too, till I was compelled (okay, mostly my own fault) to sit through Avatar. Made Titanic look like The Battle of Motherfucking Algiers.

VinnyThePooh December 17, 2010 at 12:08 pm

At least Titanic didn't have Jar Jar Binks.

Radiotherapy December 17, 2010 at 12:58 pm

I like the schmaltzy part where they're swimming, romantically, in the 34 degree water. Talk about shrinkage.

Buzz Feedback December 17, 2010 at 10:50 am

Byrd naked … except for the hood. It adds gravitas.

ManchuCandidate December 17, 2010 at 10:50 am

Fishface McConnell does a Lucy and pulls the football away from Charlie Brown Reid.

OkieDokieDog December 17, 2010 at 10:50 am

God needed another Angel and called Omnibus home.

BerkeleyBear December 17, 2010 at 2:26 pm

How come its always the young and innocent he takes, and never old and dangerous like the 2003 AUMF (authorization for use of military force – aka the fig leaf that made the Iraq war "legal)?

FNMA December 17, 2010 at 10:54 am

It's not true. My mom told me that Omnibus went to live on a nice farm upstate, with my dog and the two cats that didn't get run over by the garbage truck.

user-of-owls December 17, 2010 at 11:10 am

Your Mom was wise not to tell you that the 'farm' your beloved dog went to was in Korea. Mmmm…bo-shin-tang.

WABishop December 17, 2010 at 12:06 pm

Travis, what are you doing with that shotgun? OH MY GOD!!!

JimmyCarlBlack December 17, 2010 at 10:56 am

No pork bill means the Muslins have won. Sharia law for everyone!

SorosBot December 17, 2010 at 11:01 am

Why can't Reid just ram this thing down their throats? I mean that literally, all 2000 pages of it.

GOPCrusher December 17, 2010 at 4:46 pm

LOL! That would make C-Span's ratings jump. Harry Reid sitting on Mitch McConnell's chest on the Senate Floor, cramming a 2000 page document down his throat while McConnell flails around.

LocalGirlMakesGoo December 17, 2010 at 11:01 am

I'm going with Airborne in OJ and rum. It cures colds and scurvy.

V572625694 December 17, 2010 at 11:12 am

Designed by a schoolteacher! Because they have good reason to drink!

facehead December 17, 2010 at 11:02 am

The best part is when Harry Reid throws his plastic vagina overboard at the end.

ttommyunger December 17, 2010 at 11:02 am

Please don't, I'm already in tears.

BarryOPotter December 17, 2010 at 11:48 am

Man up, John of Orange!

weejee December 17, 2010 at 11:03 am

So Harry is a polar bear on vanishing thin ice while McConnell plays Nero fiddling about while the fires of global warming burn, butt there will be no pork roast in the by and by. Can the Demtards pull out their ice picks next session and give polar bear Harry a Caesarian adieu?

user-of-owls December 17, 2010 at 11:14 am

Well, the right does keep calling Harry a Trotskyite, so an ice pick would be a nice touch. Now we just have to convince him to take a vacation in Coyoacán.

weejee December 17, 2010 at 11:23 am

If they tied it to on-line poker they might be able to arrange a pick-a-deal-o that Harry would attend. Maybe add zombie Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera to ice the deal.

slithytoves December 17, 2010 at 11:03 am

Since it was government pork, it was no doubt contaminated with trichinosis.

ttommyunger December 17, 2010 at 11:03 am

This particular Omnibus is obviously the short, yellow one.

bflrtsplk December 17, 2010 at 1:04 pm

Does the omnibus stop in Chicago? I have to go there for the holidays.

ttommyunger December 17, 2010 at 1:34 pm

You will have to pay Rham Emmanuel $100,000 to get in.

4TheTurnstiles December 17, 2010 at 11:03 am

Democrats: people will respect you more if you stand up and fight for the principles you advocate. Show a fucking spine. Get in front of the issues. Stop playing defense, because you play shitty defense. No one likes a coward.

user-of-owls December 17, 2010 at 11:05 am

It would be much more pleasant if Mitch McConnell was working on a stopyap measure.

DeeJayKitteh December 17, 2010 at 11:15 am

You forgot my personal favorite: trotting out 9/11 at every opportunity and giving lip service to honoring the first responders, but voting against funding the first responders' health care.

O/T, but…ever have one of those insanly frustrating brain freezes, where you know what you want to say, but nothing comes out? I knew that I wanted to say "lip service" but for some reason, the only thing my brain would spit out was "mouth treatment." I'm chalking it up to "Republican-activity induced insanity." I'm sure it's that, and not the four years I spent smoking pot in college and the subsequent years pickling my brain with booze.

Terry December 17, 2010 at 11:18 am

How could I have forgotten that one? I blame my memory issues on cheap beer and even cheaper margaritas in college.

mereoblivion December 17, 2010 at 11:42 am

From now on whenever I raise a glass of booze to my parched lips I'm going to think "mouth treatment." Thanks!

BerkeleyBear December 17, 2010 at 2:30 pm

Jon Stewart is doing his best to raise the debate, but the mainstream media seems unwilling to even bring it up and Fox, that bastion of all things 9/11 doesn't give a rat's ass because the GOP won't even try to explain why they oppose it.

mumbly_joe December 17, 2010 at 11:37 am

Via TPM, an actual exchange from the Senate floor:

Minutes later, in one of the most chortling colloquies of the 111th Congress, Sens. John McCain (R-AZ) and Mark Kirk (R-IL) gloated over the defeat of the spending bill.

Kirk, the most junior member of the Senate asked, "Did we just win?"

McCain responded, "I think there's very little doubt that the Majority Leader of the United States Senate would not have taken the action he just took if we didn't have 41 votes to stop this monstrosity."

Kirk continued, "so for economic conservatives, a 1,924-page bill just died?

"A 1,924-page bill just died," McCain responded laughing.

HAHAHAHAfucktheseguys

Come here a minute December 17, 2010 at 11:43 am

REID THE BILLLLLL!!!!1!!

mereoblivion December 17, 2010 at 11:47 am

So Leonardo plays a lesbian in Titanic? (Until someone identified the movie in the comments, I was sure the photo was two women (I'm kinda s-l-o-w) and I thought, What? A mainstream movie with women kissing that I haven't watched 20 times?!)

Trinket December 17, 2010 at 1:40 pm

Peoplesicles always look kinda girly.

JustPixelz December 17, 2010 at 11:56 am

Wait a minute. If there's no spending anymore, taxes should be zero. Damn those federal revenuers.

SudsMcKenzie December 17, 2010 at 12:05 pm

PRok is my new PRon.

now what do I do with my anti-terrorist pork chop necklace?

deanbooth December 17, 2010 at 12:28 pm

You know who I hate? Those fuckers!

VinnyThePooh December 17, 2010 at 12:49 pm

Attention unemployed trailer trash:
You got your wish. Merry Christmas.
- The Party of NO

donner_froh December 17, 2010 at 2:09 pm

The Omnibus had 8 billion dollars worth of Republican earmarks/pork from the anti-earmark/pork crowd who justified it by saying they were voting against it. They thought it would pass with a couple of GOP votes and they could take credit at home for getting funding for the new ATV track through the formerly virgin wilderness while being on record as opposing all the earmarks, including that one.

Now the dumb fucks have to figure out how to get the dough for their bridges to nowhere from the federal budget without the cover of voting against it.

Those fucks are such a waste of oxygen.

OneDollarJuana December 17, 2010 at 2:53 pm

They'll tack the earmarks onto the bill that repeals Social Security, unemployment, and welfare.

GOPCrusher December 17, 2010 at 4:44 pm

Accuse others of not supporting the troops when they protested the war in Iraq, while cutting spending for Veterans.
* weeps silently *

HistoriCat December 17, 2010 at 10:40 pm

You know, I think I'm going to change a long held opinion and do something I never thought I would – agree with Ronald Reagan. He kept going on and on about a line-item veto and that it was the greatest thing ever. Well, now I agree with him. Let the fuckers pass their spending bills – the Prez can whack away at the stupid shit. Maybe someday down the road we would even have a president who would use the power strategically.

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