- For the love of Joseph and Mary’s unsullied maidenhead: When will Joe Miller stop smelling his own farts and accept the fact that he is a loser? “Probably never,” according to everyone. “He’s a hopeless dick.” Miller is still peddling the same sad legal argument — “voter intent” is in violation of what Joe Miller intended, or something — in hopes that he will be vindicated and Lisa Murkowski will be arrested for massive voter fraud. This is Joe Miller’s wettest dream, and he will describe it to the Alaska Supreme Court this afternoon. Will voter intent prevail over Joe Miller’s perverted sense of Democracy? Alaska’s smug Assistant Attorney General points out that it’s “hard to imagine how a voter who wrote ‘Lisa Murcowsky’ or even ‘Leeza Murcowski’ might have been trying to vote for anyone else.” Yes, hard to imagine if you’re not a bearded megalomaniac. [ADN]
- More than thirty thousand people have died since the start of Mexico’s War on Drugs. [CNN]
- An enormous loaded gun passed through a TSA porno checkpoint undetected and without any problems whatsoever! And now a similar kind of Diligent Security is being introduced to the DC Metro. [ABC]
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Lawyers. Is there anything they can't.do?
they're not very good at shutting the fuck up, but it pays well.
In this particular instance, they can't win for
losinglyingwhining… feck it, you get the gist.Be good neighbors, also they should never run homeowner associations. I got threatened with lawsuits every time I had a rake or snow shovel on my front porch. or left my garage door open.
The voters' intent is that Joe Miller should go live in a primative cabin in the remote Alaskan bush and write out manifestos in long hand by himself.
And take his trashy patron with him.
Jeesus bothof them and all those kids, it'd be like the Duggers north.
The UniBoner – Into The Wild…
A Cock In The Woods
Is worth two in the Bush.
I smell Animal Planet reality teevee contract.
If these wingnut "revolutionaries" were half as good as real revolutionaries they'd have headed to the hills a lOng time ago. I'm guessing they like living in houses and eating well. No personal sacrifice in a libertarian revolution. Everyone is to busy hoarding.
There is never personal sacrifice in hard core libertarianism. Their motto is "I got mine, screw you".
You say that like it's a bad thing. If the Young Poors could be more selfish, they'd have better opportunities available to them than fighting in Afghanistan.
I think you meant to write "stubbled megalomaniac." Jeebus, if you are going to grow a beard, grow a fucking beard! None of this "Don Johnson on an extended lost weekend" look plz.
Faux beards are OVER!
-Portlandia
Now that even hicks &/or "hicks" from Podunk, Wisconsin, are sporting Grizzly Adams beards — cough, Bon Iver, cough — the Coastal elite/Cultural vanguard has to find a new affectation to co-opt. Only right & natural, that.
What will the new accoutrement be, though? Any guesses?
This time next fall, I see hipster girls carrying $400 plaid hobo bindles instead of purses.
Hobo-chic. It's funny because it's sad.
I have always wondered how those same hipster girls afford such things, so expensive, when none seem to work more than 20 hrs a week making coffee or shelving books (library, or Barnes n' Noble/Powell's/some such) & go out two or three or four nites a week, to the bars. (Granted: friends comp them drinks, on that last.) Where's the money deriving from? Sugar-daddies? Trust-funds? Selling pot?
Walking in her Williamsburg neighborhood last week, my 20-ish daughter reprimanded me for uttering the pejorative, "hipster". She expected I'd get "accidentally" run over by a fixie?
Joe Miller will enter the legal history books with his "All White People Names Look alike" Defense.
Maybe Alaska's not as retarded as we thought… /sees Palin show ad/ um, maybe not.
I'm as confused as he is. How could cozing up so close to Governor Quitbilly and Hot Toddy not win over voters in Alaska?
I'll be looking for "Governor Quitbilly " to go viral and possibly end up on a librul cable show or possibly a fake news show. Your pee does not do that justice.
I love that. "Quitbilly." Perfect.
He's just sore because he really did order all those fancy curtains for the place he rented in DC.
Can't Alaska find Joe Miller a nice ice floe where he can be Senator all he wants?
Joe seems like our old friend Orly Taitz, in that he's gonna keep bringing the same moronic lawsuit up over and over again in hope of finding a judge who won't literally laugh him out of court.
Joe – This is just nature's way of telling you that America isn't stupid enough to vote for you. But don't worry – it took Reagan and Nixon a few tries too! Come back after twelve more years of corn syrup and reality TV and you'll get those drapes.
Riley, thanks for the proof that the TSA touches dicks just because they like to touch dicks.
Has anybody bothered to give Miller a drug test? The delusions and crazy-talk aside, that hair just screams meth-head.
"the wisest man will let himself be swayed by others' wisdom and relax in time." — sophocat, "foregone's conclusion"
how might this apply to joe miller? discuss.
I don't know about Alaska's voters but I want Joe the Miller to retire to a wheat field in Kansas and dedicate his time and energy to growing a real beard.
Maybe his beard and Christine O'Donnell's merkin can meet and mash together like sweaty Velcro.
A government-subsidized wheat field in Kansas, to be more accurate.
Context: Joe Miller just lost a contest that fucking *Mike Gravel* won.
Analysis: dude needs more psychadelia
Look on the bright side of the new DC metro idiocy; if you're in Washington and are late for work, you now can use the excuse "I'm sorry, but our country has a paranoid retarded over-reaction to the imaginary threat of terrorism".
And to back that shit up, just always carry a lighted xmas ornament where ever you go.
If a gun makes it through a checkpoint, it's breaking news. If thirty-thousand are shot in a drug war, it's a statistic.
Last month, TSA Chief John Pistole told ABC News that the poor performance during undercover tests helped convince him that airport screening needed to get that much tougher — and a desire to do better helped give rise to the controversial new regimen that includes enhanced pat-downs and back-scatter machines that can see beneath a traveler's clothing.
Really? Because the TSA agents are failing for looking for weapons in bags, we have to go through porno screeners and get fingerbanged by TSA agents? The bags don't go through a more extensive screen, but I have to? It's this kind of stupidity that makes me feel all stabby. But luckily, if it happens in the airport, chances are the TSA won't notice.
How about their being harsh fines for screeners that fail at their jobs. If you want a job that failure at which could result in thousands of deaths, then take it seriously and face consequences when you invariably fuck it up.
That is rational and logical, so clearly it would never even be considered by Homeland Security.
And as recent events have shown, since 9/11 if someone wannabe terrorist tries any shit on a plane the other passengers will stop them. This shit is completely unnecessary.
No kidding. Thanks to cell-phones on planes, we figured that out DURING the attack.
Last night the BBC was interviewing a Texas gun dealer who was quite aware that many of his guns ended up in the hands of the Mexican drug cartel. He was asked if he had any remorse over these sales. A decisive “Nope.” was the immediate answer.
Well then it's too bad the Mexican drug aren't actually invading Texas so they can go after this sociopath.
Alamo II, with Perry starring, would be a pretty cool sequel, in the first one it was a bunch of disgruntled slave owners against the free people of Mexico, what is it going to be this time?
Too bad that wasn't followed up by an interview with Rick Perry. I'd love to hear how he spun it.
Well, since Rick Perry all done succeeded and all, Texas, as an independent nation, can negotiate arms sales with Mexico as they see fit.
I suppose he figured that if the guns he sells, go across the border to kill Mexicans, that will be that many less Mexicans that will come into America and take his jerb.
The real issue here is Joe Miller's intent.
It seems Juarez, Mexico is the new Beirut. I hope the cartels indulge in a siesta while my cousin's wife and toddler have to go through that hell-hole to finish her immigration.
Does Wonkette have a PayPal link? It breaks my heart to see them prostituting themselves for some Astroturf group defending shitty for-profit colleges. Those places exist to exploit the poor and to exploit the government student loan program. They saddle the poor with massive debt and then kick them to the curb with no job skills.
Not true. They can qualify for their dream job in the medical field. (In which they will be paid minimum wage and have to health insurance.)
no health insurance, even. Sorry, not sober yet.
If you need health insurance commit a cool crime like rape or murder, free health insurance for life.
Are you telling me that the commercials I see aren't true? You know the ones that show some actor thriving in his new career, hosting parties for his indigent relatives in front of his new 60" flat screen in his new california rancher, both unpaid for.
At the end of those commercials, what we don't see, is all the actors are ground up and made into a semi-nutritious puppy chow.
Wonkette is prostituting themselves? For an Astroturf group? Great! So the holiday party is finally here. How did I miss this?
This is happening because Joe Miller needs moar butt secks. He's sexually frustrated and needs to be brought to the
romise Land in Missouri. They'll rock his unshaven, Grizzly Adams, Doc Johnson world. Seck fixes everything. The end.
Hey! I'm a Missouri Boy and I want you to know I resent the allegation, and I resent the alligator! (Apologies to the King-Fish)
Dude, calm down. Have another drink and moar butt secks.
You do know I'm just jivin', right? Don't drink anymore, but the other is tempting…
Yeah, I know you're playing… me too. I still drink occasionally, but it's nothin' compared to. . . well, you know how it is when you're young and, and, and. . .
peace
Those people clearly meant to vote for Lizard People.
Dear Alaskans,
Since yer # 2 in gun ownership per capita, is it time for lock and load?
Luv & kisses the other 49.
Too bad Senators are elected instead of appointed by state legislatures like in the olde days. Sarah's boyfriend would be wearing a Senate toga if it weren't for those pesky voters and the 17th Amendment. Thanks for ruining everything #17. Is it wrong to say the 17th Amendment hates America?
It's just like whiny libtards to focus on the 20 guns, bombs and weapons that made it through the x-ray scanners and not the two that didn't.
And is Metro supposed to run these new, high tech scanners and computers and keep all the information confidential?? Because they are still trying to get a handle on 1979 escalator technology.
To be fair, they have to work in the rain…
Yes. The bigger problem, though, is being unable to hire mechanics skilled enough to maintain the system.
Hey! I wonder if Metro has considered firing all of its senior employees and advertising job openings on the insides of pizza boxes, like the TSA?
And that's not even counting Mexicans who won the war on drugs but then OD'd.
Or Murkan ODs.
My own personal War on Drugs has been equally unsuccessful, possibly because of radical changes in strategy i.e. infiltration followed by carpet bombing and then trying the play dead strategy for a while. Maybe I should open another front, yeah I think I'll try that tonight. Geronimo.
Here's hoping you "live long enough to spit on Shrub's grave."!!!
Just say surrender.
Joe Miler was not working hard enough to court the donors of GOP.
He should have said to them that his victory would somehow reduce the tax for the riches.
They hate lawyers the way they hate government: so much they want to be lawyers in elective office.
And poor loser Joe didn't make it. Awwww…
Patting up AND down.
They should also appoint Billie Holiday as Secretary of State, Edith Piaf as Lieutenant-gouverneur and the Indian from the Village People as Director of Inuit Affairs.
Then change the state's motto to "It's Snowing Men" and watch those gay tourist dollars flow like Chardonnay.
BTW, has anyone ever seen Miller's birth certificate?
Murkowski just loaned Joe the money to buy a U.
You people don't understand how hard it is to return furniture at Crate and Barrel. I think it's worth a recount or two.
Joe who?
Isn't that one of the Tea Bagger rallying crys? Too many lawyers in the Congress, not enough ordinary people.
The Republican view of lawyers mirrors their view of shit: Their own is just fine, other peoples' particularly the poor folks' stink to high heaven.
That he has that name, and that accent (saw him on TV) that he was able to get the thing through the TSA is nothing short of amazing.
Maybe Alaska could have a separate series of elections for "Drama Queen" senate and presidency. There Sarah, Joe, problem solved.
I'm with Joe Miler on this one. Intent is evrything.
Mommy and daddy.
Do you KNOW how many strip clubs are in Portland?
True. & that takes us back to the question "sugar-daddies?". Even if indie-punk strippers aren't turning tricks in the Champagne Room &/or away from the club, they might well be 'shaking down' — though, a consensual shake-down equals 'commerce'? — their regulars for cash beyond the trail of ones typically accruing to the stage dancer.
I have seen it happen, even in my podunk town.
Given his prep-school pedigree & Royal Dutch Shell money (that being conjecture; I don't know that WB's daddy worked for Shell, but I have heard he is from suburban Houston (The Woodlands, where G. H. W. Bush lives?)), I have to assume Winfield Butler (say it with the poshest accent you can muster) is the CAPO of the Hipster Mafia.
Hence the irony.
Oh, I remember, all right. Memories is about all I've got going for me.
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