let wonk'd know if you see him at the coffee shop later

Unarmed Gunman Puts Senate Buildings On Lockdown

Everyone knows the drill.

The man allegedly began to make physically threatening gestures toward the officer, which prompted the officer to draw his gun and instruct the man to lay down on the ground.

“He began to threaten the officer physically,” Morse told The Hill. “The officer took a defensive posture to thwart that aggressive action, but then the subject’s behavior led the officer to believe that he may have a gun.”

At about 11:30 a.m. Senate staff received an emergency message from Capitol Police saying that “all members and staff should lock their office doors and stay in their office.”

So this time it wasn’t just a blinking Christmas ornament, it was a guy, but he had no weapons. Something exciting for everyone over there to tweet about, at least. [The Hill]

Sponsored Video
Related

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

56 comments

  1. YasserArraFeck

    I think the country would be better off if the denizens of the Capitol stayed in their locked offices for………the next two years?

    1. ulTIMum

      The big boys back home used to say the most dangerous weapon was the unloaded sort. "Lotta folks killed with unloaded weapons."' So if this gunman did not have a weapon that was not loaded, then he was a triple threat!

      1. GuyClinch

        And imagine if the gunman with no unloaded gun had never even shown up on Capitol Hill — why, he would've been a quadruple threat!

          1. StillGoinGreen

            There just HAD to be at least one additional unarmed accomplice there, not threatening anybody at the Capital building.

          2. bagofmice

            I know. I lived there for a few months. However, I came here from the OTHER Capitol hill in the OTHER Washington. I was disappointed in the hillitude.

          3. ulTIMum

            Remember the guy busted for armed robbery who was told the police had two witnesses who saw him do it, and he countered, "Yeah, well, I have four guys who DIDN'T see me do it!"

          4. Crank_Tango

            add to that the magic nonexistent bullet, and we are fucked, my friend.

            if there's grass on the knoll…

      1. HistoriCat

        Wonkette does not allow comments therefore Wonkette does not exist therefore there is no Wonkette office.

  2. MistaEko

    Look for guys like this to show up every 5 to 6 hours for the next 10 days and their ties to the republican party to be discovered in January.

    1. Extemporanus

      Wow, um, making fun of reasonable reactions to a gruesome unarmed gunman who began to make physically threatening gestures 4 blocks away from me is so funny that it makes me wish you had decided maybe this was inappropriate and kinda fucked up to post.

      1. DoktorZoom

        By the time the Jackbooted Government Agents and the SEIU Thugs are finished with him, this patriot won't have a leg to stand on.

  3. edgydrifter

    Morse continued: "Our officers are all trained to spot and neutralize 'looks that could kill.' You just can't take chances when you're defending our freedoms."

  4. V572625694

    …which prompted the officer to draw his gun and instruct the man to lay down on the ground. “He began to threaten the officer physically…”

    Well of course he did! When the officer makes a terrible grammatical mistake like that, he's just asking for it. And then the cops had to go and make a bad grammatical situation worse:

    …an emergency message from Capitol Police saying that “all members and staff should lock their office doors and stay in their office.”

  5. JustPixelz

    I can think of more than a few Repubicans who "make threatening gestures" toward me with the laws they propose/pass. Can we get the guards to arrest those guys?

  6. freakishlywrong

    “He began to threaten the officer physically,” Morse told The Hill. “The officer took a defensive posture to thwart that aggressive action, but then the subject’s behavior led the officer to believe that he may have a gun.”

    Does anyone else find that vaguely homoerotic?

    1. GuyClinch

      "…the subject’s behavior led the officer to believe that he may have a gun.”

      According to the officer, the gun kept getting bigger and bigger.

  7. OkieDokieDog

    I can't wait for the lame stream media's report about this potentially horrendous (non)event on the evening news. Will it be the main story or is there a new Hollywood divorce that's more important? Tune in…

  8. chascates

    If someone in a hockey mask with a chainsaw came running in I assume the entire city would shut down.

    New tea party tactic.

  9. undeterredbyreality

    Gosh you wonketeers are good tonight. I got nothin'. (I guess you could say I'm disarmed.) Y'all give me goosebumps runnin' up my leg. Extra pees for all.

      1. Radiotherapy

        We've all gotten a "p" present from ???? Ken, our intensedebate overlords, the Repubs, Sandy Claws??? — well except metamarcisf who has been whip-sawed back to negative 115. Go, metamarcisf, Go.

        1. undeterredbyreality

          I'm beginnin' to suxpect them pees ain't what they're cracked up to be. You know that sometimes Satan come as a man of pees.

  10. transfatz

    “The officer took a defensive posture to thwart that aggressive action"

    Officer cowers: …Safeword, safeword, must remember my safeword…

Comments are closed.