Canada wouldn't take us if we BEGGED.Swiftboat birther nutsack Jerome Corsi is so confused by Obama becoming Republican Senate Majority Leader that there’s really nothing left to do but go back to the old “George W. Bush is making Mexico and Canada part of America by building an unfunded interstate highway in the Midwest” conspiracy. Corsi’s new WorldNetDaily column totally ignores the actual news about Obama — that this Krafty Kenyan has somehow become Ronald Reagan’s actual son/heir — and instead makes ample use of “quietly” and “below the radar” to tell the sinister story of how there’s some government report suggesting North America should better coordinate security considering the ENTIRE REST OF THE WORLD wants to blow up the United States and it’s relatively simple to get in through the Canadian or Mexican borders if the FBI and State Department forgot to send your chartered plane to Saudi Arabia or whatever.

Are you saying “aboot” with a Mexican accent yet? You will be:

Acting quietly, below the radar of U.S. public opinion and without congressional approval, the Obama administration is implementing a key policy objective of the Security and Prosperity Partnership of North America, or SPP, to erase the border with Mexico and Canada.

The administration is acting under a State Department-declared policy initiative described in a March 23 fact sheet titled “United States-Mexico Partnership: A New Border Vision.”

“Mexico and the United States have a shared interest in creating a 21st century border that promotes the security and prosperity of both countries,” the State Department declared. “The U.S. and Mexican governments have launched a range of initiatives that challenge the traditional view of ‘hold the line’ and are developing a framework for a new vision of 21st century border management.”

Corsi also notes that a Canadian news operation in Canada has written (in Canadian) about some other document called “Beyond the Border: A Shared Vision for Perimeter Security and Competitiveness.” Why not just replace our Loyal Old Glory with a red marijuana leaf or whatever today, and get it over with?

For a few delightful months in probably 2007, Corsi delighted his audience of white supremacists and dingbat conspiracy mongers with the horrific tale of the “NAFTA Superhighway” and its exclusive toll-road token, the “Amero.” These things were completely the fault of George W. Bush and his internationalist Mexi-Canucks, according to Corsi — which is funny because Corsi was one of the primary cocksuckers behind that whole “Swiftboat Veterans” attack on John Kerry in 2004. We have all forgotten about Kerry now, thank god, but back in 2004 Americans were so FED UP with Iraq and Dubya and 9/11 that they very nearly elected the unloved, unwanted John Kerry — until Corsi and his right-wing-billionaire-funded assclowns put together a shitty commercial and CNN (which was still popular then) played it NON STOP until election day.

God, fuck CNN. [WND]

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  • Crank_Tango

    Take off esse, eh!

    • Joser.

    • Negropolis

      Canaxicans, eh? ¡Ay Dios Mio! y'all!

      But, what do the imfamously fickle Québécois think of all of this, que?

  • MinAgain

    Does this mean that RCMP actually stands for Royal Canadian-Mexican Police?

  • Ducksworthy

    I appreciate the appellation of primary cocksucker as applied to Corsi. Very fitting.

    • mannacler

      Application of that appellation to Corsi is very unfair to the world's worthy fellatrixes and fellators.

      • Moonbat

        "Fellatrix" is full of win!

        • bagofmice

          Or soon will be.

  • horsedreamer_1

    John Kerry's only just begun.

    Yes, he's now in the Minority in the Senate, but he's finally — finally — the Bay State's Senior Senator. & his main portfolio is global climate change, with a dollop of foreign affairs.

    Seems he might be important in the coming years.

    • GuyClinch

      Senate is still in Democratic hands for the 112th congress, and yes, he'll be important-ish.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Oops. I had confused '10 with '94 — a common mistake. For me to poop on. (It's kind of a fecal moebius.)

        • DoktorZoom

          The NAFTA Highway will be importing fecal moebiuses* from Nuevo Laredo, to sap and impurify our precious bodily fluids!

          *or fecal omnibuses, one of those.

          • LionelHutzEsq

            I used to own a VW fecal omnibus. Great to smoke your shit in.

      • Nonsense. We all know 53 out of 100 is a minority in the Senate.

        • GuyClinch

          You're exactly right, of course. Le sigh.

        • JustPixelz

          same as 59 was a minority.

          • CessnaDriver

            I want certification from a competent physician that Harry Reid has balls.

          • Negropolis

            And, even 60 couldn't be counted on on any given vote. sigh

      • JoeMamased

        Senate is still in Democratic hands for the 112th congress

        Hahahahahahahaha!! You wish.

  • MildMidwesterner

    " promotes the security and prosperity of both countries"

    I suppose this means that Bechtel will hire Mexicans to build a wall to keep out Mexicans. I wonder how many will finish the contract from the Texan side.

  • slithytoves

    I doubt it. Canada is still mad at us for not paying enough attention to her, so I don't think she's in the mood for a marriage proposal.

    • Not_So_Much

      How 'bout we just leave a stack of Ameros on her nightstand next to the lipstick-smudged silk hankie?

    • BerkeleyBear

      Our long history of date rape/conquest attempts (starting in the Revolutionary War right on through the Oregon Territory disputes at least) are at the core of what little independent identity Canadians have, along with dying in even higher percentages on D-Day and maple syrup. So the idea they'd ever welcome any kind of union is pretty funny.

  • Terry

    "Mexico and the United States have a shared interest in creating a 21st century border that promotes the security and prosperity of both countries"

    That's treason right there.

  • V572625694

    I'm going to get out there on the NAFTA Highway (I-35) and start looking for Canuckistanis to perform a citizen's arrest on. Look out, Salina! As soon as that 400-mile segment between Duluth and Thunder Bay is complete, they'll be storming down here for expensive health care and unlimited gun purchases.

    • SexySmurf

      I'm going to get out there on the NAFTA Highway (I-35) start looking for Canuckistanis to perform a citizen's arrest on.

      Start with Celine Dion.

      • LionelHutzEsq

        So, we can agree, that Corsi might have a point?

      • CessnaDriver

        Actually, the NAFTA super highway switches to I-29 in Kansas City.

        Apparently, the switch was made when it was pointed out to the conspiracy buffs that I-35 doesn't go to Canada. It goes to Canada-ish Duluth. You know, right next to the city in Wisconsin where Arnold Schwarzenegger went to college.

        The I-29 crossing into Canada is known for not being very busy.

        • Dashboard_Jesus

          Ahnold went to college, who could tell?

    • Thunder Bay will be the new Gulf of Tonkin?

    • horsedreamer_1

      I don't know why the folks in the Prairie Provinces would go to Minnesota for that. Just cross over to Montana or Nor-Dak..

    • BTW out here on the left coast our I-5, up here in Warhington it is a 24/7 invasion of maple-leafed Red Greeners mauling our malls, while down in Californistan, San Diego has been turned into a giant pot smoking taco hell. Where are the Minutemenz and womenz with their splurge gunz and super soakers?

      • V572625694

        I can personally refudiate your statement since here in San Diego, Rep Duncan Hunter’s unbelievably ugly, NEPA-excluded, border fence, which he got built in another congressman’s district, is keeping the all the Messicans out. That’s why all the drug gang murders in Me-he-koh have stopped, weed is unavailable in the US, and all landscape workers and hotel housekeeping staff are authentic US Americans.

        • MsQuasimodo

          And the newly-discovered underground tunnel between San Diego and Tijuana was not built by the cartels to cart drugs, guns, and money over the border, but to give work to Messcans newly unemployed by Rep Asshat Hunter's border fence.

      • GeorgiaBurning

        It's Thursday, they're stocking up on PBR and Bud Lite for the Chargers/49ers game.

    • HistoriCat

      At one time they were going to have the NAFTA Highway run close to Houston and they even mocked up the Interstate signs for the new road : I-69.

      Alas, this dream – which would have been a boon for road builders and sign-makers/sign-installers (especially the repeat business from sign stealing) – died.

    • LeAlbatross

      And let's not forget that Thunder Bay changed it's name from…uh…um…to Thunder Bay! Sneaky Canadians! (Hamilton?)

      • V572625694

        Fort William and Port Arthur? Or Port William and Fort Arthur? Or Arthur Godfrey and Julius LaRosa?

        • LeAlbatross

          Bea Arthur and William Wonka? Damn these Canadian Brain-scramblers…

          Mine says "Molson" on it…

  • Badonkadonkette

    Yo quiero poutine.

  • slappypaddy

    what solvent did corsi inhale to so damage his brain? when does he start drooling and pulling his pants down in public?

    • James Michael Curley

      See my comment below.

    • DoktorZoom


    • LionelHutzEsq

      But, by Republican standards, he is understated.

    • zhubajie

      As part of the initiation for new Rep congressmen, they get half their brains sucked out.

  • hagajim

    Swiftboat birther nutsack Jerome Corsi – I think that tells you about everything you need to know.

    • LionelHutzEsq

      Except it implies he has balls.

      • Just the sack.

        • LionelHutzEsq

          I stand corrected.

  • freakishlywrong

    Will the FEMA camps be in Mexican or Canimex?

    • Not_So_Much

      Halfway between, right here in Central Jesustopia. Moar jobz ter pay fer trucknutz and crucifix christmas trees.

    • zhubajie

      Put'em in Yukon, and the prisoners will freeze quick; put in Mex and the jailers will be cheap. So maybe Mexican jailers in Canada?

      For real: a couple years ago some bright Texan in Congress wanted to outsource US prisons to China! But somehow still apply US law….

      • MsQuasimodo

        Why does that Texas Congresscritter hate Amurika so much? Hey, them prisons are all-American as apple pie, cheetos and KFC. They are the mainstay of the US and prolly Texas, economee. Outsource them to China? Hell, we have the mostest prisoners in the entire world, beating out China! If the Chinese have a shortage of prisoners, they can just do whut we're doing and imprison moar people for um, being terroristy, protesting gummit policies, being brown, leaking secrit documents, and … uh … oh, wait …

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Fat back and pinto beans doesn't sound so bad to me.

    • LionelHutzEsq

      Throw in some Twinkies and it is as American as apple pie.

    • Negropolis

      How 'bout a combination Taco Bell/McDonalds/Tim Hortons?

  • Plowmon

    Would the Canadians even have us? Would it be like German unification or Thanksgiving where the 'poor side of the family' brings down the standard of living for everyone and manages to overflow the upstairs toilet?

  • I can't wait for Crash Test Dummies and Alanis Morissette to re-write our national anthem!

    • Crank_Tango

      Tragically Hip or GTFO!!!!!!!!

    • DoktorZoom

      But it's gonna be performed by Los Tigres del Norte, and will only play on AM stations.

      • JoeMamased

        Yeah, but AM stations with 500 gazillion watts of broadcast power.

        • zhubajie

          Just what our crazier evangelists need!

      • BerkeleyBear

        And it will be written in Quebecois, which no one understands outside of the province.

    • LeAlbatross

      No no: it'll be Our Lady Peace…

  • Not_So_Much

    Jerome Corsi needs to 'quietly' eat a bag of dicks. Below the radar. Or not. Also.

  • JoshuaNorton

    Canada is like America's attic – we forget about it, but then when we go up there it's like all this cool crap we didn't even know about.

    • LionelHutzEsq

      And we can get stone there.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Yeah, but there's also a lot of rat, bat and pigeon crap on everything and every so often you find something you really wish you hadn't, like grandpa's vintage Nazi bondage get-up and grandma's whale-tusk dildo collection.

  • GunTotingProgressive

    We were considering adding a guy to our little band (he plays drums; we're thinking of going electric). When he was showing us around his house, I noticed that he had the full Corsi Time-Lie collection. He then went on to mention that he was actively hoarding both incandescent light bulbs and ammunition.

    We're still an acoustic trio.

    • V572625694

      Drummers…you know. All that aggression needs plenty of outlets.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Why are drummers always the unbalanced ones?

    • FNMA

      Actually, by drummer standards, he sounds pretty normal.

  • James Michael Curley

    "As soon as we got into the car, he [Corsi] started to talk to us in a really weird and disgusting way. He asked us if we had ever engaged in gay sex with one another. I mean, it must have been obvious to him that we were brothers – we're identical twins, for goodness sakes! For the five or ten minutes it took to reach the mall, he just kept on and on. He actually offered us money to pose for photos. The whole experience was really uncomfortable and very, very disturbing. Remember, we were both just kids at the time."

    • For the record, the author's disclaimer in that article:

      "Of the nineteen paragraphs in this piece, five of them are bald-faced lies. The title, "Jerome Corsi Is a Liar and a Pervert" is only half true. While he is indeed a known and documented liar, he is not – to the best of my knowledge anyway – a "pervert". Did you notice those little "details" I provided in order to make the charge of child molestation sound all the more convincing? That is one of Corsi's tricks. What was the point to this journalistic mischief on my part? No point at all, really. I just wanted to give Mr. Corsi a well-deserved taste of his own very nasty tasting medicine. The difference between me and him is the fact that I at least had the common decency to issue this disclaimer. Don't expect the same courtesy from a professional liar like Jerome Corsi."

      • James Michael Curley


    • DoktorZoom

      Given that the author of this piece acknowledges that he made this up out of whole cloth, supposedly "to give Mr. Corsi a well-deserved taste of his own very nasty tasting medicine," I wouldn't go around quoting it.

      On the other hand, Glenn Beck still has not addressed the persistent rumors that he raped and murdered a young girl in 1990.

  • horsedreamer_1

    The East ended up sending Angela Merkel into the Chancellor's chair. Might not Zach Wamp end up Prime Minister of Canusamex?

    • AddHomonym

      Canusamex? How about Mexusada? Camexica? Masada? Mucinex?

  • SorosBot

    Jerome Corsi, shut your fuckin' face, unclefucker.

  • Crank_Tango

    coo coo coo coo coo coo coo coocaracha!!

  • mavenmaven

    Its the natural progression of the obama antichrist and his jewmasonilluminati towards one world government, don't you all KNOW?!?

  • JustPixelz

    "…below the radar of U.S. public opinion and without congressional approval…"

    Ah, the Bush years. But Obama should remember that stuff is only OKIYAR.

  • Missyb9479

    Do our current Highways not connect Mexico and Canada? Because I remember on the OC they were able to drive to Mexico to get drunk and almost die in the street. Did they use the flying car?

    • bagofmice

      Save us from the horrors of I-5!!!

    • HistoriCat

      Stop dragging reality into this conversation!

  • edgydrifter

    The Canadian flag has vertical red bars, which are 90-degrees out of phase with the proper horizontal American bars–you think that's by accident? Plus, get this, the Mexican flag has has one of these "vertical reds" too. And then the Mexicans have this weird bird on their flag. They say it's an eagle, but seriously, has anyone ever seen an eagle in Mexico? Hell no. Obviously it's some kind of vulture or something, and it's gripping our proud "no touch-o mi junk-o" snake in it's talons–an OBVIOUS affront to American Tea Party Patriots. And it's hovering over some peyote, so there's your shout-out to the narcosyndicates, just like the "maple" (pot) leaf that flies openly over many cities in Canadia where they DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH.

    It's a conspiracy one hundred years in the making, people, hiding in plain sight the whole time! I AM NOT A CRANK!

    • GOPCrusher

      Your message speaks to me. Do you have someplace I can send my credit card number to subscribe to your newsletter?

  • Crank_Tango

    Cu Cu Cu Cu Cu Cu Cu Cu-Caracha!!!

  • the_onceler

    This is explains our neighbor to the north perfectly:

    • DoktorZoom

      I think Molly Ivins had it just about right:

      "Being Canadian is like living next door to the Simpsons. Here are all these patient, sensible, kind people (I swear, their real national motto is "Now, let's not get excited") living right next to "the States," where some hideously noisy psychodrama is always going on."

      • FNMA

        Boy, I miss Molly. We could use a couple of hell raisers like her right about now.
        (I once spent an afternoon and evening drinking with Molly. She was one of a kind.)

        OK, back to making dick jokes…

  • LionelHutzEsq

    Finally, thanks to Obama, my Ameros will be worth something!

    (Although Google spell check doesn't know Ameros…, Is Google not part of the conspiracy?)

    • Of course they are. That's why they pretend to not know about it.

  • LionelHutzEsq

    Does this at least mean that Rush will finally get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? 'Cause then I can't see what Corsi is complaining about.

  • BarryOPotter

    If the plan is to erase the border, why are the two countries working on a "border" management solution for 21st century? That's some seriously Zen shit right there: "Together, we will manage that which does not exist." Oh yeah, this shit just got real. Real fucking krazy with a capital 9.

  • genxr

    On the bright side, when Canada becomes part of the US, we can finally go get all them good-fer-nuthin draft dodgers.

    • MsQuasimodo

      Nah, by now they're all Oldz needing expensive health care. We don't want 'em. Let Canukistan's socialist health care pay for their diabeetus and end of life ICU stays.

  • Considering the relative financial stability of Canuckistani vs Mexico or US America, I guess we own you now, neighbour (the correct spelling BTW.)

    FYI, jokes about the following are no longer tolerated:
    1) Aboot
    2) the colour of our money
    3) Curling
    4) Hockey or as you folks call it, ice hockey.
    5) CFL
    6) Universal Healthcare

    However jokes about the following are still acceptable:
    1) The Toronto Maple Loafs
    2) Toronto
    3) Quebec strippers
    4) Celine Dion
    5) What's up with Bryan Adams?
    6) Take off, Hoser.

    • JoshuaNorton

      Sorry, dude, but Curling is still in play. Any "sport" that involves sweeping a broom is automatically suspect.

      How aboot that?


    • StillGoinGreen

      In the spirit of compromise – I won't mention Celine Dion if you won't. BTW – how many Canuckistanian goofybucks does it cost to get a fresh pair of Shania Twain's underwear expressed for a pre-Xmas delivery?

      • Probably a lot more than you or I have in Canada City bucks or US America Ameros.

        Isn't she single, now? On an unrelated note, I'm going to my line dancing and country twang lessons now.

        • Negropolis

          You won't have to go too far south. A simple trip out to Calgary or Moose Jaw or Medcine Hat or whatever the fuck's between Toronto and Vancouver, will suffice, and would save you the hassle of trying to cross the border.

    • LionelHutzEsq

      Why is it everytime I go to Toronto, some guy picks me up at the bus station, takes me to a Leaf game, gets me pissed, then tries to blow me?

    • FNMA

      Is Nickelback still fair game?

      Personally speaking, I love curling. Any sport that you can play without spilling your drink is cool by me.

    • SorosBot

      Can we still make fun of the metric system? Ha ha you guys have an easier time doing math with your measurements!

  • DeeJayKitteh

    Taking over a part of another country in North America for our own use is totes un-American. Right, Texans?

  • OneDollarJuana

    Omigod! What's gonna happen when the BC Bud hits the Oaxacan? It's gonna be a pot-smokin' Armageddon and there aren't enough Doritos and Ding Dongs in the world to satisfy those munchies!

    (As an aside, when I was an impressionable young pot smoker man there was a burger stand called Munchies in San Jose. They sold a 'burger' and fries, including tax, for a quarter, undercutting McD's by about four cents. Munchies sure got a lot of my quarters back then!)

    • StillGoinGreen

      When I visited my bro in Seattle, he took me to Vancouver to have some party. While there, I noticed a SHITPOT of Americans "just hanging around". When back in Seattle – not so many Canadians "just hanging around" over here….hmmmm?…

  • StillGoinGreen

    I haven't decided whether I'll tell my children that Santa was killed by Mexican druglords on the border of AZ, or he died from exposure while waiting to get through a US checkpoint at the Canadian border. Either way, that fat bastard has to die – Pappa ain't gettin no Xmas bonus this year!

    • SorosBot

      Tell them he's in jail in Arizona for being an illegal North Polean.

      • HistoriCat

        He got shot down by the Air Force for helping take the Christ out of Christmas.

    • zhubajie

      Tell'em about Black Peter and flogging for bad children.

    • Negropolis

      You could always tell him he was decapitated by the Tamal Tigers/Al Queda of Toronto.

  • qwerty42

    I'm waiting for the Ameros. The gold Ameros.

  • mereoblivion

    Reagan was the Krafty Kenyan's old man? Not Strom Thurmond?

  • lochnessmonster

    I thought this was Bush/Cheney…now it's Obama? I'm very confused.

    • DoktorZoom

      Meet the new boss: same as the old boss.


  • Fran

    In the days of Manifest Destiny, the opportunity to annex Canada and Mexico and impose our currency and customs would've been these über-patriots' wet dream. Funny how things have changed.

  • rocktonsam

    So NAFTA ain't enough apparently

  • carafly

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    • SorosBot

      Ooh we haven't had a spambot in a while; let's introduce carafly to triper.

  • Negropolis

    You guys, it's 'aboat' not 'aboot'. Just because most of you have never seen an honest-to-goodness Canadian doesn't excuse your ignorance.

  • lulzmonger

    Yeah, I bet Canada can't wait for their credit rating, child mortality, income & IQ averages to all take an epic nosedive. But SRSLY, the US should really consider stealing Canucks' chartered banking system … & fast.

    • arihaya

      not if Canada make Ohio river and Mason-Dixon line their new border !

      those crafty Canucks

  • arihaya

    Jerome-speak : "Acting quietly, below the radar of U.S. public opinion … "

    Ttranslation: "We don't have any proof at all actually, but …"

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