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He IS the freezer.Halliburton has agreed to pay a $250 million fine to Nigeria after the country brought bribery charges against the corporation’s former CEO, revered and forthright statesman Dick Cheney, and nine others, for their dealings in the 1990s. So yes, the old adage is true: There are no bribery-related legal problems that can’t be solved with a little bribing. Anyway, there are a few other countries we know of that probably would like to charge Dick Cheney for committing crimes against them. The good news is that they may actually be able to get some money out of this Hero of Democratic Values with no pulse.

The bribes are said to have amounted to $180 million between 1994 and 2004.

The firm pleaded guilty to foreign bribery charges in the United States last year and paid a $402 million criminal fine, the U.S. Justice Department said. KBR and Halliburton also paid $177 million to settle civil complaints related to the bribery, the Justice Department said. […]

Many observers in Nigeria regard the move as a publicity stunt by the commission ahead of national elections in April and as a symbolic effort to display resolve against government corruption.

Stupid Nigeria. If you had actually detained Cheney and asked him for advice, he would have told you that the way to win national elections is to wage an unjustified and costly war on the other side of the world, one that nonetheless wins you the loyalty of your people for a window of time.

Over 250 fine citizens have been awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom. But how many of them can say they’ve been indicted on bribery charges? Probably just this fucker.

We keep thinking we’ve written the last post about him before he dies. Nope. Never going to happen. [CNN]

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