fun in the sun

Mark Foley Gives Up Juvenile Dreams (of Running For Mayor)

Appearing on his “Foley on Politics” radio show on WSVU 960AM, which reaches the length of the Palm Beaches and the Treasure Coast, Foley revealed that he decided not to join the race to replace retiring Mayor Lois Frankel.

“I have come to the conclusion that now is not the right time,” said Foley, who pledged to use his “God-given talents” in the nonprofit sphere as well as in his business activities.

Sounds like somebody discovered video chat and is a little busy these days. God-given talents? Oh, right. [Sunshine State News]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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    1. Not_So_Much

      Why do I hear Susan Boyle in the back of my head badly warbling "I dreamed a dream", when I read your post?

    2. elfgoldsackring

      Or as that nice young fellow on Glee sang:
      I'ma get your heart racing
      In my skin-tight jeans
      Be your teenage dream tonight

  1. SayItWithWookies

    Gee, I'm glad Foley addressed that rampant speculation that he was going to run for the mayor of — uh — somewhere. Now maybe that other person will run. I'm sure you've heard of him/her — it's all over town, really.

  2. LionelHutzEsq

    Is it really non-profit if you spend all your day arranging trips for Rush Limbaugh to go see boys in the Caribbean?

  3. Katydid

    After reading the link to his chats with 16-year-old kids, I'm not so sure I'm against Mark Foley being in solitary confinement. I mean, what he did was disgusting, against the law, and a violation of what the people entrusted him to do. That's what the law is for, to put away the disgusting sex offenders.

    Oh, wait. Shit.

  4. x111e7thst

    Mar Foley is working on developing a not-for-profit version of How would that work exactly?

  5. ttommyunger

    This idiotic fuck is so bereft of self-awareness he doesn't understand that every time he puts his name out there all we can think about is his sexual perversion and criminal intent. If he could just manage to shut the fuck up he might be able to quietly cruise the malls and loiter in the rest rooms adjacent to the food courts without being singled out.

  6. __kth__

    So the CW seems to be that the trial balloon of a Foley return to politics was decisively shot down. But Foley would seem to be the kind of guy who never runs out of balloons.

  7. Negropolis

    The scary thing is that it would be difficult for Foley to be caught in a bigger scandal than the one he was caught it, so he'd probably actually win.

    It used to be a dead girl or a boy, but now, I think the boy has to be dead too to keep you out of elected office.

    1. Negropolis

      He's practicing his Italian and Latin while we speak. And when I say practicing his Italian and Latin, I'm saying he's plowing his well-earned bevy of Italian and Latin pool boys.

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