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‘Street Guy’ Michael Steele Seeks Second Term

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  • Michael Steele informed the Republican National Committee last night that he would seek a second term as RNC chair, causing committee members to choke on their mint juleps and then beat their Rentboys with riding crops as they whispered to themselves “that Negro!,” over and over and over again. Moments later, Steele appeared on Greta Van Susteren’s variety show, to explain why the Republican White Establishment hates him so dearly. “I’m much more of a street guy,” Michael said, meaning that he’s black. “The party needs to get outside its comfort zone.” Michael Steele is our favorite. [TPM]
  • McDonald’s was hacked, just like that other anus burger drive thru, Gawker! Quick, change your McDonald’s login? [CNBC]
  • Miserable warmonger Mike Mullen had a friendly chitchat with troops in Baghdad, telling them how all the troops and robots are going to be shipped off to North Korea any day now, for Freedom. And then Mike Mullen went jism in his pants. [Fox News]

About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

View all articles by Riley Waggaman
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86 comments

  1. OC_Surf_Serf

    McDonald's said private information that customers supplied…

    fuck, I thought my life on the web was questionable…

    1. GOPCrusher

      If you have a log in for McDonald's, you should probably take a step back and do a self-evaluation. Then place the pistol in your mouth and pull the trigger.

    1. glamourdammerung

      After all the signs and statements from the base GOP base, I think Steele might very well have them by the proverbial balls. But then again, I sometimes think that people would not be so stupid as to totally go against their own principles and self-interests at the same time.

  2. freakishlywrong

    Fuck. I'm a lily white gal and I crap "street" bigger than Micheal Steel. Oh, and you ARE outside your party's comfort zone.

    1. Terry

      Michael Steele grew up in a decent part of DC, attended a well respected Catholic high school, and did his undergrad at Johns Hopkins.

      That's the kind of background that fuels hip hop songs, surely.

        1. horsedreamer_1

          I'm thinking backpacker hip-hop.

          If Steele gets passed over in the Chairman's race, he'll be joining the Rhymesayers Crew, performing under the name POLITIX.

    2. ttommyunger

      I'm blacker on the inside that this pussyfart is on the outside. If you have to tell somebody you are "street", then you fucking ain't. I've known suck-ups like him all my life. They do their best to work both sides of the street. There's no "there" there.

  3. Serolf_Divad

    “ I’m much more of a street guy,” Michael said, meaning that he’s black.

    Whoa there, Riley, let' not jump to conclusions. It could also mean he's homeless or a mime.

    1. MaxNeanderthal

      As I think I've suggested before about Mr S…
      What we need here is a good 'ole n****r workin' song, you know…
      "Oh de Campdown ladies sing dis song…"

      Don't know that one, huh?

    1. Serolf_Divad

      The McRib is made from free-range unicorns that have died of old age. That's why there isn't enough supply to offer the sandwich as a permanent menu item. It's also why they are soooo tasty!

    1. mumbly_joe

      Y'know, that story always confused the ever-loving fuck out of me. See, what a lot of security experts recommend is that as your answer to those "forgot your password" prompts, to have a question and answer that seem casually related, but are either patently false answers or off-hand non-sequitors that you can personally remember later when given the prompt.

      And the thing is, those two things are basically Sarah Palin's brand, making it doubly bizarre that she didn't do this.

  4. Ducksworthy

    Poor Mikie. Caught between the country club GOP establishment and the neo-racist Teabaggers. Good thing Maryland is not so far from DC.

  5. Oblios_Cap

    I got my Gawker e-mail; I never knew I had an account. I do know I don't have one at McAnusBurger, though.

    Michael Steele represents GOP ideals – he works against his own best interest for perceived personal gain, has a sordid sex life that he finances with other peoples' money, and has an insatiable lust for power even though he doesn't know how to wield it.

          1. FNMA

            Did it, by chance, involve bestial necrophilia with a caribou killed on her TV show?
            On second thought, no, don't tell me.

  6. Terry

    Frankly, the GOP doesn't need another reason to hate Steele other than his street-ness (translation: race), but this is rather amusing. From his wikipedia bio:

    From 2003 to 2007, he was the seventh Lieutenant Governor of Maryland, the first African American elected to statewide office in Maryland. During his time as Lieutenant Governor, he chaired the Minority Business Enterprise taskforce, actively promoting an expansion of affirmative action in the corporate world.

    This doc cited as source material: http://www.issues2000.org/Domestic/Michael_Steele

    That's right. The head of the RNC is an active proponent of affirmative action.

      1. Terry

        The People's Republic is actually just Takoma Park. The rest of us are just leaning toward being pinkos.

        1. V572625694

          As the former chair of the Greenbelt Recycling Advisory Committee, I fully understand. But Maryland’s pretty blue, Charles County notwithstanding.John Fahey rulez!

          1. Terry

            Charles can go blue if the right Jarboe is running things. It's those crazy chicken farmers on the Eastern Shore and the insane people up in western Maryland who vote for Roscoe that screw things up.

      2. SorosBot

        Maryland has a strange history regarding race; Spiro Agnew was a Republican advocate of civil rights as Governor, then turned around and became one of the biggest pushers of the Southern Strategy when Nixon tapped him for VP. It's almost as if the guy was completely unprincipled.

        1. imissopus

          Going back even further, I've read that southern MD in particular was filled with Confederate sympathizers back during the Civil War and that the state came close to joining the Confederacy.

  7. BornInATrailer

    I don't know many guys with "street cred" that most frequently get compared to a muppet.

    Full disclosure: I don't know many guys with "street cred."

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      I got the Gawker email too, & I didn't even know I had an account with them. (Makes me wonder if I drunk commented over there one night.) I know I have a LinkedIn account but haven't heard from them. Yes, the connected tubes can be a pain in the ass.

      1. V572625694

        Dear V######,
        In order to ensure that you continue to have the best experience using LinkedIn, we are constantly monitoring our site to make sure your account information is safe.
        We have recently disabled your account for security reasons. To reset your password, follow these quick steps:
        1.Go to the LinkedIn website
        2.Click on "Sign In"
        3.Click on "Forgot Password?" and follow the directions on the website
        Thank you,
        The LinkedIn Team

          1. Monsieur_Grumpe

            Same here. i had a friend invite me back when they first started. I never did much with it and I think I last said that I was working on a perpetual motion machine. No requests for interviews yet.

  8. BorderJumper!

    I'm gonna quote the bad guy from Avatar on Mikey Steele: "How does it feel to betray you own race?"

  9. charlesdegoal

    First I felt bad about our own Wonkette not being worthy of the hackers' attention, but then it dawned on me that this may be one of the very few sites that they might consider vaguely funny.

  10. Serolf_Divad

    Wow, what I just learned from that Wikipedia article is that there's an ariport that claims to be the only place in England where Elvis presley ever set foot, and honors that fact with a special lounge and a plaque.

  11. V572625694

    "Twitter said only a small share of its 175 million users were affected, though it didn't know how many."

    If one actually used the Twitter, this statement would be extremely scary, and not just because of the grammatical error.

    1. JustPixelz

      OK, ya got me. What's the grammatical error? It's not "its". I suspect it's "affected". But it's gotta be "175 million" when they meant "175", because there can't possibly be more people frittering away their time on twitter.

  12. mumbly_joe

    "I'm the gift that keeps on giving"

    -An actual thing said by Michael Steele, in actual real life, for realz.

    1. OneDollarJuana

      He may be a scheming, conniving, duplicitous, smarmy, arrogant opportunist, but imperceptive, he's not.

      What I like about Steele is that unlike Clarence Thomas, he is willing and HAPPY to take advantage of every aid open to him to get where he wants. Thomas is willing and ANGRY, but still has taken every hand out offered while bitching and moaning the whole time. What a maroon!

  13. SorosBot

    McDonald's is a fast food place; what reason is there for people to sign up with them online? You just go in there, order cheap shitty food, and eat it; it's not like they deliver day-old anus burgers to your house or do anything else that could conceivably benefit from online services.

  14. xsluggo

    If Mikey-Mike doesn’t get a second term, we’ll be able to look back and say that he was the RNC’s Obama.

    Hope and change, Grandmaster Steele. Or maybe just hope.

  15. hagajim

    Michael Steele and John Boehner….man someone needs to come up with a sitcom about these two and call it "Banger and the Boner". With street cred like Michael Steele's and the evenglo orange tan of the Boner…don't see how that isn't a ratings smash!

  16. MinAgain

    I got yer campaign song right here, Mike. With sincerest apologies to Orleans:

    You're Steele the one who can scratch my itch.
    Steele the one, and I wouldn't switch.
    We're Steele having fun, and you're Steele the one

    Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week.

  17. glamourdammerung

    Does anyone else think Michael Steele is really some kind of Nigerian email scam using photoshopped pictures of Larry David?

  18. JustPixelz

    Nice try racist scum, but Michael Steele led the GOP to historic victory in mid-term elections. The secret to his success? Irresponsibility, the hallmark of today's Repubican Party. (I just don't wanna be around when the grown-ups get back.)

  19. lulzmonger

    Steele's a shoe-in: he may suck at the skill-testing questions, but none of the other contenders can touch him when it comes to the swimsuit competition.

  20. Redhead

    "causing committee members to choke on their mint juleps and then beat their Rentboys with riding crops as they whispered to themselves “that Negro!,” over and over and over again."

    So that's what the kids are calling it these days, eh?

  21. Negropolis

    Welcome to the Republican Party, Herr Steele, where the hazing and initiation of minorities never end. They'll make sure you leave one way or another; you're only extending your grief by letting this play out. Some of them (though, increasingly less) will smile in your face, forever, but you'll never be one of them. You could belief every last one of their policy positions, but you're still an "other" to them.

    The sad thing is that Michael Steele was once party of the sanity wing of the Republican Party when it came to a lot of public policy. If he was a Democrat, he'd be my favorite quirky uncle; I genuinely kind of like the guy's enthusiasm.

Comments are closed.