Tax-Cut Thing Passes Senate, Moves On To China For Approval

  yay! no more taxes for anyone!

Get your head out of that ass, dog.After much talking, balking, and sulking, the Obama-Republican tax-cut package has passed Senate cloture by a vote of 69 to 10. So it looks like everything in the next two years will be passed by a refreshing, broad consensus, and all it takes is Democrats pretty much giving up all their ground on each issue. It is truly a new era, all thanks to Republicans whining until they got what they wanted and many buckets full of tears shed by John Boehner in the process. Since this is passing the Senate, the Western world’s most retarded legislature, it will certainly be passed by the House and president, who are more reasonable. And then the legislation will be sent to China for approval or denial of the hundreds of billions of dollars in relatively non-stimulative tax cuts this thing is costing the government. We should send a bucket of fried chicken with it! The Chinese love KFC!

This package is called the “Middle Class Tax Relief Act of 2010.” That’s a cute thing to call the estate tax.

But we should probably turn off the sarcasm. If more Democrats voted for this than Republicans, it’s probably a very favorable bill for Democrats, right?

Will you get a fortune cookie with your tax forms next year? After all, those things are mildly sweet, come with slips of patronizing, dubiously upbeat messages, and don’t really seem worth it in the end. Seems pretty apt. [NYT]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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110 comments

  1. dogscantlookup

    all thanks to Republicans whining until they got what they wanted
    Thank jebus the rebubs will never do that again.

    1. Negropolis

      I know, right? Now that they've gotten all that they wanted (and things they only dreamed of and hadn't yet even requested), they'll be sated for our time! Surely, now that they've been shown kindness beyond measure they will give us even half of what we want, right? Peace for our time! Huzzah!

      What a bunch 'a fucking grinches they all are. I say to hell with 'em, and their little slaves, too (i.e. Democrats).

  2. noodlesalad

    Bipartisanship – postponing America's implosion (and ensuring it will be that much worse) since 1994.

    1. lulzmonger

      1. Reset time-bomb to go off one hour later
      2. Add another stick of dynamite
      3. Repeat 1 & 2
      4. ?????
      5. SURPRISE BUTTSECKS!

  3. Limeylizzie

    Very OT, but the police just came to my door to ask if I had heard any gunshots as someone was killed outside our building! Yay Harlem.

      1. Limeylizzie

        Apparently no-one heard a peep, so they think they used a silencer. Jesus Christ , they need to get Charlie Rangel on this asap.

        1. Neilist

          Not a "silencer," Lizzie. A "suppressor."

          As if one needed the latter in an environment like Harlem.

          Hell, the yelling of the crack whores and winos, coupled with the car alarms and horns, would drown out a 155 mm howitzer.

          1. June_Cleaver2.0

            "Hell, the yelling of the crack whores and winos, coupled with the car alarms and horns, would drown out a 155 mm howitzer."

            How do you know that, Neilist? You've experimented before, haven't you? (I've never interacted with Neilist. He's someone I was taught to never give eye contact.)

      1. Limeylizzie

        It was very freaky, now we are a crime scene, there is yellow tape all down the street and it has started to snow, glad I don't need to run to the store for anything.

          1. Limeylizzie

            I have been interviewed by Law & Order cops , CI and it was the very frightening Mr D'Onofrio. This time I was interviewed by a very large black woman and a tiny Hispanic man, I was doing my nails and came to the door wearing sweatpants, a beat up t-shirt,pink slipper socks and blowing on my fingernails, I must have looked like a slattern from Dragnet! I am a wee bit scared though as it was only 8pm when it happened and it was right outside the front door of the building, luckily no-one else was hurt.

          2. weejee

            As Chet said, be careful there! A few years back we had a kid who was being chased by, ahem, some lads from another club. He got shot going over our back fence. A couple weeks later he's back with his mates struttin' and tellin' the tale. The cheek.

          3. Sophist FCD

            This time I was interviewed by a very large black woman and a tiny Hispanic man…

            Are you sure they weren't just shooting the pilot for a new Odd Couple-esque cop show? You know, "She's a large sassy black woman. He's a small hot-blooded Latino. Together, they fight crime…and stereotypes!"

            Because I would totally watch that.

    1. OCKerouac

      You hid the piece before answering the door, right?

      In all seriousness, be careful. In the words of Johnny Cash, it ain't cool to kill on Christmas…

  4. ttommyunger

    Waiting for Turtle Boy to gloatingly sing through clenched lips: "Rising tide lifts all boats." Blubber-Boy Boehner will insist unemployed lift themselves by their own bootstraps. Meanwhile, working class stiffs who can't afford boats or boots are left to their own devices, such as trying to tread water and going barefoot.

  5. the_onceler

    Wow, the Senate sure can move fast when it comes to helping out the neediest millionaires among us!

      1. weejee

        This is the DeRat version of a late friend, B. Brooks', immortal line:

        whip me, beat me, talk dirty to me, make me write hot checks

        And so they did, and so we will. Good luck all you youngs, from Genx to the cradle and beyond, before – whatever.

  6. Sophist FCD

    Since this passed the Senate, the Western world’s most retarded legislature…

    You give the senate far too much credit. They are, at the least, the most useless 'deliberative' body in the western spiral arm of the Milky Way galaxy. Probably the whole damn thing.

        1. Negropolis

          Well, Jar Jar Binks voted to give Chancellor Palpatine emergency powers to deal with the Seperatists, which eventually led to the abolition of the Galactic Senate and the creation of the fascist Galactic Empire. And, Mitch McConnell voted to give Bush emergency powers for the "War on Terrorism," which has led to unchecked executive power.

          I guess what I'm saying is, it's a wash. Well, Jar Jar does have a better accent.

  7. elfgoldsackring

    Oh quit sniping. Everyone goes a little crazy and overspends on gifts at this time of year! I'm sure we'll find a few hundred billion down the back of the couch by the time the statement comes.

    1. the_onceler

      The Senate will first have to rise to the level of quality of governance that Kim Jong-Il provides to his people.

  8. angryclownspawn

    Thank god the taxes will remain the same as they have for the last ten years because I am certain that the rich people were all "hey we'd like to create jobs but we can't do it with only 10 years of not paying our fair share. If only we could not pay much money for 12 years, then we would create all the jobs you want."

    1. HistoriCat

      Still too much uncertainty. The only way to sooth those poor millionaires is to make those tax rates permanent. Maybe then they will feel it's OK to create some jobs.

    2. GOPCrusher

      Agreed. Like the Republiklan talking heads were saying this weekend. If President Obama wanted to end the uncertainty, he would have made the tax cuts permanent.
      The last ten years have proven that the tax cuts created millions of jobs.

  9. facehead

    Spend and Spend is such a better philosophy than Tax and Spend, I mean, remind me, why did we ever have taxes in the first place? To pay for stuff? Bah, that's what printing money is for! In fact, let's get rid of the U.S. Mint altogether and just replace paper money with freedom.

    1. natoslug

      But freedom isn't free. Without the U.S. Mint, we'd have to rely on the money put out by Milton Bradley. Which, considering how rarely I've heard of anyone counterfeiting Monopoly money, might be a good idea. I'm pretty sure my logic's sound here . . .

      1. Sophist FCD

        Freedom isn't free, but rainbows and ponies and the sound of a child's laughter are. From now on we should print out money on those.

  10. BeWoot

    It's a great comfort to know that none of the "oddly warm, champagne-colored" liquid is actually going to trickle down onto my poor, bowed head.

  11. SayItWithWookies

    That giant sucking sound you hear? A million contraband Cuban cigars being lit by hundred dollar bills in the home of every rich bastard who financed the party that loves to scream and yell about the deficits, that got them this huge giveaway. Not that they won't start in about the extra trillion dollars this'll cost the day after the bill is signed.

    1. Radiotherapy

      Wait Wooks, the bill was named "Middle Class Tax Relief", so really it's a Democratic, socialistic, soft on terror/crime/commies, Godless, Alinsky, redistribution of wealth bill.
      Regardless, when we' re worse off in two years guess whose fault it will be.

  12. Blendergoathead

    LOVE how the MSM is picking up with the "Obama-GOP tax deal" meme, dressing it up like a $5000 whore heading to Charlie Sheen's hotel room and running with it.

    ION, a new TIME-ABC News poll released today found that 72% of Americans believe the face of Christ appeared on a Twinkie last Sunday.

  13. PsycWench

    After all, those things are mildly sweet, come with slips of patronizing, dubiously upbeat messages, and don’t really seem worth it in the end.
    Plus they get stale really quickly; in fact they often seem stale when you first get them.

  14. the_problem_child

    That poor Canines Against Tax and Spend dog is not getting the teabagger cred it deserves. C'mon. It spells CATS! Talk about voting against your best interests.

  15. Not_So_Much

    “Middle Class Tax Relief Act of 2010.” Wow. The size of their trucknutz knows no end. I feel like I need soothing anal balm after reading that bill title.

    I'd prefer "the fucking corrupt whores jam more debt up the ass of the middle class for their oligarch masters" act — but I guess that's a shitty acronym.

    1. Radiotherapy

      There is not enough fists up for you, well said.
      Staying with the 2 more years of Bush/Cheney theme, it's like calling torture "enhanced interrogation."

    2. iburl

      Call it this to get it passed in the House?
      HOPEANDCHANGEACT: – Hero Obama Prevents Expiration, Allowing New Debt Ceilings High Above, Now Genuinely Ending America, Chinese Takeover?

      1. HistoriCat

        Wow – that's impressive. Ever consider a job in the Capital? They always need someone to come up with that kind of bullshit.

    3. BarryOPotter

      the fucking corrupt whores jam more debt up the ass of the middle class for their oligarch masters

      Damn, son! You cram any more 'truthiness' in there, and you're going to have to make some royalty payments to Stephen Colbert!

  16. JoshuaNorton

    Kewl. So the repugs officially control all 3 branches one more time. (Not like they ever didn't.)

    They couldn't possibly find a presidential candidate of their own that's more sympathic to their cause than our Barry O.

      1. Sophist FCD

        No, the pragmatic thing to do would be to call their bluff and then, if they actually followed through on their threat to throw a government derailing tantrum if he didn't give more money to millionaires, turn to the American people and say "See, this is why we can't have nice things. Stop voting for these assholes already."

  17. arihaya

    To save time, they can just asking for approval to Rupert Murdoch

    his Chinese wive is a daughter of Communist Party Politburo member anyway ~~

  18. hooray4anything

    In the Democrats defense, the Republicans were going to hold the Senate up until the bill was passed so now Brown, Snowe, and Collins will be free to vote for all those things, like DADT, that they said they'd vote for once the tax bill was passed. And, as we all know, those three are always as good as their word.

    1. imissopus

      You snark, but part of the reason they voted against cloture on that medical-care-for-9/11-responders bill last week was because the tax thing wasn't settled.

  19. imissopus

    Say, has anyone heard from any of those Tea Party folk who just a few weeks ago were all ZOMG DEFICITS BAD WONT SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDRENS? Are they inundating the Great Pumpkin's and Turtlehead McConnell's offices with backwards faxes about all this additional debt? No? Shocking.

    1. Radiotherapy

      I know, let's check in with Dick Armey and the Koch Bros and all the others, including the MSM, who ran that scam to see how things are going.

    2. Negropolis

      And, who the fuck will care if they are duplicitous? That's not a bug of their's, it's a feature. No one will care. They won't get punished for being hypocrites; that's their MO, even their nearly-braindead supporters see this. So, how the fuck is it relevant to bring up their shit? We expect more from our own, as we should.

      Yeah, fucking blue sky is fucking blue. And? Next!

        1. Negropolis

          You keep sticking your neck out, and I'm going to keep hacking at it until your proverbial head rolls off your proverbial shoulders. You're making this too easy with your shameless, silly, and completely unnecessary apologism.

          Really, if you want to keep sucking you some Obama-dick, that's your perogative. Just make sure you do it behind the shed and be a bit more quite while you're doing it, lest you want to keep drawing negative attention to yourself, ok? Thanks.

          1. problemwithcaring

            Can't we all agree that public blowjobs are what built this blog?? It's sad to see them become fodder in this circular firing squad.

          2. imissopus

            Yeah, I don't know what's going on here. All of a sudden people think we're Daily Kos or something. I never get attacked except for the occasional troll and then BAM! Whacked by my own kind for being snarky! I know it was you, Fredo!

          3. Negropolis

            Oh, poor baby. You were just innocently snarking around here all care-free-like, and then you got hit by a car. Yeah, give me a fucking break.

  20. hagajim

    Can we please change this debate? We used to say it was the Republicans vs. the Democrats. The reality today is its the right-wing fucking nut-tard Republicans against the Rockefeller Republicans. I think there is about 10 Democrats left in the Senate and once this POS hits the House we'll see that there might be 50 Dems there.

    Talk about a big tent. I think Hopey has found THE big tent. You know, the big tent of Republicans working very hard to fuck over Americans! The end.

  21. GuanoFaucet

    And after hearing this news, Dana Milbank began furiously masturbating, while his tiny stuffed bear looked on in horror.

  22. iburl

    Michael Steele, take your victory laps now!
    I, for one, offer my deepest congratulations to our plutocratic overlords.

  23. Pragmatist2

    "By a vote of 69-10…"
    Wow! 21 Senators were out having sex with interns at the same time.
    Who says Washington doesn't share our values?

  24. EdFlintstone

    Sure the Bush tax cuts created negative 600,000 private sector jobs, and sure trickle down economics has never balanced a budget, but this time is gonna be totally different!!!

    1. Negropolis

      Please baby, don't be this way. I'll never hit you again…There, there, nw. Let's go to Denny's. It'll be on me.*

      *Of course, when the battered spouse (shading their black-eye with over-sized sunglasses) gets done and they both get the check, she ends up paying, anyway.

  25. Gorillionaire

    Phew! That rate damn near changed from 36% to 39%! Dodged a bullet that time. Sleep well tonight, zillionaires.

  26. KochFembot

    Well, now that the turd is flushed, Harry can get moving with the other orders of business such as DADT, START, 911 responders (again)…

    Aw, who am I kidding…

  27. chascates

    Watch the jobs being created in a giant wave! Horse groomers for Lou Dobbs' many ranches, yacht cabin boys for the entire board of IBM, foot washers for Rush Limbaugh, and diaper changers for Sarah Palin.

    Like Glenn Beck says, if you can't find a job in this economy it's because you're lazy, incompetent, and deserve to live in a ditch. Just not near his house.

    1. GOPCrusher

      That is almost as painful as the reports that Obama's Approval Rating is swirling down the toilet because of this Tax Cut Deal, and the Republiklans are dancing on his grave.

  28. LionelHutzEsq

    All right, we are playing by Republican Rules, and they are getting their tax cut for the wealthy.

    So, if the economy is not better, and unemployment down to 4% by February, it is all their fault.

  29. Negropolis

    Will you get a fortune cookie with your tax forms next year? After all, those things are mildly sweet, come with slips of patronizing, dubiously upbeat messages, and don’t really seem worth it in the end.

    Win.

    And, all you so-called 'pragmatist' can suck it, hard.

  30. Negropolis

    "Middle Class Tax Relief Act of 2010"

    Ain't that just the most Orwellian shit you've heard in awhile? The name reminds me of Dubya's Clear Skies Act of 2003, which would have allowed more pollution than what had been allowed in the past.

    These folks need to stop pissing on us and telling us it's raining.

  31. Bluestatelibel

    You touch on a good point, Jack, someone needs to ask the Chinese if they're going to be willing to give us more loans to finance our tax cuts for our millionaire and billionaire class. And then explain to them that the kind of goods the millionaires and billionaires will buy–Bentleys, BMWs, yachts, expensive handbags–aren't made in China. Good luck to the lucky dog who has to explain it to them.

    Also, I look forward to our country's glorious continued march backwards. Today, we re-embrace Reaganomics and trickle down, tomorrow, who knows, we do away with the right of women to vote, and then on to re-instituting slavery. Glorious days ahead with these cretins.

  32. 2bad4nature

    The Bush Tax cuts should be named in a way any Republican can understand. It's a McRib. Good for a limited time only.

    1. GOPCrusher

      Unfortunately, in two years when the economy still hasn't improved, the rich have grown even richer, the poor even poorer, we will go through this dance with death again. And we will see the tax cuts extended, again, so people can be re-elected.

  33. lulzmonger

    Moral of the story = emo hostage-takers always win, & having principles is for Anti-American ghey-terrorist-commies. Looking forward to seeing Boehner getting a blumpkin on CSPAN every day once the House majority kicks in. Good wholesome family infotainment, you betcha!

    China: "A guarantee of perpetual debt-slavery? For me? Awww, America, thank you! This is the best Xmas gift EVAR!"

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