Most Americans Back Tax-Cut Deal Most Americans Hate

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Yessir.Most Americans think tax cuts for the rich should not expire, according to a new Washington Post-ABC News poll. But also, according to a poll, one cited often by Democrats in the tax cut debate, most Americans think tax cuts for the rich should expire. So there you have it! Americans have no idea what is going on; they only respond to the questions they are asked by some pollster when they are trying to pour a Wendy’s Frosty onto their microwave meatloaf family dinner, and those responses still have to be framed in some way to make a story. Somehow, only 11 percent of those polled in this Washington Post-ABC News deal agree with all four of “the deal’s primary tax provisions.” Yet 69 percent of Americans are said to “support” the plan. They have stood their ground, as Dana Milbank would say.

But only 20 percent of those polled say they “strongly support” the plan, and that number drops to 17 when the pollster repeats some mean things opponents have said about the plan. So how many in that 17 percent just refused to admit their first reaction was wrong? This stuff is tough, because Americans are always right about everything.

While the Washington Post treats this as evidence that Americans support the plan — the fact of which will be good enough for the Obama administration to use in pushing it — a near majority selected one of the five options, “somewhat support,” when asked about the plan. In other words, it’s a compromise, it has bad and good parts, and they only support part of it.

What part do they support? Extending unemployment benefits, very strongly. What do they oppose? Cutting Social Security payroll taxes, because the word “cutting” was placed next to “Social Security,” and all of the old people took out their shotguns and pointed them at the kitchen telephone.

AMERICA LIKES EVERYTHING AND IT LIKES NOTHING. The end. Just stop polling on everything but the horse races. [WP]

 
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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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125 comments

  1. petehammer

    Average voter: "One day, through Horatio Alger-like persistence, I might be a rich person so whatever awesome deal they currently get I want to have available to me, too!"

    Reality: You will never be a rich person.

      1. StillGoinGreen

        You type too fastly – that was my first thought as well! The problem lies with EVERY fucking politician in the world being a character of Alger's. There are more rags-to-riches politicians than in any other walk of life – just ask them on the campaign trail. Hell, even Ted Kennedy just LOVED to tell the tale of his Daddy's Cinderella story (conveniently omitted: illegal booze running and killing of federales!)

      2. Tommmcatt

        Did you know that Horatio Alger was a pedophile? It's true! He was run out of town for having sex with two teenage boys.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        It's really uncivilized to take such a lascivious view of Alger's heroes, one of whom was a nice young man known as (and I swear I'm not joking) Ragged Dick.

        1. SayItWithWookies

          Ah yes, here we go:

          It was the hour for morning service. The boys followed Mr. Greyson into the handsome church, and were assigned seats in his own pew.

          I don't know how you could impugn the tale of a wealthy man bringing young boys to church for their betterment — really.

    1. V572625694

      The modern day version is, "One day, through Horatio Alger-like persistence and strategically delivered bribes or blowjobs, I might get a sole-source no-bid government contract that will enrich me far beyond the value of any service rendered. When that day arrives, I will use a portion of my government-funded wealth to lobby the government to lower my taxes to the point where, in terms of taxation rent-seeking is treated equally with work."

      It's funny because it's true!

      1. Ducksworthy

        Ah ya beat me to it. These are the idiots who never tried to read Wealth of Nations otherwise they would realize that, as Adam Smith said, the way to make sure you loose at lottery games is the buy all the tickets. So every weak, poor stupid Amurikans with severely limited math skills, loose over and over again.

  2. SorosBot

    Any opinion polling more complicated that "who you gonna for?" is still bullshit heavily influenced by the wording of the questions, which should not be news but the media still hasn't figured that out yet.

    1. HistoriCat

      Do you really expect them to put up the news equivalent of "Breaking – Emperor's clothes not actually made from magic fabric and in fact don't exist"?

      1. StillGoinGreen

        Breaking news: GE, Time Warner, Rupert Murdoch, Opra and Disney have come out with a joint statement – Rich people are bad and only want more money, and polls can be made to say anything rich people want them to say – cause they pay for them. The end. Now, back to your regularly scheduled stupid reality show about famous rich people being rich and famous!

      2. SorosBot

        I guess that would only happen if the media still believed in informing the public instead of just profit.

  3. Crank_Tango

    Viewed from outer space, or any other more sensible location, one might think that our nation was inhabited by the completely uninformed/malinformed.

  4. ttommyunger

    The only polls I ever want to hear about are exit polls, the rest of them are push-polls and by extension, pure propaganda. The only thing flakier than a poll is a pollster.

      1. OneDollarJuana

        The pushme-pullyu having two front ends and no back end was clearly full of shit, hence a Republican.

      1. ttommyunger

        It is definitely your civic duty to lie to anyone connected to our political process, if only in retaliation.

  5. PsycWench

    Who was it that said "Don't tax me, don't tax thee, tax that fellow behind the tree"? And then the fellow behind the tree shot him in the face, the end.

  6. lochnessmonster

    Do they ever poll the youngin's…you know the ones that don't vote and only use cell phones so they can be free to roam and play Angry Birds all day wherever they are?

    1. Negropolis

      Judging by November's results, they could have polled every college campus in America and it wouldn't have mattered. Someone needs to tell these youth-tards (I'm one of 'em, BTW) that you have to actually fucking vote for it to register with the system. I know, crazy, right?

  7. x111e7thst

    US America continues to shamble haphazardly towards it's inevitable end. We are left with no alternative but to while away these last sad hours with drugs and kinky sex.
    Hey that's not so bad!

  8. Progressiveinga

    We are a nation of stupids. In Connecticut, over 40% of the people who voted in the midterms voted for Xtine O'Donnell for US Senate. What more proof does one need than that? Also, too.

        1. Ducksworthy

          The rest is padding. You see the cerebral cortex evolved just after the club. It's only a coincidence that some people use some part of this lecithin rich glob of meat to think with.

  9. SmutBoffin

    'Like','dislike', whatever. American public opinion is like a Möbius strip; it appears to have the qualities of a two-sided thing, when in fact it only has one.

  10. LionelHutzEsq

    I don't trust any poll until I know what Dick Morris' position is on it.

    Then I go the opposite way. You will never go wrong betting against Dick Morris.

  11. i_AM_ready

    I sent this to my Senators and Congressman last week. For some reason they haven't responded. I know they vote liberal but who cares? They're all so lame! I'd call them back-benchers, but these days ALL the Dems are back-benchers. Rethugs are in charge.

    Senator Barbara Mikulski
    Senator Benjamin Cardin
    Rep. Chris Van Hollen

    To my elected officials in Washington:

    I have never voted for a Republican in my life, but I have been reading about the bills to limit the Bush tax cuts, and I have a question.

    Even with Democrats controlling both Houses of Congress and the White House, the Republicans clearly are still in charge. When Bush was President, he did not have the Congressional majorities the Democrats have had since 2008, and somehow he managed to ram through a lot of things, including the tax cuts and an obscene war.

    Why do Democrats lose on almost every issue? The only explanation I can come up with is that Republicans are like pit-bulls on steroids, while Democrats are baby sparrows with broken wings. Weak. Lame. Timid. Afraid. I am referring to all of you.

    So please tell me: Why should I bother voting anymore?

    1. HistoriCat

      They probably can't figure out which form letter is appropriate in this situation. But if you do get a response, please let us know.

      1. OneDollarJuana

        Boy, you are right on, there! Even though my senator, Cantwell, votes pretty well (although she's no Bernie Sanders), I usually get a reply weeks after I've sent a letter, and often the response has nothing to do with my original comment.

        1. anniegetyourfun

          Patty Murray's aren't too bad; they do at least touch on the subject at hand, but you can tell that no one actually read your letter. They just bought a good sentence-parsing software package or something.

  12. Extemporanus

    Speaking as a Republican-appointed federal judge, I am of the opinion that the 42nd Amendment abolished the tax poll, and thus find the underlying premise of this story to be unconstitutional.

    Your move, Vagina.

  13. OneDollarJuana

    When are the oligarchs going to realize that by making us ever more stupid and ignorant that before too long there won't be any kind of major economic activity except subsistence living, making real profits will go away and the oligarchs will have to begin clawing the remaining wealth from each other?

    1. HistoriCat

      Oligarchs can afford to get the Rosetta Stone Mandarin Chinese edition. Or go to their super bunkers and wait out all of the shooting. It's good to be the king stinking rich.

  14. Oblios_Cap

    So they're polling the Red Staters, who are the only folks that don't have cell phones or caller ID.

    How quaint, since they're the only ones who can be relied on to answer the questions the way the pollsters want them too.

    1. freakishlywrong

      I've said it before and I'll say it again. Who among us has been polled? I've never been polled, never, even on my land line. Who are they polling but old, shut in Fuxbots?

      1. Trinket

        My roommate got a call from a pollster a couple of weeks ago. The first question was "Do you support President Obama?" When he answered "Yes," they thanked him for his time and hung up.

      2. SorosBot

        I got polled once, over ten years ago, over of all things normalizing our relationship with Vietnam; and it was pretty obviously biased against normalization. That was it, as far as I know.

        The thing is, this one like most other polls were automated, and now whenever I pick up the phone and it's a robo-call I assume it's an ad and automatically hang up without listening, and most other people I know do as well. So the sampling isn't just restricted to people with landlines, but people with landlines who actually listen to automated calls.

      3. twaingirl

        I've been polled via cell phone. But here's the tricky part. It's because I canvassed for Obama in 08 and I gave the DNC my cell phone (and primary) number. The DNC gives that information to Dem candidates in the area who then will call to see how firm their own party support is.

        Although, now I'm an Ohio resident, I don't know if that will happen as much, cuz I think Ohio does things differently than NY. Like in more of a red stater sort of way.

  15. wegot2dobetter

    The other 31% are Tea Baggers who are utterly confused by the whole thing.
    They like it because it has tax cuts for the rich, but they don't like it for fear of agreeing with anything Obama does. (even if the majority of them are middle class and unemployed) Sigh.

  16. WarAndGee

    "'Tis more interesting to live in the decline of a civilization than during its erection." – Unknown

    1. HistoriCat

      I'm not sure I agree – the erection part is so exciting. The decline part just makes me sleepy.

      Wait, what are we talking about?

  17. Gopherit

    can we have a do-over? I mean for the whole government. Maybe the constituents, too. It's one giant wad of stupid.

  18. Laughitoff22

    Math is hard. Let's let the Chinese do it. They already have all our monies. I got to get back to watching entertainment tonight.

  19. gef05

    It is my right to agree that to disagree with the support of the opposition of the tax cuts for real Americans that should be taxed if socialists are invading this country THEY TOOK OUR JAWBS.

  20. ReturnToMetal

    It marks an incredible lack of common sense to give the GOP two years of tax breaks and a cut in estate taxes for only 13 months of unemployment compensation.

    In two years, the teabaggers and other GOP scumbags will make the tax cuts permanent, and 'our' president fell for it.

    I guess Americans can be cheese-eating surrender monkeys, too. They just eat Velveeta instead.

  21. prommie

    Most americans are stupid, ignorant, angry, violent, pitiless, greedy fuckheads, and noone should care about their fucking uninformed, illiterate pigfucking opinions.

  22. hagajim

    This just in – the latest Rasmuffin Poll shows that 98% of Americans don't know a fucking thing about anytthing and that they couldn't care less – unless it's their ox being gored (or their perceived ox) and then they really fucking care – but they aren't really sure what they care about or why. Fuck it – where is the McDonalds? Oh that's right, they don't know that either. I can't believe I continue to live in a country full of overeating, self-indulgent stupid pricks!

    "God Bless Merika! We're the greatest country in the whole wide world! Not that I would know where to find Italy, France or Saudi Arabia on a map because I am a stupid, clueless completely lame fuck!"

  23. 2bad4nature

    Let me put it in a way any Republican can understand. Bush's tax cuts are the McRib. It's good for a limited time only.

  24. Sue4466

    Chris Cillizza just said on Hardball that politicians don't vote against things polls suggest 70% of people favor. Bullshit. Politicians listen to the polls that support their position and then tell people that everyone supports what they're doing, and by everyone they mean wealthy donors and corporations who pay them.

  25. PsycWench

    Just saw Richard Holbrooke died. Americans, he had trouble with his aorta…so what do you think's going to happen to you without a heart??

  26. deanbooth

    Every poll should include a "fact question," for example, What animal is the symbol of the Democratic Party? or What is the Grand Canyon? Then the results can show the opinion only of those who know their ass from a hole in the ground.

    [I almost unthinkingly wrote "Democrat Party" -- those Repubs sure know what they're doing.]

    1. ShaveTheWhales

      Experiments have been run where an opinion poll contains questions about support / favorability for some actual policies and/or legislation, with a few questions about plausibly-named but non-existent legislation.

      Roughly half of all respondents express an opinion (some of them even "strongly" for or against) about things that do not exist.

  27. Sparky_McGruff

    I think you're on to something. Perhaps they should put NickJr's programming on CNN; their ratings would shoot through the roof. Coming up on "The Situation Room": Muno and Wolf Blitzer sing "There's a party in my tummy!"

  28. slithytoves

    There is nothing irrational about what your daughter wants; jamas in the am, dance class in the pm. Cheese and candy tween meals, mom and dad's stuff to taste and then spit out. She can actually have everything she wants, unlike the American voter, who wants his/her cake and still have it to look at.

    Yes, I am your daughter 40 years from now. Don't despair – I have a wonderful life.

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