America’s single greatest achievement, John Boehner, was interviewed on last night’s 60 Minutes, and, thanks to his stage mom standing off camera, yelling at him to cry on cue, he didn’t disappoint. “I’ve never been in a tanning salon in my life, I’ve never used a tanning product in my life,” he said, his tears taking on an orange hue as they flowed down his face. “Burnt Sienna,” not “Peach,” is the natural skin color of white people, you see, despite what seven-year-olds coloring with a box of crayons will tell you. Other things John Boehner that will make this man cry: walking into a school — something he will never do again because of the tears, so our education crisis is now solved — and Barack Obama saying he is a mean hostage man.
“Some things, there are some things that are very difficult to talk about. Family, kids — I can’t go to a school anymore, I used to go to a lot of schools. You see all these little kids running around, can’t talk about it,” Boehner said. “Making sure that these kids have a shot at the American dream, like I did, is important.”
And also these children pointing at him and making fun of him for crying just hurts his feelings even worse.
Stahl asked him why he got choked up on election night.
“Talking, trying to talk about the fact that I’ve been chasing the American dream my whole career,” Boehner said.
If you don’t remember, this election was about John Boehner and his being allowed to put up a new mark of accomplishment next to his shelf of tee-ball trophies.
In an interview with Leslie Stahl of “60 Minutes” for broadcast Sunday night on CBS, Boehner said Obama showed him “disrespect” by calling him a hostage-taker.
“Excuse me, Mr. President I thought the election was over,” Boehner said, according to a transcript obtained by POLITICO. “You know, you get a lot of that heated rhetoric during an election. But now it’s time to govern.”
So the man chose not to lie about you negotiating in bad faith. Boo hoo. [TPM/Politico]
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Every time John Boehner cries, an angel gets its wings.
Every time John Boehner cries, an
angelasshole gets its wings.There. Fixed for 'ya.
Every time John Boehner cries, a demon-hooker gets a genital sore.
An asshole gets its forked tail.
Double fixed.
Every time John Boehner cries, a sanitary napkin gets its wings.
Every time an angel cries, John Boehner gets a chubby.
I thought that every time Boehner cries, an Oompa Loompa gets a new set of overalls.
Every time John Boehner cries, the toxic runoff kills a kitten.
Actually, every time John Boehner cries, the rest of us have just been screwed.
Every time John Boehner cries, the Dow jumps for joy.
Every time John Boehner cries, I feel nauseated.
Every time John Boehner cries, Dick Cheney consumes another soul.
You win. Though, I think Cheney consumes souls on a rathr regular basis, and that the tears of Boehner are simply dessert.
Boehner cries every time. Period.
There, fixed it for all y'all!
Is this man a greater narcissist than Our Sarah Palin?
Oh please. Narcissus himself isn't a greater narcissist than Ye Olde Tundra Twat.
Now, if only we can get Sarah to see her reflection in a revolving glass door…
If so, we could be in for a titanic CLASH OF EGOS. There's nothing egotists hate more than egotists, except for themselves, whom they lerve, lerve, LoVe, except when hating themselves.
These are complicated people. Show some respect. Don't call them tairsts.
Are you kidding? Till the retards at TLC pony up for Living Orange, the Boner Story and trying to squeeze himself into every story about GOPers, I'm pretty sure that Palin's got this one hands down.
Yeah, I "believe" that. No one looks like an orange creamsicle without trying.
Maybe it's jaundice and his liver is shutting down.
It's a package deal – Cheney gets the heart of a teenager and Boehner get the liver.
Seems like there are two options:
1. Liver damage, or
2. There's some "colored" in his blood.
I'm sure his "base" would just love option #2.
2. There's some "colored" in his blood.
Would that make him what they call "High Orange"?
Perhaps the color is from him rolling around in the shit of the financial industry that owns him? I could see them wanting a little more entertainment from that pantload than just fucking tears.
In The Full Monty- one of the guys had a tanning bed in his house-I imagine Boner has one too. No tanning salon for him- DIY
Boehner, stop lying; your party is dedicated to the principal that no kids should have a shot at the American dream unless their parents are rich.
Or homeschooled with Christian principles and no oversight so that generations of unexceptional students have lowered the bar enough to make Boehner, Steele, Limbaugh, Beck and even Palin look like the pinnacle of accomplishment.
When did home-schooling get transformed from a convenience for diplomat or military families (who wanted to bring their children with them to the far reaches of our empire) into The Royal Road to Stoopid?
When the willfully stupid started using it because they didn't like their children learning facts instead of fairy tales in science class.
And being too near "urban" types – don't forget that.
In fact, from what I can see this movement was fueled by people who flew from society in the 60s and 70s, whose complete mental isolation subsequently appealed to the growing evangelical movement. The only upside used to be that it meant they stayed the hell out of public school curriculum issues, unlike the Mormons – but not anymore.
Lovely, a maudlin drunk, my favorite kind.
You may be on to something Prommie and that means it's likely he has a damaged liver and his ability to remove toxins is lowered. Perhaps he attended a briefing on the computer worm Stuxnet that somebody got into the Iranian nuke computers and scotched something like 1000 centrifuges. Maybe that worm infected liver defective Mr. Sneaker Boner and shifted his melanin bytes a few bits.
My gawd I think you're right. Whole we've been persecuting this poor man for use of a bronzer when the condition is really caused by a buildup of bilirubin in his tissues do to the cirrhosis. Also explains the tears, drooling and slurring.
My thoughts exactly. At least he's not a angry, go home and beat the wife, kick the dog kind of drunk.
I didn't know his alcoholism was that bad.
As a parent, I am grateful he doesn't go near schools. Would you trust a man who bursts into tears every time he stared longingly at your children?
I kind of had that thought myself; I mean he is a male Republican. I wonder if kids are allowed to trick or treat at his house…
I imagine he dresses up as Santa for all his nieces and nephews, let's them spend as long as they want, sitting on his knee and telling him what they want in quiet voices. And mainly what they want is to get away from ashtray breath and his strange pulsating leg, please.
no way he has 'em sitting on his knee, those sweet little children will sit directly on THE Boner or GTFO!
Sure, but he's been completely banned from the men's rooms at Union Station.
As far as the Rethug leadership goes, I think Mitch McConnell is more likely than Agent Orange to be outed as a flaming queen. Mitch the Bitch is just so prissy.
Don't talk about grandma that way!
I can't believe it, why he's got that hot little asian whore Elaine (me love you long time) Chow waitin' for him at home every night in her sexy kimono!
BTW, OT but when looking up the douchebag on Wikipedia it says his personal fortune is over $32 MILLION, WTF? How does an asshole who has been a govt employee (SOCIALIST!) and lived offa the taxpayer's teat his entire adult life 'save' $32 MILLION fucking dollars?
He did help cover for Mark Foley.
Watching Agent Orange shedding tears of dioxin on Sixty Metamucils brought to me all the emotion and joy of a high colonic.
I also weep when I think of John Boehner as our Speaker of the House.
All of America should weep when they think of Boehner as Speaker of the House.
Like going from Grand Marnier to Muscatel.
I've been suffering from clinical depression since the 1980 election.
Can't go into a school anymore?
Must be part of the terms of the plea.
I remember when Johnny Sac cried at his daughters wedding. There were concerns about his leadership.
Hopefully, someday soon, this orange cry baby will lead away in tears and handcuffs, also.
But does Johnny Boeh have an immensely fat wife, and threaten to kill anyone who makes fun of her? Or a wife at all? How about a gumar?
I suppose we'll have to find out soon enough. He does seem to likey-likey the media attention.
Johnny Sac had a couple of additional stressors that day. Would that the US Marshalls were waiting outside Leslie Stahl's soundstage to whisk Boehner away…
Okay, no more tanning jokes, but he does masturbate while rolling in cheetos.
I am giggling while trying to keep my Egg McMuffin down.
Oh dear God, that was repulsive, think of the soggy bits.
who doesn't?
" C'mon over here Boner -I'll give you something to cry about." Words Orange John heard almost every day on the way through the schoolyard.
He should at least win an Emmy for such a stellar performance. Regarding his
"I can’t go to a school anymore, I used to go to a lot of schools. " comment, I doubt any intelligent parent would want this orange perv near a school anyway.
The only way "those kids" will have any shot at the American Dream is if he and his cohorts are kicked to the curb.
“Excuse me, Mr. President I thought the election was over,” Boehner said, according to a transcript obtained by POLITICO. “You know, you get a lot of that heated rhetoric during an election. But now it’s time to govern.”
I remember when Rep Paul Broun, (R, GA), compared Obama to Hitler on the floor of the House. And when Rep Steve King, (R, IA), questioned the legitimacy of Obama's birth of the floor of the House. And when at least 10% of the Republicans in the House co-sponsored a Birther Bill. And when Michelle Bachmann, (R, MN), said Obama wants to help terrorists on the floor of the House. And many many other horrible, hateful, un-American things Republicans have said about Obama on the floor of the House, which, due to word limits in these comments, I can't fit here.
What a fucking fake-baked, sanctimonious, whining, lying, hostage takin' douchebag crybaby coward.
And don't forget my all-time favorite — Rep. Joe Wilson yelling "You lie!" during the State of the Union Address.
And let's not forget Rep Joe Wilson, (R, SC) who shouted out "YOU LIE!" at Obama during the State of the Union address.
By the way, that Boredw/Gravity is one of the most insightful commenters on the Wonkette.
Hm. There's an echo in here.
.. an echo in here.
Not to mention that Obama's rhetoric was completely accurate, not overheated. And directed at the Senate Republicans, not the House, so Boehner wasn't even the target of what he's whining about.
(R-Asshole).
Like that's a unique identifier. (Asshole – OH) might work better.
Boehner in a nutshell: Over-the-top divatude, 10; ironic self-awareness, 3.
You should email that to the Great Pumpkin's office. At the very least it might make him cry again.
fucking WIN of the year (or at least the month?) for me…fuck how I hate these ignorant fucking hypocritical, lying Repiglicking fucktards….fuck 'em!
"You see all these little kids running around, can’t talk about it,” Boehner said."
Not talking about things will certainly be a handicap for a person who's job supposedly involved debates and public appearances.
Funny, I thought his job was to serve his corporate masters and destroy the middle class.
He means the little kids can't talk about what John of Orange whispered to them.
"I thought the election was over"? Then why the fuck is John McCain still everywhere there's a fucking camera?
I guess Boner meant the '10 election, not the '08 election.
According to the latest TIME magazine, John Mc Cain is an "elder statesman".
That statement is half-correct.
PARTIAL CREDIT, TIME magazine.
“Making sure that these kids have a shot at the American dream, like I did, is important.”
As long as they're white, Xtian and not needy. Any other kinds of kids can suck it.
You mean "needy" in the impoverished sense, right? Not the emotionally demanding sense.
Well, that's what sent his predecessor to prison!
ALTTEXT for this needs to get POLITICO's WIN OF THE MORNING.
OK, just to avoid the tears, and achieve other laudable aims, I AM willing to compomise and engage in bipartisonshit this once – special dispensation for what the republicans insist on calling the 'death tax', zero per cent – so long as it's John Boehner who is dead.
Maybe his orange skin color is jaundice caused by all the bile he spews.
Could be it's his liver. Hepatitis can turn a person a lovely yellow hue. Maybe Boehner's liver condition has just ripened to a dusky orange.
Your white ass had *a* shot at the American Dream like the Real Housewife of Wasilla got *a* shot at that infirmed caribou.
It's gotta be said: Nancy has a way bigger set than our favorite orange crybaby and I will miss Queen Nancy.
I'm going to hate watching him sit in that speaker seat during Barry's SOTU but I will enjoy watching him bob up & down deciding if he should stand & applause & piss off the tea baggers or sit on his ass & look like a petulant child.
I'm guessing he either pulls a Cantor (staring at imaginary Tweets through the whole thing) or makes so many sighs, shuffles, etc. that at some point Biden turns to him and pops him in the face. Good times!
Pulls a Cantor–I did that once when I didn't stretch enough before running! Can Biden pop him in the face just because?
I vote for the petulant child, replete with lots and lots of eye-rolling. The only way he'd ever stand and applaud is if Barry tendered his resignation.
Maybe she'd still have her job if she didn't take impeachment off the table.
"Stahl asked him why he got choked up on election night.
“Talking, trying to talk about the fact that I’ve been chasing the American dream my whole career,” Boehner said."
If the American dream consists of turning Congress into a corporate whorehouse for every scumbag big-bucks lobbyist crawling around town, then yes Mr. Boehner, you have proven that the American dream is alive and well.
Stop crying you little bitch or you'll find out how many calories there are in a knuckle sandwich.
Time to govern? In the words of a famous Orange-American who's childhood home was made of nothing but diapers: Hell no we can't!
Time to govern, Sir John of Orange. Do you know how to do that?
I thank baby orange Jebus daily for my pretend internet friends, whom without, the next two years would find me in a fetal position babbling incoherently.
your prayers have been answered…and you're welcome!
John cries because he is flashing back to all the dicks he's sucked of corporate types to get where he is today. He's getting in touch with his feminine side. He's living the American Dream, of a house slave. Maybe we should call him "Speaker of the House Slave?"
Polls have shown tanning to be too metrosexual for the Republican base. Sunburn on the back of the neck is, however, expected.
I'm starting to think that cirrhosis and constant golf without sunscreen has destroyed this guy's liver and skin as well as his emotional control. Maybe he'll get cancer and/or Hepatitis C (hell, maybe he already has it).
If fucking Boehner wanted kids to have access to the American Dream, maybe he wouldn't have let states and companies ass-rape the living wage his father could earn and the local tax base that supported his schools in favor of corporate welfare.
So, since the previous Speaker of the House was called a "bitch" by the conservatards, we can still use the same term for Boehner, right?
Because he sure cries like a bitch. Constantly.
call 'em as ya see 'em, a bitch is a bitch…and now the Boner is Obama's bitch
60 minutes ain't Oprah you crying obstructionist bitch.
“I’ve never been in a tanning salon in my life, I’ve never used a tanning product in my life.” And Ronald Reagan never dyed his hair.
I thought it meant he has a home tanning unit….but I do like liver damage better, so buy the Boner a drink…make that a double.
Golfing 28 days out of every 30 per month will give you that dark brown tan. Add advanced liver disease and you turn orange.
At least, that's my hope.
“Excuse me, Mr. President I thought the election was over,” Boehner said
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. The irony gods should smite him, mightily, also.
Boehner is an atheist in the eyes of the almighty Irony God.
workin' on it as we speak…
Someone over at TPM posted this quote from Roger Ebert – "If only Boehner wept as copiously for the poor and the sick as he does when confessing his own greatness."
Classic.
It's also kind of ironic to have someone talking about the American Dream when they're from the party of Ronald Reagan, the man who killed it.
John comes from a long line or Orange dating back to the time Jeebus. Emperor John of Orange the #1 was notorious for tearizing peasants than enjoy pomegranates. He would cry big orange shaped tears and command the peasants to only eat orange food. He then razed their villages. Soon there were colonies of the Orange migrating about and eating only orange food. Their diets consisted of oranges, orange Jello, squash, squash Jello, carrots and carrot Jello.
The Orange line continued on to present day where they are noted for their tavern brawls, metro lines, and statesmen. The Orange line is currently being led by John of Orange the #666. He is a special Orange as he not only is the end of the Orange line but is also the antichrist.
So sayeth the Palin
I thought the Orange Line originated in New Carrolton?
Oh no. He can follow his line directly back to the Christ. He almost the Messiah.
PALIN-BOEHNER 2012.
The Dreamsicle Team!
Motto: "I may be paling for Palin, but her Boner really surprises me."
The Weeper of the House.
His finest moment: distributing tobacco lobby checks to their loyal servants on the floor of the House. That kinda makes me cry.
For some reason, I have a hankering for a satsuma.
"I can’t go to a school anymore, I used to go to a lot of schools." Is that because of the restraining order?
I don't suppose Leslie Stahl bothered asking him, "Then why are you so goddammed orange?"
Stahl doesn't know how to ask pertinent questions.
I'm shocked after he said that she did come back with, "Are you telling me you’ve never been in a tanning salon or used a tanning product in your life?"
Boehner said. “Making sure that these kids have a shot at the American dream, like I did, is important" [ . . . ] "learning in schools I want to defund, by teachers I want to fire if they won't submit to indoctrination."
“I’ve never been in a tanning salon in my life, I’ve never used a tanning product in my life,”
I knew it. He’s just a big nicotine stain.
And here I thought he was just a shit stain.
Okay, we'll take John Boehner's word that he doesn't artificially color his skin. He probably didn't move a tanning bed into his private office in the Capitol Rotunda.
But Wonkette should legally change his name to Billy Ruben.
We need a poll to determine the best Republican tears. Orange Boehner, Sparkin' Sanford, or Santorum's Spawn?
Little orange tear specks, dancing across his blue Brooks Brothers shirt.
Dude, what the hell is it then, Revlon ColorStay Foundation in Mocha? Because that shade isn't found in nature, sorry.
He's a big, fat faker.
Disorganized speech is a symptom of schizophrenia. Just thought I'd point that out.
I'm speaking is not like the disorganized, way of speaking, like that over there with the mentally ill, of which there are too many people, all over the world, who suffer from our concerned for the schizophrenic, who have a right to live, and my precious little angel, for the troops and fighting for our precious freedoms of which it would be unconstititional to be so un-american. What?
Or you're President Bush. Same thing, I suppose.
Yes, but when you toss in the frequent crying jags, jaundice and gynecomastia, he's just an ordinary drunk going through liver failure.
You have a lot less of a problem with alcoholic depression if you knock off all the alcohol.
Don't know what he has to be depressed about. He's gotten his way since he came to Congress.
He's gotten his way all right – with a bunch of little school children! Amirite?
I would bet my salary that Boner smells like Maker's Mark every time he exhales.
This is what it sounds like when douches cry.
The question is, where does he hide the onion.
On his belt.
"I can’t go to a school anymore, I used to go to a lot of schools…" Douchewad can't got to a school anymore because he has a guilty conscience for screwing over a generation of kids who are doomed to a second-world life. Apparently he cries to assuage that guilt so he can screw yet another generation over. Fuckin' canard.
Excuse me, Mr. President I thought the election was over,” Boehner said, according to a transcript obtained by POLITICO. “You know, you get a lot of that heated rhetoric
during an election.every hour of every day from the right wing echo chamber that feeds the bigoted Teabag idiots.An updated transcript.
He's been chasing the American Dream the way a hunter chases down his prey.
…and then shoots it in the face.
Cry me a river, John. No, seriously. We're having a terrible drought in the South.
Someone needs to talk to his doctor about Abilify.
Elections are never over, and I say that not with exasperated resignation at the state of our politics, but as a matter of fact that Obama or any other Presidential candidate had better take goddamned seriously. If you want to be President (again), your campaign strategy had better extend to the off-year election, because your "mandate" is worth less than a freshman representative's.
You can't negotiate with tearists!
Maybe Speaker-Elect Drunky McNicotineStain should tell Yertle The Turtle that the election is over, since Yertle has already stated that he intends to spend the next two years ensuring that President Obama will be a one term President.
What an interview! Sixty minutes of listening to one dried-up twatburger of a human being; no, make that two.
Barbara Walters led the ladies of The View this morning in making fun of John Boehner's crying on 60 Minutes: http://gtcha.me/gYwQFz
So…Dean can't scream, but guys named Boner get to weep? Got it.
In retrospect, I can't help wondering what an Edmund Muskie presidency would have been like.
Oh for fuck's sweet sake, can't someone somewhere just get this polychromatic emo man-bitch a turbocharged hugbox already?
Sorry, can't help it – it's that old jazz standard: Everytime John Boehner cries, Benny's from Heaven….
Put on your crying caps on:
Leslie: " So John how do you like being a speaker of the House"
John: buahhhhh, why you asking me this question..i ca ca can't cope with it..sniff sniff"
Leslie: " John, how do you like your steaks cooked?'
John: ahhhh,,we we ne never had steakss, sniff, we ate dirt from this here floor..sniff"
what a poop!
What if this guy becomes president. All China and Russia have to do is yell, and we have a meltdown right at the UN.
Has Boner done anything but cry in his political career?
It's short for "Bonehead."
Snooki will get to the bottom of this.
"I’ve been chasing the American dream my whole career,” Boehner said, "and when I finally caught it, me and Eric Cantor tied it to the back of my truck and we drug it all over Val Verde County until it stopped kickin'."
I think I’ve noticed a pattern to Boehner’s sobbing fits. It’s always when he thinks about how wonderful he is and how he has overcome great adversity to truly become one of the greatest Americans ever, probably even greater than Reagan. God, I’m all getting misty-eyed thinking about how great Boehner is.
"I've never been in a tanning salon in my life, I've never used a tanning product in my life."
(Of course, that tanning bed I sleep in at home every night doesn't count.)
He's right. These jokes are very offensive to Oompa-Loompa-Americans.
He does not use tanning products or visit tanning booths
BUT
He uses many fine orange-ing products and is familiar with countless orange-ing booths.
I had no idea Cryer a l'Orange was a democrat who became a Reagan republican when it was his turn to pay taxes. Fuck that greedy, evil, American dream killing piece of shit. I hope his drinking catches up with him sooooon.
He does not use tanning products or visit tanning booths
BUT
He uses many fine orange-ing products and is familiar with countless orange-ing booths.
By the time Boner and his wrecking crew get through with this place kids in school now will want to take a shot at the American dream
He doesn't tan? Yeah, because Germans are famouos for their swarthiness.
Every time I read Boehner's last name in print I mentally pronounce it boner.
He does not use tanning products or visit tanning booths.
BUT
He uses many fine orange-ing products and is familiar with countless orange-ing booths.
Joking aside, I think that mandatory schooling should be made truly mandatory. Home schooling, when it's used to teach children lies, really fucks up the children in ways that parents should not be allowed to do, and it's also used by cults (like the MOVE creeps around here) that abuse children and prevent them from having any contact with the outside world that would both bring that abuse to light and give them a chance to escape.
It should be illegal, and children should be required to go to either public schools or private ones that meet certain basic standards, such as teaching evolution as fact.
If you can't afford to send your kids to private school and you live in an ultra conservative school district , what's wrong with having your kids home-schooled by an educated and certified parent?
Without giving away too much about myself, dame with whom I used to work while in high-school (so, this was 1997, 1998) was home-schooled, as was her older brother — &, presumably, her six years younger sister. Said sister ended up "in a family way" come age 17, had the kid, & being "damaged goods" (not confirmed, but I am sure, in the eyes of her evangelic parents/other family, she was) she was pressured to marry, someone, anyone, to legitimise, at least in part, the bastard child of the girl's hellion conception. Flash forward five years: the man that woman married, "distraught" over her pursuing a divorce, killed the woman, then himself, all with the second child of the woman (& presumably the estranged husband) in the next room.
& you know what the mother said of her daughter? "At least now we can content ourselves knowing she's with our Lord & Savior, Jesus".
I just want to say to this "mother": Fuck. You.
That's why we need better federal standards for education; fuck this local control shit, that leads to kids being taught lies like "evolution is just a theory" or "the civil war was fought over other issues than slavery and the Southern leaders were not evil traitors whose graves deserve to be pissed on".
"Educated and certified" are the key words here. At least in New York State, all teachers need to get their Master's degrees in order to get certified. But any flunkie off the street is allowed to home-school their children. I know some of them personally.
Certified parent? I like that. You should have to get a parental certification before you are allowed to have kids. Hell, you have to get a license to give a dog a haircut…
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