IT'S MORNING IN AMERICA  9:10 am December 13, 2010

Michael Steele Might Not Run For RNC Chair, Boo/Moo

by Riley Waggaman

Needs to spend more time with his family/saying funny things on teevee?

  • Michael Steele is expected to announce whether he will run again for RNC Chair during a conference call with Committee Members this evening. Chris Cillizza has a sexy anonymous source that says Steele will definitely run, but Fox News analists insist he will do nothing of the sort. Most Americans are too preoccupied with being poor and sad to really care about what Michael Steele does, or if he still claims to be “a cow on the tracks, Moo.” But Comedy Connoisseurs will certainly be filled with grief if this delightful gaffe heifer were to surrender his chairmanship to some pasty white guy, who will probably be heinously boring and awful. Four more years (or whatever), please. [The Caucus/Fox/WaPo]
  • Mark Madoff, son of famous Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff, apparently hanged himself in his New York apartment. Rest in Peace, Mark. [ABC]
  • Happy (belated) tenth anniversary of Bush v. Gore! [NPR]
 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 111 comments }

x111e7thst December 13, 2010 at 9:12 am

Michael Steele likes women (in bondage but still) too much to be a real repuke. Throw him out!

JoeMamased December 13, 2010 at 10:17 am

I dunno 'bout that; you have seen this pic, right?

http://thinkprogress.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/

Guppy06 December 13, 2010 at 10:32 am

Women belong in obedient servitude, not bondage!

HipHop0Potamus December 13, 2010 at 10:58 am

Unless they're chained to the kitchen stove; in that case they do belong in bondage.

charlesdegoal December 13, 2010 at 9:14 am

After all of the fatigue caused by one and the exaggerations of the other, I tend to think of it as Bore v. Gush.

horsedreamer_1 December 13, 2010 at 9:54 am

Watch it, or I'll put you in a lock-box.

bebopluvr December 13, 2010 at 4:30 pm

Yeah, overturning the popular vote and appointing the president Scalia et al. wanted is so very boring. All the little countries are doing it.

PrimlyStable December 13, 2010 at 9:15 am

I'm pretty sure Madoff Jr HANGED himself…

weejee December 13, 2010 at 9:31 am

That's not a stretch?

Lascauxcaveman December 13, 2010 at 10:55 am

No, Mike is the one who's hung.

charlesdegoal December 13, 2010 at 9:45 am

Would you perchance also be an analist?

BorderJumper! December 13, 2010 at 9:16 am

They need him for as long as the other "Magic Negro" is in the WH.

Terry December 13, 2010 at 9:18 am

Honestly, I think that Michael Steele and Sarah Palin should remain the faces and voice of the GOP. Between them, they've created more independents out of republicans than any other force in history.

GOPCrusher December 13, 2010 at 1:02 pm

And yet, the Democrats can still manage to get their collective asses handed to them. * sigh *

Negropolis December 13, 2010 at 10:37 pm

Amazing, huh? I remember as soon as it was apparent that the GOP had won 60 house seats, there was a chorus of voices complaining that he should go "'cause he coulda won more." The fuck?! That shit hurt to hear, that we fucked up and they still had a wing that was unhappy because their historic wins weren't historic enough. **gag**

nonbeliever7 December 13, 2010 at 9:21 am

The new chariman won't be just a pasty white guy, he'll be a fat pasty white guy as reparations to their neglected voter base.

HedonismBot December 13, 2010 at 9:34 am

And don't forget the Southern accent. Between the two of us, we've just described Haley Barbour!

V572625694 December 13, 2010 at 9:36 am

Who already had that job, and thinks that qualifies him to be preznident, Jeebus help us all.

mrpuma2u December 13, 2010 at 9:52 am

Haley Barbour looks too much like that guy from the redneck triumvirate of comedians that always has a drink in his hand, Bill Engvall.

horsedreamer_1 December 13, 2010 at 9:55 am

You mean, Ron White? You mean, you know the guy?

& R-Dub is actually moderately funny. Bill Engvall is one-half of TBS's failed "bring the funny" campaign. (Tyler Perry is the other.)

BerkeleyBear December 13, 2010 at 10:07 am

Barbour is to political savvy what not Larry the not Cable Guy is to comedy.

Ron White doesn't look much like him, and actually has a functioning brain (admittedly one that scotch has pickled, but still functioning). Dear Haley is much more of a boss Hogg/Porky look alike (if either of them had hair).

Negropolis December 13, 2010 at 10:39 pm

Let me tell you, this nego loves Ron White. He's really pretty brilliant in his comedy. The rest of those rednecks can go to hell as far as I'm concerned. Collectively, they are about as funny as cancer. (ie. not funny, at all)

trampndirtdown December 13, 2010 at 9:59 am

Needz more taahhrr balls.

GodShammgod December 13, 2010 at 11:06 am

Nah, if they really wanted to give reparations to their neglected voter base, the new chairman would be riding in on a Rascal scooter that he got from defrauding Medicare.

transfatz December 14, 2010 at 1:00 am

I've noticed that most Republicans seem to be sporting southern accents these days. In so many ways.

HempDogbane December 13, 2010 at 9:54 am

Norm Coleman will look awesome in a fat suit, he's got politician hair, and he's already pasty.

V572625694 December 13, 2010 at 9:59 am

Wait a minute, they tried a very, very urban chairman; it might be a bit soon for a Jew. Git me a whaht boy, stat!

arihaya December 13, 2010 at 9:55 am

isn't the de facto leader already like that?

the one that every GOP apparatchik have to apologize for basically everything … the Big Blimp

horsedreamer_1 December 13, 2010 at 9:56 am

Chris Christie, is that you?

SorosBot December 13, 2010 at 10:04 am

They should go for someone who truly represents the modern Republican base: the guy from South Caroling who came in second to Steele last time and wanted to bring back segregation.

Negropolis December 13, 2010 at 10:43 pm

Honestly, they should elect the renanimated corpose of Strom Thurmond, already, and call it a day, since they are all enamored with "states' rights", again, and all he'd have to do is replace "nigger" with "sand nigger" in his rhetoric.

They know they wanna.

Serolf_Divad December 13, 2010 at 9:22 am

Ah yes, Bush V. Gore. And how is it possible to talk about Bush v. Gore without citing the most famous part of the decision, namely, the insistence by the 5 justice majority that this decision, unlike all other Supreme Court decisions, should not be read as setting any kind of precedent:

"Our consideration is limited to the present circumstances, for the problem of equal protection in election processes generally presents many complexities."

Translation: this decision is all about getting a Republican elected president. Don't think that just because we've come up with a bunch of self-serving arguments to do this, that you can use these same arguments again in the future when it's a Democratic candidate filing suit to stop a recount.

Terry December 13, 2010 at 9:27 am

Best translation I've ever seen, thank you.

BerkeleyBear December 13, 2010 at 10:11 am

And yet every fucking sore-ass loser Republican cites it. Including Norm Coleman.

By the way, anyone know what the appropriate gift for the 10th anniversary of anal raping of 200 years of legal tradition is? I'd guess hemmorhoid surgery, but I'm not sure.

Katydid December 13, 2010 at 10:58 am

Ooh, ooh, my favorite part of Bush v. Gore is the part where Scalia's son was one of the attorneys arguing for Bush.

I will be drinking and remembering that today, thanks for reminding me, Wonkette.

ttommyunger December 13, 2010 at 1:41 pm

Nobody wants to talk about this and the other uniquely wormy aspects of this miscarriage.

angryclownspawn December 13, 2010 at 9:26 am

O noes! Without Michael Steele, what will happen to the Hip Hopification of the GOP?

V572625694 December 13, 2010 at 9:37 am

Yes, the GOPers will become more un-hip, if such a thing is possible.

OobyDoobyDoo December 13, 2010 at 9:26 am

For those of you who don't know what to get the Supreme Court as a gift…

The traditional 10th anniversary gift is tin/aluminum and the modern gift is Diamond Jewelry.

Personally, I figure they got enough jewelry from corporations when they gave them the power to buy elections. So I'm going to throw the cans from my hobo beans at them. Win!

mrpuma2u December 13, 2010 at 9:54 am

Are you kidding? Those cans are made of steel and you can put those in your shopping cart and sell them at the recycling center. Throw cardboard. You gotta get learned your hobo-ing better.

OobyDoobyDoo December 13, 2010 at 10:08 am

Alas, I cannot. I live in a sea of morans, no such thing as recycling centers. Those are for pussy liberals that vote for morally weak Muslins.

BerkeleyBear December 13, 2010 at 10:12 am

Aluminium ain't worth shit these days and you can cut it into some sharp little pieces that might annoy them a little bit.

Lascauxcaveman December 13, 2010 at 11:07 am

I made some lovely Xmas tree ornaments from the bottoms cut out of empty beer cans.

SorosBot December 13, 2010 at 11:17 am

DeBeers has been making headway in its attempt to convince us that the traditional gift for every anniversary, along with every birthday and Christmas, is diamonds, I see. Look at that shiny sparkly blood!

Negropolis December 13, 2010 at 10:48 pm

Human lives are only temporary, but diamonds, beautiful — beautiful, blood-stained diamonds — are forever. Amirite?

freakishlywrong December 13, 2010 at 9:28 am

Today, we are all gafftastick token minority spokespeople despised by our own bigoted, hateful political party.

twaingirl December 13, 2010 at 9:46 am

is that different from any other day?

slithytoves December 13, 2010 at 9:28 am

Ten years? Gawd, that's a long time to have a migraine.

SorosBot December 13, 2010 at 9:31 am

A number of the morons who are fans of Palin want her to run for GOP chair; they don't seem to realize that winning would prevent her from running for the Presidency. Well, not unless she quit, which yeah she does have a history of.

V572625694 December 13, 2010 at 9:38 am

Plus it's one job where she's bound to benefit by the inevitable comparison to her predecessor.

Terry December 13, 2010 at 9:46 am

Only in that she's not "urban". Remember the RNC and GOP overall are allergic to "urban".

BarryOPotter December 13, 2010 at 9:40 am

Plus, I don't think Palin Griftting Inc. wants the potential attention on its finances that such a high profile position would bring to bear. So…, Fuck yeah! Mama Grizz for RNC Chair RIGHT NOW!!1!!

zhubajie December 13, 2010 at 9:41 am

Does she like S&M clubs?

LetUsBray December 13, 2010 at 10:03 am

I have always gotten a bit of a dominatrix vibe off of her. And that voice definitely qualifies as abuse.

BerkeleyBear December 13, 2010 at 10:14 am

That voice is incapable of helping even the most perverted fetishist get off – I'm guessing if she was a dom, she'd be the only one forced to where a ball gag at all times.

horsedreamer_1 December 13, 2010 at 10:12 am

Only the ones employing Bristol & Willow.

Twincest!

BerkeleyBear December 13, 2010 at 10:15 am

That is one sad club. I'm guessing Bristol tops out as the Tuesday afternoon "feature" dancer at Chuckie B's Brass Garter in Wasilla.

Terry December 13, 2010 at 9:45 am

If she runs, she'll completely loot the RNC accounts. Hilarity will ensue.

SorosBot December 13, 2010 at 9:56 am

Hell yeah; the RNC seemed bankrupt and prone to wasting money under Steele, but that's nothing compared to what the Palins would do to it; they'd never have to pay for anything themselves again.

Terry December 13, 2010 at 9:59 am

Todd needs all new silk underwear before the next Irondog competition.

V572625694 December 13, 2010 at 10:01 am

…a goal they learned to aspire to from Uncle Ted.

BerkeleyBear December 13, 2010 at 10:16 am

with access to their funds, she might corner the market on shitty leather jackets and/or bendy straws.

BorderJumper! December 13, 2010 at 9:58 am

The thing is, she doesn't need to run for Chairman. These morons (or "morans") already see her as the de facto GOP/Tea Party leader. After all, she for supposedly (and single handily) helped her party take over the House last month, didn't she?

twaingirl December 13, 2010 at 10:03 am

Ah yes, the Tea Party alternate history. Those of us operating in Hobo Bean reality remember all candidates she backed lost. But in TP land losing is winning, slavery is freedom and war is peace!

metamarcisf December 13, 2010 at 10:24 am

Wha' happened to her gig on "Deadliest Catch"?

MoeDeLawn December 13, 2010 at 11:06 am

I believe she remains ship's scent consultant – they have salmon-like scent specifications developed from her nether regions.

metamarcisf December 13, 2010 at 11:34 am

After Bristol lost her job as Cap'n Phil's cabin boy, I thought the scripts went to hell in a handcar.

RandyAyn December 13, 2010 at 11:48 am

she got out of the pot.

Negropolis December 13, 2010 at 10:53 pm

Palin would actually have to *gasp* some kind of handle on policy not to be totally embarrassed as a party chair. Truth is that in a presidential race, it is certainly possible to fake it until you make it if you surround yourself with enough people. As party chair, you actually have to answers questions, by yourself, without a bug in your ear every once in awhile.

Party chair? Who are we fucking kidding? She shits herself just thinking of such a nightmare.

Beowoof December 13, 2010 at 9:37 am

Oh you know it only eliminates one source of reasons to snark. However, with the big wins by republicans back in November I am sure there will be plenty of new talent on the block.

weejee December 13, 2010 at 9:37 am

On that favorite teevee show for the oldes, 60 Metamucils, Mr. Sneaker Boner emphatically denied tanning beds and gels – so he must be naturally unnaturally orange. Also in a scene worthy of Sir Larry's Hamlet, he teared-up giant crocodile tears. Since he is naturally unnaturally agent orange those musta been rivers of dioxin streaming down hiz cheeks. He should get an Emmy enema for best hazmat tears on a show watched only by oldez.

Terry December 13, 2010 at 9:47 am

Perhaps he eats nothing but carrots.

Texan_Bulldog December 13, 2010 at 9:51 am

If it's not spray-on or fake bake, I'd guess it's a full-body nicotine stain. (And, yes, it's very gross to think of Boner's full body….)

SorosBot December 13, 2010 at 9:54 am

People, we've been through this; liver damage from alcoholism can cause orange skin, and given what we know of Boehner's love of drinking that seems the most likely culprit.

freakishlywrong December 13, 2010 at 9:58 am

Yeah, he bawled because The Children and the American Dream™ or some such nonsense. Wish someone would have asked him why he consistently votes AGAINST those same Children achieving even a fucking nutritious meal at school.

GOPCrusher December 13, 2010 at 1:19 pm

Maybe he's crying because of the tremendous debt that he's personally laid on the backs of those children to serve his Corporate Overlords?
Never mind.

mrpuma2u December 13, 2010 at 10:00 am

The boner could have been sucked by all those juicer info-mercials in the 90's (his golf course fashion looks like it stopped progressing at least that long ago) and he is drinking massive amounts of carrot juice. As any 4th grader knows, excessive beta-carotene is stored in the fat cells of your skin, and if you drink enough carrot juice you will turn orange as an Oompa-loompa. QED. Also, Boner came along (in 94) with the Knute Gingrich "Contract on America" and that wacky concept of TERM LIMITS. Nice term limits Boner.

V572625694 December 13, 2010 at 10:03 am

Thank you for watching that so we didn't have to. The greatest danger would have been collateral damage from a hazmat splash onto Leslie Stahl's own toxic blend of face plaster.

Negropolis December 13, 2010 at 10:55 pm

That was one strange-assed interview. He literally bawled once, and began to weep during another with his wife, who totally seems to have his balls in her pocket. Even Leslie Stahl was like "what's up with this bitch?" when asking his wife about his fits of crying.

The guy is unstable. If Pelosi had been caught doing this shit, she'd have been ridiculed to hell and back. A Democrat who cries is a pussy; a Republican who cries uncontrollably is a hero.

deanbooth December 13, 2010 at 9:39 am

I noticed that George Will has an op-ed praising Bush v. Gore (didn't read it, of course). I wonder what sports metaphor he used: The midget at the plate or the beanball to the head of America?

horsedreamer_1 December 13, 2010 at 9:58 am

Eddie Gaedel as Shrub, Antonin Scalia as Bill Veeck?

mrpuma2u December 13, 2010 at 10:02 am

It should have been " Born on third base and waived home by a majority of umpires my dad picked on a technicality"

V572625694 December 13, 2010 at 10:05 am

How about the bow-tie that nearly strangled America?

ttommyunger December 13, 2010 at 1:43 pm

Georg Will, of the chinless Wills.

samsuncle December 13, 2010 at 9:43 am

Can anyone here read lips? I turned my speaker volume all the way up but still couldn't hear what Steele had to say.

glamourdammerung December 13, 2010 at 9:50 am

It was a charming rendition of "Short'nin' Bread" done at about the same pitch as a dog whistle.

arihaya December 13, 2010 at 9:49 am

if Steele give me a paid trip to a bondage club I will join the GOP, and throw my Democrats membership right NOW

ManchuCandidate December 13, 2010 at 9:49 am

His tenure as GOPer chair has been much like the GOPer's running almost anything.
1) Idiotic statements
2) Sex scandals (if lesbian bondage club really counts as one.)
3) Hating on the tinted peoples
4) ???
5) Victory against spineless Demrats
6) Fiscal Mismanagement including hiding debts

V572625694 December 13, 2010 at 10:08 am

Steele was probably the kind of boss who says, "I'm not detail oriented," by which he means, "You fucking peons wrangle those numbers until they make me look smart." When that doesn't happen, towering rage ensues.

ttommyunger December 13, 2010 at 1:45 pm

7) Mockery
8) Gawkery
9)Mule-Whipping in Public
10) Driving over a wooden bridge on Sunday.
11) Mopery
12) Other unspecified misdemeanors.

xsluggo December 13, 2010 at 6:23 pm

13. Dog fondling.

NorthStarSpanx December 13, 2010 at 9:54 am

An additional $4 million in debt, on top of the g-string stuffing losses? According to common sense fiscal conservatism re: Free Market principles, RNC would be picked off by Sarah Palin's Alaska in the first episode. Nevermind she declined the Tea Party's plea that she aim for the job, let's give her five chances to reload for a r'il job.

That or Michael Steel, as the proverbial cow on the train tracks, would be put up to a luxurious State subsidized life under the Matanuska Maid – the State's $14 million cash cow and personal money pit. Other than that $500 million dollar natural gas pipeline to nowhere. . .
http://www.andrewhalcro.com/search/node/mat+maid

horsedreamer_1 December 13, 2010 at 10:02 am

You're the Steele, the one I love.

LetUsBray December 13, 2010 at 10:06 am

I'm not surprised; it's surely taking all of Steele's time waiting for Grover to get his soup order right.

Mindblank December 13, 2010 at 10:19 am

He damned well better run, since it's the only way to stay in front of the posse.

GOPCrusher December 13, 2010 at 1:23 pm

We also would have accepted "lynch mob".

metamarcisf December 13, 2010 at 10:20 am

There's a lady in my neighborhood who goes door to door asking people if they would like their house numbers painted on the curb for just $10. She doesn't speak much English but she works hard so maybe she could get a job as the GOP National Charwoman. Su nombre es Mandelit del Barco.

GodShammgod December 13, 2010 at 10:23 am

I hear that the GOP likes Michael Steele so much that they gave him his own water fountain.

gef05 December 13, 2010 at 10:46 am

Does this guy also go by the name "Montel Williams"?

tcaalaw December 13, 2010 at 11:27 am

"Don't lie to me like I'm Montel Williams." — Det. John Munch.

donner_froh December 13, 2010 at 11:59 am

delightful gaffe heifer = epithet of the week/month/year

user-of-owls December 13, 2010 at 12:00 pm

Riley: if this was intentional, you are devious and brilliant:

Fox News analists

If this was not intentional, you might be a smidge less devious, but your subconscious is still utterly brilliant.

DemmeFatale December 13, 2010 at 12:51 pm

Say it with me: FUCK YOU, RALPH!!!!

ttommyunger December 13, 2010 at 1:50 pm

Michael Steele, the Anti-Obama… The Black George Will… If only I could buy him for what he is worth and sell him (immediately) for what he thinks he's worth.

gurukalehuru December 13, 2010 at 3:25 pm

I'm going to go out on a limb here. We're all crying because we're going to lose the comic hilarity of Michael Steele, but I predict the Republicans will nominate somebody who is an even bigger buffoon.
That's all they've got.

arclight2012 December 13, 2010 at 3:52 pm

Well, yes, you're right, Al would have won if either Ralph hadn't run or if Al had won Tennessee, but more than either of those things, Bush shouldn't have had Katherine Harris cheat for him.

ReturnToMetal December 13, 2010 at 5:01 pm

Whazzup, Mike?

I say that because I'm sure he won't understand.

Jukesgrrl December 13, 2010 at 5:49 pm

Maybe the GOP could elect Brett Favre as Chair. Every week his press conference could be about whether or not he's going to retire and the party could continue its failure to discuss any topics of substance.

SorosBot December 13, 2010 at 6:12 pm

He also comes with a preexisting sex scandal; perfect for the GOP.

Negropolis December 13, 2010 at 10:58 pm

And, then they could follow up about his sexting scandal. Washington loves them a sex scandal. It gives them all a huge, throbbing Boehner.

frigorific December 14, 2010 at 12:42 am

Looks like he's runnin' again. It'll probably be a loss of his own choosing.

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