- We learned that compromise in the Senate means giving into every Republican demand, ever, and that disagreeing just makes you a partisan hack.
- Just to prove the president’s point, several of those partisan hacks in the lesser legislature had a big old tantrum to oppose the president and his billion-dollar Hanukkah gift to Joe Lieberman.
- John McCain and his “special friends” once again secured their god-given right to make homosexuals ashamed of their very existence.
- Some Internet heroes tried to shut down Sarah Palin’s squawk box because she criticized WikiLeaks for its great crime of not being born in America.
- According to WikiLeaks, serving cheap food is the first step towards Socialism, leading that sneaky Barack Obama to mandate a Cici’s Pizza be installed on every street corner in America.
- America’s future unemployment seekers were challenged to go to outer space, where there might actually be some jobs.
- We learned that in case of Muslim apocalypse, all citizens should proceed to their local BBQ restaurant, where they will be safe from Allah’s pork-allergic all-seeing eye.
WONKETTE'S WEEKLY REVIEW OF THE WEEK THAT WAS
December 11, 2010
Remembering Our Fallen Week: The Worst Hanukkah Ever
Previous post: Barack Obama Is Sick of Your Crap
Next post: Regarding the Hacked Gawker Comment Accounts








{ 163 comments }
This comment has been deleted by the supporters of Julian Assange.
Huh?
The Twelve Steps of Cyber Anonymous
1. We admitted that we were powerful over the internet and could disrupt people’s lives
2. We came to believe that Assange was our higher power
3. We made the decision to turn our computers and our lives over to the Cause
4. We made a fearless and detailed inventory of all our enemies
5. We admitted to ourselves, to Assange and to whoever wanted to listen that we weren’t going to be fucked with
6. We were entirely ready to give up all of our free time for sake of the Cause
7. We humbly asked Julian Assange to take that free time
8. We made a list of all creeps and assholes and resolved to punish them
9. We meted out punishment to each of those creeps and assholes except when to do so was too boring
10. We continued to make lists of our enemies and promptly gloated when they were wrong
11. We tried to improve out connections with Assange, asking only for his instructions and the know-how to carry them out
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry our message to other geeks and to keep practicing until we could have an affair.
Beautiful—let's just hope these geeks don't discover girls, or it'll mean an end to watching their fun.
Is that like getting laid?
You know getting laid solves so many problems.
Can't remember.
Its like the Democrats are stuck in the wrestling "pretzel hold" being applied by the Republicans. You can't move anything but your head and neck and all you can see is a crotch in front of your face. Amazing the strength you gain when you bite yourself in the crotch. Again we got 'em right where they want us.
Pelosi has won some matches this past term that required a spiked choker to be a' keepin' her blu dawgs in line. On the other hand, every time Reid had to go out on the mat with the Rethugs it was straight from takedown to a cradle. Pinned in 3, 2, 1…
Not so many BluDawgz left now. Maybe in the minority the House Democrats will show some real spine. It would be nice to think so anyway.
The best we can hope for is some mild obstruction and harumphing.
Outer Space is closer to Allah's pork averse eye. Maybe the brave students at Forsyth Technical Community College could hurry up and get some BBQ PORK RESTAURANTS up there.
Disagree with the Republicans and you are unpatriotic and hate the troops. Disagree with the President and you are a sanctimonious purist. Win-win!
What happens when you disagree with and despise both? Are you a supporter of Al Qaeda?
Apparently, you'd be a fan of Bernie Sanders.
Big fan of Bernie, someone on the left with the balls to stand up for something.
You might be morally weak.
Actually, I appear to be a member of the Professional Left.
So we are being disagreeable to disagree with the DATD and STARTless tax deal-lite the despondent and discapilualized Prez has put next to the DeRats Menorah (or pagan tree, whatever)? I haz a discombobulation and a sad, too also.
I'm too busy yanking my bootstraps to disagree with anyone. Does that make me anything (other than a wanker, that is)? At some point, I expect to be healthy and wealthy, what with all the bootstraps.
If the Repubicans number one priority is preserving the amazingly successful Bush tax cuts, Obama could have extracted a steeper price from them. Howzabout DADT repeal. Or freeze military pay. Maybe extend health insurance reform to include public option. Cap-and-trade anyone?
You would be a terrible negotiator, because you obviously don't understand that "negotiating" means giving the other side everything they want, and then apologizing for being so demanding.
And then lecturing your supporters for expecting you to do anything besides suck up applause from the David Broders of the world.
~
Obama came into the game with an outstanding debt on a student loan. He is now a millionaire. Could his opinion on taxing the rich have evolved in the process?
Never! Self interest has absolutely no impact on the decisions of our millionaire leaders. Not even sub consciously. You see we HAD to give all the millionaires in congress and the white house those tax cuts because the first lesson in hostage negotiations is to agree that the hostage takers get to financially butt rape the hostages. And it's all the left's fault for being such whiners!
A.) The Republicans "number one priority" was never to preserve tax cuts. It was to "break" Obama and, with him, the Democratic Party.
B.)Howzabout not freezing military pay? I bet if we stopped buying so many billion-dollar weapons systems from Amalgamated Death Co., and stopped paying the salaries of so many lawless KBR homoerotic mercenary death squads, we could give every military service member a pay raise and STILL manage to shrink the size of the budget.
Just saying.. Hope what I just wrote makes some sense. I'm writing this at 4 a.m. MST.
I'm not homosexual, but I sure as shit am ashamed of the very existence of John McCain and his "special friends".
Being ashamed of John McCain doesn't have to be connected to DADT. I've been ashamed of him ever since he got caught with his hand in the cookie-jar during the S&L Scandal.
The American remake of Human Centipede with WALNUTS!, Ham-biscuits, & Losermann will be the crowning moment of our cinema.
This just in: Richard Nixon didn't like Kikes, Niggers, Wops, Micks, et al.
That's fine because, as a Mick, I didn't like him either.
And as a Keith, I don't like Mick.
Don't you think it's morally weak not to like your bandmate?
I think it makes you a sanctimonious purist
Apparently it makes you Tedious.
Oi vey. Just when I thought I had this guy figured out… Now I have to completely rewrite my paper about him. Dios mio, this guy. This fucking guy!
1. I just applied a dry rub to a pork butt that will be smoked tomorrow. It's both tasty and Muslim-repellent! Allahu akbar!
2. Also apropos of porking, butts, and Republicans' "Log Cabin," I learned something very interesting last night: Representative Barney Frank's dad's cousin was the wife of Shemp Howard, noted stooge and Vaudevillian. Barney's dry wit makes a lot more sense now.
Stoned out of his mind most of the time, right? We used to call him Hemp Showard.
My favorite Stooge.
Yeah, cause that's a really really close genetic connection.
So that explains the fly-away-hair! Oh, no genes involved…Nevermind.
and just when things couldn't get worse in Haiti, $arah and her gypsy grifters are on their way
Just like she did when the Alaska Native communities in the Yukon River Delta area were running out of heating oil and food. She showed up with a minister to help the cold, hungry people pray for a solution. I wish I was kidding about that.
Please tell me that's not true. Ah, who the fuck am I kidding, why wouldn't it be true?
I think it was a village called Emmonak, but I'll have to google it. 2009, there was a big jump in fuel prices that caught people in the villages short and people were choosing between food and warmth, basically.
's true. Other villages as well.
But, cookies!
And bring them cookies.
Who's going with her? She's got to have someone around at all times to wipe her hands off on.
(Speaking of hand-wiping, it's probably a good idea if you use a moist towlette after shaking Julian Assange's hand.)
Gloves, perhaps a better idea.
Gypsy grifters have more scruples than that woman.
Isn't humanity a prerequisite for humanitarianism? Just asking.
it ain't no humanitarianism trip, I just saw Greta with her on a tape CNN has shown.
I'm in Wisconsin in the middle of the damn blizzard and out of beer, where is my humanitarianism aid.
Please, dear Santa Cholera, wipe out the entire Palin clan with your festive pukin', poopin' and dehydratin' might. Twas the fortnight before Christmas and all through the globe, not a Palin was stirrin', for they'd shit to death and were now mold.
Question: with all the pukey crap that comes out of that family, how can the doctors tell if it's cholera or just normal?
I think it depends which end it is coming out.
Even then
We should export Cici's Pizza to every corner of the known universe and only serve combinations of toppings containing pork. That would solve unemployment, spread socialism, and solve the Muslin problem, all at the same time.
Reminds me of my as yet un-patented solution to the sex crimes and recidivism problems: Step One-Sex offenders get their dicks cut off. Step two-Serve nothing but dick and beans in prison.
Perhaps if we gave Cici's Pizza establishments in lieu of tax cuts to the rich, they would hire the pores. Cici's Pizza is the answer to everything!
The more McCain squalks about DADT, the more I realize that he's not all the confident in his own masculinity.
He reportedly has recurring nightmares about being buggered by a fellow prisoner for FIVE AND A HALF YEARS.
He was in the Navy all those years, there may be some Eric Massa style snorkeling in his past.
To add insult to injury, Hanukkah week is eight days instead of seven. Thanks Joos, for the extra long crappy week; next time, use a flashlight.
Boy, will the joke be on us when we all learn in a future episode at that John McCain, the biggest Cylon hater of them all, actually is a Cylon.
He's one of the final FIVE AND A HALF.
All this has happened before and all of it will happen again
"The Worst Hanukkah Ever" Benjamin?
Fuck…the Hasmoneans say the first one was pretty awful and there was those few during '39 to '45 that sucked bleach…as Bubbe used to define our holidays: "They tried to kill us, It didn't work, so let's eat!"
That is awesome.
That pretty much describes every Jewish holiday
well, not Yom Kippur- unless you are reform
Hey, us Reforms starve ourselves on Yom Kippur the same as the real Jews.
My Irish side of the family has a similar approach. "The strongest empire in the world tried to break us, but it didn't work. No hard feelings anymore, let's have a beer."
We learned that compromise in the Senate means giving into every Republican demand, ever, and that disagreeing just makes you a partisan hack.
Isn't this in the Constitution?
It's the Tenth Amendment. The first nine are copies of the Second Amendment.
No, the Constitution specifically says we should follow every wish of Sarah Palin.
If Barry isn't playing rope-a-dope with Repugs I may open a vein.
Yer showing yer oldez with that metaphor equating Mitch "Chickenhawk" McConnell with George Foreman and the Prez with the Greatest.
I am not old, I am fucking ANCIENT. Woke up this morning, nothing hurt; thought I wuz dead!
I need a few old farts like you to keep posting and reminding me that 42 is positively youthful. It helps balance out my kids asking me what an eight-track is when I'm trying to explain the format of my first Steve Martin album. Then they want to know why Inspector Clouseau had an album. Some days they bring me such shame.
That, my friend, is their job.
a variation on giving them enough rope to hang themselves. problem is, the democrats keep cutting them down before their feet stop kicking.
Ain't that the truth!
The Audacity of Hope-a-Dope.
Audacity or idiocy? I wonder…
Barry's playing 11-dimensional chess, where you cede everything but your queen, who proceeds to give the Republicans blow jobs.
I could have sworn it was the bishop that gave the Republicans blow jobs.
And we're all getting pwned.
"According to WikiLeaks, serving cheap food is the first step towards Socialism" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Sp-VFBbjpE
is it wrong for me, wishing to be convicted of crime like what Julian Assange did ? (Swedish double surprise sexy-time)
Is it wrong of me, wishing I got convicted of doing it to Julian Assange?
As of this fallen week's reading, I now have "morally weak" ringing in my head, like a refrain from a bad holiday tune, the one about the partridge.
Am I the only one who noticed that Arepas is an anagram of Asrape?
And further breaking news: Mark Madoff (the son) takes own life.
See what happens when you try to take away rich people's money? You want to do that to them? Force them to commit suicide? Leave the tax breaks alone – increase them even – unless you want to have more deaths on your conscience.
So if we raise the inheritance tax and the income tax, we could wipe out the deficit?
that deficit's never going to be wiped out, not so long as there's profit to be made from it. it's one of the rules of acquisition, i forget which one.
What I suggested here is that it might wipe out an entire generation of the rich, at least the whiny ones.
It's called "going Galt," and I recommend it to all like-minded individuals.
Now, this — this suicide is morally weak.
I only feel sorry for his kids. & wife. As give that much of M. Madoff's assets will be caught up in his father's prosecution, the immediate family is left penniless. (Suicides don't typically pay out life insurance.)
Tough darts. Some drug dealers end up penniless after having sat on top of a pile of dough. Should their families be compensated for the loss?
We learned that compromise in the Senate means giving into every Republican demand, ever, and that disagreeing just makes you a partisan hack.
This devastatingly disheartening statement actually gets worse. Not only do the Repubs get their raison d'etre handed to them, why not pile on billions and billions of pork lube on top of it. I'm glad to see everybody is on board in maintaining the Bush Doctrine for the next two years, at least.
And you just KNOW that the Republicans will stab Obama in the back and scream things like "HE SIGNED A $900 BILLION SPENDING BILL!!!!! PORKULUS 2 ELECTRIC BUGALOO!!!" And the "liberal" media will let them get away with it, of course.
Of course! And have you noticed that the Teabaggers have pretty much already joied Boner and Yertle in their earmark conga line? Didn't take long, did it? What intrigues me is that Ron Paul is still hewing to his ideals and principles, while his son … Well, I just think his son might be a good son, like Mark Madoff, and make his daddy proud.
Ah the delicious irony of moving from the Audacity of Hope to the perils of pragmatism. I guess the 2012 slogan is going to be "Sorry We Couldn't"
The Audacity of Hope got filibustered
Filibustered by the Urgency of Now. Now it's time for more tax cuts for the rich, and everyone else sucks hind teat.
I know that I'm supposed to prove my "more progressive than thou" bonafides by pounding furious missives on websites about how Barry is the eviliest evil that ever eviled but I just can't .
It ain't like folks suddenly read the fine print on the tax cuts yesterday and went "oh shit". Congress, last time I checked, was responsible for writing laws and but for the fact that the Democrats were afraid that the Republicans were going to call them names, they could have passed something in say oh September.
I'm sick of the whole damn lot of them.
Right; I'd like to see a little less shitting on the prez and a lot more shitting on the Democrats in congress, especially the Senate, and especially especially Reid, Nelson, Landrieu, etc., etc.
Yep. Obama did go around most of the country trying to rail against the Bush taxes but as per usual, congress ran and hid at the mere mention of taking a stand before the elections and so put everyone into a spot where the Republicans were able to do what they do. This shouldn't be on Obama.
The Democrats' "Let's Put This Off Until the Lameduck Session" strategy, like all Democrats' strategies, seems to have failed.
Well, most of the Democratic loses were from the "Blue Dog" clowns.
A president is a leader of his party, period. More than this particular issue, alone, this was a reaction to a decided pattern of him showing poor leadership. It's fair to say he shouldn't be responsible for writing fine detail of policy, but he's supposed to AT LEAST be able to control the narrative. He should have been out there early in the year saying that if the Republicans wanted their tax cuts, he'd give it to them if they could pay for it. He again and again and over agains lets the GOP control the narrative, and only when he fucks up by letting the bickering go on too long does he get pissed at his party. Boo-fuckin'-hoo, Barry.
He has the bully pulpit; he's the leader; he's supposed to be able to control or at least try to steer the narrative. He didn't. Even an effective Congress is by its very nature more deliberative (read: slow), so you don't rely on them to shape a narrative.
This is very much on his head. He always brags about being the so-called high-minded adult in the situation, above politics, yada yada yada. But when it comes to straightening the children out, he waits until they last minute when they've become so unruly as to be incapable of being pulled out of their snit quickly enough.
But the President DID use his "bully pulpit" to rail against the taxes and did so for several months before the election. He was also the only major Democrat to do so as all the usual suspects hemmed and hawed as every Dem running for re-election wouldn't touch the subject. Congress tried to do something about it in September and decided to do what they usually do and punted. With nowhere to go and the Republicans holding unemployed people hostage, he put together a deal that does have some positive things about it.
God knows Obama's communication staff has pretty much been a joke but is it even possible for a Democrat to hold a "narrative" these days? Nobody paid attention to Obama back then because there was an election going on and Sarah Palin was posting on Facebook a lot. And then there's the Village which thinks Obama's not being bipartisan enough except when he is and then he's showing weakness and then there's FOX and Drudge who drive the political narrative. Obama could give an hour-long speech with a chalk board describing how lower taxes leads to deficits and how no money equals no jobs but the story out of it would probably be about how "professorial" the speech was and how his chalk wasn't multi-colored enough.
In short, we're all screwed.
Hear hear
Well said, Moz. Saved me a lotta typing.
And that's why Obama is morally weak.
Making things even worse, I hear traffic stop slavery is on the rise.
Okay, part of me is sorta hoping that Assange gets as far as a courtroom, if only so he can bring up the pimping kids as sex slaves to thugs in front of a camera where Corn Syrup America can see and hear.
Yes, this is why we must fear the winkilinks, because we can't stand the thought of being exposed for the acorn pimps the rest of the world already knows us to be…
Thank you, Chuckie Jesus, you have provided the inspiration for my next blog, which I am about to write right now (www.gurukalehuru.com).
Okay, this was 12+ P at its height, now it's down to 8? I guess Corn Syrup America doesn't like being called by name.
dont firgit the diareeya on CNN…thats wuz the hilite of my weak.
Let's really get this "CiCi's Pizza is socialism" meme going over on Breitbart and see if we can get it to snowball. It may not be socialism, but its nasty.
What? You don't like nachos pizza or custard-like pizza for desert ??
there are alternatives to compromise.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFM7Ty1EEvs
I think McCain's DADT issues stem from his imprisonment during Vietnam. I think he might've had gay sex while there and can't deal with the fact that he can't have teh gay anymore. Cindy is cool and poor substitute. Perhaps he should check out Rentboy. I understand they offer quality and discreet baggage handling.
If Walnuts were a real Christianist he would be making regulal use of the Rentboys. But he is just faking it for political purposes.So he sticks to Cindy and feels bitter about it.
At least with Cindy he can have a nice beer afterward.
Rent boy someone to lift that old man bag one more time.
Michelle Obamar took away our cheese fries and Barack Obamar replaced it with giant, thick tortillas.
You're the boy, or girl, who cried "Arepa!".
"We are so fortunate in America and we are responsible for helping those less fortunate."
Sounds like Sarah the Media Personality has been palling around with communists.
The fuck does she think she's doing down there, anyway? Ensuring a fair election or something?
Alaskunt, indeed.
Hopefully catching cholera and enjoying a slow miserable diarrhea, that we could watch for hours of endless delight on CNN.
At the very least, once Snowkunt leaves, cholera will seem pretty pleasant by comparison.
I wonder if it ever occurred to her to just send the $$$ it cost to get her ass and her posse down there instead. Send the plane loaded with donations, bring it back with victims we could maybe save?
No, that would've required thought…
She apparently made comments this weekend that Haiti needs a "military airlift of supplies" to help. But a private citizen with millions of dollars and an army of people willing to jump at her littlest whim? Pffffft. Not only would that have taken thought, it would also take work and we know how she feels about working.
Let me summarize; no, let me sum up our Chanukkah week-plus.
Fuck fuckitty fuck fuck fuck.
We continue to be fucked. By fucking everybody.
Sweet Dreams.
I feel more shit upon than screwed. That is…
Poop poopity poop poop poop
If you want a picture of the future, imagine the CNN diarrhea video splashing into a human face–forever.
Today we are all partisan hacks.
today want a all hack
Can dogs hear tubas?
I'm sure Jammacain and Bitch McConnell will 71 themselves into oblivion after such a successful week.
This is how Hannukah is celebrated in Real America, WV:
http://morgantown.craigslist.org/grp/2105272278.h...
wow, that song " Morning, Morgantown" doesn't sound so good now.
"we the white people must sucure our future and our childrens future "
Skoal Rebel singing Whitney Houston?
It's very Teabaggerish about the grammar.
As a long time member of the Professional Left, allow me to say that it is not a good career option for those graduating from college, getting out of the army or dropping out of high school.
The pay isn't what it used to be back when we were all puppets/tools/agents of the USSR; its a dead-end job without much chance of advancement; it doesn't look very good on a resume.
Recent grads, dropouts and discharged may want to look at fields with a chance for growth like beating dead horses.
I'll be in the academy for a few more years, but thankfully I work on places that are *not here* so I mean hey some options. I'm still going for the fabled professorship but barring that I mean, global NGOs, maybe? Anything to avoid serving french fries.
But the sad part is that now is probably when the country needs its academics to speak the loudest, and there just doesn't seem to be much of a platform for public intellectuals these days. (Thomas Friedman? "Most Influential Thinkers," are you kidding me, Foreign Policy Magazine?)
That Friedman/FP deal was disgusting. I commented along the lines of "You fuckers show how idiotic you are by naming Friedman any type of thinker".
What the hell–Maybe I'll run into you at the ex-pats bar on Lumumba Street in Dar es Salaam sometime. The first round is on me.
Well, thanks to the tax deal, someone likes Barry again. Also.
This is beyond hopeless. This crap that Obama is becoming a centrist now and this is a brilliant political move is completely disheartening. He was a centrist and this move put him, just like our whole political discourse, farther to the right. Unfettered Wall Street croneyism, endless wars, a HCR bill that only entrenched the middlemen, and giving the Repubs their most precious desire: tax cuts for the rich. And the MSM plays along and spins that this is his best moment. From the WaPo article:
This was the best showing for Obama in many months.
I propose the question, and few here will agree, but what is the difference between Obama and some middling Repub in the WH? Someone tell me. Because I have a political sadz for the last week that is profound.
I was thinking along the lines that Broder's and other's obsession with an arbitrary political spectrum is lazy policy analysis.
Obama's never been an ideologue. Obama is a pragmatist, and that doesn't fit inside Broder's idea of a rigid left-right spectrum (with different relative positions having clear-cuts beliefs). Right or wrong, he's going to do what he thinks will work the best and still has the best chance of getting passed.
…that doesn't fit inside Broder's idea of a rigid left-right spectrum
Doesn't seem to fit into many, many peoples' idea of a rigid left-right spectrum, as half the comments on Wonkette the last week indicate.
With endorsements like those, how could he possibly lose?! Yea! Race to the Middle! Because there is no right or left; there only is, right? Because the truth is ever only found in the center and by consensus, right? Because one side is never completely right on and about an issue, right? Fuck yeah!
What a fucking bunch of intellectually lazy cads we have in our media. You can't ever lose when you ride the fence, right? Well, except for that fact that you lose every. damned. time. when you make a pattern of it.
Curling up into a near-fetal position and begging your opponent not to kill you isn't a strategy; it's a death wish.
Hmmm, can anyone else see the "thumbs up/down" buttons anymore? I'm logged in and can post normally, but the "thumbs up/down" buttons seem to have turned invisble. (They are there, however — if you hover your cursor to the right of the "+n" on a post, it will show there are Javascript links there, just not a graphic.)
are you using chrome? that happens to me sometimes when i'm using chrome.
Nope, Internet Explorer. But the button graphics have now reappeared, so the day has been saved!
What happened to the Gawker hack story? Was it, in turn, hacked? And how soon will those responsible for hacking the hack story be hacked?
Oh boy. Please don't tell me the Orthodox don't view you as "real" Jews in the same way you've got a lot of Protestant fundamentalist who'll swear to you up and down that Catholics aren't Christian. Man do I hate religion. So, you guys are like the Unitarian Universalist of Christianity, or not quite that far outside the fundamentals?
Oh, tongue in cheek, somewhat. When I was a kid my Conservative friends used to give me shit about the "church" I attended. There are certainly sects of Hasidim who consider anything else to be not a real Jew, but mainstream Jewry isn't like that. Even many Orthodox I've run across don't think that way.
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