AND DON'T FORGET TO NUKE IRAN  6:44 am December 10, 2010

John Bolton Has An Opinon About Wikileaks: Barack Obama Sucks

by Ken Layne

Also there's cum caked in Bolton's mustache again!Have you been waiting and waiting for former UN ambassador/UN hater John Bolton to chime in with some wingnut bullshit regarding WikiLeaks? Well, the God of America heard your prayers! (American God did not, however, hear all your other prayers. So, maybe a job next year?) Anyway, John Bolton is pretty much an “O.G.” when it comes to the cyber sex or whatever so he has some solid grounding when it comes to forming an opinion about all the WikiLeaks leaking all over the place all the time, and it is pretty much that Barack Obama is far worse for America than WikiLeaks.

John Bolton, the wingnut who only wanted to bomb Iran for Jeebus and then shut down the UN, while he was a UN ambassador, figures the real problem is that Barack Obama is not doing enough wars against certain countries (Iran). So it stands to reason that Obama is just letting these Wikis leak all over the place, when he should be prosecuting the Global Internet the same way Sarah Palin sued Gawker for publicizing her book for free:

This sustained, collective inaction exemplifies the Obama administration’s all-too-common attitude towards threats to America’s international interests. The president, unlike the long line of his predecessors since Franklin Roosevelt, simply does not put national security at the center of his political priorities.

We already know Barack Obama is morally weak because he might still sneak a cigarette now and then. The question is, according to Bolton, why Barack Obama hates America so much that he’ll even allow North Korea to not be nuked, because of WikiLeaks:

More troubling than WikiLeaks’ latest revelation of US secrets, however, is the Obama administration’s weak, wrong-headed and erratic response. Unfortunately, the administration has acted consistently with its demonstrated unwillingness to assert and defend U.S. interests across a wide range of threats, such as Iran and North Korea, which, ironically, the leaked cables amply document.

Exactly. And why is the Guardian posting this ignorant drivel, anyway? Are they now following the Obama Doctrine of just letting ideological enemies and intellectual midgets stomp all over the place? [Guardian]

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lochnessmonster December 10, 2010 at 6:51 am

Bolton is a dolt…and what's he hiding in that moustache of his?

Zvi_Bleindmeis December 10, 2010 at 8:17 am

If the top five feet of John Bolton were to disappear, I don't think anyone would miss them.

x111e7thst December 10, 2010 at 6:54 am

Would you buy a used moustache ride from this man?

angryclownspawn December 10, 2010 at 11:18 pm

John Bolton's moustache is a bigger danger than Barack Obama.

Terry December 10, 2010 at 7:04 am

Honestly, who cares what this guy thinks?

Zvi_Bleindmeis December 10, 2010 at 8:19 am

Right. And did we really need a remake of "When a Man Loves a Woman"?

HedonismBot December 10, 2010 at 8:59 am

What a no-talent ass clown.

genxr December 10, 2010 at 11:03 am

I celebrate the man's entire catalog. But you must *really* be a fan!

MLHencken December 10, 2010 at 12:57 pm

So, what's your favorite song of his?

Negropolis December 10, 2010 at 10:34 pm

The Guardian.

Hell, the English "media" save for the BBC is about the equivalent of the National Enquirer.

Terry December 11, 2010 at 4:45 am

National Enquirer plus those "page 6" girls or whatever their page number is.

AntonovBureau December 10, 2010 at 7:08 am

As a fiscal conservative, Bolton knows the best way of restoring the economy is spending a few trillion on a new war.

horsedreamer_1 December 10, 2010 at 8:17 am

If nothing else, the blood will trickle down — nay, positively gush! — in Headtowelstan.

charlesdegoal December 10, 2010 at 8:54 am

The new enemy is obviously Australia. Bomb Melbourne back to the Pommies' Age!

genxr December 10, 2010 at 11:05 am

And nothing says "superpower" like a few predator drones over London.

AntonovBureau December 10, 2010 at 11:50 am

I'm sure he has some Persian dissidents to line up saying the Iranians will welcome the invading troops will be welcomed with open arms and cheers.

V572625694 December 10, 2010 at 9:55 am

David Broder is in complete agreement.

DCHatesMe December 10, 2010 at 7:11 am

Anything can be spun to support any position.

Air is the enemy of America, because the Chinese have open access to it and exhale more of it than anyone on earth, which we import from overseas. Who is letting this chinese air into our country? Obama.

charlesdegoal December 10, 2010 at 9:00 am

OK, so let's also bomb China back to the Ping-Pong dynasty.

Lefty_Lucy December 10, 2010 at 7:13 am

His drapes don't match his carpet, ergo he is a neocon tool and a secret member of NAMBLA. Makes as much sense as anything he's saying here.

genxr December 10, 2010 at 11:06 am

That's a carpet? I thought it was a throw rug

GravyBoyJohnson December 10, 2010 at 7:18 am

well said by another hero who had some kind of security something job and kept merika safe on 9/11.

V572625694 December 10, 2010 at 9:56 am

Interim appoinment as UN "ambassador," because Bush couldn't ram a real appointment down the Senate's throat. ew.

Serolf_Divad December 10, 2010 at 7:26 am

To be fair, when you're a hammer, all the world's problems tend to look like nails. Conversely, when you're a douchebag like Bolton, all the world's problems tend to look like pustulent vaginas.

Honestly: I don't really know how this relates… I just wanted a reason to call Bolton a douchebad.

bitchincamaro2 December 10, 2010 at 7:38 am

"douchebad"–My Wikipejoratives contains no such word, but it totally works. Well done, sir.

Serolf_Divad December 10, 2010 at 7:48 am

Ooops, typo… what I mean to write,of course, was "anal sore."

ttommyunger December 10, 2010 at 7:29 am

John Bolton, the not-too-bright, but so ugly he's cute puppy of the Right. He barks constantly and if you don't watch him, he'll pee on your shoe if he gets excited. Otherwise, he's harmless.

Boehneriffic December 10, 2010 at 10:36 am

Best description evar. I shall hold it close to my moustachey heart.

ttommyunger December 10, 2010 at 10:46 am

I do try. Thank you.

bitchincamaro2 December 10, 2010 at 7:35 am

This yob makes me miss zombie Cheney.

Not really.

BaldarTFlagass December 10, 2010 at 7:50 am

I say we take off and nuke the entire website from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

jim89048 December 10, 2010 at 12:23 pm

Lurve your new sexy avatar, Mr Flagass.

johnnyzhivago December 10, 2010 at 7:54 am

Bolton is right of course. Obama should have immediately launched drone attacks against the Internet. Now the Internet has had time to get away and hide, probably to a WiFi enabled safehouse somewhere on the Afghan/Pakistan border. Next thing you know it will be going offline to join one of those Al Queda training camps.

When American computers start spitting out words in Arabic and numbers in Metric, don't say you weren't warned.

horsedreamer_1 December 10, 2010 at 8:19 am

Metric!? I always figured the incongruous Rightist hybrid of Bircher isolation-cum-exceptionalism & Monroe-Doctrine-spouting interventionism would prefer to say System Internationale when describing non-English units, to make it seem more sinister.

binarian December 10, 2010 at 9:55 am

Bolton is just another example of a technically challenged dumbass who has the dimmest possible view of what the internet is and how it works.

GuanoFaucet December 10, 2010 at 7:55 am

Bolton should be charged with 'tard by surprise. You know his column will be fucking stupid, but you can never anticipate just how fucking stupid it will be.

slithytoves December 10, 2010 at 7:56 am

If Obama is , morally weak because he might still sneak a cigarette now and then, then I am going straight to hell, although preceded by the likes of John Bolton.

johnnyzhivago December 10, 2010 at 7:59 am

Thanks a lot, Al Gore, for inventing the Internet – the worst and most dangerous terror weapon of all time.

freakishlywrong December 10, 2010 at 8:08 am

Angry frownstache neocon is alarmist.

binarian December 10, 2010 at 9:56 am

"frownstache"…..well said.

glamourdammerung December 10, 2010 at 8:08 am

Thanks Yosemite Sam for reminding me why I do not "miss Bush yet".

arihaya December 10, 2010 at 8:10 am

John Bolton's mustache is a bigger danger than Iraqi WMDs

ManchuCandidate December 10, 2010 at 8:13 am

John "I LOVE War as long as I Don't have to fight'em" Bolton is much better qualified to write a column about mustache rides than about national security.

BaldarTFlagass December 10, 2010 at 8:16 am

The thing I can't understand is that the Guardian is a left of center paper. Why the fuck are they having anything to do with this clown?

horsedreamer_1 December 10, 2010 at 8:20 am

Michael, you're off the hook. You're no longer the world's worst Bolton.

iburl December 10, 2010 at 8:21 am

The Shaggy D.B. Has Spoken.
Is he implying FDR was the last president to not give a shit about national security? Sure he nationalized a lot of stuff (liberalism) but dont forget, he also created concentration camps for people based on their racial identity (conservatism). At its current rate of spread, Bolton should choke to death on that 'stache in about 6 months, by my calculations.

Gleem_McShineys December 10, 2010 at 2:04 pm

I actually think the Stache is the real living part of him. The rest is just reanimated zombie flesh.

Sort of like the headcrabs from Half Life.

One crowbar to the handlebar, stat.

slappypaddy December 10, 2010 at 8:23 am

what an evil man. a tiny, evil man, the oozings of the pustule of imperial hubris, a pimple on the ass of our nation.

BarryOPotter December 10, 2010 at 8:25 am

John Bolton is an even bigger douche than I thought.

WarAndGee December 10, 2010 at 8:28 am

Remember when we said shit like that about Bush with his illegal domestic wire taps and these fuckers were telling us to shut up or else we hate the troops?

That was great.

BaldarTFlagass December 10, 2010 at 8:37 am

Good times, good times.

Oh, wait.

mumbly_joe December 10, 2010 at 9:28 am

Actually, and taking a cue from Glennzilla here, it's kinda fun to take a lot of the insane troll logic people used to rationalize the illegal wiretaps and radioactive super-gropings and so forth and turn it around vis a vis wikileaks. For example,

Dear US American government: If you didn't do anything wrong, you should have nothing to be afraid of. And, if you're not guilty of anything, you shouldn't have anything to hide. Problem, government?

Bluestatelibel December 10, 2010 at 8:35 am

Yeah, you clown, Obama's a failure when it comes to national security, because under him we haven't been attacked on our own soil, not like under that moron you worked for.

harry_palmer December 10, 2010 at 8:45 am

By criticizing the Commander in Chief John Bolton has just emboldened the terrorists. Kind of like what he did full time for the Bush administration.

Texan_Bulldog December 10, 2010 at 8:49 am

Excuse me, but hasn't Barry taken out more Al-Qaeda leaders in 2 years than Bush (even though they had that handy cheat sheet deck of cards with all the Al Qaeda members faces on them)? As for the other countries, diplomacy is complex. Guess that's why Mikey would like to dispense with diplomacy & just nuke everyone.

genxr December 10, 2010 at 11:11 am

That sounds suspiciously like a fact. We'll just file that away for later — hey look something shiny!

vonrossnyc December 10, 2010 at 8:49 am

Guns don't kill people. Men with Moustaches do.

GodShammgod December 10, 2010 at 8:50 am

John Bolton gave an interview to a foreign paper. Clearly he wants America to die and the eagle to stop soaring. String him up!

Oh, and my guess is that his mustache is really the unwashed residue of a thousand previous Dirty Sanchezes.

GOPCrusher December 10, 2010 at 1:06 pm

John Bolton is a traitor! No American should be bad mouthing the President while in a foreign country! If you don't respect the man, at least respect the Office.

Negropolis December 10, 2010 at 10:37 pm

Dude, this is Dixie Chicks-level traitorism, y'all!

DoktorZoom December 10, 2010 at 8:58 am

A palindrome of "Bolton" would be "Notlob"!

JimmyCarlBlack December 10, 2010 at 9:52 am

At first glance, I thought that said "Nutjob." I guess that kind of works, too.

PsycWench December 10, 2010 at 8:58 am

John Bolton only says what the chinchilla up his nose with the tail hanging out tells him to say.

charlesdegoal December 10, 2010 at 9:02 am

Not to mention the fact that if Obama had a mustache, it would be all yellow from the nicotine.

glamourdammerung December 10, 2010 at 9:07 am

Funny, I was thinking it would be orange from all the "compromise".

Negropolis December 10, 2010 at 10:38 pm

Of green. Turtles molt, too, don't they?

doxastic December 10, 2010 at 9:07 am

John Bolton exists so that one day Dick Cheney can haunt us from beyond the grave.

cheaphits December 10, 2010 at 9:21 am

When John Bolton is your shining star of statesmanship and intelligence, as he is on the right – is it perhaps time to regroup and rethink? Of course it is!

Will the right hesitate for a nanosecond? Of course not!

Katydid December 10, 2010 at 9:30 am

Angry, ugly, and stupid is no way to go through life.

Mindblank December 10, 2010 at 9:39 am

This man's mustache wants him to be Teddy Roosevelt, but fails to drag the rest of him along. Fools are just too heavy to be mustache-driven.

HempDogbane December 10, 2010 at 9:41 am

Iran is going down, and we're going through Canardistan to get 'em !

RedneckMuslin December 10, 2010 at 9:42 am

I wonder if he would have more credibility if he didn't talk with that Geo dubya bush on his lip.


elviouslyqueer December 10, 2010 at 9:54 am

Scabby santorum sucker says what now? Seriously, Bolton, shouldn't you be out looking for a real job instead of still trying to prove that your fatally flawed foreign policy bullshit opinion is somehow relevant?

natoslug December 10, 2010 at 9:57 am

What's the point of having Gitmo if we can't disappear the likes of Bolton? It's almost like we're not really trying to be properly evil.

MadBrahms December 10, 2010 at 10:11 am

I saw "the Guardian" and was momentarily sad. But then I realized what an opportunity this is.

Attention, Britain! You can have John Bolton. Take him, please!

hagajim December 10, 2010 at 10:44 am

Here's the way I look at it. If you were part of the Bush Administration in any capacity you probably ought to just shut your mouth and disappear from public life with what small shred of dignity you have left. Fact: You worked for the worst President in the history of the world and you are a douche – so STFU! Second – didn't someone tell John Bolton that the porn mustache went out with the 80's? Maybe his boyfriend likes the way it tickles his scrotum or something.

tribbzthesquidz December 10, 2010 at 10:45 am

John Bolton is a bigger danger than a 2 ton fertilizer bomb.

Ducksworthy December 10, 2010 at 11:02 am

John Bolton is responsible for more dead Americans than Ossama Bin Laden. No snark intended.

GunTotingProgressive December 10, 2010 at 11:22 am

Why is Ned Flanders so grouchy?

petehammer December 10, 2010 at 11:28 am

Why is that high school principal so sad?

JustPixelz December 10, 2010 at 11:54 am

These chicken hawks love to tell us how much danger we're in from terrorists and Iran and taxes and not-saying-god-enough. They never seem to mention how much danger we're in from poor education, lack of health insurance, crazy gun people, bank schemes, climate change. Let's hear it Bolton: "If a carbon tax will save just one American, it's worth it."

fuflans December 10, 2010 at 12:06 pm

john bolton: undersecretary of state, U.S. ambassador to the united nations.

ladies and gentleman, your bush administration.

marinmaven December 10, 2010 at 12:26 pm

The only thing that should be coming out of the mouths of Bolton, Bush, Cheney, Gonzales, McCain, republicans, neo cons is how sorry they are for screwing our country with so much debt, deaths, dismemberment, and disrespect for our Constitution. These people have no wisdom to share with us except on how everything they have done has resulted in cluster-failure. It amazes me that these war criminals would have the nerve to pretend they have anything to offer than disaster. It is even more amazing that people listen to them.

elpinche December 10, 2010 at 12:39 pm

John Bolton is always bitter because his mustache smells like severely tainted choad.

GOPCrusher December 10, 2010 at 1:08 pm

Like someone else has posted, John Bolton should take this opportunity to enjoy himself a nice hot cup of Shut The Fuck Up.

MinAgain December 10, 2010 at 1:36 pm

John Bolton is still alive?!?! I thought his lip hair had gone all were-stache at the last full moon and eaten him up.

NorthStarSpanx December 10, 2010 at 4:10 pm

When John Bolton was nominated as ambassador to the United Nations, he had been on the record of saying: "The Secretariat building in New York has 38 stories. If it lost ten stories, it wouldn't make a bit of difference." (This was post 9/11 mind you.)

He had said that "wishful thinking about the United Nations . . . ran into a wall of reality in Kosovo."

He had been skeptical of U.N. peacekeeping operations, skeptical of the U.S. obligation to pay its U.N. dues, skeptical of just about everything, really, to do with the United Nations.

All of which made him an ideal candidate to be America's U.N. ambassador as the nation's most Ugly American. I mean that literally and figuratively.

Sigh. Can't we just go back to liking public figures just because of what jobs they hold despite how they got it and how they conduct themselves?

Rotundo_ December 10, 2010 at 6:05 pm

The picture of him in the column is the only one I have ever seen of the man smiling. What innocent creature were they dismembering alive behind the camera to coax that out of him?

Negropolis December 10, 2010 at 10:31 pm

Ken, it's "intellectual little peple," ok?

Negropolis December 10, 2010 at 10:32 pm

The great Otter-Human hybrid has spoken. Tremble beneath his condemnation, oh, and his mustache. Also.

Negropolis December 10, 2010 at 10:40 pm

BTW, I'm totally tripping, because every time I look at the guy, all I see is his face fading away and the talking mustache remaining a la the grin on a Cheshire Cat.

FieryLocks December 11, 2010 at 12:54 pm

Bolton is more dangerous than most people. that fucktard wanted to start WWIII.

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Dr_pangloss December 13, 2010 at 9:41 am

I really don't know John well enough to speak on his national security credentials but his hockey stash is so massive that he could coach a peewee hockey team to the Stanley Cup.

NorthStarSpanx December 10, 2010 at 4:14 pm

I think that is why Rush Limbaugh said that Sarah Palin's book, Going Rogue, was "Truly one of the most substantive policy books' he's ever read.

Dr_pangloss December 13, 2010 at 9:44 am

Massive tax cuts for you and your rich friends, get it straight. Raise taxes on poor folks and cut social programs. Build a private army of trigger happy former special forces christian fascists to guard your Burbclave from the dirty starving masses. You know the plot of every crappy Ayn Rand book.

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