If any art form can truly be called American, it’s offensive text on the signboards of churches and places of business. The latest masterpiece comes to us from an electronic repair shop in the Florence for this kind of art, Alabama: “BBQ PORK RESTAURANT IS SAFEST NO MUSLIMS INSIDE SEWER CAM REPAIR.” That’s right, if we are interpreting this right — though there’s no wrong way to interpret art — each and every Muslim in the world goes to a restaurant at least once a day and blows himself up. But he does not go places that serve pork, because his lips could shoot out from his exploding jaw and land on someone’s plate of pig butt, and silly Muslims and Jews and such think putting a pig’s butt in your mouth is unclean or something.
Biddinger says he received the quote in an e-mail. He says he tries to change the sayings on both sides of the sign once a week.
See, the art of the offensive AOL chain-letter joke and the art of the offensive signboard are starting to influence each other, and we’re all richer for it. [ABC 33/40/Mediaite]
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And so they will go out of their way to target these places. And there's no chance of killing fellow Muslims. Brilliant.
And tasty!
From your lips to Allah's ears.
Great that he does sewer cam repairs. His Muslin dietary shot sounds like something that would come from someone proud to take pictures of the city's alimentary canal. Does he put the turdly photos on his Facebookie page.
Do you know how hard it is to get a teevee snake repaired in Florence? I don't either, but apparently there's enough demand that it's worth advertising for it. It's kinda surprising that they have municipal sewers. They probably all run right to the borrow pit, cuz there's no way all those free-thinking Fiorentini could agree to build a sewage treatment plant. You'd need a NPDES permit from ZOG!
'Sewer Cam Repair' has to be the worst pron movie ever made.
Clearly, this brainiac is an expert since he prolly spends most his off time in the pit of the local women's outhouse looking (up) for Miss Right.
If by "local women's outhouses" you mean "men's rooms at local truck stops", yes.
this is the luddite version of opertion payback.
I don't think I'll eat at a restaurant that serves sewer pig.
I do hope, that all the bigots eat nothing but pork from now on and keep a dozen pigs in every room in their house, just to be safe.
I'm pretty sure your wish has already been granted. At least in Alabama.
And eat the pig with Freedom Fries!
So, that's what they are calling rats, these days, eh? Sewer pigs. I like.
He does sewer cam repairs? Oh damn! I thought when you went in to eat you got to watch sewer cam on the teevee. I guess I won't go in now.
I can video yer sewer so y'all can see all that BBQ you ett yesterday!!!!!111!!
I'll bet Alabama has almost as many Muslins as Oklahoma. Hope the legislature passes a law banning Sharia too. Also.
Well banning Sharia law is important, it's not our Constitution already bans it or anything.
When Muslins Not Eating Pork is outlawed, only outlaws will eat Muslin pork. Or whatever, my point is, rib joints won't be safe anymore! Meat Segregation Forever!!!
I would love to see his "Thought for the Day" calendar.
that would require way too many thoughts for this asshole.
They all start with "You might be a redneck if….."
"Dec. 9, 2010: Zip up pants AFTER you put them on."
"Dec. 10, 2010: Don't go out at night. Black people have natural camouflage."
"Dec. 11, 2010: Don't go out in a dust storm. Muslins, being swarthy brown, have natural camouflage."
"Dec. 12, 2010: Sewer cams stimulate appetites. So if you want to promote eateries, show people pictures from inside sewer cams."
"Dec. 13, 2010: Electric fences aren't for pissing on."
"Dec. 14, 2010: Gawd bless white, blond Jesus, and trucknutz."
Well.. You get the point.
I have a strange feeling you just did.
This begs the question: What can we serve at restaurants to keep the Xtians out?
Can't think of anything. The Catholics and Espicopalians are especially tough, since through the miracle of transubstantiation, they actually enjoy noshing on the blood and body of Mr. Jesus himself.
Aborted fetuses.
That would keep away the Catholics alright. But why would you want to open a restaurant that caters exclusively to Dick Cheney?
Coloreds
No, that's who we have serving at restaurants to keep the Xtians out.
Vegetables.
No, that is the conservative equivalent of transubstantiation: Eating the body of Ronald Reagan.
I thought that was only with ketchup and that all other veggies, e.g., broccoli, Brussel sprouts, etc. are verboten.
You could serve compassion, man. They hate that shit. Unless it comes with cheese fries, then not so much.
Doesn't mater what you serve. Just make it gay friendly. At least that way, they will be too busy cruising to spout off.
Muscular Christ does not eat arugula.
Logic and reason.
Was gonna post the same!
Anything on a stick. Looks too crucifix-y.
Vagina
Christians can be very cunning linguists.
Muslims, apparently.
what about mexicans and blacks? Do they eat pork or barbecue at all?
Yes, but not at places that repair sewer cams.
Plus, haven't you learned from our President? All blacks are in fact Muslims. It's in the Bible!
No self-respecting African American would be caught dead dining at a sewer cam repair shop. Or anywhere in the white parts of Florence, Alabama, of course, though, that's a given since the shops probably still have "whites only" signs in their window.
Those "whites only" signs are a historical reminder! Not like we try to actually keep the coloreds out – no sir!
There's that "heritage, not hate" meme again!
He's just lost my sewer-cam repair business.
The Muslims are taking all our best sewer-cam jobs!
dey tuk ar sewer jerbs!
I’m surprised someone can make a living repairing sewer cams or is that the Alabama name for colonoscopy equipment?
I'm surprised Alabama has indoor plumbing.
Its for upskirt videos.
Seriously, you're probably right.
I assumed it was for making sure that Muslims were not trying to invade your restaurant via the sewers.
And since muslims can't wade waist-deep through pork-sewage… safe!
"Sewer Cam" is just another of those quirky southern names, like "Skeeter" and "Forrest" and "Newt". His real name is "Cameron Jackson".
They don't have nearly enough fiber in their diet.
How 'bout being extra safe and eating pork at a Southern Baptist church picnic. Or a synagogue.
I know….Let's put pork chops on every plane. Problem solved.
Hell, from now on, I'm just going to wear pork around my neck. Let's see some Muslim or Jew try something now!
Guns and sausage bullets for every pilot!
If I'm wearing a pork suit, can I opt out of the full body scan?
I avoid cousin fucking conventions so I don't have to meet any sewer cam repairmen.
Ewwww! What on earth is a sewer cam? If it's what I think it is, I certainly wouldn't take it out to be repaired. I just throw the sucker away.
I remember over 20 years ago a guy in Santa Barbara County was caught in a beach park, covered in polyethylene sheeting and hiding in the chamber below a women's outhouse, snapping pictures.
In fact, he looked a lot like this guy.
Yeah, there was on of those creeps who would climb into truck stop outhouses in Southern Oregon when I was growing up.
Good Ol' Merkin Ingenuity!
Relax, people, he said it's just a joke, "it's not about race or religion." Southerners have a long, storied tradition of humour. Why, look at how they used to decorate trees with those suffering from an excess of pigmentation, or their high-spirited refusal to date outside the family tree. It's all in good fun! Besides, as he says, unlike Christians or those Jew devils, "It's a known fact that Muslims have tried to commit crimes in this country." When's the last time you ever heard of a non-Muslin doing something criminal in this great nation?
As a former court clerk, I remember just sitting in 35-day call waiting for anybody to show up in my very white town. The judge would call out "DUIs? Possession? Assault? Anyone?"
Somewhere a dog barked.
By this reasoning, kosher restaurants should be pretty safe too.
or very very unsafe, due to their lack of pork.
No, I think it means that Chinese restaurants are pretty safe too because they serve a lot of pork…Wait a minute…
Depends, there are quite a few Chinese Muslims, although I've never been to one of their restaurants. On the other hand, there are very few if any Jewish Muslims.
Uighur, please!
Not anymore. They are all doing the Jerk Pork thing in the Caribbean now. Mon.
Hui people.
If only I could embed the Citizen Kane slow clap gif here…..
Lots of Chinese muslim restaurants, of different sorts. Lanzhou style noodles! Xinjiang Shish-ke-bab!
I think I'll just stay the fuck away from Alabama instead. I prefer my pork without the southern klan sauce anyway. Enjoy your sewer pig, shittards.
I suggest everyone stay away from Alabama.
Works for me. Duzz it fer yew?
Sure does. I'm on the far side of the world.
Do you repair sewer cams?
Yes we do.
Well wash your hands, I want a sandwich.
This is why my "Majik Anti-Muslim Bacon Necklace" is flying of the shelves. It always pays to advertise on glennbeck.com!
Meet your next congressman from Alabama!
Maude Lebowski: Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here.
The Dude: He fixes the cable?
Maude Lebowski: Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.
He also misspelled restaurant.
Correct spelling is reserved for librul eleetz and terrist muslins. Duh.
Radicalized Muslims don't drink alcohol, either, which is why night clubs and bars are the safest places you can possibly be.
They're also pretty homophobic too, so gay bar FTW.
Sewer cam repair? Why would you put a camera in a sewer? I- I- I just don't get the south.
I avoid Cracker Barrel, fast food restaurants, Nascar races, and basically all of the south, just in case being a bigoted moron is contagious.
Laugh all you want at Mr Sewer Cam Repair, but have any of you ever been attacked by a Muslim in a BBQ? Huh? Have you?
I've never been attacked by a Muslim ANYWHERE.
I don't even own a sewer cam! Shit!
Not too late to ask Santa!
Aye, aye, sir!
Still renting, are you, Les?
Forget all that other stuff. I wanna know more about that "sewer cam repair". We gots us a pep rally for the Tiger football team afore the championship game against them Ducks next month and we thought it'd be fun to show the highlights from the sewers again.
Highlights from the sewers? Did Notre Dame have any highlights this year?
If there's one sure way to bring in the customers, it's to put the word "sewer" on your restaurant marquee.
I have never seen a walking talking rectum before this video. I am much smarter having been exposed to one. Thanks Wonkette.
I guess just because he's Catholic, Justice Scalia is invisible to you.
Is a sewer cam used to film ass fuck p0rn?
Yes, and also family get-togethers, weddings, funerals, lynchings and similar Jeebusy events.
One of many great pick up lines: Hey baby, come on over and we'll watch my sewer cam.
"What's on sewer cam tonight?"
"Well they just released the McRib sandwich."
"I'm in!"
What was that joke about the dumbest resident of California moving to Alabama, thereby raising the average IQ of both states? I guess it's not such a joke.
P.S. "No Muslims inside" = Doesn't have the guts to write what he really means, "No niggers inside."
I'm still shocked by the fact that he didn't misspell "Muslims." And by the way, I thought wingtard pervs were in to toilet cams, not sewer.
Yet "restaurant" was beyond his vocabulary, or at least his collection of letters.
Which is kinda odd. Most people who run a restaurant know how to spell the word. But that does help explain why most of these joints just have a sign that says 'BBQ' and nothing else.
barry oughtta drop by, pay the man a visit, eat some of that delicious southern bbq pork, watch a few racist heads explode from the cognitive dissonance.
And drop description=defying bombs in the toilet of the establishment.
Hey, look at the bright side; he's advocating that people go to BBQ restaurants, which are mostly run by black people, so it looks like this Alabaman has allowed his hatred of Muslims to eclipse his hatred of blacks.
Movin' on up!
But how about safest in other ways?
How do hillbillies handle their meat?
Does they wash their hands after fixin' them sewer cameras.
On behalf of rural America: Fuck you, elitist.
I assume that, since the McRib is not actual food, no.
Ironically, everyone that went to a BBQ Pork Restaurant in Alabama got Trichinosis last week.
And if Swedish laws applied, nearly two thirds of the state's male population would be facing criminal complaints brought by Alabama pigs.
Only if the condoms broke.
ipso facto
I'm gonna pitch him and some ABC executives a show — Sewer Cam Repair with the Stars, and see if we can get Bristol a career she can't possibly fuck up.
Why…she fucks everything else…
(that's why she's got another little miracle on the way!)
Oh…. fucks UP. Sorry.
What, do they think that the Messicans are going to invade Alabama by traveling through their sewers?
The one who loved pork was Timothy McVeigh.
Walmart is Safest.
No Smart People Inside.
And judging by the fatso driving scooters toward the snack food aisles, plenty of pork eaters.
"Sewer cam repair" is an anagram for "race war premise." But I bet this guy actually fixes poop-covered cameras for a living.
He's no Bill Balsamico, owner of Casa D'Ice near Pittsburgh.
Enjoy this fine example of his sign-work: http://casadice.com/signs/pages/outside_sign147.h...
Do they ever mention what "meat" it's made of? It's probably like Chicken McGonads style pink schmutz. It can't be kosher if you don't know and it didn't follow proper practices, so I would vote yes on a technicality. If it turned out to be some sort of mutant soybean curd/mushroom, floor sweepin's combination it might actually be kosher.
It does contain pork.
(and a lot of other stuff).
I don't suppose I could interest anyone in adopting an 'urban' librul from Alabama?
Please don't make me stay here.
I got out, Run. You can too.
"Ask for Our Ted Kaczynski Combo Special!"
One of the best chinese places I ever went to had a bait shop in the back with live baits etc. The sewer cam angle is pretty off-putting though. You have this vision of the sewer camera dropping in the dry rub seasonings just before they put the meat in.
I haz confused. If I go into one of these Alabama pork BBQ restaurants and there's a chicken sandwich on the menu, is it not safe? Or do Alabama restaurants only offer one type of meat with their sewer cams?
Oh, shit. Chicken fried steak and fried catfish are okay for Muslins so now I'm not safe at my favorite cafe in rural eastern OK.
And we were having dinner there tomorrow night. Dammit.
I can't imagine catfish being halal or kosher.
BUT, people have "liked" the photo on the Facebookie and left supportive comments. So it must be okay, right?
Shit, and I need my sewer cam repaired. But this sign kind of offends me for reasons that strangely do nothing to curb my desire for bbq pork sandwiches.
"Sewer Cam Repair"???
Just how does one end up in this niche? And what, dare I ask, is different between "Normal" cam repair and "Sewer" cam repair? Experience in excrement removal?
More importantly, how does one break their sewer cam?
Is a Sewer Cam Repair a Southern Colonoscopy?
Lemme see – what other religious group is it that doesn't eat pork and has trouble with the Christmas Holiday?
My family lives in Mobile, and the people there are always good for a laugh. I walked past a restaurant named "Hot Dogs and Other Fine Foods" to ask if there was a Kryspy Kreme doughnut shop nearby. The gal in the drugstore I entered asked me to walk to the front of the store where she showed me an empty lot across the street and said, "No, but there used to be one over there" I never enjoy my time in Uncle Fucker country.
Bigoted cock-jackals? Check.
Anchorman named "Bryant Somerville"? Not buying it.
You gotta pay your dues before moving on the big-time.
I saw that joint on "Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives: To Catch A Proprietor" the other night. A sewer cam is not approved even in Alabama for "checking doneness." Guy Fieri's hair stood on end, he was so pissed.
Slow news day? What was the title of this "News Segment"; let me guess: "The Dumbest, Ugliest Motherfucker We Could Find To Put On Camera Today"?
I in no way endorse killing people for almost any reason and almost under any circumstance. That being said, I have an evil chuckle thinking about a Taliban kind of guy walking into this assface's restaurant.
"Hey…I thought you fellers didn't eat pork."
"I did not come here for dinner"
Kaboom
BBQ Is No Sewer
Pork Safest Muslims Cam
Restaurant Inside Repair
Bob Sykes called. He wants his hickory smoke back.
Come on. This is loads better and more subtle than the "whites only" signboards they use to have down there. My God, they're evolving, y'all! They are finally coming into the snarky/sardonic 1970's.
Thumb me up, y'all. I demand whore-diamonded satisfaction, post-haste. I ain't doin' this for shits-and-giggles.
This would make most Italian restaurants off-limits, too. Sauce Bolognese keeps the Musselman at bay!
I wouldn't WANT to eat anything THAT guy cooked.
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