rumors on the internets

Glourious New Hampshire Saves Children From Sinful World of Literacy

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  • The brave parents of New Hampshire are protecting their kids from literacy by pulling their brood out of classes that require some Socialist fag-literature called Nickel and Dimed. [Fox News]
  • Did you know that tax increases can never, ever, increase government revenue? It’s a startling but true fact, and anyone that believes otherwise is just begging for a lynching, really. [ResistNet]
  • Former UN ambassador/mustache John Bolton thinks Obama is worse than all the WikiLeaks, combined. [The Guardian]
  • After twenty years of irrational self-interest, Ayn Rand’s Adventures in Wonderland is FINALLY being adapted into a three-part Twilight-style epic. [Visions To America]
  • Soon, Twitter will replace marriage as the most sacred institution in America. [WP]

About the author

Benjamin Frisch is a comic book artist, and sometimes journalist currently habituating somewhere on the elitist liberal east coast of the United States. His published works include a short lived, but beloved cross-dressing comic strip entitled Maurice Antoinette and some other stuff not worth mentioning. As a journalist, Benjamin somehow contributed to National Public Radio, with his story At the Concert Hall, a Symphony for Space Invaders. Benjamin is currently delaying adulthood as a graduate student, and plans to remain one forever. He can be twittered at

View all articles by Benjamin Frisch


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Crank_Tango

    Well, is marriage in the Libarry o' congress? No. It isn't.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Ayn Rand’s Adventures in Wonderland

    Alisa Zinov'yevna Rosenbaum's Grandiose Exaggerations of Self Worth


  • Terry

    So, here's the quote from the book that those parents are p.o.'ed about. She's writing about a church service she attended in Maine:

    ""It would be nice if someone would read this sad-eyed crowd the Sermon on the Mount, accompanied by a rousing commentary on income inequality and the need for a hike in the minimum wage. But Jesus makes his appearance here only as a corpse; the living man, the wine-guzzling vagrant and precocious socialist, is never once mentioned, nor anything he ever had to say. Christ crucified rules, and it may be that the true business of modern Christianity is to crucify him again and again so that he can never get a word out of his mouth," Ehrenreich writes."

    Actually, she makes a good point there.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Ehrenreich's whole book is phenomenal, which is probably what pisses these morans off even more. She not only wrote about the economic disparities in the U.S., but she actually fucking LIVED them.

      • MistaEko

        Oh don't worry. Living in New Hampshire, these kids will learn about economic disparities and the problem with minimum wage reeeeeeeeeeeeeall soon.

    • TheMightyHaltor

      Not to mention she doesn't knock Christ so much as she does "Christians".

      • Lascauxcaveman

        She called him a wine-guzzling vagrant! Burn the witch!

        • Oblios_Cap

          First they came for the wine-guzzling vagrants, so we burned the witches…

      • SorosBot

        Wingnut people think that "socialist" is always an insult. This is because they are dumb.

        • genxr

          The comments a priceless. Jesus was never a socialist, because he never advocated FICA tax withholding on income. Jesus said we should only have private charities, and taught that the poor will always be with us, because they're lazy.

      • MistaEko

        It's remarkable. The saddest thing about the story is the kid actually being frustrated with the book and not just the parents – so you know the crazy has sat long and well and our children isn't learning. Everything about middle class poverty bounces off of him and all he can get is someone is questioning the guys who tout his lord.

        • Missyb9479

          "Mom, this book is making me think and question my assumptions. Make it stop!"

          • genxr

            "Don't worry, dear. We can home school you with a curriculum specifically chosen to teach you how your pre-conceived notions are all correct and don't need questioning, ever. You get an A+ in right-thinking with the like-minded!"

          • BerkeleyBear

            "And if this happens again in college, well you just trash the teacher who hurt your feelings in evaluations and make a stink and they'll never get tenure, darling."

          • Beowoof

            Isn't that the truth. Student evaluation of teachers turns the job into who gives the easiest A and is the most entertaining. When you live this reality it is apparent who is and who isn't teaching critical thinking.

    • Gorillionaire

      Indeed the book is superb. It is actually quite funny and gives a sweet, forgiving look at some of the troubled people she encounters. The follow up ("Bait and Switch") is good also but even gloomier because it basically describes the first ten years of my life after graduation.
      Wingnuts should be made to read it like West Point students are made to read "Howl".

      • PsycWench

        Bait and Switch will only be banned when it's a crime to be realistic AND depressing. So any day now.

    • transfatz

      "Christ crucified rules"

      The walrus is Paul.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Um, Ben, the book controversy was in New Hampshire, not Texas. Still, wingnutty is as wingnutty does, regardless of locale.

    • finallyhappy

      oh, good, I read Texas and then read the article and saw New Hampshire- I thought it was my fever and headache but thank gooodness, it was just a wonketty error.

      • Oblios_Cap

        I never thought of throwing down a book I was assigned to read in school and telling my mommy that I wouldn't finish reading it because it offended my delicate sensibilities.

        Isn't it the point to read things outside your comfort zone and thereby learn how to "think" and formulate arguements when getting educated?

        • HistoriCat

          That's socialism! Or maybe muslinism! I don't know which one but I'm against it.

        • elviouslyqueer

          I tried that once, and was told by my mother that I not only to suck it up and finish it, but that I also had to write her a book report. The offending tome? Gone With the Wind.

          • Missyb9479

            Oh Lordy. I love GWTW the book (not so much the movie) but I can't even try to defend the insane racial and gender stuff going on in that book.

            I hope your essay was on the fact that Rhett and Scarlett are perfect for each other because they are both giant assholes.

        • genxr

          It made me think, and I don't like it! I'll just be home-schooled and learn all about how my pre-existing beliefs are 100% correct.

        • BerkeleyBear

          You seem to have confused "gettin' an education" with actual inquiry and self-discovery. The former is the process of obtaining whatever piece of paper you need to undertake some task/career path. The latter is entierly optional in the American system and actively discouraged at a high number of institutions of "higher learning."

        • Redhead

          When I started college in '03 (at a school known for being liberal, though I think it's reputation is not so accurate these days), we were assigned to read that book as incoming freshmen and then meet in small groups in our dorms the first week to discuss it.

          So many kids threw hissy fits and got their parents to call the school that the school backed down and made it optional. This summer freshmen reading program (that they'd been doing for decades) was canceled shortly after, I believe. And most of the people who objected didn't like it because they disagreed – because "my daddy got himself where he is today with no help from anyone so Ehrenreich is wrong."

        • Beowoof

          None of that thinking shit going on, the parents won't stand for it.

    • Benjamin Frisch

      When we saw the words "book controversy" our brain simply assumed Texas because we are terribly prejudiced against those illiterate rednecks. Your Wonkette regrets the error.

      • SorosBot

        If it was Texas, the school would have capitulated, banned the book and fired the teacher who assigned it.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      As long as we're in a proofreading mood, that is a seriously whack spelling of 'glorious' in the headline. I don't think the Canadians even spell it that way.

      • dinkybossetti

        I was going to ask my Canadian fiance if that is how they spell it up there.

    • Negropolis

      New Hampshire is the Texas of New England, anyway. So, same difference, I guess.

  • V572625694

    Praise Jeebus Greenspan, at last a movie version of Atlas Shrugged! Will it be 12 hours long, with — let's see — Jimmy Smits playing John Galt and reading the entire text of his speech? Cuz if they leave out so much as one word the authentickity of the whole thing will be called into question.

    Seriously, wouldn't The Fountainhead, bad as it is, make a better movie? Bristol could play Dominique.

    • el_donaldo

      Anthem made for a mediocre rock album – try to envision Rush making a six disc concept album of Atlas Shrugged

      • Lascauxcaveman

        I'm seeing it more as a Broadway musical.

        A really, really shitty Broadway musical.

        • mavenmaven

          It might go over well if it was done with an Andrew Lloyd Weber book and a lot of sequins. "I love you Dagny/I loooove you/ the purest love/ a love to convert electrical energy into kinetic energy…"
          OK, needs some work

    • SexySmurf

      They did make The Fountainhead into a movie in the 1940s. Gary Cooper plays Howard Rourk, and Ayn Rand wrote the screenplay. I gave it two middle fingers up.

      • V572625694

        Patrician Neal, who was pretty hot in those days – or in “A Face in the Crowd,” a terrific movie – plays Dominique, I see, and from the look of the poster, the writers understood what the quintessential moment of the story was:  she has her first-ever orgasm when Roark/Cooper rapes her. Obviously a feminist treatise.

        • SexySmurf

          Here's a fun fact. Gary Cooper, who was a Republican and married at the time, had an affair with Patricia Neal during filming. When Patricia ended up preggers, he forced her to have an abortion.

          • genxr

            Now THAT's Libertarian!

    • SorosBot

      Smits is too nonwhite for the Libertatians to accept him.

    • OneYieldRegular

      The Fountainhead will almost without a doubt remain the better movie, given that Rand's original was turned inside out – to incredibly campy, hilarious effect – by the communist director of the film, King Vidor. One could only wish that someone like Philip Kaufman (or even better, John Waters) would have been chosen to do the same to "Atlas Shrugged," which is just begging for it.

      • SorosBot

        Paul Verhoeven would be perfect, since he pulled a similar trick with Starship Troopers.

    • Beowoof

      I have never been able to bring myself to read Ayn Rand. After I learned who she was and what she thought, I thought why read something that will just piss me off. I am thinking I may have to break down and read at least Atlas Shrugged.

      • LakeAfflicted

        I got around that by reading the Cliff's Notes. The detached, clinical synopsis and analysis made it rather painless. It was sort of the difference between reading a medical text on horrible necrotizing infections, versus having to actually observe (and smell) a horrible necrotizing infection yourself.

      • V572625694

        Spare yourself Atlas Shrugged. At least The Fountainhead has sexy babes and manly architects with their shirts off, and a is about a thousand pages shorter.

  • charitablearm

    Hey Jerks! Texas has many problems, but that news story isn't one of them. "New Hampshire" is right in the freaking headline!! Get with the program.

    There's no way that book would ever get that far into a Texas school.

    • Maman

      Nor would Dick and Jane unless Dick was rewritten to include a gun rack on the back of his trike.

  • Serolf_Divad

    Nice cut n' paste job, there Resistenet. Nothing says crazy, hyperbolic, unbalanced screed like a liberal smattering of gratuitous enjambment.

    • V572625694

      Hard to make it past this subhead:

      "Thanks to Dick Morris for bringing this to our attention…"

      I think the ladies don't know you don't have to hit "Return" when you run out of room at the end of the computer screen.

  • ph7

    'Wine-Guzzling Vagrant and Socialist'

    Will there be any bartenders up there in Heaven?
    Will the pubs never close, will the glass never drain
    No more D.T.'s and no shakes
    And no horrors
    Very next morning you feel right as rain
    God loves a drunk, for ever and ever, amen

    • johnnymeatworth

      "Will they have Mogen David in heaven?
      Dear Lord, we'd all like to know.
      Will they have Mogen David in heaven?
      If they don't who the hell wants to go?"
      –Larry Gatlin

    • Beowoof

      I may even want to go if I can keep my attitude adjusted without turning my liver into a lump of dusty coal.

  • ttommyunger

    Mustache wrangler and Otter look-alike John Bolton says Obama is worse than Wilileaks? When did Barry get busted for finger-banging a couple of Danish Tarts (Redundant?). Does Michelle know about this? Is Bolton just jealous? Why am I asking you?

    • BerkeleyBear

      The otter visual is a good one – although he's the evil otter, obviously.

      Maybe texting Scarlett Johannson is unprotected "thumb sex" in Bolton's world? I mean, I don't think Obama wears finger condoms when he uses his Blackberry, and there is that whole jungle fever angle to consider.

      • ttommyunger

        Big time!

      • MissTaken

        I'm definitely considering that whole jungle fever angle right now. Mmm…..yes….mmmm…..nap time!

    • Beowoof

      Was Bolton the evil otter in Florida that chased around and bit the kid trying to video him. Maybe someone from the Bush administration will wind up where the belong at the vet for the needle.

      • ttommyunger

        Rabies could explain Bolton's bizarre behavior, fer sure.

  • Lucidamente1

    New Hampshire had been making such progress in not being New England's retarded little brother. Now this.

    • V572625694

      There's always Maine.

  • TheMightyHaltor

    If less taxes = more revenue, let's reduce taxes to zero and wait for infinity revenue to start rolling in!

  • Rarian Rakista

    I want to add my own.

    Drinking booze together saves relationships.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I've read the whole damn Bible — every incestuous, child-murdering, rape-victim-stoning, fratricidal, racist, xenophobic, begat-ridden, ignorance-endorsing, fatalistic, myopic, hedonistic, misbegotten, drivel-soaked, hypocrisy-loving, self-contradictory, mythological, reason-deprived, glitter-worshipping, genocidal, misogynistic fucking page — several times. So the poow widdle Chwistians who can't abide seeing anybody cwiticize the current crop of scribes and Pharisees can go smoke a pole.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      That, my friend, is an IMPRESSIVE array of adjectives.

    • SexySmurf

      You forgot homophobic. How could you forget homophobic?

      • SayItWithWookies

        Crap. Don't worry though, I'll include it when I inscribe it on Stone Mountain.

    • CthuNHu

      Among the sayings and discourses imputed to Him by His biographers, I find many passages of fine imagination, correct morality, and of the most lovely benevolence; and others, again, of so much ignorance, so much absurdity, so much untruth, charlatanism and imposture, as to pronounce it impossible that such contradictions should have proceeded from the same Being. I separate, therefore, the gold from the dross; restore to Him the former, and leave the latter to the stupidity of some, and roguery of others of His disciples. Of this band of dupes and impostors, Paul was the great Coryphaeus, and first corruptor of the doctrines of Jesus.

      T. Jefferson

      • transfatz

        Needs more thumbs up.

    • GeneralLerong

      You and Mark Twain, dude.

      "[the bible] is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies.

      But he really got going in The Mysterious Stranger, eh?

      • SayItWithWookies

        That was way cool — Letters from Earth is even more ranty though — even shocking in its spitting disgust for religion. Now I'm gonna have to go dig it up and read it again.

    • transfatz

      I can see you've really read it.

    • transfatz

      The Good Book.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I had to go to the Ayn Rand article. It's amazing how few comments there are. One person was aghast (!) at the parallels between these modern times and Ayn's 'masterpiece".

    What might those be, I wonder? Because I certainly can't see any.

    • Rarian Rakista

      The same parallels they see when reading Jesus's bestseller the Bible, do you really think they have read more than a smattering of choice paragraphs in either?

    • Fare la Volpe

      "People want me to do my job. I don't wanna 'cuz I'm special."

      Wait, that might be Fountainhead. Which is the one where the Mary Sue protagonist blows up the apartment complex he built because someone was egregious enough to not like his design?

    • baxterthepug

      What's really funny is that Rand was an atheist and hated Christianity. Brinklely hated her, but today's so called conservatives probably don't know who he is.

  • mumbly_joe

    And hilariously enough, the quoted passage isn't actually un-Christian, it's just anti-the modern day Pharisees that call themselves Christians. Erenrich (who I certainly agree is obnoxious on other accounts) was excoriating the church for pretending the social justice messages that fill out the entire New Testament just don't exist, because it's inconvenient. "Wine-guzzling" might have been a bit inapt, but it's hardly a stretch to go from "It's easier for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle than a rich man to get into heaven" to socialism, y'know.

    I dunno, must've struck a nerve or something.

    • binarian

      The teacher who added this book to his or her curriculum clearly had unrealistic expectations for her students. Also, I'm betting this kid was just looking for a reason not to read this book, knew his parents mind set and knew this strategy would work. Well done, boy.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Twitter will replace marriage as the most sacred institution in America

    And do you take this twat to be your lawfully wedded husband? I thought not.

    • jim89048
      • ShaveTheWhales

        I dunno about twitter, but these could revolutionize cold-weather finger-banging.

        • jim89048

          That was my first thought upon seeing them. Or rolling blunts, but I don't know anything about rolling blunts.

  • SexySmurf

    The actor playing John Galt was on One Tree Hill. Was the dude who played Dean on Gilmore Girls not available?

    • genxr

      Dang. I was really hoping Kirk Cameron would be available for the role.

  • SorosBot

    "But finally he came home one day and said ‘I'm not reading this book, I'm done reading this book, I am not reading any more of this book,' and he slammed it down and said, ‘This is junk!'"

    It's a miracle, we actually have a young teabagger; and he's got the petty petulant whining down pat.

    • edgydrifter

      Funny, that tactic didn't work at all when I tried it with "Johnny Tremain" in 6th grade.

      • SorosBot

        I should have tried that with Our Town; I was extremely offended by how boring that was.

    • Beowoof

      More high fructose and fries for the kid and pretty soon he will be another illiterate asshole riding his rascal around Washington.

  • hagajim

    They pulled their kids out because they didn't want them to realize that Mommy and Daddy were pulling in something less than $25K annually – but yet little junior still had his PS3 and Wii. Also – they didn't want the poor little kids to understand that this is their future working for their corporate overlords.

    • Dan

      I grew up in that town and believe me, they ain't hurting. THEY ARE THE OVERLORDS.

  • BornInATrailer

    Awesome, my town makes a Wonkette article.

    • CthuNHu

      Ah, Bedford. Home to "Gays can't make a PB&J sandwich" John Cebrowski, Keith Murphy, King Tut lookalike (the mummy, not the mask) Moe Villeneuve and a cast of thousands of entitled upper-middle-class egotists who judge people's worth not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their wallets. I gather your new senator Ray White is pretty much a whackjob, too.

      But hey, dinner at the BVI kicks ass. Or so I hear, I don't fart Krugerrands.

      • BornInATrailer

        I'm fairly certain this town is 100% assholes, myself included. Sadly, I appear to be a very different form of asshole utterly incompatible with the vast majority.

        Hey, at least Nancy "wriggling in excrement" Elliot wasn't ours. Boy am I setting a low bar right there…

        • Dan

          We've still got Sarah Silverman, right? RIGHT?! Anything?

          Uhgg… grew up there and finally escaped two years ago… to Manchester.

  • gurukalehuru

    Merry Wine Guzzling Vagrantmas, everybody!

  • MistaEko

    Three parts?! I guess the kajillion-page monologue requires its own 2-hour flick.

    /seriously, Harry Potter overstepped its bounds breaking up book 7.

    • Rotundo_

      A Wholly (unpleasant) Trilogy. It is amazing that these idiots still lap up Ayn's droppings like manna from above: If there is one thing that has been designed into the system, hell the whole of society it is this: Individuals are dispensible. Most of the assholes reading this drivel see themselves as Galt railing against a society leaching away their just rewards for being special. They are not special, even people who know them do not consider them special (although, if they are big enough assholes, they may not get told so to their faces). The idea that if the wealthy suddenly decided to go on strike, that civilization would go on strike is an amusing fairytale. Some other schmuck would walk into Galt's office and pick up the pen and move on.

  • dinkybossetti

    From the Union-Leader (NH's own horrifyingly bad newsrag), the father of the kid who refused to read Nickle and Dimed said this:
    "Nobody gets out of the hole in this book," Taylor said. "Really, is that the message we want to teach children in Bedford, who of all Americans ought to be capitalists, and produce the wealth that other people enjoy?"

    I'm just wondering if anyone can help me understand what the hell this means. I'm confused on at least 2 points:
    1. I live very close to Bedford, and I'm not sure what about the children in Bedford makes this man think they have more of a – searching for the correct word here – right(?) or responsibility(?) to be capitalist than any other Americans.
    2. Why would you want your kids to produce wealth for other people to enjoy? That sounds like socialism, sharing with other people the wealth that you yourself created. Shouldn't your kids try to produce wealth that only they can enjoy?

    Any help with these mysteries would be greatly appreciated.

  • JustPixelz

    Those NH parents are so dedicated to protecting their kids. Reading that liberal swill, meeting with the principal, talking to Fox News. They'll do anything to make that school the best it can be. Well, except pay higher taxes to fix the building.

    But eventually this 16 year old bubble boy will burst out and take a gander at the intertubes. What a day that will be!

  • GeneralLerong

    "just begging for a lynching, really"

    OK, I'm still laughing about that one. Thanks!

    And I foresee so-o-o-o-o many occasions in the future when I can trot it out and enjoy it all over again.

    Now, back to re-reading Griftopia…

  • lochnessmonster

    Those parents probably listen to the SteveDahlShow podcast…it's right in the show jingle..reading is for losers, everybody knows…

  • Tundra Grifter

    Since government revenues increase when taxes decrease, we just need to cut the tax rates to zero and our governments will have all the money they need.

    Am I right or am I right?

    Then we can all work on losing weight by eating more…

    • transfatz

      "Then we can all work on losing weight by eating more…"

      I've got my best man on it.

  • donner_froh

    ResistNet: "Coburn, Crapo, and Gregg are laboring under the grand illusion that tax increases can reduce the deficit."

    Deficits are bad unless Mitch McConnell says they are good.

    I hope that's clear for everyone.

    • SorosBot

      They're suffering from a Grand Illusion? Then don't be fooled by the radio, the TV or the magazines; they show you photographs of how your life should be, but they're just someone else's fantasy.

  • PsycWench

    This family was equally furious when their son had to read "Huckleberry Finn" because of the constant use of the n-word and the tacit acceptance of slavery and the portrayal of a child who had to deal with an alcoholic father. Right?

  • BornInATrailer

    12 steps, 12 disciples. Symmetry, baby.

  • transfatz

    Don't Read or Die!

  • deanbooth

    These people live in myth world, where the Jebus myth has been blended with the America-as-the-land-of-freedom-and-equal-opportunity myth. It doesn't matter that their myth is completely detached from both the Bible and American history — since it is sacred, any facts that go against it are rejected as blasphemy.

  • Negropolis

    Live free, or die trying is what I always say. And 50 Cent. Also.

  • melvin68

    Jordan Henderson is a complete pussy. He must get his ass kicked at least twice a week.