it's morning in america

Unemployed Succubus Christine O’Donnell Hates Unemployed People

We would braid Christine's pubes for her and make them look all pretty, if she promised to go away.

  • Outspoken fraud Christine O’Donnell hosted a fabulous Pearl Harbor Party at “a Chinese restaurant in Virginia” last night, and hundreds of white people came to hear her vomit lies and Lo Mein. (Nasty old Teabaggers love this lady, because she makes their penises tingle. And Christine loves them back, because they gave her millions of dollars, much of which she kept for herself to buy Chinese food.) Between mouthfuls of Kung Pao Chicken Innards, Christine warned against extending jobless benefits, which she called a “tragedy,” and “what the Nazis did to the Jews, at Pearl Harbor.” This might confuse you, since Christine O’Donnell doesn’t have a job. But who needs a job when you have a book deal and a PAC? Good grief. [ThinkProgress]
  • The Great Infowar continues: Anonymous broke MasterCard’s website. PayPal is probably next. [Business Insider]
  • Hey, remember that bearded shitsack, “Joe Miller”? He will argue his “case” in court today! [CBS]

About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

View all articles by Riley Waggaman
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


    1. charlesdegoal

      A casualty – only slightly wounded so far – seems to be the NYTimes. Far better coverage in The Guardian at this time. I guess there is no British Joe Lieberman.

      1. V572625694

        It'd be nice if they could tailor the cyber-weapons to just hit the op-ed pages at WSJ, NYT, WaPo. Or maybe just Kristol.

    2. SorosBot

      You can't win, US. If you strike Julian down, he shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

      1. slappypaddy

        julian is the many-headed hydra, who the u.s. will only be able to defeat with the help of its cauterizing cousin (the brits?) and a sword provided by a goddess of war, civilization, wisdom, strength, strategy, crafts, justice and skill, who actually left town on the last outbound evening train yesterday and is not expected back anytime soon. so not only does the u.s. not get the sword, it gets the crabs wikipedia will infest it with as a delaying tactic.

        this is all true, you can look it up.

        1. Negropolis

          Don't forget the Aussies. Their Prime Lady Minster is all so ready to jump America's bones on this one.

  1. Oldskool_

    We should all be crazy and unemployed and rich, and bitch about the unemployed who haven't scammed anyone. But then we'd to change party affiliation.

  2. BaldarTFlagass

    "Pearl Harbor Party"? For reelz? Can't wait till we have 9-11 parties, once the War on Terror has been won.

    1. Monsieur_Grumpe

      Don't forget the War on Christmas parties. I always get a little misty when the light they Nativity scene bonfire.

  3. V572625694

    The provision of the Federal election laws allowing candidates, successful or otherwise, to keep unspent campaign donations for their personal will go down in history, alongside the Code of Hammurabi and the Magna Carta, as one of the greatest advancement in civilization and law.

    1. tcaalaw

      Are candidates actually allowed to keep the money for personal use? I thought they had to deposit it in a PAC or similar entity (then they can use the money to buy copies of their own books at full retail price and collect the royalties).

        1. Negropolis

          I don't think it's legal for non-elected candidates to do this. Isn't this why she got in trouble, before? For using campaign funds as a personal slush fund after her electoral loses?

  4. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Christine O’Donnell is not going away is she?
    Joe Miller is not going away is he?
    ____________ is not going away is he/she/it?

    On a happier note, Minnesota’s too close to call governor’s race will be over today after the Republican schmuck concedes around 10:00AM.

    1. LeAlbatross

      And yet, I still maintain that Dayton could screw up blowing out a candle. Still, he's better than "Screw the Poors" Emmer. Or T-Paw, or a dust mop…well…okay, yeah, better than a dust mop.

    2. fuflans

      here's the part i most love about this new republican strategy:

      you run a candidate (let's just say, oh, i don't know, palin) who – by all sound analysis on both left and right – costs the party the ticket (possibly the presidency in 2008). instead of going away however, the candidate and the candidate's (insane but unemployed and therefore available) base and the media keep this 'darling' in the public's eye.

      the candidate gets money and attention. the base gets money and attention. the media gets attention (and money). win-win-win except for those who want some kind of actual government and political discourse.

      two years later: HEY PRESTO! 'the economist' runs a piece saying the candidate has done a fab job re-making herself and is a savvy business-person and is now a politician to be feared on both left and right.

      perhaps this pattern will ultimately hurt the right most and perhaps barry's long-game really does have an achievable end-game but i am very fearful we will be stuck with more sarahs, xtines and joes. and eventually they'll win.

      sorry no snark.

      1. Monsieur_Grumpe

        It's all about winning. Never mind that the winner might have a not-so-secret desire to bring on Armageddon ahead of schedule so they be ruptured in time for Christmas.

  5. Serolf_Divad

    O'Donnell only reported an income of $8,500 in 2009, but most of the money she earned from flashing her wild and unkempt naughtybits to strangers was probably paid "under the table" and not reported.

    There fixed.

    But seriously, Christine: you're a grifter with a history of living off credulous supporters' campaign contributions. Now you're smearing people who lost their jobs and are trying to keep themselves above water in the worst job market in 75 years by accepting meager unemployment benefits while they hunt fruitlessly for a real job. So, with all due respect (i.e. none) FUCK YOU.

    1. SorosBot

      Look on the bright side: those campaign donors are teabaggers, and they're wasting their money on this loser. Keep on scamming, Christine!

    2. elviouslyqueer

      Word. Also, did I miss the part where Christine actually got a real job? Like, for real for real?

  6. SorosBot

    Yeah, that extension of unemployment benefits is such a travesty, sort of like getting a raise is one of the worst things that can happen to you.

    Also, from the article, teabaggers are still morons: "Virginia tea party activists said they admire her for knocking out a moderate Republican — Rep. Mike Castle — in the primary and making a solid showing in the general election." First, Castle probably would have won that election, so thanks for that teabaggers; second, a seventeen-point loss is not a solid showing, it is a blowout, a total and complete failure.

    1. charlesdegoal

      Hate to say it but she has a point about Obama creating a "culture of entitlement" as the rich are now going to be more convinced than ever that they are entitled to hold on to most of their income.

  7. MildMidwesterner

    Christine O'Donnell and Sarah Palin are to white trash what Chuck Norris and Superman are to hipsters.

  8. charlesdegoal

    Chinese restaurant? Why not a Japanese one – teh appropriate choice to celebrate Tora Tora Tora.

    1. DashboardBuddha

      OT – Back in the day, my hometown newspaper, The St. Petersburg Times, had a Saturday "youth" supplement called, "The Scene". Each edition had a topical cartoon on the cover. Once Dec 7 happened to fall on a Saturday and the cover illustration showed a Zero being chased by an American fighter. The US pilot yelled out of his cockpit, "Cry uncle!" The Japanese pilot shouted back, "I can't…you know we can't pronounce our "L"s!"

      And the money shot was the caption. "Celebrate Pearl Harbor Day. Take a Jap to lunch!"

      I wish I were making this up.

        1. DashboardBuddha

          Sorry…1974. If it helps though there was a model airplane design from 1943 that was built out of non-strategic materials called the "Jap Slapper" Makes you wonder why they didn't call it the Kraut Kicker or something. It's a funny old world.

      1. SorosBot

        Oh, she probably believes the racist childhood meme of "Chinese eyes slant this way, Japanese eyes slant this way way" (although using different words than Chinese and Japanese).

  9. Doglessliberal

    I love that they wanted Ken "If God Wanted Women to Do Anything But Breed, He Would Have made Them Men" Cucchinelli, but he was busy, so they settled for Christine "No Os For Me" O'Donnell. Who was third choice, Bozo the Clown?

  10. samsuncle

    If it weren't for John McCain Sara Palin would not be a political celebrity. If it weren't for Sara Palin someone like Christine O'Donnell would never be a political celebrity. So, once again, a big fuck you to John McCain.

  11. PsycWench

    I suppose she thinks the tattooes on concentration camp survivors arms were used as jobless benefit IDs.

    I take back the funny witch stuff I may have said in the past. This woman is evil and not in a witch way.

  12. trampndirtdown

    Yea Riley! It's about time we quit talking about people we used to like and now hate and start talking about people we've always hated. Bearded shit sacks and Revirginated doufuses(sic) are my some of myfavorite things.

  13. OobyDoobyDoo

    Dear Christine,

    May I call you Christine? I feel like I know you…with your virginal virtues and your winsome ways.

    May I give you a bit of advice dear? Die, bitch or better yet, since you are unemployed like a good chunk of us Americans, go live under a bridge or your car or hide in the butt of Rush Limbaugh…just go away. Quit sucking on the teat of stupid teatard Americans and JUST GO AWAY.

  14. NorthStarSpanx

    The new American Dream:

    Be rolled out by the Conservative Establishment despite being woefully under-qualified, willfully ignorant, "working-class" arrogant, and in the progression of a campaign turn alarmingly more fringe/cringe-worthy so that when you lose, you get a book deal, hit the speaking circuit and a gig with Fox News for an unfair and unbalanced platform (in case you want to run for President one day.)

    1. FNMA

      These are the people who used to hawk snake oil and the health benefits of surgically inserting goat testicles into your scrotum back in the day. Just a different grift.

    2. SorosBot

      And complain about the government paying money to unemployed people because they're just lazy bums who refuse to get a real job.

  15. johnnyzhivago

    I want to see 100,000 Hova-rounds decend on Washington and shut the city down until they stop those cursed Nazi inspired unemployment benefits!

    What was WW-II anyway, but a giant German-Japanese unemployment program where everyone got free money from the government in exchange for wearing an Army uniform and invading other countries.

    1. Chet Kincaid

      Yes, that's exactly what it was. To the winner goes the spoils, which in this case was 30-odd years of enough prosperity to make it worth indulging working people's fantasies of being middle class. The "good" half of Europe also benefited from this horrible welfare program by being free to pursue economic growth under our Imperial protection. Thank God the world has finally come to its senses!

  16. nicnack74

    I believe it was Andy Worhol coined phrase "fifteen minutes of fame". Thanks to our current news cycle and the influx of unregulated money and politics, it will be extended to a half hour. I now understand why people used to say, "Kill your television". I assume now the interenet would apply as well. Unfortunately, I'm addicted. I live to read the comment section in blogs, if only to laugh out loud in my cube at work.

  17. freakishlywrong

    Who the fuck cares what this loser has to say. About anything.

    The new wingnut meme now is to bitch about the "entitlement" that is unemployment benefits. So, tax cuts to the wealthiest, the estate tax is a "tax on dead people, I mean why do libruls want that?" and fuck the working class.

  18. Oblios_Cap

    You've got to admire the fact the Xtine can afford a lifestyle that includes dining out on Chinese food with a gross yearly income of $8,500. Especially when she's got no talent or intelligence to speak of and shuns the world's two oldest professions – masturbation and prostitution.

    Verily, this country named America must be the mostest exceptional nation the world has ever seen over the entire course of human history to produce such a success story.

    1. jakegittes

      Correction on that shunning the prostitution profession. Xtine is a political whore to the nth degree.

        1. Oblios_Cap

          That's just crazy talk!

          That's like saying that a point in every direction is like no point at all.

    2. cheaphits

      And the promised job creation – the Anti-Obama industry generates millions, no doubt, maybe billions of dollars and hundreds of jobs, if not thousands – Xtine just has a handle on one of the scams and the balls to push it for all it's worth.

    3. superdave

      I admire the fact that she will not bow to the fascist societal dictums in regards to personal hygiene and grooming and lets her groinal mane grow lustrous and wild.

  19. DaSandman

    so, let me see if I have this correct, the unemployed should scam the electorate out of their cash like she did and continues to do? She's our first out in the sunshine kleptocracy candidate!

  20. jakegittes

    Like Christine bitching about the GOP voting for the extension of unemployment benefits is going to make her vote for anybody other than the GOP in the 2012 general election. Bull shit.

  21. Come here a minute

    Freelance grifting is a great job if you can get it — Christine is anything but unemployed. It takes a special talent to go that far spewing unintelligible bullshit.

    1. SorosBot

      Angle's problem is that she's too old and wrinkly for the teabagger guys to be able to pretend she's hot. No fapping, no post-loss grifting.

        1. jim89048

          Nothing makes me want to change party affiliation more than the possibility of her knocking out Ensign, but here in rural Nevaduh she'd most likely win against anyone the Dems could trot out.

  22. Guppy06

    I feel inspired to join with Anonymous. Is there perchance a Department of State website we can share useful and pertinent information on Truck Nutz(TM) through? Or an FBI channel through which to apply to be a Truck Nutz(TM) informant, like Elvis?

  23. ManchuCandidate

    Look out Sarah! You got a new grifter challenger to your throne as Grifter Queen.

    Oh, the pubic hair will be flying fast and furious as these two fight it out to suck money out of stupid fat white males.

  24. PresBeeblebrox

    "O'Donnell lost to Coons by nearly 17 points, but Virginia tea party activists said they admire her for knocking out a moderate Republican — Rep. Mike Castle — in the primary and making a solid showing in the general election."

    Right… because losing by 17 points and hosing downticket Republican candidates by your candidacy, which inspired a huge Anti-Christine Vote, is a "solid showing", just like O'Dildo's statement in her concession speech that "we won" after she lost.

    We've always been at war with Eastasia.

    "Geraldine Davis, another organizer, said O'Donnell will pick up and go on like former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin."

    I'm very much looking forward to "Christine O'Donnell's Delaware" this spring on the Discovery Channel, where O'Dildo will show us, among other things, how to earn a living on campaign contributions as well as her days in the marshes of Delaware hunting muskrats for eatin'.

  25. arihaya

    can we send her as Ambassador Extraordinary to our allies in North Korea?

    they surely have some of the best Chinese food in the world ..

  26. bumfug

    This woman makes me wish her bullshit religion was real just so I could know that someday she'd show up at the gates of heaven only to have Jesus kick a sandal in her underused cunt.

  27. Redhead

    Why get a job when you can just cast a spell and get whatever you want?

    Except, of course, a brain. You have to visit the wizard for that one.

  28. Not_So_Much

    S'alright. We unemployed hate her too. (But I'll probably still google the sex tape when it inevitably comes out — I think it will make me feel better that someone is that bad at it.)

  29. Barbara_i

    "……much of which she kept for herself to buy Chinese food" She's probably been eating the cream of sum-yung-guy soup all along and has been lying through her teeth about it.

  30. comrad_darkness

    Boy, it's a good thing republican's don't purport to believe in income as a reward for contributing an economic benefit.

  31. ttommyunger

    I can understand why O'dummell is doing this shit; she's an unprincipled grifter. What I can't understand is why anyone would attend a function of any kind to support this colossal loser in any of her misadventures. Can you imagine sitting in this joint and looking around to your right and left. Who would these people be? What would they be? Badmouthing the unemployed? Who the fuck does that? I mean, besides Xstine.

  32. Gopherit

    If only the lazy unemployed could follow in the footsteps of greatness and end their unemployed status and run for office, stealing campaign money to make ends meet.

  33. GOPCrusher

    She really compared extending unemployment benefits to Pearl Harbor? Really?
    The stupid, it burns.

  34. Dimitrios_M

    Why should unemployed people be the only sentient thing basking in the fond light emanating from the Black Hole known as Christine No'Donnell?

    Or do I mean, from Christine No’Donnell’s Black Hole?

  35. Gold_ManSacks

    I can see why a person who hasn't held a real job in years and is supported entirely by mildly retarded people sending her a monthly check for no good reason what-so-ever would be offended by social welfare programs.

  36. JustPixelz

    The way she gets people to give her money. It's just … magic.

    She sez Bush tax cuts should be continued forever or until China calls in their IOUs, whichever comes first. But those tax cuts haven't delivered the goods. No jobs, no prosperity, no starving the Federal budget. Bring back the Clinton taxes policies. They — and we — worked!

  37. Negropolis

    The GOP is has perfected the art and skill of deploying the Underpants Gnomes:

    Phase 1: Collect Underpants
    Phase 2: ?
    Phase 3: Profit

  38. mgardener

    Well Christine.
    Not all of us can con people like you do.
    Not all of us can fool, lie and beg people to send us money and run for office and then live off the proceeds.
    I believe that is call swindling people, asking them for money for one thing and then using it for another.
    Most Americans who receive unemployment actually have paid an unemployment tax, so that when they are unemployed, they receive a benefit, THAT THEY PAID FOR!!!!
    I have to shout because people like Christine O'Donnell who have not had a paying job for a while may tend to forget that people pay into the unemployment fund by paying an unemployment insurance tax by the government.

    She may have forgotten what it is was like, since she has not worked for a while.

Comments are closed.