IT'S MORNING IN AMERICA  9:11 am December 8, 2010

Unemployed Succubus Christine O’Donnell Hates Unemployed People

by Riley Waggaman

We would braid Christine's pubes for her and make them look all pretty, if she promised to go away.

  • Outspoken fraud Christine O’Donnell hosted a fabulous Pearl Harbor Party at “a Chinese restaurant in Virginia” last night, and hundreds of white people came to hear her vomit lies and Lo Mein. (Nasty old Teabaggers love this lady, because she makes their penises tingle. And Christine loves them back, because they gave her millions of dollars, much of which she kept for herself to buy Chinese food.) Between mouthfuls of Kung Pao Chicken Innards, Christine warned against extending jobless benefits, which she called a “tragedy,” and “what the Nazis did to the Jews, at Pearl Harbor.” This might confuse you, since Christine O’Donnell doesn’t have a job. But who needs a job when you have a book deal and a PAC? Good grief. [ThinkProgress]
  • The Great Infowar continues: Anonymous broke MasterCard’s website. PayPal is probably next. [Business Insider]
  • Hey, remember that bearded shitsack, “Joe Miller”? He will argue his “case” in court today! [CBS]
 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 113 comments }

mumbly_joe December 8, 2010 at 9:15 am

Begun, this Info War has.

charlesdegoal December 8, 2010 at 9:30 am

A casualty – only slightly wounded so far – seems to be the NYTimes. Far better coverage in The Guardian at this time. I guess there is no British Joe Lieberman.

V572625694 December 8, 2010 at 10:01 am

It'd be nice if they could tailor the cyber-weapons to just hit the op-ed pages at WSJ, NYT, WaPo. Or maybe just Kristol.

SorosBot December 8, 2010 at 9:51 am

You can't win, US. If you strike Julian down, he shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

charlesdegoal December 8, 2010 at 11:01 am

And he'll need humongous condoms.

slappypaddy December 8, 2010 at 12:48 pm

julian is the many-headed hydra, who the u.s. will only be able to defeat with the help of its cauterizing cousin (the brits?) and a sword provided by a goddess of war, civilization, wisdom, strength, strategy, crafts, justice and skill, who actually left town on the last outbound evening train yesterday and is not expected back anytime soon. so not only does the u.s. not get the sword, it gets the crabs wikipedia will infest it with as a delaying tactic.

this is all true, you can look it up.

Negropolis December 8, 2010 at 11:31 pm

Don't forget the Aussies. Their Prime Lady Minster is all so ready to jump America's bones on this one.

Oldskool_ December 8, 2010 at 9:18 am

We should all be crazy and unemployed and rich, and bitch about the unemployed who haven't scammed anyone. But then we'd to change party affiliation.

BaldarTFlagass December 8, 2010 at 9:19 am

"Pearl Harbor Party"? For reelz? Can't wait till we have 9-11 parties, once the War on Terror has been won.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 8, 2010 at 9:25 am

Don't forget the War on Christmas parties. I always get a little misty when the light they Nativity scene bonfire.

V572625694 December 8, 2010 at 9:19 am

The provision of the Federal election laws allowing candidates, successful or otherwise, to keep unspent campaign donations for their personal will go down in history, alongside the Code of Hammurabi and the Magna Carta, as one of the greatest advancement in civilization and law.

Serolf_Divad December 8, 2010 at 9:31 am

I'd put it right up there with the droit de seigneur.

tcaalaw December 8, 2010 at 9:40 am

Are candidates actually allowed to keep the money for personal use? I thought they had to deposit it in a PAC or similar entity (then they can use the money to buy copies of their own books at full retail price and collect the royalties).

V572625694 December 8, 2010 at 10:00 am

Here you go:
http://abcnews.go.com/Business/campaign-finance-s

This is for retiring senators and congresscritters. If you never get elected, like Xtine, then who knows?

Negropolis December 8, 2010 at 11:33 pm

I don't think it's legal for non-elected candidates to do this. Isn't this why she got in trouble, before? For using campaign funds as a personal slush fund after her electoral loses?

weejee December 8, 2010 at 9:21 am

Corn-row Xtine? shudder That would be a bush more frightening than Shrub.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 8, 2010 at 9:21 am

Christine O’Donnell is not going away is she?
Joe Miller is not going away is he?
____________ is not going away is he/she/it?

On a happier note, Minnesota’s too close to call governor’s race will be over today after the Republican schmuck concedes around 10:00AM.

LeAlbatross December 8, 2010 at 10:00 am

And yet, I still maintain that Dayton could screw up blowing out a candle. Still, he's better than "Screw the Poors" Emmer. Or T-Paw, or a dust mop…well…okay, yeah, better than a dust mop.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 8, 2010 at 10:29 am

Yeah, Dayton was not my first, second, third….. choice.
Here comes the grid lock!

fuflans December 8, 2010 at 11:30 am

here's the part i most love about this new republican strategy:

you run a candidate (let's just say, oh, i don't know, palin) who – by all sound analysis on both left and right – costs the party the ticket (possibly the presidency in 2008). instead of going away however, the candidate and the candidate's (insane but unemployed and therefore available) base and the media keep this 'darling' in the public's eye.

the candidate gets money and attention. the base gets money and attention. the media gets attention (and money). win-win-win except for those who want some kind of actual government and political discourse.

two years later: HEY PRESTO! 'the economist' runs a piece saying the candidate has done a fab job re-making herself and is a savvy business-person and is now a politician to be feared on both left and right.

perhaps this pattern will ultimately hurt the right most and perhaps barry's long-game really does have an achievable end-game but i am very fearful we will be stuck with more sarahs, xtines and joes. and eventually they'll win.

sorry no snark.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 8, 2010 at 12:10 pm

It's all about winning. Never mind that the winner might have a not-so-secret desire to bring on Armageddon ahead of schedule so they be ruptured in time for Christmas.

Serolf_Divad December 8, 2010 at 9:25 am

O'Donnell only reported an income of $8,500 in 2009, but most of the money she earned from flashing her wild and unkempt naughtybits to strangers was probably paid "under the table" and not reported.

There fixed.

But seriously, Christine: you're a grifter with a history of living off credulous supporters' campaign contributions. Now you're smearing people who lost their jobs and are trying to keep themselves above water in the worst job market in 75 years by accepting meager unemployment benefits while they hunt fruitlessly for a real job. So, with all due respect (i.e. none) FUCK YOU.

weejee December 8, 2010 at 9:36 am

Don't hold back. Please, oh please, don't hold back.

SorosBot December 8, 2010 at 9:42 am

Look on the bright side: those campaign donors are teabaggers, and they're wasting their money on this loser. Keep on scamming, Christine!

elviouslyqueer December 8, 2010 at 9:55 am

Word. Also, did I miss the part where Christine actually got a real job? Like, for real for real?

BorderJumper! December 8, 2010 at 9:59 am

You mean like a gig @ DWTS?

trampndirtdown December 8, 2010 at 10:00 am

True dat I always wondered how she made that 8,500… Jenny Craig commercials? Before photo of course.

Pop_Socket December 8, 2010 at 11:15 am

Does a book deal count? I didn't think so.

SorosBot December 8, 2010 at 11:44 am

Maybe if she was actually writing it herself, but that ain't gonna happen.

Terry December 8, 2010 at 10:06 am

I was planning on damning her straight to Hell, but that works too.

SorosBot December 8, 2010 at 9:26 am

Yeah, that extension of unemployment benefits is such a travesty, sort of like getting a raise is one of the worst things that can happen to you.

Also, from the article, teabaggers are still morons: "Virginia tea party activists said they admire her for knocking out a moderate Republican — Rep. Mike Castle — in the primary and making a solid showing in the general election." First, Castle probably would have won that election, so thanks for that teabaggers; second, a seventeen-point loss is not a solid showing, it is a blowout, a total and complete failure.

charlesdegoal December 8, 2010 at 9:39 am

Hate to say it but she has a point about Obama creating a "culture of entitlement" as the rich are now going to be more convinced than ever that they are entitled to hold on to most of their income.

HistoriCat December 8, 2010 at 10:40 am

I'm not sure it was possible for the rich to be more convinced about their entitlement.

MildMidwesterner December 8, 2010 at 9:26 am

Christine O'Donnell and Sarah Palin are to white trash what Chuck Norris and Superman are to hipsters.

SorosBot December 8, 2010 at 9:43 am

Chuck Norris is also the same thing to white trash (crazed fundamentalist version).

Mindblank December 8, 2010 at 9:26 am

Well, the Crash of '08 sent eye of newt prices through the roof.

Steverino247 December 8, 2010 at 9:26 am

The Flakes shall inherit the Earth.

charlesdegoal December 8, 2010 at 9:27 am

Chinese restaurant? Why not a Japanese one – teh appropriate choice to celebrate Tora Tora Tora.

DashboardBuddha December 8, 2010 at 9:37 am

OT – Back in the day, my hometown newspaper, The St. Petersburg Times, had a Saturday "youth" supplement called, "The Scene". Each edition had a topical cartoon on the cover. Once Dec 7 happened to fall on a Saturday and the cover illustration showed a Zero being chased by an American fighter. The US pilot yelled out of his cockpit, "Cry uncle!" The Japanese pilot shouted back, "I can't…you know we can't pronounce our "L"s!"

And the money shot was the caption. "Celebrate Pearl Harbor Day. Take a Jap to lunch!"

I wish I were making this up.

natoslug December 8, 2010 at 10:09 am

That's awful. Everyone knows we call 'em Nips now.

DCValleyGirl December 8, 2010 at 12:17 pm

Oh. my. god. Please tell me that was in 1946.

DashboardBuddha December 8, 2010 at 2:03 pm

Sorry…1974. If it helps though there was a model airplane design from 1943 that was built out of non-strategic materials called the "Jap Slapper" Makes you wonder why they didn't call it the Kraut Kicker or something. It's a funny old world.

vulpes82 December 8, 2010 at 9:37 am

I doubt she knows the difference.

SorosBot December 8, 2010 at 10:18 am

Oh, she probably believes the racist childhood meme of "Chinese eyes slant this way, Japanese eyes slant this way way" (although using different words than Chinese and Japanese).

BorderJumper! December 8, 2010 at 9:40 am

How about a North Korean Ally restaurant?

OneDollarJuana December 8, 2010 at 9:51 am

Great food, if you have pica.

arihaya December 8, 2010 at 10:47 am

Tora Tora Tora is also a series/production of Japanese Adult Video

sorry, naughty me.

Doglessliberal December 8, 2010 at 9:27 am

I love that they wanted Ken "If God Wanted Women to Do Anything But Breed, He Would Have made Them Men" Cucchinelli, but he was busy, so they settled for Christine "No Os For Me" O'Donnell. Who was third choice, Bozo the Clown?

xsluggo December 8, 2010 at 9:30 am

Christine, I am similarly appalled by the Serbian attack on the Alamo during the War of 1812.

samsuncle December 8, 2010 at 9:30 am

If it weren't for John McCain Sara Palin would not be a political celebrity. If it weren't for Sara Palin someone like Christine O'Donnell would never be a political celebrity. So, once again, a big fuck you to John McCain.

PsycWench December 8, 2010 at 9:32 am

I suppose she thinks the tattooes on concentration camp survivors arms were used as jobless benefit IDs.

I take back the funny witch stuff I may have said in the past. This woman is evil and not in a witch way.

trampndirtdown December 8, 2010 at 9:32 am

Yea Riley! It's about time we quit talking about people we used to like and now hate and start talking about people we've always hated. Bearded shit sacks and Revirginated doufuses(sic) are my some of myfavorite things.

metamarcisf December 8, 2010 at 9:34 am

"Over? Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?"

MistaEko December 8, 2010 at 12:34 pm

Teabagger 1: The Germans?
Teabagger 2: Let it go, this is as close as she gets to being coherent.

OobyDoobyDoo December 8, 2010 at 9:34 am

Dear Christine,

May I call you Christine? I feel like I know you…with your virginal virtues and your winsome ways.

May I give you a bit of advice dear? Die, bitch or better yet, since you are unemployed like a good chunk of us Americans, go live under a bridge or your car or hide in the butt of Rush Limbaugh…just go away. Quit sucking on the teat of stupid teatard Americans and JUST GO AWAY.

NorthStarSpanx December 8, 2010 at 9:34 am

The new American Dream:

Be rolled out by the Conservative Establishment despite being woefully under-qualified, willfully ignorant, "working-class" arrogant, and in the progression of a campaign turn alarmingly more fringe/cringe-worthy so that when you lose, you get a book deal, hit the speaking circuit and a gig with Fox News for an unfair and unbalanced platform (in case you want to run for President one day.)

FNMA December 8, 2010 at 9:43 am

These are the people who used to hawk snake oil and the health benefits of surgically inserting goat testicles into your scrotum back in the day. Just a different grift.

SorosBot December 8, 2010 at 10:06 am

And complain about the government paying money to unemployed people because they're just lazy bums who refuse to get a real job.

johnnyzhivago December 8, 2010 at 9:36 am

I want to see 100,000 Hova-rounds decend on Washington and shut the city down until they stop those cursed Nazi inspired unemployment benefits!

What was WW-II anyway, but a giant German-Japanese unemployment program where everyone got free money from the government in exchange for wearing an Army uniform and invading other countries.

Chet Kincaid December 8, 2010 at 5:01 pm

Yes, that's exactly what it was. To the winner goes the spoils, which in this case was 30-odd years of enough prosperity to make it worth indulging working people's fantasies of being middle class. The "good" half of Europe also benefited from this horrible welfare program by being free to pursue economic growth under our Imperial protection. Thank God the world has finally come to its senses!

nicnack74 December 8, 2010 at 9:36 am

I believe it was Andy Worhol coined phrase "fifteen minutes of fame". Thanks to our current news cycle and the influx of unregulated money and politics, it will be extended to a half hour. I now understand why people used to say, "Kill your television". I assume now the interenet would apply as well. Unfortunately, I'm addicted. I live to read the comment section in blogs, if only to laugh out loud in my cube at work.

freakishlywrong December 8, 2010 at 9:37 am

Who the fuck cares what this loser has to say. About anything.

The new wingnut meme now is to bitch about the "entitlement" that is unemployment benefits. So, tax cuts to the wealthiest, the estate tax is a "tax on dead people, I mean why do libruls want that?" and fuck the working class.

Pithaughn December 8, 2010 at 11:13 am

Another example of THE core philosophy of conservatism, "I've got mine so fuck you".

Oblios_Cap December 8, 2010 at 9:37 am

You've got to admire the fact the Xtine can afford a lifestyle that includes dining out on Chinese food with a gross yearly income of $8,500. Especially when she's got no talent or intelligence to speak of and shuns the world's two oldest professions – masturbation and prostitution.

Verily, this country named America must be the mostest exceptional nation the world has ever seen over the entire course of human history to produce such a success story.

jakegittes December 8, 2010 at 9:54 am

Correction on that shunning the prostitution profession. Xtine is a political whore to the nth degree.

FNMA December 8, 2010 at 10:17 am

Failure is the new success. And we U.S. Americans do failure exceptionally well. Get with the program.

SorosBot December 8, 2010 at 10:40 am

She knows there's no success like failure,
And failure's no success at all.

Oblios_Cap December 8, 2010 at 11:33 am

That's just crazy talk!

That's like saying that a point in every direction is like no point at all.

cheaphits December 8, 2010 at 1:05 pm

And the promised job creation – the Anti-Obama industry generates millions, no doubt, maybe billions of dollars and hundreds of jobs, if not thousands – Xtine just has a handle on one of the scams and the balls to push it for all it's worth.

superdave December 8, 2010 at 2:27 pm

I admire the fact that she will not bow to the fascist societal dictums in regards to personal hygiene and grooming and lets her groinal mane grow lustrous and wild.

Chet Kincaid December 8, 2010 at 5:09 pm

Is that what this "Tangled" is about?

DaSandman December 8, 2010 at 9:45 am

so, let me see if I have this correct, the unemployed should scam the electorate out of their cash like she did and continues to do? She's our first out in the sunshine kleptocracy candidate!

DeeJayKitteh December 8, 2010 at 9:46 am

Hypocritical, deluded self-hatred. It's not just for homophobes anymore.

jim89048 December 8, 2010 at 12:25 pm

Actually, I'm still waiting for Xtine to be outed…

DeeJayKitteh December 8, 2010 at 3:33 pm

So she could be a cocktease to both genders?

jim89048 December 8, 2010 at 3:48 pm

Xtine could pull it off much better than Rosie of the same last name.

jakegittes December 8, 2010 at 9:46 am

Like Christine bitching about the GOP voting for the extension of unemployment benefits is going to make her vote for anybody other than the GOP in the 2012 general election. Bull shit.

mrblifil December 8, 2010 at 9:52 am

You're gonna hafta do better than that Xtine. Tales of threesomes with Cindy and JohnnyMac or GTFO.

bitchincamaro2 December 8, 2010 at 10:21 am

Bathing brain in hand sanitizer now. Thanks.

Come here a minute December 8, 2010 at 10:05 am

Freelance grifting is a great job if you can get it — Christine is anything but unemployed. It takes a special talent to go that far spewing unintelligible bullshit.

trampndirtdown December 8, 2010 at 10:05 am

Needz more Sharrrron Angle too. Also.

SorosBot December 8, 2010 at 10:20 am

Angle's problem is that she's too old and wrinkly for the teabagger guys to be able to pretend she's hot. No fapping, no post-loss grifting.

trampndirtdown December 8, 2010 at 10:24 am

Oh, too bad I wanted to make fun of her some more. Hopefully she'll try for Ensign's seat.

jim89048 December 8, 2010 at 12:28 pm

Nothing makes me want to change party affiliation more than the possibility of her knocking out Ensign, but here in rural Nevaduh she'd most likely win against anyone the Dems could trot out.

Guppy06 December 8, 2010 at 10:09 am

I feel inspired to join with Anonymous. Is there perchance a Department of State website we can share useful and pertinent information on Truck Nutz(TM) through? Or an FBI channel through which to apply to be a Truck Nutz(TM) informant, like Elvis?

ManchuCandidate December 8, 2010 at 10:12 am

Look out Sarah! You got a new grifter challenger to your throne as Grifter Queen.

Oh, the pubic hair will be flying fast and furious as these two fight it out to suck money out of stupid fat white males.

jim89048 December 8, 2010 at 12:30 pm

Think Velcro®.
Now try to unthink Velcro®…

PresBeeblebrox December 8, 2010 at 10:32 am

"O'Donnell lost to Coons by nearly 17 points, but Virginia tea party activists said they admire her for knocking out a moderate Republican — Rep. Mike Castle — in the primary and making a solid showing in the general election."

Right… because losing by 17 points and hosing downticket Republican candidates by your candidacy, which inspired a huge Anti-Christine Vote, is a "solid showing", just like O'Dildo's statement in her concession speech that "we won" after she lost.

We've always been at war with Eastasia.

"Geraldine Davis, another organizer, said O'Donnell will pick up and go on like former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin."

I'm very much looking forward to "Christine O'Donnell's Delaware" this spring on the Discovery Channel, where O'Dildo will show us, among other things, how to earn a living on campaign contributions as well as her days in the marshes of Delaware hunting muskrats for eatin'.

SorosBot December 8, 2010 at 10:36 am

She can show us her recipe for cookin' up horseshoe crab.

PresBeeblebrox December 8, 2010 at 8:16 pm

Yeah, or what her favorite Deer Head Hot Dogs® location is…

arihaya December 8, 2010 at 10:42 am

can we send her as Ambassador Extraordinary to our allies in North Korea?

they surely have some of the best Chinese food in the world ..

Barbara_i December 8, 2010 at 10:53 am

Overheard at Teaparty headquarters:
"We will create a monster and call her Fuckingstein"

bumfug December 8, 2010 at 10:58 am

This woman makes me wish her bullshit religion was real just so I could know that someday she'd show up at the gates of heaven only to have Jesus kick a sandal in her underused cunt.

Redhead December 8, 2010 at 11:11 am

Why get a job when you can just cast a spell and get whatever you want?

Except, of course, a brain. You have to visit the wizard for that one.

Not_So_Much December 8, 2010 at 11:15 am

S'alright. We unemployed hate her too. (But I'll probably still google the sex tape when it inevitably comes out — I think it will make me feel better that someone is that bad at it.)

MinAgain December 8, 2010 at 11:18 am

I don't know why I keep reading her comments. I lose valuable IQ points whenever I do.

jim89048 December 8, 2010 at 12:34 pm

If IQ is the new P, we're all doomed.

phaVoom December 8, 2010 at 6:59 pm

sez you

Tundra Grifter December 8, 2010 at 11:20 am

I got bombed at last night's Pearl Harbor party – too many kamikazes.

donner_froh December 8, 2010 at 11:26 am

Teabaggers will fall for anyone who has been on TeeVee and spews enough twisted hatred against those they don't like which is everyone but themselves.

Barbara_i December 8, 2010 at 11:57 am

"……much of which she kept for herself to buy Chinese food" She's probably been eating the cream of sum-yung-guy soup all along and has been lying through her teeth about it.

Oblios_Cap December 8, 2010 at 2:16 pm

I heard she had a weakness for pudding cups…

comrad_darkness December 8, 2010 at 11:57 am

Boy, it's a good thing republican's don't purport to believe in income as a reward for contributing an economic benefit.

ttommyunger December 8, 2010 at 12:41 pm

I can understand why O'dummell is doing this shit; she's an unprincipled grifter. What I can't understand is why anyone would attend a function of any kind to support this colossal loser in any of her misadventures. Can you imagine sitting in this joint and looking around to your right and left. Who would these people be? What would they be? Badmouthing the unemployed? Who the fuck does that? I mean, besides Xstine.

Gopherit December 8, 2010 at 12:41 pm

If only the lazy unemployed could follow in the footsteps of greatness and end their unemployed status and run for office, stealing campaign money to make ends meet.

GOPCrusher December 8, 2010 at 1:30 pm

She really compared extending unemployment benefits to Pearl Harbor? Really?
The stupid, it burns.

chascates December 8, 2010 at 2:36 pm

A new Dancing With the Stars contestant!

Dimitrios_M December 8, 2010 at 2:45 pm

Why should unemployed people be the only sentient thing basking in the fond light emanating from the Black Hole known as Christine No'Donnell?

Or do I mean, from Christine No’Donnell’s Black Hole?

Gold_ManSacks December 8, 2010 at 4:52 pm

I can see why a person who hasn't held a real job in years and is supported entirely by mildly retarded people sending her a monthly check for no good reason what-so-ever would be offended by social welfare programs.

JustPixelz December 8, 2010 at 9:21 pm

The way she gets people to give her money. It's just … magic.

She sez Bush tax cuts should be continued forever or until China calls in their IOUs, whichever comes first. But those tax cuts haven't delivered the goods. No jobs, no prosperity, no starving the Federal budget. Bring back the Clinton taxes policies. They — and we — worked!

Negropolis December 8, 2010 at 11:41 pm

The GOP is has perfected the art and skill of deploying the Underpants Gnomes:

Phase 1: Collect Underpants
Phase 2: ?
Phase 3: Profit

transfatz December 9, 2010 at 4:16 am

Is "Pearl Harbor" Christinespeak for oral?

mgardener December 9, 2010 at 9:28 am

Well Christine.
Not all of us can con people like you do.
Not all of us can fool, lie and beg people to send us money and run for office and then live off the proceeds.
I believe that is call swindling people, asking them for money for one thing and then using it for another.
Most Americans who receive unemployment actually have paid an unemployment tax, so that when they are unemployed, they receive a benefit, THAT THEY PAID FOR!!!!
I have to shout because people like Christine O'Donnell who have not had a paying job for a while may tend to forget that people pay into the unemployment fund by paying an unemployment insurance tax by the government.

She may have forgotten what it is was like, since she has not worked for a while.

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